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Caribbean Cruises

Plan your best caribbean cruise vacation.

The sun-kissed shores of the Caribbean are calling. Relax on gorgeous white sand beaches surrounded by crystal clear waters, discover the ancient treasures of the Mayans, or let your cares melt away while relaxing to steel drum melodies. Find the best Caribbean cruises  sailing from Ft. Lauderdale, Port Canaveral, or Galveston  to suit your vacation desires.

Find Caribbean Cruises

Eastern Caribbean Cruises

Top-Rated Beaches and Water Play

The laid-back Eastern Caribbean is home to many of the region’s most popular islands — gems like St. Thomas, St. Maarten and Grand Turk. Known for world-famous beaches, stingrays and limitless water activities, this is the perfect option for a sunny Caribbean cruise vacation, reconnecting with loved ones.

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Learn more about Eastern Caribbean Cruises

Western Caribbean Cruises

Historic Spots and Natural Wonders

Mayan ruins, exciting eco adventures and the friendly spirit of Jamaica await in the Western Caribbean. Enjoy the lush wildernesses of southern Mexico, unspoiled coral reefs of Belize and Roatan, underground caves on the Island of Cozumel and so much more.

Learn more about Western Caribbean Cruises

Southern Caribbean Cruises

Local Culture and Colonial Past

Cruise options for the Southern Caribbean take you from the lush paradise of Dominica to the remote isles of Aruba, Curaçao and Bonaire. Immerse yourself in traditional Caribbean culture and life on islands that blend their colonial influence with native charms.

Learn more about Southern Caribbean Cruises

Caribbean Getaways

Sun, sand and a short escape.

White sand beaches and coral reefs await on Caribbean Getaway cruises. Soak up some vitamin D on Princess Cays, Princess' Private Island resort, and enjoy watersports or an encounter with stingrays in brilliant turquoise waters. Or explore the colorful buildings and exciting historical sites of Grand Turk. Do it all in just a few days on a short Caribbean cruise.

Learn more about Caribbean Getaways Cruises

Bahamas Cruises

Exclusive island experience.

The Bahamas, a series of islands with sparkling waters and pristine beaches, is a top Caribbean cruise destination. Princess Cays, our Private Island resort, calls the Bahamas its home, and our guests get exclusive access to this tropical oasis on almost all Caribbean itineraries. Get away to the Bahamas for just a few days or during a week-long Caribbean cruise and you’re sure to relax and recharge.

Learn more about Bahamas Cruises

Princess® MedallionClass®

Explore destinations easily on a MedallionClass vacation. Taking in balcony or top deck views, and don’t want to move? Order drinks that find you. Want to make the most of your time away? Design each perfect day with our interactive activity planner. Hate to wait when boarding or disembarking in port? Choose your preferred arrival window and make gangway reservations. Enjoy more time to connect with the places you sail.

Learn more about Princess MedallionClass | Learn more about MedallionNet® Internet  

Why Cruise the Caribbean with Princess

We Sail the Caribbean Year-Round

Each season has a personality all its own. Summer is a time for family fun in the sun. Fall invites the adventurous to immerse themselves in the islands. Winter is marked by festivals and other celebrations. Spring is the perfect time for renewal and relaxation. Cruise the Caribbean throughout the year, and you’ll encounter a different side of the Caribbean each time, unified by the distinctive experiences Princess offers.

See Why Families Love the Islands

Social media stars the Holderness Family recently set sail on a Caribbean cruise. Check out the music video to see why a Caribbean vacation with Princess Cruises is more than just a trip!

Want more? See the kids’ vlog of their experiences in Camp Discovery and adventures ashore, and watch the parents tackle cruise myths in their vacation recap.

Princess Cays®, Private Island Resort

Relax on your very own beach playground, where 40 acres of white sands, bungalows, local crafts and a complimentary barbeque await. Snorkel in sparkling turquoise waters. Find serenity fishing from the rocky coastline. Feed stingrays or paddle through the lagoon in a clear-bottom kayak. And you can post your experiences with ease, thanks to Princess’ MedallionNet™, the best Wi-Fi at sea — now on land!

Our Newest Ships Enjoy the Islands

There’s no better way to cruise the Caribbean than on one of the bold, new additions to our fleet. We take travel to the next level: the exceptional features of Sky Suites and the unrivaled service, the glass-enclosed dome and balconies taking in the Caribbean sun and sights of beautiful islands and crystal clear waters. Cruise to the Caribbean in luxury with Princess.

Featured Ports on Cruises to the Caribbean

Long to dive into turquoise waters? The Eastern Caribbean's world famous beaches await. Prefer to explore historic Mayan ruins? The Western Caribbean's ancient wonders are calling. For those craving adventure in a natural wonderland, the Southern Caribbean is brimming with possibilities. Each voyage illuminates the heart of Caribbean life, so come see what makes these islands legendary.

Beaches & Sunshine

Lazy days beneath swaying palms.

Let the soft sands and warm winds melt all your worries away. The beaches of the Caribbean are legendary for their natural beauty and tranquil turquoise waters. Relax with a tropical cocktail in your hand, swim with stingrays and sea turtles, or just take in the calming ocean air.

Culture & History

A diverse heritage.

The culture and history of the Caribbean is rich, varied and deep. Walk the docks that once harbored the greatest fleet in the world at Nelson's Dockyard, taste and hear the deep West African influences in everyday Caribbean life, and experience the uniqueness of each island.

Exploration

Mother nature's playground.

The Caribbean has been a land of adventure for hundreds of years, and there's excitement for every traveler, now more than ever. Zipline above the lush jungle, snorkel through a coral reef teeming with life, take an off-road vehicle deep into the rainforest or sail a catamaran out to explore a shipwreck. Adventure lives around every corner.

Island Shore Excursions

Experience the authentic Caribbean with award-winning shore excursions. In a region so full of new experiences, unique culinary delights and deep history, why trust anyone but the experts? Go swimming with stingrays in Grand Cayman, travel through dense jungles to hidden Mayan ruins on Cozumel, snorkel the world’s second largest barrier reef in Belize or sail on a thrilling catamaran in Antigua.

Learn more about Caribbean Shore Excursions

Late Night Departures

The Caribbean has a different feeling at night. Revel in its warm evenings and enticing music with our More Ashore program. Later stays on select itineraries in Aruba, Curacao, Grand Turk, San Juan, St. Maarten and St. Thomas let you soak up the full Caribbean experience, like a fresh-caught seafood dinner on the beach or street fair full of local crafts and flavors. With More Ashore, you get more time to enjoy the vibrant island nightlife.

#PrincessCruises Caribbean Connections

Caribbean cruise onboard experience & featured program.

Comfortable Accommodations

Your stateroom is your home away from home on your voyage where you rest up and recharge between adventures. With the expertly designed Princess Luxury Bed, luxurious 100% Jacquard-woven cotton linens and specially created SLEEP program by a board-certified sleep expert, you might just get the best sleep of your life. We offer staterooms ranging from interior cabins to full suites, and we even offer connected rooms for families with more than four members traveling together.

Bringing Local Life Aboard

Embrace the spirit of the islands the moment you step on your ship with our Rhythm of the Caribbean program. Savor island cuisine, sip signature cocktails and engage in authentic regional experiences. Dance beneath the stars to vibrant island rhythms at exclusive parties, and immerse yourself in one-of-a-kind cultural activities — from concerts and crafts to talks from shark experts and treasure hunters.

Never Miss a Beat

Say goodbye to the daily grind with our new Sail Away Party poolside on the top deck, dance to local music at one of the many Caribbean inspired concerts, or be the envy of every pirate at our high-energy gold treasure-inspired Terrace Pool Gold Party. Throughout your cruise to the Caribbean there will be events that excite, enrich and challenge you to fully experience the islands.

Deeper Experiences of the Islands

Discover the history of local distilleries while sampling some of the region’s best rums, meet the parrots and macaws that call the Caribbean home in the ship's Piazza, or become a part of the rhythm with steel pan drum lessons. Our onboard activities give you the chance to gain a deeper connection and understanding of the gorgeous islands you'll visit on your voyage.

Discovery at SEA

Sharks, pirates and stars — oh my.

Discovery at SEA brings the expertise and excitement of the Discovery Channel™ on board your Caribbean cruise! Enjoy Shark Week all summer long with shark-themed activities, hear tales of sunken treasure and lost shipwrecks from the stars of Travel Channel’s™ Caribbean Pirate Treasure, and explore the constellations and spectacular galaxies of the night sky with the Voyage to the Stars indoor planetarium experience.

Ship Activities for Every Cruise to the Caribbean

Recharging Your Batteries

Pamper yourself in the Lotus Spa® with a massage, facial or manicure, and feel renewed. Enjoy The Sanctuary, a lounge just for adults, where you can relax with a light meal, specialty drink and al fresco massages while digging into that novel you've been looking forward to reading. If you prefer your relaxation more active, we offer Zumba, yoga and tai chi classes to burn off stress and raise your heart rate.

Celebrations

The perfect place to celebrate.

Almost 30% of all passengers who sail with us are celebrating an important milestone in their lives. Say "I do" at sea in a ceremony officiated by the captain. Arrange for an anniversary package and let us spoil you with romantic balcony dining, chocolates and more. For us, every day is a celebration.

Love Blooms on the Love Boat

It's difficult to imagine something more romantic than sailing through the warm waters of the Caribbean, hopping between tropical islands and white-sand beaches from the comfortable luxury of your ship. While on board we cater to your romantic side with private dining on your balcony, whether a relaxing breakfast for two or a romantic sunset dinner, honeymoon packages for lucky newlyweds, flowers and chocolates delivered to your room and couples-only massages in the Sanctuary.

Food & Drinks

The flavors of the islands.

The diverse cultural influences, local climates and history of the Caribbean combine to make one of the most exciting and unique regional cuisines in the world. From mofongo, a dish from Puerto Rico made from mashed fried plantains, pork and garlic, to the famous jerk chicken of Jamaica, we serve the Caribbean's favorite flavors to you on board. Thanks to Princess' world-class chefs you'll enjoy fresh, locally inspired dishes for your entire voyage.

Movies Under the Stars®

Outdoor cinema at its best.

Enjoy many of the latest movies, exciting concerts and most anticipated live sports games on a massive poolside screen. The warm Caribbean night air, fresh popcorn and comfortable lounge chair with fleece blanket make for a viewing experience like no other. Not to mention the best theater in the world, the Caribbean ocean with a ceiling of stars!

Sailing with Your Crew

Enjoy a ship full of activities for the whole family, from Broadway-style shows to Discovery’s Shark Week all summer long, your family will be engaged in the Caribbean. Go Stargazing under the stunning expanse of the night sky with Discovery at SEA, compete in a family game night, and savor the flavors of the islands together.

Caribbean Cruise Articles and Videos

Read about colorful cultures, breathtaking landscapes, must-see attractions and preparation advice for cruising the Caribbean.

2023-2024 Caribbean Cruises

There’s no better way to truly experience the laid-back Caribbean than with Princess.

Caribbean Cruise Weather by Month

From radiant sunshine to turquoise waters, enjoy the best Caribbean cruise weather all year round when you sail to these tropical lands with Princess.

Top Five Caribbean Cruise Destinations

Whether you’re a history-lover, adventure-seeker or laid-back traveler, discover the best Caribbean cruise destinations for any guest with Princess.

Best Caribbean Cruises

Visit the best Caribbean cruise destinations with Princess and relax on white-sand beaches or embark on adventure that will leave a lasting impression.

Top Things to Do in Grand Cayman

From relaxing on the shores of Seven Mile Beach to feeding majestic sea creatures at Stingray City, discover the top things to do in Grand Cayman with Princess.

Best Time for a Caribbean Cruise

Discover the best time for a Caribbean cruise. From the offseason to the sunniest months to festival season, anytime is the best time to travel to the Caribbean.

See all Caribbean cruise articles and videos

Travel, Airfare, & Hotels: Let Princess Get You There

Airplane to Ship Transfer

We get you where you need to go.

Let Princess pick you up from the airport and take you directly to your ship or hotel when you arrive, even if you didn't book your airfare through us. A uniformed Princess representative meets you at the airport after you've retrieved your luggage and transports you directly to your ship or hotel without you having to worry about the logistics of navigating a new city.

Learn more about transfers

Cruise Plus Hotel Packages

Stay longer and relax.

Extend your Caribbean cruise vacation, and simplify your travel plans with a hotel stay at the beginning or end of your cruise. With a Cruise Plus Hotel Package, a Princess representative meets you at the airport and pier, transporting you to and from your hotel. The package includes the cost of your hotel stay, transportation and the services of the representative.

View Cruise Plus Hotel Packages

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Caribbean Cruises

When it comes to pleasure, relaxation and reconnecting in the warm sunshine, nothing is better than a Caribbean cruise with Holland America Line.

Why Cruise with Holland America Line

Top reasons to cruise the Caribbean with Holland America:

Award-Winning Private Island

Every Caribbean cruise includes a day at Half Moon Cay, so you can see for yourself why it’s been awarded “Best Private Island,” by readers of Porthole Cruise Magazine for 20 consecutive years.  

Perfectly Sized Ships

Our ships never feel crowded but have everything you need at your fingertips. Breathe in expansive views, explore enriching activities, and relax in easy elegance. 

Island-Inspired Cuisine

Taste the islands on board with fresh local ingredients, Caribbean flavors, and time-honored techniques from our world-class chefs.

Flexible Itineraries

Our Caribbean cruises fit every schedule with convenient weekend departures and many options, from breezy 7-day getaways to extraordinary 21-day explorations.

The True Caribbean Awaits

Our Caribbean cruises take you deep into these featured regions, where you’ll experience island magic through dining, music and nightlife.

Eastern Caribbean Cruises

Snorkel in Grand Turk’s clear blue waters among schools of jewel-toned fish. Sip the perfect blend of rum, mango and magic on Half Moon Cay.

Southern Caribbean Cruises

Discover a breathtaking under-water nature park in Bonaire. Tour Willemsted, Curaçao, and get some great shots of its signature gingerbread rooflines.

Tropical Caribbean

Sit under swaying palms or snorkel with colorful fish on tropical Caribbean cruises to Key West and more. Sun, sand, and relaxation await.

Western Caribbean Cruises

Don your snorkeling gear and explore a shipwreck and coral reef. Visit Key West and tour the home of long-time resident, Ernest Hemingway.

Caribbean Cruises, Every Year From October to April

Venture beyond the known on 7- to 21-day cruises. New for the 2023-2024 season, a 9-day Southern Caribbean itinerary that departs on a Friday and cruises the ABC islands with a late-night call in Curaçao. 

VIEW ALL CARRIBEAN CRUISES

Explore Top Caribbean Excursions

Explore the islands from the top of the twin Pitons to the bottom of the sea with hundreds of unique shore excursions. 

Top Caribbean Shore Excursions

Adventurers

Convenient caribbean cruise departure port.

Cruise conveniently with weekend departures from Ft. Lauderdale, the “Venice of America.” There’s plenty to do before or after your cruise from this welcoming city. 

Cruises From Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Featured caribbean cruise destinations.

Every Caribbean cruise stops at our exclusive slice of paradise, Half Moon Cay, celebrating 26 years with us in the 2023-2024 season.

Half Moon Cay, Bahamas

Oranjestad, Aruba

The Dutch island of Aruba feels like another world and offers experiences unlike anywhere else. Relax in the shade of a fofoti tree on a white-sand beach or explore coastal cliffs in a cactus-filled landscape that that has both wild donkeys and lounging iguanas. 

San Juan, Puerto Rico

From relaxing beaches and breathtaking colors, to old cobblestone streets full of hidden gems, incredible flavors and beautiful live music, San Juan always has more to show you.

Castries, St. Lucia

Take a journey into the rainforest and immerse yourself in the untouched wilderness of this paradise island. Touch, hear, taste and feel the true power of Mother Nature.

See All Caribbean Cruise Ports

The Best Way to Explore Caribbean Islands

There are more than 7,000 unique islands in the Caribbean. We’re excited to show you this sun-kissed corner of the world again this year, but with more amenities, family-friendly itineraries, and onboard events than ever before. 

Caribbean Countries

Our newest ships, back for another caribbean season.

Immerse into the steel-drum rhythms of the islands on Rotterdam and Nieuw Statendam, our two newest ships. Enjoy electrifying music at Music Walk® entertainment venues and exquisite dining, along with youth activities, themed parties and more. Welcome to Pinnacle Class.

Nieuw Statendam

Caribbean cruise travel tips & advice.

Plan your cruise with recommendations on what to pack and things to do. 

Packing for a Caribbean Cruise

25 Things To Do in Half Moon Cay

First-Timer’s Guide

VIEW ALL CARIBBEAN CRUISE TIPS & TRAVEL ARTICLES

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• Cruise Destinations

Cruises to the Caribbean

• Carnival Breeze
• Carnival Celebration
• Carnival Conquest
• Carnival Dream
• Carnival Elation
• Carnival Freedom
• Carnival Horizon
• Carnival Jubilee
• Carnival Legend
• Carnival Liberty
• Carnival Magic
• Carnival Miracle
• Carnival Paradise
• Carnival Pride
• Carnival Spirit
• Carnival Sunrise
• Carnival Sunshine
• Carnival Valor
• Carnival Venezia
• Carnival Vista

* Coming Soon

ENJOY THIS BAHAMIAN PRIVATE ISLAND PARADISE

• Ports of Call

We don’t have proof, but evidence suggests that the Caribbean was made for cruising. This evidence is all around you — you’ll find in the Caribbean air, the sand and the water. And with more than 5,000 islands and cays spread across this amazing region, there’s a lot of paradise to see. So how do you choose where to visit on a Caribbean cruise? We recommend you just go and see for yourself! Best of all, the mild climate means it doesn’t even matter what time of year you go. A Carnival Caribbean cruise takes you to some of the coolest little hotspots… stretching across the world’s designated hotspot.

• Snorkel great natural reefs in crystal-clear waters.
• Enjoy year-round tropical weather.
• Take in the beach view on horseback… or beach chair.

YOU WANT WHERE? WE GO THERE.

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Montego Bay

Curaçao

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Port Canaveral (Orlando)

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Celebration Key

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Half Moon Cay

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THINKING ABOUT THE CARIBBEAN?

We've got some daydream options for you.

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Experience Caribbean Cruising With Norwegian

^Buy an air ticket and the 2nd guest flies for free. *View for full terms and conditions.

Destination Update : Rebuilding efforts are underway for just a few of our beautiful ports. The rest of the Caribbean is ready to welcome you. Learn more.

NORWEGIANS REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES.

Southern Caribbean Cruises

Western Caribbean Cruises

Eastern Caribbean Cruises

NEW! Caribbean Cruises from Galveston, Texas

Be the first to sail The Caribbean on board Norwegian Prima, our first ship in the new Prima class. Cruise from Galveston, Texas starting and experience incredible ports like Harvest Caye, Belize; Great Stirrup Cay, Norwegian's Private Island; or explore your A-B-C's in Aruba, Bonaire, and Curaçao. With 7- and 11-day sailings from this convenient departure port, you can explore the best of The Caribbean on the first of a new class of ships designed to elevate every expectation.

More Caribbean than You Can Imagine

Once you’ve seen one island, you have to see them all. Paradise awaits on Harvest Caye, off the coast of Belize, where you can soar from island to ocean on a 3,000-foot zipline. Keep it colourful with the colonial architecture in Curaçao. Or immerse yourself in the enthralling history of Old San Juan. Whichever beautiful port you choose, there's always a reason to come back to The Caribbean with Norwegian. Cruise out of New York , Miami , Tampa, New Orleans , San Juan , and more. With 11 convenient departure ports, escaping to paradise has never been easier.

Short Caribbean Cruises

Looking for a quick getaway? Norwegian has you covered. Take a break from your morning commute and instead climb a waterfall in Ocho Rios, or ride horseback along the pristine coastline in Puerto Plata, Costa Rica. Whether you thirst for natural beauty, fascinating history, or just Caribbean rum, there’s something for everybody on our short Caribbean cruises.

Caribbean Cruise Image Gallery

• Caribbean Sea
• Jungle Excursion in Roatan, Honduras
• Georgetown, Barbados
• Harvest Caye, Belize
• El Morro, San Juan, Puerto Rico
• Flamingos in Aruba
• Bridgetown, Barbados

Explore Caribbean Cruise Ports

Caribbean HOTELS

• PUNTA CANA (LA ROMANA)
• NEW ORLEANS

The Tremont House

The Tremont House is a warm slice of Southern charm, with historic features and classic beauty to delight and comfort weary travelers. We offer our guests quality, luxury accommodations in the vibrant historic downtown of one of the most popular destinations along the Texas coast. Our rooms feature high ceilings, hardwood floors, and custom-crafted furnishings, all designed to make your stay warm, elegant, and unforgettable. A one-of-a-kind amongst Galveston hotels, our boutique hotel creates a relaxing ambiance you can appreciate whilst holidaying or conducting business.

Designed with comfort in mind, our beds are soft, welcoming, and covered in quality linens and fluffy pillows. We take extra precautions to ensure your room is clean, sanitary, and safe. We want you to get the most out of your stay in the magnificent coastal city of Galveston.

At The Tremont House we offer a dining experience that features more than outstanding flavours. Our Rooftop Bar features incredible views of Galveston's downtown and the harbour. Meet up with friends or business associates for a relaxing drink as you drink in the breathtaking scenery. For bistro-style food, stop by our Tremont Café. Stop into our 1888 Toujouse Bar on Fridays and Saturdays to listen to live jazz as you order from a menu of locally brewed craft beer and 16 different martinis.

Phone: (409) 763-0300

Distance/Airport: 70 miles - George Bush Intercontinental/Houston Airport (IAH) 70 miles - William P. Hobby Airport (HOU) Distance/Pier: 0.5 miles

Package includes: Room and room tax Bellman gratuities Transfers between Hotel and Pier

Important Note: Accommodations are based on double occupancy per room. Some accommodation will allow triple and quad guests in a room and are subject to availability and surcharge will apply. Additional hotel rooms to accommodate triple and quads may be required, and surcharge will apply.

Caribe Hilton Hotel

Information Admire ocean and tropical garden views from Caribe Hilton, one of the most famous hotels in Puerto Rico. Set on a secluded peninsula with 17 acres of lush foliage, this San Juan resort is situated between historic Old San Juan and the culturally rich Condado area of San Juan. With no passport required for US citizens, Caribe Hilton is an easy Caribbean getaway.

Distance/Airport: 7 miles Distance/Pier: 3 miles

Important Note: Accommodations are based on double occupancy per room.

New York Marriott Marquis

There is no city quite like New York City, and no hotel quite like New York Marriott Marquis. Set in the heart of Times Square on West 46th Street and Broadway, our iconic hotel lets you experience all the magic of New York from the moment you arrive. Feel the energy all around you, both within the hotel and as soon as you step outside. Inside our towering hotel, you'll find some of New York City's largest hotel rooms and suites, multiple restaurants - including the only revolving restaurant in the city and our new outdoor lounge -100,000 square feet of meeting and event space and a knowledgeable staff to help you navigate this expansive and ever-changing city.

There is no city quite like New York City, and no hotel quite like New York Marriott Marquis. Set in the heart of Times Square on West 46th Street and Broadway, our iconic hotel lets you experience all the magic of New York from the moment you arrive. Feel the energy all around you, both within the hotel and as soon as you step outside. Inside our towering hotel, you'll find some of New York City's largest hotel rooms and suites, multiple restaurants - including the only revolving restaurant in the city and our new outdoor lounge -100,000 square feet of meeting and event space and a knowledgeable staff to help you navigate this expansive and ever-changing city. Whether visiting for a family holiday, romantic getaway or attending a conference, the New York Marriott Marquis is truly the perfect hotel for your stay in New York City.

• Distance/Airport: 20 miles (JFK) / 12 miles (LGA) / 20 miles Distance/Pier: 1.5 miles
• Room and room tax Bellman gratuities Transfers between Hotel and Pier

Falcon's Resort By Melia

At Falcon's Resort by Meliá, experiences and memories are created that guests will treasure for a lifetime. The Resort goes beyond the usual entertainment offerings by seeing the world differently. Discover "Resortaiment," a seamlessly blend of premium resort amenities with extraordinary entertainment experiences in a way that is casual, sophisticated, and fun for everyone.

The Hotel offers dazzling beaches, lounge-worthy pools to immersive entertainment and world-class dining.

• Telephone: 809 726 9600
• Distance/Airport: Punta Cana International Airport (PUJ) ‐ 22.13 km/ 13.75 miles
• Distance/Pier: 89.32 km/ 55.5 miles
• Room and Room Tax
• Bellman/ Porter gratuities
• Transfers between Hotel and Pier

Important Note: Accommodations are based on double occupancy per room. Some accommodations will allow triple and quad guests in a room and are subject to availability and a surcharge will apply. Additional hotel rooms to accommodate triple and quads may be required, and a surcharge will apply.

Hilton New Orleans Riverside

Connected by a walkway to The Outlet Collection at Riverwalk, this upscale convention hotel overlooking the Mississippi River is an 18-minute walk from the French Quarter and 2 miles from I-10. Warm rooms feature flat-screens and Wi-Fi (fee). Upgraded rooms add city or river views, along with free WI-Fi, breakfast and gym access. Studios have sitting areas and minifridges, whilst suites offer living rooms and floor-to-ceiling windows.

Connected by a walkway to The Outlet Collection at Riverwalk, this upscale convention hotel overlooking the Mississippi River is an 18-minute walk from the French Quarter and 2 miles from I-10. Warm rooms feature flat-screens and Wi-Fi (fee). Upgraded rooms add city or river views, along with free WI-Fi, breakfast and gym access. Studios have sitting areas and minifridges, whilst suites offer living rooms and floor-to-ceiling windows. There's a renowned seafood restaurant, a cafe and a piano bar. Other amenities include a gym, 2 outdoor pools and an indoor tennis court. Convention facilities include over 130,000 sq ft of meeting space.

• Distance/Airport: 15 miles Distance/Pier: 0.8 miles

Read THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT Caribbean Cruises

Go for the Thrill

From speedboat adventures to deep sea fishing, and even a dune buggy safari, The Caribbean is prime with thrilling activities.

Top 10 Beaches in the Caribbean

When you cruise to the Caribbean, a day on the beach is a must. Use this guide to help you pick which spot to visit on your next cruise.

Packing Tips for Your Caribbean Cruise

Here's what to pack for your Caribbean cruise holiday.

Visit The Caribbean Without a Passport

Learn more about cruising to The Caribbean without a passport.

Which Caribbean Island Should You Cruise To?

Find the perfect Caribbean Island for you!

Eat Like a Local

Taste your way through the southern Caribbean with these local favourites.

Cruises to the Caribbean in May 2024

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $132 pp not included.

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Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $123 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $111 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $170 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $324 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $148 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $137 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $140 pp not included.

Priced per person, based on 2 guests. Est. tax/fees of $337 pp not included.

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More Cruises

• Cruises to Caribbean in June 2024
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• Cruises to Caribbean in March 2025

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Cruises from Miami May 2024

May 2024 Destination and Cruise Lines out of Miami

Destinations from miami in may 2024.

Wherever your ship takes you. With stops for soft, sandy beaches, snorkeling with schools of stunningly gorgeous tropical fish, and island shopping, you can't go wrong. Sail from Miami in May 2024 to the Bahamas , Eastern Caribbean , Southern Caribbean , and Western Caribbean . With its breathtaking landscapes and diverse culture, the Caribbean is the most popular destinations in the world. It may seem impossible to organize a perfect vacation, but with good will, everything is possible.

Cruise Lines from Miami in May 2024

Miami offers endless cruise lines to pick from for your voyage in May 2024. This includes Carnival Cruise Line , MSC Cruises , Norwegian Cruise Line , Regent Seven Seas Cruises , Royal Caribbean , and Virgin Voyages , whose cruise ships depart from Miami in May 2024.

Explore Miami itineraries and cruise schedules May 2024

Experience all the Caribbean has to offer on a cruise from Miami in May 2024. Besides the most popular destinations in the Bahamas, the Caribbean, and Central America, you can travel from Miami far beyond. Sailing out of Miami is truly one of the most beautiful things in the world. As your ship sets off with the setting sun, you are looking at the city's high-rises and golden beaches glistening as they bid you bon voyage. For those dreaming of white sandy beaches fringed with palms and crystal-clear waters, the Caribbean cruise holiday offers exactly this. Check out the cruise schedule for May 2024 of an upcoming cruise itinerary from Miami below.

4-day Bahamas from Miami, Fl

Valiant lady, virgin voyages.

Date: May 1, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Key West, Bimini, Miami; View Itinerary

3-day Bahamas from Miami, Fl

Norwegian sky, norwegian cruise line.

Date: May 2, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Nassau, Great Stirrup Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

Carnival Conquest, Carnival Cruise Line

Date: May 3, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Nassau, Miami; View Itinerary

Freedom of the Seas, Royal Caribbean

Ports of Call: Miami, CocoCay, Nassau, Miami; View Itinerary

8-day Southern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Carnival magic, carnival cruise line.

Date: May 4, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Aruba, Curacao, La Romana, Amber Cove, Miami; View Itinerary

5-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Carnival sunrise, carnival cruise line.

Ports of Call: Miami, Nassau, Half Moon Cay, Grand Turk, Miami; View Itinerary

7-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Icon of the seas, royal caribbean.

Ports of Call: Miami, St. Maarten, St. Thomas, CocoCay, Miami; View Itinerary

14-day Western Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Msc seascape, msc cruises.

Ports of Call: Miami, Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Ocean Cay, Miami, Puerto Plata, San Juan, Nassau, Ocean Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

5-day Western Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Independence of the seas, royal caribbean.

Ports of Call: Miami, CocoCay, Cozumel, Miami; View Itinerary

Carnival Celebration, Carnival Cruise Line

Date: May 5, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Amber Cove, San Juan, St. Thomas, Miami; View Itinerary

9-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Ports of Call: Miami, Grand Turk, Puerto Plata, St. Thomas, St. Maarten, San Juan, Great Stirrup Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

6-day Western Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Carnival horizon, carnival cruise line.

Ports of Call: Miami, Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Miami; View Itinerary

7-day Western Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Norwegian breakaway, norwegian cruise line.

Ports of Call: Miami, Roatan, Harvest Caye, Costa Maya, Cozumel, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Cozumel, Bimini, Miami; View Itinerary

Date: May 6, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Princess Cays, Nassau, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Nassau, CocoCay, Miami; View Itinerary

Date: May 9, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Half Moon Cay, Nassau, Miami; View Itinerary

4-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Ports of Call: Miami, Labadee, Miami; View Itinerary

Date: May 10, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Puerto Plata, Bimini, Miami; View Itinerary

Date: May 11, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Puerto Plata, San Juan, Nassau, Ocean Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

14-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Ports of Call: Miami, Puerto Plata, San Juan, Nassau, Ocean Cay, Miami, Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Ocean Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Roatan, Costa Maya, Cozumel, CocoCay, MIami; View Itinerary

6-day Eastern Caribbean from Miami, Fl

Date: May 12, 2024

Ports of Call: Miami, Grand Turk, Amber Cove, Nassau, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Puerto Plata, St. Thomas, Tortola, Great Stirrup Cay, Miami; View Itinerary

Ports of Call: Miami, Cozumel, Belize, Mahogany Bay, Miami; View Itinerary

Date: May 13, 2024

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Cruises on Caribbean Princess departing May 2024

Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

Explore the May 2024 Issue

Check out more from this issue and find your next story to read.

“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

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Royal caribbean cancels cruises to haiti amid ongoing turmoil there.

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Turmoil in the Caribbean has prompted the Royal Caribbean cruise line to “temporarily make adjustments to sailings” to a popular destination in the area.

As Haiti continues to be destabilized by vicious gangs, Royal Caribbean will not sail to the peninsula of Labadee on the country’s north coast in May, the Independent reports .

Royal Caribbean’s travel pause to Labadee began in mid-March, as airports closed and flights were canceled .

At the time, Haitian Prime Minister Ariel Henry announced his planned resignation amid the upheaval.

Royal Caribbean’s “Global Security and Intel Team is closely monitoring the evolving situation in Haiti,” a spokesperson for the cruise line told the Independent.

“The safety and security of our guests, crew and communities we visit are our top priority,” the rep added.

Ships and itineraries facing disruption in May include Allure of the Seas, Adventure of the Seas, Wonder of the Seas and Symphony of the Seas, per the Independent.

“We will continue to monitor and reassess calls as needed, and will communicate updates with guests directly,” Royal Caribbean said in its statement.

The US State Department began warning Americans not to travel to parts of Haiti , like the capital, Port-au-Prince, in July 2023 because of kidnappings, crime, civil unrest and poor healthcare.

Earlier this month, private operations were launched by former New York Giant Jack Brewer to get Americans in Haiti out safely .

As the situation worsens, Port-au-Prince has been described as a “battlefield,” where notorious gang leaders are deliberately burning down homes.

Gangs have also stormed a prison and helped about 4,000 prisoners escape .

Millions are struggling with hunger as many ports and supply routes are cut off while more than 360,000 people have been displaced by the violence, according to the United Nations.

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The 9 best gay cruises for 2024 (+ planning tips).

Dance parties, drag queen performances and fun destinations await on these LGBTQ voyages.

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Embark on an all-gay or LGBTQ-friendly cruise for excellent entertainment, food and excursions.

Whether you are looking to hop aboard a Pride Week cruise with a major line or sail away with a smaller company that specializes in LGBTQ voyages, the following cruise operators promise a fun, safe and memorable vacation.

(Note: While many of these cruise lines sail to LGBTQ-friendly ports of call, travelers should research destinations to learn more about cultures, customs and safety in each location and determine what's right for them.)

Virgin Voyages

Atlantis events, brand g vacations, celebrity cruises, royal caribbean international, the cruise with la demence, source journeys.

Gabriel Goldberg | Courtesy of VACAYA

Founded by avid travelers Randle Roper, Patrick Gunn and John Finen, VACAYA bills itself as the first all-LGBT travel company in the full-ship charter/resort buyout sector of the travel industry to launch in more than 25 years.

"[VACAYA] was sparked by our own vacations, where we all had encountered two very different experiences," says Gunn. "The all-gay cruises were liberating, empowering and fun, but limited to a small spectrum of people. And while everyone loves a good time, there's more to a memorable vacation than just parties. Mainstream vacations offered more activities and destinations, and were accessible to a diverse set of people, but didn't always feel like a friendly, judgment-free environment."

As such, VACAYA set out to bring LGBTQ travelers from across the spectrum together in a welcoming, inclusive setting, while offering varied onboard activities and immersive itinerary options. Cruisers will enjoy traveling to ports around the world, in the Caribbean , the Galápagos, Europe , Antarctica and more. You can participate in shipwide events ranging from themed deck parties to performances by LGBTQ entertainers to rejuvenating yoga classes. Note that VACAYA's cruises are for adults only.

Previous cruisers had abundant praise for VACAYA's voyages, highlighting the company's responsiveness when booking and the kindhearted staff, as well as the genuine connections they made with other passengers on board. Many were also impressed by the events and entertainment options throughout their sailings.

In 2024, VACAYA will offer a number of voyages worldwide. The seven-night Caribbean Cruise on Celebrity Apex in February will sail round-trip from Fort Lauderdale, with several fun-filled days at sea in addition to stops in Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands and Antigua. In August, VACAYA has a 12-night river cruise in Northern Europe on board Advance by Transcend Cruises; this sailing includes the Amsterdam Pride event. The 11-night Antarctica expedition on Atlas Ocean Voyages' World Navigator in December 2024 is sold out, but you can join the waitlist.

Courtesy of Virgin Voyages

The Virgin brand has long been known for its celebration of the LGBTQ community, and cruise line Virgin Voyages is no different. The strictly adults-only cruise operator aims to provide a unique experience, with onboard tattoo parlors, impressive live entertainment, and dining options that include more than 20 eateries and menus created by Michelin star chefs. This line gets the stamp of approval from previous LGBTQ cruisers, who praise the ships' gender-neutral bathrooms, diverse staff and onboard shows with resident drag queens.

Virgin Voyages offers gay-specific sailings through travel companies like Atlantis Events, but its more mainstream itineraries still offer a welcoming, inclusive atmosphere that attracts LGBTQ cruisers year-round. Virgin hosts a number of events during Pride Month each year, including deck parties and interactive social media campaigns.

"Each June here at Virgin Voyages, we like to go big for Pride Month with larger-than-life events … all monthlong," the cruise line says in a statement on its website. "It's an important time for us – both internally within our crew and for our sailors – to honor and celebrate the LGBTQ community; who for so long has had to continually fight for equality and the right to be seen, heard and included."

Virgin Voyages sails to a variety of LGBTQ-friendly countries, including New Zealand, Greece and Spain. In June 2024, consider a seven-night sailing aboard Scarlet Lady departing from Barcelona with stops in Marseille and Cannes in France as well as Spain's Palma de Mallorca and Ibiza.

Read: The Best Cruise Lines for the Money

The world's largest gay and lesbian travel brand, Atlantis Events was founded in 1991 and welcomes more than 20,000 travelers annually on LGBTQ vacations. For its all-gay cruises, Atlantis charters megaships from popular lines like Royal Caribbean International , Norwegian Cruise Line and Virgin Voyages in addition to smaller vessels with companies like Oceania Cruises so cruisers will have a fully immersive experience.

On board, travelers can enjoy all the perks these ships have to offer (think: pools, hot tubs, sports courts and plenty of dining choices), plus special events like drag performances, motivational speakers, LGBTQ movies on demand in each cabin and high-energy circuit parties across the ship.

"As an LGBTQ cruiser, you're looking for a ship with lots of entertainment, including dance parties and events," says Marcos Martinez, founder of Men Who Brunch, a Black gay lifestyle blog. "One of the best cruise [lines] for gay cruising is Atlantis, since you'll be able to meet hundreds of attractive men and party all day and night on the ship."

Atlantis hosts primarily gay men; women make up about 5% to 10% of bookings, according to the Atlantis website. Previous cruisers said the atmosphere on board was fun, friendly and welcoming, though some noted that the company's customer service could be better, especially when it comes to details about the cruise.

Due to the company's popularity, its three 2024 cruises are already sold out.

Read: The Best Cruise Lines in the Caribbean

Courtesy of Brand G Vacations

Specializing in all-gay river cruises – and now luxury ocean liners – Brand g Vacations was founded in 2011 and explores destinations all over the world. Chartered river cruises typically welcome between 40 and 200 LGBTQ passengers (and their straight allies), which allows cruisers to get to know one another in a smaller setting. Guests tend to skew more mature (think: 40 and older), and the line attracts both men and women.

Onboard entertainment differs slightly from larger ocean voyages: Expect more cabaret-style entertainment than massive all-night dance parties. Cruisers will also enjoy performances by drag queens, gay Broadway stars and more, on top of typical river cruise perks like sightseeing and lavish meals. Past guests recommend choosing Brand g if you're looking for a well-planned, relaxed and luxurious experience over a busier, more party-heavy vacation.

Brand g aims to provide a nearly all-inclusive cruise experience , with Mercedes or small van airport transfers, upscale hotel stays prior to embarkation, and unlimited alcoholic beverages as well as meals included in the fare. As such, prices tend to be on the high end. Plus, cruisers can feel good about their trip knowing that Brand g donates to causes in the U.S. and around the world that assist LGBTQ refugees, AIDS organizations, LGBTQ centers and more.

In 2024, Brand g sails through unique waterways around the world, including the Amazon, the Loire, the Danube, the Mekong, and the Columbia and Snake rivers in the Pacific Northwest. The line's small cruise ship charters also take guests to Iceland, Spain, Morocco, Italy, Croatia and other European destinations.

Read: The Top River Cruise Lines

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Courtesy of Celebrity Cruises

Celebrity Cruises sets the scene for an excellent vacation for gay travelers, from its extravagant annual Pride parties to its daily LGBTQ programming throughout the year. The mainstream line has received numerous awards for its inclusivity, receiving accolades from the Cruizie Awards, TTG Travel Awards and Travel Weekly's Magellan Awards for being one of the best cruise lines for LGBTQ passengers.

LGBTQ cruisers can start their vacations off on a high note with a special welcome party on the first night of their voyage to meet other travelers on board. After night one, there are other social events for gay cruisers to party and hang out together. Additionally, Celebrity Cruises was the first cruise line to legally marry a couple at sea in 2018, and it continues to perform same-sex marriages on its ships.

Past cruisers enjoyed their voyages with Celebrity, noting that the line was welcoming, the food was delicious, and there were plenty of areas to hang out as a group with fellow LGBTQ passengers or other companions throughout the ship.

Although all itineraries are gay-friendly, consider booking a sailing during Pride Month in June for an extra special experience. Onboard entertainment during this month includes guest entertainers, a flag raising ceremony, Celebrity's signature Pride Party at Sea and more. The Italian Riviera & France cruise will depart from Barcelona on June 8, 2024, on the new Celebrity Ascent; this 10-night Mediterranean sailing stops at ports in France, Italy and Malta. Private travel companies like VACAYA also charter Celebrity ships for all-gay voyages throughout the year.

Read: Cruise Packing List: The Top Essentials for Any Cruise

Getty Images

Specifically marketed toward lesbians and LGBTQ women, Olivia has hosted more than 350,000 travelers by land and sea over five decades. Cruisers can choose between river voyages or ocean sailings to destinations around the world. On the lesbian cruises, expect a mix of nostalgic decade-themed dance parties, folk singers, writing workshops, karaoke and other activities. Cruisers can also relax poolside, spend some time in the onboard spa or take it easy in one of the ships' lounges.

Travelers who are looking to connect with others who share similar backgrounds can do so in one of Olivia's specialized programs. There are group and solo traveler meetups, as well as programs like Sisters, which is for LGBTQ women of color; Gen-O, for cruisers 40 and younger; Women in Uniform gatherings, for veterans and those currently in the armed forces; and events for OWLs (which stands for "older, wiser lesbians"). Past cruisers on Olivia's voyages report feeling a true sense of community and belonging on board, resulting in a fun, carefree trip.

In June 2024, set sail with Olivia from Edinburgh, Scotland, to Dublin on Windstar Cruises' Star Legend. Or, visit the islands of Tahiti on the line's Star Breeze in September. Other cruise itineraries include Alaska, the Greek Isles, Mexico and the Panama Canal.

Read: The Best Girls Trip Ideas

Courtesy of Royal Caribbean International

Royal Caribbean International provides a welcoming and inclusive experience for LGBTQ travelers. The popular cruise line frequently partners with Atlantis Events to offer all-gay voyages throughout the year, but even the standard sailings earn praise.

Highlights of the sailings are the ships' entertainment options (including the Tony Award-winning musical "Mamma Mia!") and attentive staff, according to past cruisers. Itineraries typically include LGBTQ meetups at the beginning of each cruise for gay travelers to meet like-minded passengers. Outside of the sailing experience, Royal Caribbean has also publicly committed to supporting the LGBTQ community throughout the year, and it was the first cruise line to earn the title "Gay Traveler Approved" from GayTravel in 2016.

In 2024, consider a Royal Caribbean voyage that sails to gay-friendly destinations. "Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, [is] full of gay bars, clubs and gay beaches," says Martinez. Hop aboard Navigator of the Seas in May for a seven-night sailing round-trip from Los Angeles that stops in Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta and Ensenada, Mexico. Navigator of the Seas also hosts a seven-night itinerary throughout the year that calls on Mazatlan, Mexico, as well.

Ready to plan a cruise? Find the best value sailings on  GoToSea , a service of U.S. News.

Courtesy of The Cruise With La Demence

According to past cruisers, if you're looking for one of the best party scenes on the open seas, consider an all-gay cruise with La Demence. Powered by a popular gay nightclub in Brussels with the same name, La Demence – French for "the madness" – primarily caters to a European crowd. Most passengers are male, though women are also welcome.

On board, passengers should expect to dance the night away at massive deck parties that last into the wee hours of the morning. The line prides itself on its top-notch DJs, impressive light setup and electric party atmosphere. Previous cruisers had high praise for the itineraries – which exclusively visit gay-friendly locations – as well as the fruity cocktails, themed nights (costumes strongly encouraged) and glamorous entertainment. Enjoy unique events like drag bingo, high heel runs and more.

La Demence sails every summer to European destinations like Greece, Italy and Malta. The 2023 cruise was chartered on Royal Caribbean's Explorer of the Seas. Fares include all food and nonalcoholic beverages, plus access to all parties, shows and the onboard gym.

Read: The Top Party Cruises

Source Journeys has been planning luxury vacations for LGBTQ travelers for more than 20 years. The Miami-based company, with the vision of founder and chief executive officer Craig Smith, offers small group land tours and full-charter cruises for like-minded travelers with a focus on giving back to the communities they visit. The company also supports LGBTQ organizations, such as the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force and the Human Rights Campaign.

Past guests of their tours say their fellow travelers were as fun and interesting as the destinations. They appreciated the excellent personalized planning for the trips by Smith and his life partner, Rafael Rodriguez.

The company's cruises in 2024 include a seven-night Galápagos sailing in late September on a Relais & Chateau luxury yacht: Ecoventura's new ship, Evolve. The intimate ship accommodates just 20 passengers. Source Journeys is also offering a seven-night river cruise through Burgundy and Provence, France, in June on Avalon Waterways' Avalon Poetry II, as well as a seven-night voyage from Venice along the Dalmatian Coast. This ocean cruise scheduled in August is chartered on Star Clippers' masted sailing ship, Royal Clipper.

Frequently Asked Questions

When it comes to gay cruising, gone are the days of discreet "Friends of Dorothy" meetups. The term – a euphemism that dates back to the 1950s – was once used to indicate gay social events on daily cruise line programs, without explicitly calling out members of the community on board. It's a far cry from today's LGBTQ cruising industry, which loudly and proudly celebrates passengers from all walks of life.

According to experts, LGBTQ cruising is a market that will only continue to grow. Travelers can take their pick between cruise operators tailored specifically to queer communities and major cruise lines that offer festive Pride celebrations and inclusive onboard entertainment. As travel on the high seas continues to grow in popularity for vacationers, gay and lesbian travelers should consider setting sail on a fun-filled cruise vacation for their next trip.

When planning a cruise, vacationers should first consider what their ideal sailing looks like.

Gay-friendly vs. all-gay sailings: Cruisers should think about whether they'd like to travel aboard a gay-friendly mainstream line – such as Celebrity Cruises or Virgin Voyages – or opt for an all-gay, full-ship charter with a third-party vacation company.

"Each and every LGBTQIAPK person has a different level of comfortability in their 'outness,' " says Patrick Gunn, co-founder and chief marketing officer of LGBTQ vacation company VACAYA. Of VACAYA's all-gay charters, he adds, "For one magical week, our community gets to be the majority and live life out loud in the blissful utopia VACAYA creates on a gay cruise. That single change from being an always-minority to a sudden majority can have a profoundly positive real-world effect on individuals."

• Travel style: Some cruise operators (think: Atlantis Events and La Demence) are known for their electrifying all-night parties, which may be perfect for gay groups of friends. Meanwhile, other companies like VACAYA and Olivia look to provide a more diverse selection of activities, ranging from tea dances (LGBTQ parties that, historically, included tea service) to philanthropic service activities to immersive onshore experiences.
• Ports of call: Some of the most LGBTQ- and gay-friendly destinations for cruises include: Fort Lauderdale, Florida; Sydney; Barcelona, Spain; Taipei (Keelung), Taiwan; Helsinki; Quebec City; Auckland, New Zealand; Mykonos, Greece; Reykjavik, Iceland; Amsterdam; Tel Aviv, Israel; Buenos Aires, Argentina; and San Francisco. Countries that gay travelers may want to avoid include the Maldives, Jamaica, Morocco, Malaysia and Haiti, as homosexuality is illegal in these destinations.

Why Trust U.S. News Travel

Gwen Pratesi has been an avid cruiser since her early 20s. She has visited destinations around the globe on nearly every type of ship built, including the newest megaships, luxury yachts, expedition vessels, traditional masted sailing ships and intimate river ships on the Mekong River. Pratesi covers the travel and culinary industries for major publications, including U.S. News & World Report.

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I went on 2 of Royal Caribbean's largest and newest cruise ships. I enjoyed them, but they're not for everyone.

• I've sailed on Royal Caribbean's largest cruise ships , Wonder of the Seas and Icon of the Seas.
• Both megaships are jam-packed with people, amenities, and dining options.
• But if you want a quiet cruise to unique destinations, they might not be for you.

Before booking a vacation at sea, travelers should always research the best cruise line and ship for their needs.

If you're looking for a cheap and fast trip, try Margaritaville at Sea . Craving something more upscale? Consider Oceania Cruises.

But if you're looking for high-end sailing to unique destinations, I'd suggest avoiding Royal Caribbean's megaships .

Royal Caribbean has become synonymous with giant, family-friendly cruise ships

By 2028, Royal Caribbean wants one-third of its fleet to be megaships.

The latest addition, the 1,196-foot-long and 248,663-gross-ton Icon of the Seas, entered service in January, unseating Wonder of the Seas as the world's largest cruise liner.

Together, the two vessels can fit over 19,000 people — about 4,500 crew and 14,500 guests. Each ship has eight neighborhoods and there are 29 bars and 48 eateries between them.

I've attended complimentary sailings on both Wonder and Icon, the longest of which was three nights on the latter. From their colorful pool decks to the inescapable crowds, as a solo-adult traveler, I was equal parts entertained, overwhelmed, and overstimulated.

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But admittedly, I had fun. I do love a good waterslide; Wonder has three of them and Icon has six.

If you want to go on a cruise with your children — and if they, like me, love activities like rock climbing and mini golf — Royal Caribbean's megaships could be your best option.

Wonder and Icon are jam-packed with activity spaces like ice-skating rinks and ziplines.

But don't expect a peaceful retreat. The rowdy, bar-hopping adults and screaming children at the water playground aren't conducive to a relaxing vacation.

Megavessels might not be for you if you want a quiet cruise

If you want a relaxing vacation — maybe one that doesn't involve crowds of children — you shouldn't stay on either Royal Caribbean yacht.

There are many ways to have a luxury vacation on Icon of the Seas . But unless you want to pay for upcharged amenities at every turn, you'd be better off spending more upfront to reserve a premium cruise line — especially if you're interested in cruising for the destinations, not the ships.

After all, like most of Royal Caribbean's largest vessels, Icon and Wonder exclusively sail in the Caribbean.

Some destinations, such as French Polynesia, have set restrictions on which cruises can travel there amid concerns about pollution and overcrowding.

If stopping at these ports — or, really, anywhere outside the Caribbean — is at the top of your vacation wish list, you'll have to travel on a smaller Royal Caribbean ship or go with a different cruise line like Oceania , Silversea, and Regent Seven Seas.

You might not get a waterpark, but you'll get a quieter vacation to locations no megaship will likely be allowed to visit.

Watch: Inside the world's biggest cruise ship that just set sail

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