wandering eye parents guide

How To Stop Your Wandering Eye: Every Man’s Battle

QUESTION: What do you do if you find someone attractive—other than your spouse? What if you find that you have a wandering eye?

If you find someone attractive, your first line of defense is a proper mind-set, which is this: This attraction threatens everything I hold dear.

It may not appear threatening early in the attraction, when everything seems innocent. Remember, though, that attractions grow quickly and can destroy your marriage. Even if your marriage manages to survive, at the very least the lurking will weaken the foundation of your marriage and rob your wife of your full captivation.

Your second line of defense is to declare, I have no right to think these things . State this to yourself clearly, decisively, and often. You don’t even know this woman; who are you to be attracted to her? Didn’t your Master give you your wife?

T he third line of defense is to heighten your alert.What do you normally do when you feel threatened? You take off your jacket and breathe deeply. You ready yourself for what’s coming.

Suppose you’re a bouncer at a dance club, checking I.D.s and tickets, joking with the customers. One night, five men in black leather loudly roar up on motorcycle, looking surly and arrogant. Would you relax and back away from the door? Not on your life. Without hesitation, you’d step up to the door and stand erect, ready to confront the threat.

Consider the old Star Trek television series. What did Captain Kirk do when danger approached? He cried out: Red alert! Shields up!

With your mind-set transformed, you won’t let her near the corral. The attraction will begin to starve, and she’ll drift back toward the horizon. How can you make sure this will happen?

BOUNCE YOUR EYES.

You saw her passing your corral, and you were physically attracted to her. Starve this attraction by bouncing your eyes (which means to “build a reflex action by training your eyes to immediately bounce away from the sexual, like the jerk of your hand away from the hot stove”). Don’t dwell on her beauty by stealing glances. Do this with zeal.

Sometimes this isn’t possible, but do it when you can. If she works with you, and the two of you are assigned to the same project, don’t ask her to eat lunch with you or offer her a ride home. Avoid opportunities that create positive experiences with her until the attraction phase dies. If she asks you to do something with her, excuse yourself.

WHEN YOU’RE IN HER COMPANY, PLAY THE DWEEB.

Our hero, Dweebman, steps into a nearby public rest room. He emerges as the polyester-clad enemy of all things flirtatious and hip. Dull, mild-mannered Dweebman—pocket protector shielding his heart and hair slightly askew—wages his quiet, thankless war of boring interchange. Our once-threatening Amazon withdraws to undefended sectors. This leaves Dweebman victorious again in his never-ending good fight to stave off the hip and the impure in his galactic empire!

Okay, there’s not that much glory in playing the dweeb. There’ll be no comic-book deals no endorsement deals, no 20/20 interviews with Barbara Walters, but you’ll be a hero to your wife and kids.

A dweeb is the opposite of a player. In relationships, players send and receive social signals smoothly. Dweebs do not. When a player wants to send attraction signals, there are certain things he’ll do. He’ll flirt, banter, and smile with a knowing look. He’ll talk about hip things. In short, he’ll be cool. You were a player at one time, and knew how to feed attractions. You spent your whole adolescence learning how.

Social Suicide

As a married man, however, a little social suicide is very much in order. Always play the dweeb. Players flirt… learn to un-flirt. Players banter… learn to un-banter. If a woman smiles with a knowing look, learn to smile with a slightly confused look, to un-smile. If she talks about things that are hip, talk about things are un-hip to her, like your wife and kids. She’ll find you pleasant enough but rather bland and uninteresting. Perfect.

Sometimes a woman’s attractiveness to you will be mental rather than physical. This is common in work environments as you work with women on projects that interest you both. In business it’s common to spend more hours per day with female coworkers than with your wife. You talk with them about common goals and achieving success, while all you and your wife talk about are the kids’ discipline problems, who’s going to change the dirty diapers, and bills, bills, bills.

As with physically attractive women, you must understand that if your shields aren’t up, and if you don’t recognize the threat to your marriage, you’re flirting with danger.

To summarize:

If you’re attracted to a woman, it doesn’t mean you may never again have any sort of relationship or friendship with her. It only means you must enact your defense perimeters. Once you’ve starved the attractions and she’s a safe distance away, you can have a proper relationship, one that is honoring to your wife and to the Lord.

You can also visit the web site that goes along with this book, Everymansbattle.com . They have some great articles on this web site that could minister to your needs in tremendous ways.

More from Marriage Missions

Tagged: flirting , guard your heart

Filed under: Emotional & Physical Affair Sexual Issues

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60 responses to “ How To Stop Your Wandering Eye: Every Man’s Battle ”

Good Morning Everyone. My name is Ronelle and i am from South Africa. I have been going through a really turbulent two weeks. With my mum being sick and the whole atmosphere being so heavy at home. Prior to this have been a tough couple of years with the passing of my brother, my sister distancing herself from us, my dad leaving us and years later finding that he had ended up on the streets and just quite a bit of unfortunate things that have happened in our family life. there were often times where i would be so discouraged and say to my mum, “what more could God allow to happend to us” and my mum would say in almost a concerned tone for me not to say that, becuase it could be much worse, as many families lose so much each day. But these past two weeks have been so hard To the point of me actually considering giving up my Sunday School teaching in our local church. I just feel so depressed at times but so exhausted since i have two small kids to provide for as well and my mum who is in and out of depression herself. I joined the gym a while ago to help with the stress and refused the anti depressant medication. I also quite recently noticed my partner glancing at other women from time to time and although i know that it is normal, as most secular sites claim it to be, i wanted to know what Gods thoughts were on the issue and googled exactly that “What does God’s Word say about a wandering eye”. And this site came up. Thank God. The explanation of it all and how we really need to be accountable and take conscious action when we feel we are being tempted to do things that put our relationship in trouble. Thank you so much for this article. Something within my spirit refused to believe that we should just its a normal thing and that its normal if your husband has lustful thoughts as long as they dont touch. and that its crazy for the woman. wife to feel insecure and disrespected and should learn to accept it as part of life or move on.

I shared this with my partner and i was a bit nervous as to how he would repond. We are both born again believers. I thank God that he was open to listening to me read out the various points and afterward told me that he agrees with all that has been said. I told him that i do understand that for both of us it is normal to notice attractive people but to use these methods and train our minds and heart to submit under the authority of Christ and remember that He has blessed us with each other and we need to consciously work at driving out the worlds temptations. It was something that was adding to the things that worried me, but knowing that he acknowledges how it makes me feel and agrees with how we as a Godly couple should behave for God’s glory, each other and in the sight of our kids, just alleviated so much stress. I thank God for guiding me to your site. And i do know that just as He has delivered me from these fears and continues a good work in my life, He will heal and deliver my mum and family as well.

Thank you again for this article.

Lots of guys, including myself find ourselves glancing at other women. Fortunately I find my wife very attractive. I focus on her and those few special body parts & curves I really like. She wears yoga pants, plus she is almost 60!! When I pay attention to her, I notice others much less. So guys, pay attention to your wives, not others’ wives. Ladies, look good for your husband, make him notice you. throw away the house coat and jogging pants.

My fiancé of 19 years can learn from you. No matter how good I look or dress his eyes and mind still wonder on other women. Also he’s been divorced five times.

Maria, Could the “wandering eyes” on other women when he is pledged to marry you and the “five times” divorced situation give you a clue as to what might be facing you if you marry?

Wow! This gave me so much wisdom I need to stop having a wandering eye. I’m a married woman and even though this article is for men, it is right on point for women too. I will be a “dweeb”. I want to be faithful to God and my husband. Thank you.

I will agree wholeheartedly with 3 points in the article: YES learn to divert your eyes physically if you can’t trust yourself not to look with lust; YES avoid her when possible (and it isn’t always). When it’s not, have a coworker present. Leave your office door open. Don’t spend unnecessary time together, e.g., lunch, coffee after work. STAY FOCUSED on business.

“Playing the DWEEB” is about the stupidest idea I have ever heard. If she begins steering the conversation in an inappropriate direction, you can casually mention your wife/kids, etc. to remove any doubt about your being “off limits” (my best friend is the world’s best at this). If she still doesn’t get the hint, call her out on it directly, saying, “I’m sorry, but this conversation is inappropriate.”

But deliberately acting like a dork?!? That’s pathetic! Why would you want to act immature and juvenile? People will take notice of it and you will lose the respect of your co-workers and your boss. You will become a laughingstock. And rightly so. Be a man. Be mature. Be a professional and deal with it professionally.

Alan, I respectfully disagree w/second half of your comments. Particularly, “that’s pathetic” (Maybe so. But maybe not. You’re revealing a weakness in lack of understanding or empathy for those in such a forum as this. Your comment likely does more damage than good). Or maybe it’s not pathetic. Maybe it’s just the nature of being deeply in need. (People) In need of healing very deep emotional and mental wounds. Why deeply? I’m speaking of those who received abuse.

So, getting back to my point. Do you Alan, think victims of abuse can just flip a switch? What about those who were escaping life’s miseries by increasingly leaning on something to the point of obsession/addiction? Please consider these words. “Be mature, be a man”: this has a similar effect to the former. It’s bootstrap talk, which expects one to just flip-a-switch, to change not desirable behavior.

Perhaps, your recommendations are all thoughts and methods that you use. Perhaps you think they helped you. If you know someone in recovery, please avoid the putdowns and bootstrap talk. I hope you don’t badger them. Encourage their recovery. Best and blessings to you. Thank you.

Woman here. I’m having such a wandering eye these days. It’s so hard. I can’t seem to control it. I’m scared that I can’t be happy with my husband the rest of my life. I want other men. I pray daily for help. I feel no attraction for my husband anymore. I love him as a friend and companion and he’s a great person and a great father. I’m trying so hard to focus on all I do have. But this is making me depressed, to not feel desire for my husband. I could never hurt him though…..so I’m stuck in this sort of prison.

I completely understand his eyes looking at an attractive woman. But when the eyes go over, and over to the same places it becomes disrespectful to me. He keeps saying that he is very friendly, and likes to engage in conversation with man and woman alike. The flaw that I see with that thought is that if you are friendly, and want to engage in conversation, you don’t look to certain body parts to do so. I am frustrated, and not sure what to do.

I definitely like to interact and make aye contact with other women. I don’t know if that is flirting. I was fired from the same office my wife was working on because of that. I never felt I was and my wife didn’t know the reason why they let me go.

I really enjoy watching other women even if my wife is present. I don’t think that’s lack of respect either. She gets really upset and expresses her frustration; she also asked me to apologize at least, to what I normally reply that she should be the one to apologize because she looses her temper.

I don’t think I’m micro cheating, it’s just the way I am. My wife simply doesn’t understand. I don’t think I need help anyways.

Luis, I have to remind myself “eyes up”

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Wandering Eye - Full Cast & Crew

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A neglected young wife agrees to meet a stranger in a hotel room in order to have an affair, but at the last minute she changes her mind. However, when the man ends up dead, she becomes a suspect in the murder investigation.

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The Danger of a Wandering Eye

A long-term study of newlyweds reveals the precursors of infidelity..

Posted May 14, 2018 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Infidelity is a major cause of relationship breakdown, and so understanding why some people cheat is an important area of research.

Of course, none of us is immune to temptation. Committing to a long-term, exclusive relationship doesn’t close our minds to the alternative. A marriage vow enshrines our intention “to forsake all others,” but it can’t render all others unattractive.

Psychological research suggests that we manage our illicit desires by tearing our attentions away from appealing alternatives (“Out of sight, out of mind”), and by devaluing the allure of those who nevertheless catch our eye ("They aren’t all that”). Those who report greater commitment to their partners tend to deploy these so-called “evaluative biases” more effectively.

James McNulty and his colleagues at Florida State University, in a paper published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , wondered whether evaluative biases have any effect on real-world behavior. Reported feelings of commitment are one thing, but actual infidelity is another thing entirely.

Are people who are able to still their wandering eyes less likely to cheat?

McNulty’s team recruited around 500 newlyweds (most couples were male-female) for a long-term study. At the beginning of the study, all the volunteers visited the researchers’ lab. There they completed two tasks:

• The first was a test of the volunteers’ attention to romantic alternatives. The volunteers were shown a series of photographs of attractive and average-looking men and women on a computer screen. After each photograph disappeared from the screen, it was replaced by a square or a circle. The volunteers’ job was to click one button if the shape was a square and another if it was a circle. Sounds easy, right? However, the photograph wasn’t always in the same place on the screen —each one jumped to a new position. And the shapes that appeared after the photographs were sometimes in the same position as the photograph, and sometimes elsewhere. The idea behind the task was that volunteers who find it difficult to drag their attention away from a face will be slower to categorize a shape when it materializes elsewhere on the screen. An attractive face is more likely to "glue" your eyes in position.
• In the second task, the volunteers’ tendency to devalue the attractiveness of others was tested. The volunteers rated the attractiveness of the same men and women whose photographs they had seen in the first task. A control group of single volunteers also rated the photographs. On average, the newlyweds rated the photographs as less attractive than the singletons did, which confirms the results of previous research indicating that those in a committed relationship are more inclined to devalue the attractiveness of others. However, each volunteer varied in the extent to which they devalued attractiveness compared to the average singleton. Some thought the faces were relatively unattractive; others thought the faces were relatively attractive.

Over the next three years, the volunteers periodically completed surveys about their commitment to their marriage, and reported on infidelity by themselves and their spouses.

McNulty discovered that those who had found attractive others more attention-grabbing were more likely to have cheated on their partner by the end of the three years. In fact, he could be specific about it: Each increase in the speed of disengagement of one-tenth of a second (about the difference between gold and silver medal times in elite 100m sprint races) decreased the odds of infidelity by a massive 50 percent . I’ll say it again: If you can tear your eyes away from a hottie 100ms faster, you are half as likely to cheat on your partner in the next three years.

Of course, we can’t be sure that cheating is caused by a wandering eye. It is possible that people who are distracted by attractive alternatives also behave differently in other ways, or possess certain attitudes or values that directly influence infidelity. McNulty also found that cheaters were more likely to report lower relationship satisfaction and to have younger partners.

Those who reported infidelity were also less likely to devalue the attractiveness of alternatives: If you think other people are hot, you’re more likely to stray. In McNulty’s study, volunteers who rated attractive, opposite- sex persons an average of two points lower in attractiveness on a 1–10 scale were half as likely to have cheated.

So, a tendency to avoid looking at attractive others, and to view those who do attract attention as less appealing, does seem to be associated with faithfulness.

Further analyses revealed that people who rated others as more attractive tended to be less satisfied with their relationships by the end of the three years. Also, McNulty discovered that volunteers who found it more difficult to drag their attention away from attractive alternatives were more likely to have broken up. (After three years, around 12 percent of all the couples had gone their separate ways.)

Volunteers were also photographed at the beginning of the study, and their own photographs were rated for attractiveness by a group of independent volunteers. When a woman was low in others' perceived attractiveness, both she and her partner were more likely to cheat. The male partner’s attractiveness was unimportant.

McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L., Makhanova, A., & Maner, J. K. (in press). Attentional and evaluative biases help people maintain relationships by avoiding infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. doi:10.1037/pspi0000127

Robert Burriss, Ph.D., is an evolutionary psychologist at Basel University in Switzerland. He produces The Psychology of Attractiveness Podcast.

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Patching Tips for Parents

Print version, when is patching is recommended.

Patching is recommended when children are diagnosed with  amblyopia  or  lazy eye .  It works by occluding (covering) the eye that has normal vision so that the vision in the amblyopic eye (poorer seeing eye) can improve. Think of it as covering the strong eye to exercise the weak eye.

WHAT KIND OF PATCH SHOULD BE USED?

An eye patch with adhesive on the back is best. It looks like a Band Aid [See figure 1]. The patch should be large enough to cover the child's eye completely.  It sometimes helps to fold the patch longwise prior to peeling off the backing to make it more “convex”, or curved outward.  This will give more space for the lashes to blink underneath. Some adhesive patches are made with colorful designs that encourage the child to wear the patch. Cloth patches that fit over the child's glasses are also available. In order for the cloth patch to work effectively, the glasses must fit well on the face and the patch should completely cover the lens and the space between the glasses and the skin around the eye, so there is no way for the child to peek around the patch. Pirate patches with straps are not effective because they do not fit tightly enough to the child's face to block light and kids frequently just move them so they can see around them. If you see your child turning his/her head significantly or lifting/dropping the chin while wearing the patch that is often a sign of “peeking” so be sure to watch them carefully.

SHOULD GLASSES BE WORN DURING PATCHING?

Yes. The glasses should be worn over the adhesive patch. Do not stick the patch on the glasses lens. It will not be effective as the child will be able to peek around the lens.

WHAT IF THE PATCH ADHESIVE CAUSES SKIN SENSITIVITY?

Lubrication of the skin after patch removal can be helpful. Different brands of patches use different adhesives, so changing the brand of patch may help reduce skin irritation. Another trick is to rub Milk of Magnesia liquid on the skin to be covered by the patch. Allow the liquid to dry and then apply the patch. The dried powder helps minimize the contact of the adhesive with the skin. If the eye patch is too “sticky,” one can stick and un-stick the patch a few times to a clean cloth (like one’s shirt) before attaching the patch to the child’s face.

WHAT CAN BE DONE TO ENCOURAGE BETTER PATCHING?

Making patching a consistent part of the daily routine is helpful in encouraging younger children to patch. One on one playtime with an infant or toddler may be the best approach to ensure the child does not remove the patch. Offering a preferred activity (favorite TV show, video games) to distract the child from thinking about the patch can be helpful. In some cases, it is sometimes necessary at first to use Velcro wraps around the arms of infants and toddlers to prevent patch removal. Usually the arm restraints need to be used just a few times to encourage compliance. Speak with your child’s ophthalmologist before using this type of treatment.

Older children may need to be rewarded for good patching compliance. A variety of posters with fun images are available to fill in each time a patch is worn successfully. Returning a completed poster to the doctor’s office for a prize can motivate some children.

Fig. 1: An othoptic patch looks like a Band Aid.

Updated 12/2022

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Amblyopia (Lazy Eye)

At a glance: Amblyopia

Poor vision in 1 eye

Eye drops or wearing an eye patch

What is amblyopia?

Amblyopia (also called lazy eye) i s a type of poor vision  that usually happens in just 1 eye but less commonly in both eyes. It develops when there’s a breakdown in how the brain and the eye work together, and the brain can’t recognize the sight from 1 eye. Over time, the brain relies more and more on the other, stronger eye — while vision in the weaker eye gets worse.

It’s called “lazy eye” because the stronger eye works better. But people with amblyopia are not lazy, and they can’t control the way their eyes work.

Amblyopia starts in childhood, and it’s the most common cause of vision loss in kids. Up to 3 out of 100 children have it. The good news is that early treatment works well and usually prevents long-term vision problems.

What are the symptoms of amblyopia?

Symptoms of amblyopia can be hard to notice. Kids with amblyopia may have poor depth perception — they have trouble telling how near or far something is. Parents may also notice signs that their child is struggling to see clearly, like:

• Shutting 1 eye
• Tilting their head

In many cases, parents don’t know their child has amblyopia until a doctor diagnoses it during an eye exam. That’s why it’s important for all kids to get a vision screening at least once between ages 3 and 5.

Is my child at risk for amblyopia?

Some kids are born with amblyopia and others develop it later in childhood. The chances of having amblyopia are higher in kids who:

• Were born early (premature)
• Were smaller than average at birth
• Have a family history of amblyopia, childhood cataracts, or other eye conditions
• Have developmental disabilities

What causes amblyopia?

In many cases, doctors don’t know the cause of amblyopia. But sometimes, a different vision problem can lead to amblyopia.

Normally, the brain uses nerve signals from both eyes to see. But if an eye condition makes vision in 1 eye worse, the brain may try to work around it. It starts to “turn off” signals from the weaker eye and rely only on the stronger eye.

Some eye conditions that can lead to amblyopia are:

• Refractive errors. These include common vision problems like nearsightedness (having trouble seeing far away), farsightedness (having trouble seeing things up close), and astigmatism (which can cause blurry vision). Normally, these problems are easy to fix with glasses or contacts. But if they’re not treated, the brain may start to rely more on the eye with stronger vision.
• Strabismus . Usually, the eyes move together as a pair. But in kids with strabismus, the eyes don’t line up. One eye might drift in, out, up, or down.
• Cataract. This causes cloudiness in the lens of the eye, making things look blurry. While most cataracts happen in older people, babies and children can also develop cataracts.

How will my child’s doctor check for amblyopia?

As part of a normal vision screening , your child’s doctor will look for signs of amblyopia. All kids ages 3 to 5 need to have their vision checked at least once.

What’s the treatment for amblyopia?

If there’s a vision problem causing amblyopia, the doctor may treat that first. For example, doctors may recommend glasses or contacts (for kids who are nearsighted or farsighted) or surgery (for kids with cataract).

The next step is to re-train the brain and force it to use the weaker eye. The more the brain uses it, the stronger it gets. Treatments include:

Wearing an eye patch on the stronger eye. By covering up this eye with a stick-on eye patch (similar to a Band-Aid), the brain has to use the weaker eye to see. Some kids only need to wear the patch for 2 hours a day, while others may need to wear it whenever they're awake.

Putting special eye drops in the stronger eye. A once-a-day drop of the drug atropine can temporarily blur near vision, which forces the brain to use the other eye. For some kids, this treatment works as well as an eye patch, and some parents find it easier to use (for example, because young children may try to pull off eye patches).

After your child starts treatment, their vision may start to get better within a few weeks. But it will probably take months to get the best results. After that, your child may still need to use these treatments from time to time to stop amblyopia from coming back.

It’s important to start treating children with amblyopia early — the sooner the better. Kids who grow up without treatment may have lifelong vision problems. Amblyopia treatment is usually less effective in adults than in children.

Last updated: September 22, 2022

Pediatric Ophthalmology PA

ABC Eyes Dallas Grapevine Plano

What to Expect After Strabismus (Eye Muscle) Surgery

Chapter 14: what to expect after strabismus (eye muscle) surgery, a patient & parent guide to strabismus surgery george r. beauchamp, m.d..

This and the following (15 & 16) chapters are written by time sequence, and describe events, what to expect after strabismus (eye muscle) surgery ; but it should not be read that way.  In other words, understanding these matters prior to surgery should be helpful in knowing what to expect or what may be of concern.  Please consider them in the context of understanding the consequences and risks of the procedure (please also see Chapter 10).

Recovery process

Appearance: Short and Long Term

Immediately after surgery, tears on operated eyes will be blood tinged; this is normal and related to the fact that the surface of the eye is moist and very vascular (many vessels).  This usually clears in a few hours, and has no significance to the outcome.

They may be safely wiped away with a moist cloth.  The first few days after the surgery, there is also an excess secretion of mucus in response to the surgery.  This presents itself as moist or dried secretions that accumulate on the eyelashes, and may ―stick‖ the eye lids together.  Some children will resist wiping these secretions away with a moist cloth, and that will cause no harm.  Eventually, within a matter of a few days, they will dislodge and no harm will ensue.

Bruising is unavoidable.  On the surface of the eye, this appears bright (or blood) red.  This is so because the blood lies beneath a clear membrane (the conjunctiva).  The amount of bruising will vary from person to person, and even from eye to eye.  While this observation is the most dramatic after surgery, it is probably the least meaningful, in that it will all go away within about two weeks.  In children and on first muscle operations, the redness may last only 7 to 10 days.  If a resection or reoperation of a muscle has been performed, there is more likely to be swelling on the surface—this may look like a blistering or ballooning of the surface membrane or conjunctiva, causing it to protrude between the lids—called chemosis.  This may take longer to resolve, lasting three weeks or more.  After the bruise is gone, it will take several weeks for healing to be complete, and redness may gradually diminish over several months.

Sometimes there is bruising of the lids (a ―shiner‖) as well.  This is more common in older adults with fragile blood vessels, persons who have been on blood thinners such as aspirin and Coumadin, persons undergoing reoperations, and persons having surgery on the oblique (superior and especially the inferior) muscles.   After all healing is complete, there are subtle and unavoidable evidence that surgery has been performed. Ophthalmologists, observant patients and families, and occasionally others routinely make these observations. They generally derive from the anatomy of eye muscles as they attach to the globe, and the body’s normal healing responses.  With careful technique, they can be minimized, but not entirely avoided.  Four examples of these are: 1) evidence of incision on the surface (scar), 2) bluish discoloration of the white of the eye underlying a recessed muscle, 3) a ridge on the white of the eye where the muscle previously attached, and 4) persistent thickening and redness of the white of the eye in the region of muscles undergoing complicated or reoperation procedures.  The conjunctival scar may be minimized with careful technique; many surgeons will place the incision above or below the normal eye lid position (called a cul-do-sac incision), so that it may only be observed by pulling the lids up or down.  Bluish discoloration of the sclera (or white) of the eye relates to the thinness of sclera under a normally positioned muscle.  When muscles are recessed, this thinner sclera will sometimes appear as an oval shaped bluish discoloration (blue for the same reason the sky is blue—scattering of light).  This is quite variable, and not seen in all persons.  When a muscle is recessed, it is detached; where it was previously attached, the sclera is thicker and a low ridge or elevation is seen.  The ridge is generally more prominent in adult patients.  Multiple or complicated operations may lead to extended inflammation and scarring, and may be seen as raised and red tissue on the white of the eye.  This scar (and redness) can often be surgically improved with removal of the scar (called “debulking”) and repositioning of the conjunctiva; it may recur, although generally to a lesser degree.

The experience of pain seems to vary widely after strabismus surgery.  The typical experience, especially for first-time operations, is moderate pain that responds to Tylenol or Motrin.  The duration of pain varies from a few hours to several days.  There is surface irritation associated with the preparation and incision; and there is aching soreness, associated in particular with movement of the eyes.  The former generally lasts up to 48 hours, and the latter typically up to one week.  Please bear in mind that individual circumstances vary widely. Adults often appear to experience more discomfort than children.  The day of surgery is generally the most uncomfortable.  However, especially for children, a nap in their own bed at home seems to be the best medicine.  After this nap, children will sometimes awake as if ready to go at full speed with normal activities. Some adults will have minimal pain, others significantly more.  Prior to surgery, please inform your surgeon about previous experiences with and tolerance to pain, plus medications known to be effective for your.  In general, the more muscles requiring surgery and the performance of reoperations (previous eye or strabismus surgery) will increase the degree of discomfort.  In some instances, particularly older children and adults, eye drops may help to decrease inflammation and assist in pain control.

Activities and Ability to Function

Returning to normal activities after surgery is rapid.  Most persons, even children, will choose and return quite rapidly to their normal lives.  While there is some variation in ability to function following surgery, most persons will be able to do basic things within hours to a few days following surgery.  General rules of thumb include:

 If the activity is not painful, it is likely to be acceptable  One should avoid potential contamination of the eyes with irritants, such as soaps and shampoo, for  two to three days

 Swimming (head submerged) should be avoided for several days.  Driving should be a matter of individual confidence; some may drive as early as the day following surgery

Alignment, Double Vision and Head Position

Alignment of the eyes should be improved immediately after surgery.  This may be somewhat obscured by bruising and swelling.  Alignment may, and likely will change as healing occurs.  Therefore, no final conclusions about the effectiveness of the procedure can be rendered in the first few days after surgery. Experience has shown, however, that certain patterns may be discerned.  It is encouraging if eyes were crossed before surgery and completely straight following, and if double vision present before and absent immediately after.   However, sometimes double vision will take a few days to weeks to resolve, even with successful surgery.  If double vision was not present before surgery, it may even be an encouraging sign; it is after all the brain perceiving images simultaneously.  With time, hopefully, the brain will ―lock in‖ and fuse to receive the images together as binocular vision.

In the instance of intermittent or manifest exotropia, it is generally beneficial to initially overcorrect somewhat, and this may lead to temporary crossed eyes and double vision.   As the muscles (typically the lateral recti) heal, they tend to pull the eyes outwardly and predictably.  Occasionally, patching of one eye or prisms may be useful in reestablishing binocular vision while muscles heal.  These methods are occasionally useful in early apparent over corrections of esotropia and hypertropia as well.

When surgery is performed to correct abnormal head positioning, the effect is usually immediate; in fact, in some instances it may be slightly overcorrected, only to return to a straighter position.  In general, no final conclusions about the effectiveness of surgery can be made in the first week following surgery.  By six to eight weeks after surgery, healing is nearing completion and more accurate assessments may be made.  Even after this time or with apparent success there can be changes, particularly in cases where there is no binocular visual function or evolving medical conditions such as thyroid eye disease.

Wearing glasses and contact lenses

Glasses may be worn immediately following surgery.  The surgery does not change the prescription of glasses to any appreciable degree.  However, if glasses have prism in them prior to surgery, then glasses without prism should be acquired for use immediately after. Contact lenses are generally not comfortable for approximately two weeks following the procedures.

Read about What are the Potential Complications?

About ABC Eyes, Pediatric Ophthalmology PA Our experienced ophthalmologists (eye doctors) at ABC Eyes specialize in pediatric and adult eye and visual brain problems, eye alignment disorders (strabismus), and aesthetic reconstruction of the eyes, lids, and orbits. Through excellence in patient … Ophthalmologists

EYE DIAGNOSIS & SURGERY For Children and Adults

“What We Do” Children don’t know that they can’t see, but we do. We specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of medical and surgical children’s eye disorders, such as amblyopia (‘lazy eye’), congenital and juvenile cataracts, refractive errors (near-sightedness, far-sightedness, astigmatism) and strabismus (eye muscle imbalances). In addition … [read more]

Strabismus Surgery – Eye Alignment

ABC Eyes has provided an educational book "A Patient & Parent Guide to Strabismus Surgery" for children and adults, authored by Dr. George Beauchamp.  The eye doctors at ABC Eyes are physicians who specialize in pediatric ophthalmology and the medical and surgical treatment of strabismus or misaligned eyes.  A Patient & Parent … Patient & Parent Guide to Strabismus Surgery

A life with strabismus

Growing Up with Strabismus

Dr. George R. Beauchamp talks about the life of a patient growing up with strabismus, that is misalignment of his eyes. This is chapter 21 of a his book, "Patient & Parent Guide to Strabismus Surgery". Chapter 21: Growing Up with … Strabismus

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Behind her eyes, common sense media reviewers.

Nudity, language, spooky visuals in seductive mystery.

A Lot or a Little?

What you will—and won't—find in this TV show.

Themes include confronting one's past and healing

Characters are complicated and often not to be tru

Violence builds as the series progresses. There ar

Characters have sex with rhythmic motions, moans a

Language includes "f--king," "f--ker," "s--t," "di

Storylines involve heroin addiction and a fatal ov

Parents need to know that Behind Her Eyes is a mystery series about a single mom who connects romantically with her married boss. It explores the fallout of that connection, which goes in utterly unexpected directions. Violence is not gory or bloody, but characters are in mortal danger frequently, often from…

Positive Messages

Themes include confronting one's past and healing from trauma, but these messages are complicated by unreliable narration and complicated storytelling.

Positive Role Models

Characters are complicated and often not to be trusted; what we see is not always what is. That said, Louise is a single mom and person of color, two characteristics not particularly common in glossy mystery shows -- she's given an inner life, agency, and intelligence, and the drama clearly empathizes with both her hopes and her struggles. David and Adele are a bit more remote to the viewer, and don't come off as relatable as Louise.

Violence & Scariness

Violence builds as the series progresses. There are episodes with no violence at all, and others with visuals of a drug overdose, suicide, and a deadly fire. Main characters die under suspicious circumstances, and are frequently in mortal danger. Supernatural powers play a part in the plot; expect danger from otherworldly sources.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Violence & Scariness in your kid's entertainment guide.

Sex, Romance & Nudity

Characters have sex with rhythmic motions, moans and groans; nude bodies are visible from the side and we see a man's nude buttocks. Infidelity is a major plot point. Expect flirting, kissing.

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Sex, Romance & Nudity in your kid's entertainment guide.

Language includes "f--king," "f--ker," "s--t," "dick," as well as English slang like "bloody."

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Language in your kid's entertainment guide.

Drinking, Drugs & Smoking

Storylines involve heroin addiction and a fatal overdose. Louise smokes cigarettes frequently. Scenes take place at bars with characters drinking (name brand) liquor and cocktails; some get giggly and relaxed after drinking. Adele takes psychotropic medication that David prescribes her and watches her take (implying she's not a reliable taker of said medication).

Did you know you can flag iffy content? Adjust limits for Drinking, Drugs & Smoking in your kid's entertainment guide.

Parents Need to Know

Parents need to know that Behind Her Eyes is a mystery series about a single mom who connects romantically with her married boss. It explores the fallout of that connection, which goes in utterly unexpected directions. Violence is not gory or bloody, but characters are in mortal danger frequently, often from supernatural forces. There are sudden deaths and deadly plots, and viewers will see scary visuals, including images from dreams and dead bodies. Sexual content is also mature, with lengthy sex scenes and some nudity from the side (and a look at nude male buttocks), as well as rhythmic motions and moans and groans. Infidelity plays a party in storylines. A character is a heroin addict, and there's a fatal drug overdose. Characters also smoke cigarettes and drink until they're giggly and relaxed. One character prescribes psychotropic medication to another and watches her take it as if he's forcing it on her. Language includes "f--k," "f--king," "s--t," and "dick." Characters are complicated and not to be trusted; some have supernatural powers that make them threatening and to be feared.

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What's the Story?

As London-set drama BEHIND HER EYES begins, Louise ( Simona Brown ) is trying to revive her social life three years after the divorce that left her a single mom to 7-year-old son Adam ( Tyler Howitt ) when she meets handsome Scottish stranger David ( Tom Bateman ) by chance at a bar. Sparks fly... the two share a kiss... and he breaks it off to flee into the night. Louise chalks it up to a strange evening, until she discovers to her horror that David's the new psychiatrist at her firm, and she's to be his secretary. Even worse, there's a Mrs. David, the serene and seemingly unflappable Adele ( Eve Hewson ), who has no knowledge of Louise and David's connection, and has a lifetime of secrets of her own. Suddenly, the three are on an unstoppable course towards a fate none of them anticipated.

Is It Any Good?

Seductive and compelling, this mystery series boasts interesting characters, expertly doled out twists, and lots of intrigue. Louise isn't the kind of woman who generally anchors a mystery series. She's a single mom but not a victim or a a symbol; she blunders into romantic complications without inviting viewers' judgment; she has a regular-person job and relatable flaws. In fact, the couple she gets entangled with in the pilot of Behind Her Eyes seem like more typical mystery-show foils. There's the gorgeous wife, drifting around in elegant white loungewear, with a past full of secrets, and her handsome psychiatrist husband (who seems reluctant to show her affection) has prescribed her a pantry full of medication, and he has secrets of his own.

But Behind Her Eyes has a few secrets up its own sleeves, and if you think you know where the story's going after a couple of episodes, ready yourself for some truly surprising twists. Because what this show is really wrestling with is the malleability of memory and emotions, while teasing viewers with themes of infidelity, identity, and betrayal. Behind Her Eyes keeps viewers wondering which of the characters can really be trusted, and if they're telling the truth to each other or even to themselves. Well-acted, gorgeously shot, and simmering with dread, Behind Her Eyes is a gripping prestige drama that will bring to mind other recent mysteries like Big Little Lies and Sharp Objects , in the best possible ways.

Talk to Your Kids About ...

Families can talk about adapting books into TV series. What are some examples of successful and unsuccessful adaptations? Which is usually better: book or TV show? If you've read Sarah Pinborough's 2017 novel of the same name, what do you think of this adaptation? Is it faithful to the original story? If not, do the changes serve the show?

Are any of the characters in Behind Her Eyes admirable? Are they intended to be? Who are we meant to root for/sympathize with, if anyone?

Behind Her Eyes relies heavily on dream sequences and flashbacks for its storytelling. How reliable is the information we get in these sequences? How does your perception of what you've seen change having watched more of the series? Are there points being made about memory and the lingering effects of trauma?

• Premiere date : February 19, 2021
• Cast : Simona Brown , Eve Hewson , Tom Bateman
• Network : Netflix
• Genre : Drama
• TV rating : TV-MA
• Last updated : February 18, 2023

Did we miss something on diversity?

Research shows a connection between kids' healthy self-esteem and positive portrayals in media. That's why we've added a new "Diverse Representations" section to our reviews that will be rolling out on an ongoing basis. You can help us help kids by suggesting a diversity update.

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Lazy eye (amblyopia)

On this page, when to see a doctor, risk factors, complications.

Lazy eye (amblyopia) is reduced vision in one eye caused by abnormal visual development early in life. The weaker — or lazy — eye often wanders inward or outward.

Amblyopia generally develops from birth up to age 7 years. It is the leading cause of decreased vision among children. Rarely, lazy eye affects both eyes.

Early diagnosis and treatment can help prevent long-term problems with your child's vision. The eye with poorer vision can usually be corrected with glasses or contact lenses, or patching therapy.

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• A Book: Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby's First Years

Signs and symptoms of lazy eye include:

• An eye that wanders inward or outward
• Eyes that appear to not work together
• Poor depth perception
• Squinting or shutting an eye
• Head tilting
• Abnormal results of vision screening tests

Sometimes lazy eye is not evident without an eye exam.

See your child's doctor if you notice his or her eye wandering after the first few weeks of life. A vision check is especially important if there's a family history of crossed eyes, childhood cataracts or other eye conditions.

For all children, a complete eye exam is recommended between ages 3 and 5.

Lazy eye develops because of abnormal visual experience early in life that changes the nerve pathways between a thin layer of tissue (retina) at the back of the eye and the brain. The weaker eye receives fewer visual signals. Eventually, the eyes' ability to work together decreases, and the brain suppresses or ignores input from the weaker eye.

Anything that blurs a child's vision or causes the eyes to cross or turn out can result in lazy eye. Common causes of the condition include:

• Muscle imbalance (strabismus amblyopia). The most common cause of lazy eye is an imbalance in the muscles that position the eyes. This imbalance can cause the eyes to cross in or turn out, and prevents them from working together.

Difference in sharpness of vision between the eyes (refractive amblyopia). A significant difference between the prescriptions in each eye — often due to farsightedness but sometimes to nearsightedness or an uneven surface curve of the eye (astigmatism) — can result in lazy eye.

Glasses or contact lenses are typically used to correct these refractive problems. In some children lazy eye is caused by a combination of strabismus and refractive problems.

• Deprivation. A problem with one eye — such as a cloudy area in the lens (cataract) — can prohibit clear vision in that eye. Deprivation amblyopia in infancy requires urgent treatment to prevent permanent vision loss. It's often the most severe type of amblyopia.

Factors associated with an increased risk of lazy eye include:

• Premature birth
• Small size at birth
• Family history of lazy eye
• Developmental disabilities

Untreated, lazy eye can cause permanent vision loss.

Aug 14, 2021

• Coats DK, et al. Amblyopia in children: Classification, screening, and evaluation. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/search. Accessed June 8, 2021.
• AskMayoExpert. Amblyopia. Mayo Clinic; 2021.
• Amblyopia. National Eye Institute. https://www.nei.nih.gov/learn-about-eye-health/eye-conditions-and-diseases/amblyopia-lazy-eye. Accessed June 8, 2021.
• Amblyopia preferred practice pattern. American Academy of Ophthalmology. https://www.aao.org/preferred-practice-pattern/amblyopia-ppp-2017. Accessed June 8, 2021.
• Coats DK, et al. Amblyopia in children: Management and outcome. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/search. Accessed June 8, 2021.
• Diseases & Conditions
• Lazy eye (amblyopia) symptoms & causes

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The Secret Push That Could Ban TikTok

U.s. lawmakers have long worried that the chinese government could use the app to spread propaganda..

Hosted by Sabrina Tavernise

Featuring Sapna Maheshwari

Produced by Will Reid ,  Rachelle Bonja and Rob Szypko

Edited by Marc Georges and Liz O. Baylen

Original music by Marion Lozano and Dan Powell

Engineered by Chris Wood

Listen and follow The Daily Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music

American lawmakers have tried for years to ban TikTok, concerned that the video app’s links to China pose a national security risk.

Sapna Maheshwari, a technology reporter for The Times, explains the behind-the-scenes push to rein in TikTok and discusses what a ban could mean for the app’s 170 million users in the United States.

On today’s episode

Sapna Maheshwari , who covers TikTok, technology and emerging media companies for The New York Times.

Background reading

A tiny group of lawmakers huddled in private about a year ago, aiming to bulletproof a bill that could ban TikTok.

The TikTok law faces court challenges, a shortage of qualified buyers and Beijing’s hostility .

Love, hate or fear it, TikTok has changed America .

There are a lot of ways to listen to The Daily. Here’s how.

We aim to make transcripts available the next workday after an episode’s publication. You can find them at the top of the page.

Special thanks to Sharon Otterman .

The Daily is made by Rachel Quester, Lynsea Garrison, Clare Toeniskoetter, Paige Cowett, Michael Simon Johnson, Brad Fisher, Chris Wood, Jessica Cheung, Stella Tan, Alexandra Leigh Young, Lisa Chow, Eric Krupke, Marc Georges, Luke Vander Ploeg, M.J. Davis Lin, Dan Powell, Sydney Harper, Mike Benoist, Liz O. Baylen, Asthaa Chaturvedi, Rachelle Bonja, Diana Nguyen, Marion Lozano, Corey Schreppel, Rob Szypko, Elisheba Ittoop, Mooj Zadie, Patricia Willens, Rowan Niemisto, Jody Becker, Rikki Novetsky, John Ketchum, Nina Feldman, Will Reid, Carlos Prieto, Ben Calhoun, Susan Lee, Lexie Diao, Mary Wilson, Alex Stern, Dan Farrell, Sophia Lanman, Shannon Lin, Diane Wong, Devon Taylor, Alyssa Moxley, Summer Thomad, Olivia Natt, Daniel Ramirez and Brendan Klinkenberg.

Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly. Special thanks to Sam Dolnick, Paula Szuchman, Lisa Tobin, Larissa Anderson, Julia Simon, Sofia Milan, Mahima Chablani, Elizabeth Davis-Moorer, Jeffrey Miranda, Renan Borelli, Maddy Masiello, Isabella Anderson and Nina Lassam.

Sapna Maheshwari reports on TikTok, technology and emerging media companies. She has been a business reporter for more than a decade. Contact her at [email protected] . More about Sapna Maheshwari

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A Parent’s Guide to Managing Lazy Eye (Amblyopia)

• Oct 02, 2023

Amblyopia, also known as “lazy eye”, is a condition that generally develops in early childhood, occurring when the brain and the eye have a breakdown in communication. Over time, the brain relies on the “good” eye more than the other, causing it to get stronger while the other eye gets weaker.

According to the National Eye Institute, three per cent of children experience amblyopia , which can potentially lead to diminished vision if not treated. 

It’s vital to recognise that amblyopia is not the same thing as strabismus, also known as “crossed eyes”. Understanding amblyopia is important, as it allows you to make informed decisions and choose the right treatment for your child.

What causes lazy eye?

Amblyopia arises due to a disruption in the normal development of vision during a child’s formative years. It is the leading cause of vision loss in children . This disruption can stem from several causes, including:

• Untreated refractive errors: Significant differences in the vision power of each eye, which might involve nearsightedness, farsightedness or astigmatism (blurred vision).
• Strabismus: Also known as crossed eyes, strabismus is not the same thing as amblyopia. Strabismus is a misalignment of the eyes, where they do not look in the exact same direction at the same time.
• Other eye conditions: Other conditions can result in obstructed vision during critical periods of development, such as cataracts or a droopy eyelid.

Lazy Eye Symptoms

Early detection is a key factor in managing amblyopia effectively, although symptoms may be difficult to notice. Children with amblyopia may experience poor depth perception, in addition to:

• Squinting to see clearly.
• Head tilting while focusing on an object.
• Shutting one eye.
• Eye wandering inward or outward.
• Eyes don’t seem to work together.
• One eye tends to ‘float’ inwards or outwards.

How to Fix a Lazy Eye

Correcting vision, not just cosmesis.

Contrary to popular belief, managing amblyopia is not solely about improving the appearance of the eyes. The primary goal of amblyopia treatment is to enhance the lazy eye’s connection to the brain.

As amblyopia is a neurodevelopmental disorder, children are unlikely to benefit from any kind of lazy eye surgery unless it is to correct another issue that has caused the lazy eye, such as strabismus.

Fortunately, if caught early, amblyopia can be simple to treat through behavioural optometry .

Promoting Binocularity and Stereopsis

An essential aspect of lazy eye treatment involves encouraging binocularity and stereopsis – the ability to use both eyes together harmoniously and perceive depth, respectively. Vision therapy with a qualified children’s optometrist can be incredibly valuable in nurturing these vital visual skills, especially when combined with other methods, such as:

• Glasses: Corrective lenses can sometimes be the first step in managing amblyopia.
• Patching: This involves covering the stronger eye to encourage the use of the weaker eye.
• Atropine eye drops: These can be used to blur vision in the stronger eye, prompting reliance on the lazy eye.

The Importance of Consistency

Navigating the path to better vision requires dedication and commitment to the prescribed treatment, from both the child and parents. Working with healthcare providers, including regular visits to your optometrist, can greatly aid the treatment journey. By tailoring the approach to your child’s needs, a children’s optometrist ensures they receive the best possible care.

Trust the Children’s Optometrists at Bayside Eyecare

When it comes to treating amblyopia, early detection and diligent adherence to the treatment are essential, and many children can experience significant improvements in their vision. If you suspect that your child may have amblyopia or some other vision problem, it is important to see a children’s optometrist as soon as possible.

The Bayside Eyecare team is always ready to help families enjoy a more fulfilling life through better vision. Our qualified optometrists love to work with children, so book an appointment through our online form or give us a call on (03) 9909 5329 to get started today.

Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina (2020)

• Parents Guide

Certification

• Sex & Nudity (4)
• Violence & Gore (8)
• Profanity (1)
• Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking (3)
• Frightening & Intense Scenes (6)
• Spoilers (2)

Sex & Nudity

• Mild 7 of 13 found this mild Severity? None 2 Mild 7 Moderate 1 Severe 3 We were unable to submit your evaluation. Please try again later.
• There is none to mild fanservice in this series. It is safe to watch in public. Edit
• A clone is very obsessed with her boobs, she uses balloons to make them look bigger, this only happens for about 3 minutes or so. Edit
• There are a few bath scenes but they are usually very short and contain no nudity. Edit
• One witch confesses she loves another one (and that she wants to marry her). She then persistently tries to verbally convince the other party to bathe with and sleep with her. Edit

Violence & Gore

• Moderate 5 of 11 found this moderate Severity? None 1 Mild 3 Moderate 5 Severe 2 We were unable to submit your evaluation. Please try again later.
• Most episodes do not have violence in them. Edit
• Episode 9 is the episode with the largest amount of gore/violence. Edit
• A teenage girl loves to murder people. Edit
• Photos of murdered people are shown, not very graphic, blood is visible. Edit
• A girl is decapitated off-screen, we see the aftermath. There is blood clearly visible. Edit
• A girl is hit on the head with lightning bolts, blood is seen splattering onto the wall behind her. Edit
• Most of the time there is just innocent magic fighting. Edit
• Most of the time there is very little violence, but in one of the episodes a character is quite brutally killed and is seen standing over bloody corpses. Edit
• Mild 3 of 4 found this mild Severity? None 1 Mild 3 Moderate 0 Severe 0 We were unable to submit your evaluation. Please try again later.
• There is no profanity, and if there is, it is very mild. Edit

Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking

• Mild 3 of 3 found this mild Severity? None 0 Mild 3 Moderate 0 Severe 0 We were unable to submit your evaluation. Please try again later.
• People are seen drinking wine. Edit
• The main girl drinks some wine, she is seen getting drunk. Edit
• One of the characters smoke cigarettes and a pipe, and some characters drink, but nothing in excess or over the ordinary Edit

Frightening & Intense Scenes

• Moderate 3 of 8 found this moderate Severity? None 0 Mild 3 Moderate 3 Severe 2 We were unable to submit your evaluation. Please try again later.
• 90% of this show is very wholesome, there is nothing serious and intense going on most of the time. Edit
• Episode 9 is by far the darkest episode. View discretion is advised. Edit
• A girl is seen turning into a murderer. Edit
• Photos of murdered people are shown. Edit
• People are seen stabbed and lying in a pool of blood. Edit
• A girl goes crazy after she kills a monster, the ending can be disturbing to some people. Edit

The Parents Guide items below may give away important plot points.

• In one episode, a teen girl reveals that her dad did perverted things to her and her jealous mother abused her as a result. Edit
• A psychotic teen girl murders two people with a knife and wounds a third. Though the act is offscreen, she's seen almost completely doused in blood. In retaliation, the surviving victim shoots several balls of energy at her, spraying blood everywhere, then decapitates her offscreen, again, seen in some detail afterwards. Edit

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