trip over your own shadow

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afraid of tripping over your own shadow

• Thread starter chopin7
• Start date Jan 16, 2015

Senior Member

• Jan 16, 2015

Hello Some old man in his 80es has the idea to build a smaller house for himself and his wife since he figures they can't handle their actual house. His son, who doesn't live with him, advices him to be cautious during the work since he is old. Because, as his son says, "You know, if you... cut your hand off with the circular saw in a fit of geriatric stupidity, my sisters, my wife, they're not going to let me forget about that, so.." At this point, the old man, with a touch of irony says, "Must be tough waking up every morning afraid of tripping over your own shadow." His son laughs and goes away. Everything is clear, but what exactly does he mean with "trip on your own shadow". Is this some kind of humor about the old age. But why saying this to his son. What exactly is this metaphor about? Movie "Still mine". Thank you  

" To trip/fall/stumble over/on your own shadow." is an idiom that means "to worry/be concerned pointlessly about every small thing and every possibility, no matter how unlikely." It is most commonly used to counter objections to a plan of some sort, especially questions that start with "What happens if...?"  

Strange. Nothing on net about this. Thank you, PaulQ.  

afraid of your own shadow

Meaning of the phrase:.

-to be excessively fearful, timid or easily frightened, especially by things that pose no real danger or threat

· My friend talks a big game, but he's really afraid of his own shadow. Once, he screamed and ran away from a butterfly that landed on his shoulder.

Origin of the phrase:

Are afraid of your own shadow? Does the mere sight of that patch of darkness trailing you on a sunny day make you tremble? Fear not, for you are not alone in your jumpiness. For centuries, people have used the phrase to describe those who are excessively fearful or easily frightened. But where did this vivid expression come from, and what does it truly signify? Let’s shine a light on the fascinating history and meaning of this curious phrase.

While the exact origin of the phrase is uncertain, it has been in use for centuries. One of the earliest known references to it appears in Geoffrey Fenton’s 1567 translation of  Matteo Bandello’s, Certain Tragical Discourses of Bandello:

To whom as he retorned with more fear of his shadow than true report of that he had in charge, so the valiant knight, of more courage than his cowardly servant, put spurs to his horse, galloping to the varaye dore of the cave…

Here, a cowardly servant was more afraid of his own shadow than of the actual task he had been assigned, which inspired the valiant knight he was serving to ride out and face the challenge instead. This example demonstrates just how effectively this phrase conveys the nature of excessive fear and timidity, making it no surprise that it has endured over time as a way to describe such anxieties.

So, what does “afraid of your shadow” actually mean, and how did this phrase come to be? The phrase likely evolved from a combination of common fears, such as the fear of the unknown, the dark, and one’s own subconscious. These fears can often be irrational and unfounded, and the phrase “afraid of one’s shadow” provides a playful way to describe them.

In the end, we all have moments when we feel like we’re afraid of our own shadow. But as the saying goes, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. By acknowledging our fears and facing them head-on, we can become the valiant knights of our own lives, riding out to conquer challenges instead of cowering in their shadows.

© 2023 Idiomology

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Jumping over your own shadow

Conor McCarthy

It's Your Turn

“Sometimes you have to jump over your own shadow”. I heard this phrase said on a podcast recently, in reference to taking a risk. I love it. It stuck with me because a) it’s so visual, b) it’s so personal and c) it’s so true.

We all have different attitudes to risk. To some people, they avoid risk at all costs. It’s seen as being dangerous, as being a threat to the status quo, and ultimately might get us in trouble (and to our prehistoric Lizard Brain, that means killed). Risk, for them, triggers an immediate aversion also, because it seems so big . It looms and crowds out possibility.

Some people understand that not all risk is equal. Sure, jumping out of a plane is risky, but most of the time, it’s fine. We are all acquainted with the idea that driving to the airport is more dangerous than the plane flight itself. But that's harder to understand, especially if you fear flying.

Richard Branson is often seen as a risk-taker, when really, he is very good at understanding and managing risk. When he launched Virgin Airways, he did so under a leasing arrangement with Boeing. If the venture wasn’t a success, he could return the planes within a year. Downside capped.

The thought and the feeling that “this is too dangerous”, be it jumping out of a plane, or pitching that new idea to your boss, can be overwhelming. Our Imposter Syndrome kicks in, and keeps us tight with our shadow, the part of us that will never go away, but often needs to be put in the passenger seat to allow us to drive.

What does it take for you to not be afraid of your shadow, and to jump? After all, thats where possibility is ready to greet you.

I help founders, bootstrappers and freelancers find their First 10 Customers and grow their business. Check out more writing and my podcast at http://www.conormccarthy.me

Written by Conor McCarthy

Host of the First 10 Podcast, coach, entrepreneur, dad. Science guy living in arts world — conormccarthy.me

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• Duncurra, Experience It!
• Drawings & Official Rules
• The Duncurra Legacy Series
• Duncurra Book 1 – Highland Solution
• Duncurra Book 2 – Highland Courage
• Duncurra Book 3 – Highland Intrigue
• The Fated Hearts Series
• The Pocket Watch Chronicles Series

Jumping Over One’s Shadow – Sue-Ellen Welfonder

Former flight attendant, Sue-Ellen Welfonder, has three grand passions: Scottish medieval history, the paranormal, and animals. A firm believer in writing what you love, she blends these elements into her romances: Scottish medievals written under her real name and fun and sexy Scottish-set paranormals penned as Allie Mackay. Of Scottish descent, she lived in Germany for fifteen years and still visits Scotland as often as possible.

Thank you so much for having me here today, Ceci. Your ‘Month of Courage’ lead-in to HIGHLAND COURAGE is a great idea and I’m delighted to participate with my own tale of courage.

Some readers may know that my day-to-day language is German, which is why I’m using a literal translation of a German saying to illustrate how I view courage. The saying is: ‘jumping over one’s shadow’ and it means that when faced with something that scares us, we must push through, forcing ourselves past our ‘shadow,’ or dread.

For me, that ‘shadow’ was driving. I should say ‘driving again.’ I’ll spare the gory details and just say that many years ago, in Germany, I was nearly killed in a head-on collision. Two years were needed to recover from the injuries. The emotional trauma was another matter. It was very difficult to get into a car again and even more so to drive.

That was a problem, especially for someone who loved to travel and explore.

Driving in Scotland was out of the question. After all, I wasn’t just plagued by my dread of driving, Scotland means driving left! A big a hurdle, for many years.

So I visited Scotland on coach tours or would hire a driver for day trips. Sometimes I used public transportation and then walked miles to reach an out-of-the-way destination. It sufficed. After all, there isn’t an inch of Scotland not worth seeing and I was grateful for every inch I could see, getting there by any means available.

But it is the truly wild and remote Scotland that makes my heart beat fastest.

And to get to off-the-grid locations, you need a car.

So I had to overcome my fear of driving and my even greater dread of driving left.

I did, thankfully. My burning wish, the soul-deep ache, to get to the places that called me the most, gave me the courage to rent a car, slide behind the wheel, and head off to the Highlands and all points beyond.

I ‘jumped over my shadow,’ braving left driving and, along the way, facing terrifying roundabouts, thread-thin roads, hair-raising curves, and my every other left-driving nightmare.

I also finally saw the Scotland of my dreams. The wild, empty places my heart so longed to be. I even mastered boarding ferries with my rental car so I could explore Scotland’s amazing islands.

That was many years ago, my first time behind a left-sided wheel. I haven’t looked back. I’m still not fond of driving left (as readers of my Allie Mackay books will know), but I do it. Because my need to see the Scotland I love best is greater than fear.

Ceci, thank you so much for hosting me. And for spotlighting HIGHLANDER IN HER DREAMS, which gives a few glimpses of left-driving (and my opinion of it). I’m wishing you much success with HIGHLAND COURAGE!

Highlander In Her Dreams

They met through Highland Magic, can true love keep them together?

After stepping through a magical gateway, Kira Bedwell finds herself in fourteenth century Scotland, face-to-face with Aidan MacDonald, the irresistible Highlander who has visited her in dreams. Now that their romance transcends dreams to reality, they find themselves under attack by Aidan’s enemies. And it will take all of their courage and will for their love to survive beyond time itself…

Aidan is a Romantic Times K.I.S.S of the Month Hero!

Buy links (including a special bargain price link), full blurb, reviews, and more, are available at Sue-Ellen’s website: http://tartaninkblog.wordpress.com/

Please note: Highlander In Her Dreams was originally published by Penguin NAL. The indie version has been revamped and some scenes have been changed to how I originally wished to write them. The ebook also includes special bonus content.

About cecigiltenan

38 responses to jumping over one’s shadow – sue-ellen welfonder.

Ceci, thank you so much for having me here today. It’s always so much fun to visit with you.

And, hey, should anyone not know ~ Ceci and I (and also the fabulous Kate Robbins) are getting together for a ‘real’ Girls’ Night Out in April! We’re making plans to include you , will be taking lots of pictures (because we want to share and know readers love seeing current, updated pix of their author pals out-and-about in the world), and there may just be a great Scottish Giveaway involved, too. More details to come as the big day approaches.

For now, helloooo, all! And thanks so much for looking in to say hi. 🙂

I can’t wait for our night out! Laughs will be had, books will be signed, beverages will be consumed and more laughs will be had. Pictures will be taken and shared, even though I usually hate pictures of myself. I simply must be done. I have some ideas about live games we can play to select the winners ON THE SPOT!

Me, too!! Your ideas sound great and make me wish it was April now!! 🙂 Ha ha re the pix. Always a chance we’ll have our eyes closed or a be caught in an unflattering way, but the pix will be candid and IN-THE-MOMENT (not an ancient bio pix) and that’ll make it more fun for readers to feel as if they are there with us. We are going to have a blast! 🙂

Pingback: Heads Up ~ I’m Guest Blogging Today! | Tartan Ink

Hii, Sue-Ellen and Ceci!! Love the idea of month of courage lead-in. Sue-Ellen, it is wonderful that you found the courage to jump over your own shadow nafter your horrible accident. I really admire you even more for it.

Isn’t this a great idea? Ceci’s Month of Courage? The posts so far have been wonderful and I’m looking forward to the coming ones. Thanks so much for your kind words. That incident was dreadful, indeed, but loving Scotland as much as I do, gave me no choice but to ‘jump over my shadow.’ Seeing Scotland, and seeing it as I dearly wanted to do, was a tremendous motivation.

Hi Sue-Ellen and Ceci! Great idea and what stories will be shared! Sue-Ellen I swear you are a cat with nine lives. Scotland will make a person “jump their fear”. I know how much you love Scotland.

Well, I certainly had an extra one that day, for sure. As I believe, it was not my time to go. Yes, I do love Scotland so much. That is why I write Scottish books. From love and passion for the place that holds my heart so fiercely. Were I to write something else, the words would be flat, just ink on the page, because my interest and passion and heart would not be in the writing.

What a wonderful story of courage, Sue-Ellen. I believe your passion for Scotland fueled your courage to overcome. Gosh, I can’t even imagine how it must have felt when you got into the car for the first time after the accident. You certainly “jumped over and beyond” your fear. Cheers, my friend!

And for those who have not read Highlander in Her Dreams, please pick up a copy. One of my favorites!

It was hard, Mary. To this day, I ‘jerk’ in a car if someone shoots out at me, out of nowhere. But Scotland, as you know, is a powerful motivation. A cure-all to top all cure-alls.

Thank you so much for your good words about Highlander in Her Dreams. I am sooo happy to have had the chance to breathe fresh, new life into a story I love so much.

I agree with you all, overcoming this fear was monumental. I am certain that courage is born when the thing you are afraid of, stands in the way of that which you love. Thank you again, Sue-Ellen for sharing this. I know this is something you haven’t talked much about publically. I am honored that you provided this very unique glimpse into a personal struggle with us.

Very well said, Ceci: “I am certain that courage is born when the thing you are afraid of, stands in the way of that which you love.” That is why someone can develop Herculean strength and lift a car off a loved one, etc, etc. Why people rush into burning buildings to save a loved one. Once, as a child, I saw a man jump into the swamp at the Everglades National Park, and pry open the jaws of an alligator who’d snatched his little dog. (the dog survived, thank goodness)

No, I do not speak publicly about the crash and will not discuss details. Overcoming my fear of driving (again) and driving left, seemed an appropriate topic for your Month of Courage, so I had to mention it or the piece wouldn’t have made sense. Otherwise, I do not like seeing anyone roll out their tragedies and sufferings. Doing so can seem too much like vying for attention and sympathy. I also do not care for melodrama. But noting the incident served a purpose for this post. I’m really loving the various courage pieces you’ve been offering and am looking forward to the coming ones.

Sue Ellen, You are amazing. To overcome such a fear after that horrible accident. But you see your love for everything Scotland drove you onward until you jumped passed your fear. Like Eleanor Roosevelt said ” You have nothing to fear, but fear itself”. Great post. I’ll be putting both books on my TRL. Thanks for sharing. Carol L Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com

Thanks so much for your good words, Carol. You’re so right, I give the entire credit to Scotland. It was killing me to visit on coach tours and see the places I loved zipping by through the glass of a coach bus window. Or only having a 10 minute photo stop at places I could’ve spent all day. And hiring a driver to get to remote sites was super-costly. I wanted freedom and control over what I saw and how long I spent there, plus the ability to get to the wildest spots. My great love of Scotland let me to push past my fear and dread.

Thanks so much re the books. Highlander In Her Dreams has some hilarious driving scenes. (as do most of my Allie Mackay titles) Ceci’s Highland Courage is wonderful. I’m reading it now and loving it even more than her first book, Highland Solution. (which was also great)

Everyone, I am away now to eat lunch and walk my wee Em. He loves getting out and about in the fresh air and exploring the world. So he’s giving me ‘that look’ already. I’ll check back in here later today to say hello to anyone who yet drops in.

Thanks so much for having me here, Ceci! Everyone, thanks for coming to visit me today!

It’s a great post, Sue-Ellen. So glad you were able to go do the things you loved. It gave us things we love (your books)!

Thanks so much, AutumnFire! I’m glad, too. And I’m ever so happy that you enjoy the books so much. I know you’re a loyal and long-time reader. Thank you for that. (((HUGS)))

Sue-Ellen, what an awful experience but I’m glad that you survived it! I understand about being leering about driving again too as I went 2 1/2 years without driving because the stupid state of Florida took my license when my epilepsy returned and then lost my application to get it back (can get it back after 6mos; I was on first name basis with the DMV). I was timid at first but am now back to normal after 8 years. Thanks again for blogging about your desire to see Scotland overcoming your fears too. I’m running into the same problems scheduling my trip and I may have to go it alone. However in my case, I don’t know how to use a manual transmission car; driving left isn’t so much a threat as the round-abouts are. You have given me hope! Thanks!

Wow, Trudy, that was a nightmare, indeed, with the Florida DMV. Absolutely harrowing, and I am so sorry. Thank goodness all is well now and I certainly understand how the experience would impact your Scotland trip. Speaking of which, it costs more, but you could rent a car with automatic. I always do. It is one less thing to worry about when driving left.

Another suggestion is to take public transportation (bus or train) to Inverness or Aberdeen, depending on what you want to see, and then renting a car at one of those airports. Leaving either of these airports is less scary than driving away from the Glasgow airport. And the roads in general, in the north (excepting one or two main ‘A’ roads) are less congested and easier to drive.

You could then return the car in the north and use a bus or train to head south again, or drive south. After the first day of left driving, you’ll be a pro. Just thoughts and not meant to paint myself as an expert.

I absolutely agree Sue-Ellen. I have more experience in Ireland than Scotland, but away from the city, managing the other side is much easier. We always rent manual transmissions, but automatics are available.

Once I had been in England for a while on business. My family joined me, we rented a car and we were driving to Pembroke to take the ferry to Ireland. Having just arrived, jetlagged, they rested while I drove. It is a divided highway (dual carriageway) much of the way from Heathrow to Pembroke and driving on one highway is much like another. I was zipping along, going a bit too fast, and jokingly said to my Irish husband, “What do police cars look like?” He described the car in my rear-view mirror. I eased off the gas, moved out of the lane and the officer sped past without a second look. Thank you Jesus.

Oh Trudy I hope you didn’t hear that evil cackle coming from the north. I couldn’t help it reading about leaving Glasgow Airport. Mind you I have only left it in a taxi. I have yet to drive left. I have trouble crossing the street. Think road pizza! I have always had great respect for Sue-Ellen’s driving left. Now it is way beyond that.

Thanks for the tips; I’m probably going to go with public transportation all the way. I absolutely want to see Glasgow (home of our Scotsman), Edinburgh (because of the very first romance novel I read over 30 years ago) and Culloden (for obvious reasons). If I could get to Skye as well, I’d be thrilled. But I’m trying to cover two countries in three weeks and I want to see as much of Ireland as I can. I’ve finally found out where my mother was stationed during WWII; it was in Belfast but don’t know where as all her records were destroyed in the fire in St. Louis in 1972.

Ceci, I LOVED your story about driving in England and really lost it on seeing the bit about the police cars! What a hoot!! I can feel your relief even now, and am sure it was great on that dual carriageway!! Dear heavens!

And thanks for joining in to reassure everyone that driving left is much easier once you get away from the busy hub cities. Of course, there are other problems then: the super-thread-thin roads and sheep everywhere, sheer drop-offs with no guard-rails, and what-not. But still better than left-driving in a big city.

Kathy, I think it is actually much easier to exit the Glasgow Airport and head north, than to maneuver back to the Avis car return in the GLA airport!! I have almost missed flights because of driving in circles, trying to get to the Avis return place. It is somewhere else ENTIRELY from all the other car rental returns and will drive a sane person nuts, trying to find it. So I would advise anyone not to use Avis at GLA – or to be darn sure you know how/where to return the bloody car!

Trudy, you can easily make such a ‘loop’ and toss in a side trip to Skye, which is nearest to Inverness. If you won’t be driving yourself, you might be best hiring a day trip driver out of Inverness to take you to Skye and drive you around there. Likewsie Culloden and the nearby Clava Cairns. You really should see Skye/Kintail (where Eilean Donan is, aka Duncan’s castle in my books)

Something else, there are a bazillion trains a day running between Glasgow and Edinburgh and vice versa. Depending on your intinerary, you can use that connection and zip to either city, stay a couple nights, and see loads, then train it back to your origin city and journey onward. Or hang on such a trip to the end of your holiday. The travel time between the two cities is super-brief, so it’s very do-able.

You were meant for great things. That, I truly believe deep in my heart. Your story brings hope to my heart that anything can be conquered. That soul deep pull, the need to return, got you through and gave you strength.

“Jumping over one’s shadow” …. I simply love that!

You are so kind, Leah. Thank you so much! I do not know about great things, but I truly do believe it just wasn’t my time to exit this earth. By rights, I should not be here today, so something (I believe Fate/Destiny) kept me from slipping away that day.

“Jumping over one’s shadow” is good, yes. I always loved the expression. 🙂

OMG!! Love the idea of month long courage…Ceci you are a new aurhir to me but I have you titkes on my TBA list.Sue-Ellen you know I love you….so excited for you on your uocoming release..

I agree, Sue-Ellen is remarkable and I love her too. I hope you enjoy my books and that you continue to stop by during the month to see other great perspectives on courage. Ceci

Isn’t Ceci’s Month of Courage brilliant? Great idea, and lots of fun. You’ll love her books. 🙂

Yes, I know you love me, April! I love you and WendyK bunches, too!! You’ve both been with me since the get-go and that means so much. Thank you so much for looking in here tonight. (((HUGS))) XXOOXX

Can’t spell. New phone. Sorry

😉 Been there, done that.

Ha ha ha ha ha, April!! Same here. Nothing is more irksome than the drat ‘automatic spell check’ thingy on cell phones. Even my Kindle has one and I hate it. Don’t get me started on the teeny keys… ((:O

My heart hurts that you endured such a horrific accident. And I am so very happy you were able to overcome all that and then jump over your shadow to be able to drive again. I believe you are right; it wasn’t your time and you were destined for many other wonderful things in your life. Especially the glorious books you give us! I’ve jumped over my shadow a couple of times, but they pale in comparison to what you have accomplished. God Bless.

Yes, that is surely how it was, Karen. My time here wasn’t up yet. I really believe that. Bless you for your good words. They mean a lot. As for those shadows, we all have them, for sure. They just take different forms, but knock the wind out of us all, now and then. And, as you, too, did, there is nothing for it but to stand up, brush ourselves off, and keep going. God Bless, indeed.

Ceci, thank you so much for having me here today! It was wonderful, as always. I am honored to be a part of your Month of Courage, and am looking forward to seeing the upcoming posts. Am also super-excited about Highland Courage.

Everyone, I am reading Highland Courage now and it’s fabulous!! You’ll love it. 🙂

To all of you who stopped in today/tonight, thanks ever so much! It was great seeing and chatting with you. Love and (((HUGS))) all around!

See you next time! 🙂

Ceci’s Highland Courage is wonderful as is Highland Solution I agree Sue-Ellen. I gave. Both 5 stR reviews on Amazon and Goodreads! I can’t wait for book #3 xo

I have been reading you since your debut Sue-Ellen You are definitely one of my Rock stars in Scottish romance. I have loved everything you have ever out under Sue Ellen Welfonder and Allie Mackay! You know my Scottish ancestors seat is at Eilean Dunan Castle …. Clan Macrae….haha. Thanks for posting my book shelf view on your author view, at Booktrader my dear friends bookstore in NJ I am affiliated with your books are a big hit with the readers. I am excited about your new release at the e Nd of April, always excited over a Sue-Ellen Welfonder release!!! Hugs to both you and Ceci!

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The Quotable Coach

“It is high time to step out of your own shadow.”

-dr. laurent f. carrel, author of messages from melanie.

Image from Flickr by Matthias Uhlig

What do tall buildings, trees, and dark clouds have in common?

Given today’s quote, the answer, “They cast a shadow” would be correct. Shadows can be of great benefit, reducing the damaging rays of the sun or offering a bit of relief from oppressive heat.

We humans, as thinking, self-aware creatures, have the ability to create our own sunshine and yes, cast shadows of doubt, fear, pessimism, and general gloominess throughout our days.

Where and in what ways are you casting your own negative shadow on your world? What actions, attitudes, and strategies could you use to reach for the sky, and let in more light, enthusiasm and possibility?

• Personality

Get to Know Your Shadow

What kind of relationship do you have with your dark side.

Posted April 25, 2020 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Perception is more powerful than reality. I am influenced by that which I perceive to be true, whether it is actually true or merely imagined. As a therapist, I have a responsibility to notice and, at times, confront perception. I would do well to proceed respectfully, empathically, and without unnecessary provocation. Those real or imagined perceptions infuse every relationship and often stand between people. Unacknowledged, they have ways of impeding growth in relationships.

Sigmund Freud believed that we are forcefully determined by underlying inclinations. He believed that such inclinations maintain their power by our oblivion to them. There is a force to my perception of you. As my emotions about you interact with your emotions about me, the reality of us takes on a third identity that is quite a thing to behold. And as we scan further out into the layers of human development from family to culture to society, it is as if I am not only a system of emotions and perception but that I am embedded within increasingly complex systems of emotion and perception.

Experiences feed our perceptions and, in turn, our perceptions influence experiencing. Along the way, we collect bits and pieces of emotion and reaction, image and symbol, and store them away within the unconscious . We experience others, and so much of life, through their innuendo.

The mind holds a vast collection of imagery and symbolism. Most of those images and symbols lie dormant in the dark confines of shadow , a term Carl Jung coined to appreciate that aspect of memory and personality that we disown. The shadow is a dangerous place of storage. To the extent it is vigilantly guarded, the task of protection ever more becomes the threat of projection . We inflate our shadow by repressing experiential images and symbols, and we become defensive to the same degree. The pretentious pomp and circumstance of some colorful personality may betray the insecurities and fear of vulnerability that lie within.

In the tradition of great literature across time and culture, shadows have symbolized the past, dark and ill-understood reflections of unexpected reminders or else lingering memories. The writer, J.M. Barrie developed with such complexity the figure of Peter Pan's shadow that it was a distinct character in the story. Peter had no natural attachment to his shadow and–not coincidentally–no memory of his childhood , without which he could not learn from early experiences and, therefore, could not grow up.

While the burden of such memory created for Peter a degree of weightlessness permitting him the freedom to fly about, he wanted to be in relationship with his shadow and tried again and again to re-attach it, even to dance with it. Interestingly, Peter's shadow from time to time exhibited, or else evoked, emotions aligned with Peter's own courage of conviction, even joy and sadness.

I love a particular vignette from the story occurring at a point in conversation between Wendy and Peter when he begins to cry.

"O Peter, no wonder you were crying," she said, and got out of bed and ran to him. "I wasn't crying about mothers," he said rather indignantly. "I was crying because I can't get my shadow to stick on. Besides, I wasn't crying." "It has come off?" "Yes." (Barrie, 1911)

In a sense, Peter's shadow had functioned as a mother figure, and Peter lost his shadow the same way he lost his mother: by leaving through the window of a nursery. When he returned to his mother, the window was locked, but when he returned to his shadow, the window was open. The shadow functioned as a constant for Peter, a role similar to that of a mother. The prospect of losing his shadow overcame him with sadness and reminded of the threat of loss and other suffering experienced in childhood.

We live in constant risk of projecting the threats of childhood: the way a coach cursed and slung us into the mud by the sidebar of a face mask; the way two friends mocked or betrayed, leaving us in silence and agony; the way a role model listened to our vulnerable disclosures with quick darting glances to the business and files of his office, uncharmed by the grace of the moment; the way the lunch lady screeched at our clumsiness with such fire and terror that our hearts pulsed with anxiety .

Let's be clear: we're also at risk of projecting the threats of traumatic experiences from adulthood.

Certain stimuli naturally affect certain responses: the smell of appetizing food induces salivation, touching a hot frying pan causes a reflexive jerk of pain. Pavlov taught us that these natural physiological responses can be corrupted. Every time we encounter an intense situation that produces anxiety, unconscious memory bytes associated with the original stimuli (e.g. food, frying pan) surface. These are the emotionally-loaded experience-laden images and symbols that we so often project onto our world.

During critical years of development, we unknowingly work to consolidate our view of the world and the general predispositions of our personality. Upon individuating from our families, such experiential fragments continue to unknowingly influence our thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Could our lives be more unconsciously determined than we imagined?

In the best of cases, we have opportunity to be attached to and in relatively healthy relationship with our shadow, resulting in a more thoroughly valid self-concept and, consequently, a groundedness which limits flying about but leads to better living wherever we happen to be.

Jung (1959) wrote that "no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspect of the personality as present and real" (p. 8). And by "dark," Jung referenced the metaphor of darkness and light, with light being what is visible and dark being what is not clearly visible. In other words, the shadow is integrally threaded into the moral arc of your, as well as–I'm sure Jung would have me say–our collective , universe.

Facebook image: Bricolage/Shutterstock

Barrie, J. M. (1911). Chapter 3: Come Away, Come Away!. Peter Pan (Lit2Go Edition). Retrieved February 13, 2020, from https://etc.usf.edu/lit2go/86/peter-pan/1537/chapter-3-come-away-come-a…

Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self. In Read, H., Fordham, M., & Adler, G. (Eds.), Collected works (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton: Princeton University Press, Bollingen Series XX.

Blake Griffin Edwards is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Washington State.

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Everything You Need To Know About Your Shadow Self

Our mental life contains more layers than meets the eye. Most of us believe that our conscious thoughts, feelings, and motivation are what guide our behaviour. And this is true! However, there is a caveat. We all possess a conscious AND unconscious mind.

Our conscious mind is made up of thoughts, feelings, and memories that we are aware of. This includes the things that lie just below our moment-to-moment awareness, but can easily be retrieved and drawn into conscious awareness

Our unconscious (or subconscious) mind is where feelings, thoughts, urges, and fantasies that are OUTSIDE of our conscious awareness reside

What is happening outside our awareness can influence our thoughts, feelings, motivations, and how we feel about and behave towards other people.

Psychologists have been interested in the subconscious mind for centuries. If you are familiar with Sigmund Freud, you may know that he viewed the unconscious as the primary guiding influence in our lives. While modern research has not supported all of Freud’s claims, we know from cognitive science and social psychology that the parts of ourselves that exist outside of our direct awareness exert their influence on us every day.

Think about this: Can you account for all the influences behind your judgements, decisions, feelings, and thoughts about yourself and others?

None of us can.

This brings us to a very interesting concept: What we cannot CONSCIOUSLY account for, we may find in our shadow self.

Let’s dive right into what I believe is one of the most interesting self-awareness concepts in therapy!

Living In Your Own Shadow

The concept of a shadow self emerged from a psychologist named Carl Jung.

Shadow Self: The desires, impulses, instincts, emotions, weaknesses, and perversions we have pushes down, or repressed. These are hidden from our conscious awareness . The elements of our shadow self often represent the parts of ourselves are we denying, rejecting, or that society will not approve of

All those aspects of our repressed selves form our shadow self.

Some like to refer to this as our ‘dark side’. However, the shadow self is not morally good or evil. It is simply what we do not allow to surface. A shadow self is also NOT an alternate personality. It is not tangible and exists as an archetype.

The Shadow Self In Action

Most of us distance ourselves from thoughts, behaviours, and urges we consider dangerous or incompatible with our values. It is easier to deny something we don’t like than confront it. What we reject, or deny (knowingly or unknowingly) form the aspects of our shadow selves.

Here are a few examples of what our shadow selves might be holding:

Sexual desires or attraction that is unacceptable (or unrealistic)

Experiences and desires that make us feel shame

Experiences and desires that make us feel guilty

Aggressive impulses

Irrational wishes

Strong emotions such as shame, guilt, disgust, and jealously often fuel our shadow selves.

Recognizing Our Shadow Selves

While we may find it uncomfortable to acknowledge our shadow self (or deny it entirely), it is influencing our behaviour in ways that are not obvious.

For example, have you ever found yourself judging someone harshly? Or being overly critical of your friend’s lifestyle choices?

In these situations, most likely the hidden desires, feelings, and urges of your shadow self are making themselves known.

Here are some examples of our shadow self fuelling thoughts and behaviours.

1. Judging/Criticizing Harshly

Often, we are judgemental and critical towards others because we secretly either want those things for ourselves or wish we had the courage or resources to go after them. These are relatable examples:

Your friend quit her job and is planning a 6-month long solo travel trip. You know she has a lot of debt and you completely disapprove of her choice. The reasons you cite are 1) this is the real world, we can’t just do whatever we want to do whenever we want to do it and 2) leaving your responsibilities to others is selfish

You have always subscribed to a modest way of dressing. This is a choice that you find fulfilling and you have no plans of changing it. However, you find it difficult not to judge people who dress in more revealing clothing, or wear whatever they want. You notice the way the world treats them and can’t help but compare this to the way you are treated for dressing modestly .

In both these scenarios, the shadow self is making itself known. In the first scenario, it’s possible this person wishes they had the courage and ability to drop everything and travel the world. Or perhaps to do something without worrying so much about what others think.

In the second scenario, the person may have a fantasy that lives within their shadow self where they do not dress as modestly and do not have to constantly explain their lifestyle choice. However, in reality, this does not align with their values and conscious desires. It is easier to judge others who are openly living this fantasy.

2. Biases and Prejudices

Our shadow selves often contain biases and prejudices we don’t want to acknowledge and deal with because they go against our notion of a good person.

Instead of dealing with the deep discomfort of knowing we carry biases, it feels easier to pretend we are innocent of them entirely.

This partially explains why some people react so strongly and defensively when they are called out or asked to explain themselves- it’s easier (yet more destructive) to push the prejudice down into the shadow self than bring it into the light where it can change.

3. Playing The Victim

Taking accountability for our actions means acknowledging the painful and imperfect parts of ourselves. People who have a tendency to avoid taking responsibility for their actions may end up playing victim in every situation.

In this case, the guilt and shame living in their shadow self may my preventing them from accepting their wrongdoing.

Wrapping Up

The concept of shadow selves is an extremely interesting and liberating one. When we acknowledge our shadows and lovingly bring them out into the light, they have less power and influence over us.

Having said that, unpacking your shadow self can also be a triggering experience. If we are denying or suppressing parts of our existence, more often than not, there is trauma involved. Trauma responses can be confusing and overwhelming when we don’t have the tools and support to manage them.

So go gently, and with a therapist if you can.

I want to hear from you: Do you want to know more about shadow work? Leave me a comment below and it just might inspire a future blog post!

Until next time!

Mental Health Content Specialist

WellNest Psychotherapy Services

Hala Shamsi is a Social Worker and Mental Health Content Specialist at WellNest Psychotherapy Services. She is always deep in the middle of an internet spiral to bring you fresh insights into the world of mental wellness.

Is there a topic you want to see covered in this blog? Feel free to reach out at the email above to let her know!

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SOCIAL ANXIETY: How to overcome the fear of your own shadow

Imagine you’re walking down the street and every person is staring at you. Laughter is heard from behind, and you know it’s in some way related to you. From how you look, to the way you walk, everyone is there to judge. This makes you nervous so you begin to overheat, sweat and your face turns red. If others didn’t notice you before they sure will now with how much you stand out. An old friend comes into view and says hi, but you only give a slight smile in return because you don’t know what to say. They wouldn’t want to talk to you anyways if they knew how awkward you are. You walk faster to your destination, wishing you were in the comfort of your own home.

This is just a minor scenario of what it can feel like to have social anxiety , also called social phobia. I’ve been very shy my whole life, but was only diagnosed with social anxiety a few years ago. It can be so debilitating that one stays at home, not for fear of leaving the house, but for fear of the people they may encounter outside of it.

I spent almost a whole year of university in my room and had to drop all my classes for fear of attending them. One of my lowest moments anxiety-wise was when I was too scared to leave the house to buy toilet paper. I spent a day mentally beating myself up for not being able to do a simple task, and the next day I spent getting the courage to ask a housemate to get toilet paper for me. She was kind and understanding about it, but that didn’t stop me from hanging my head low in defeat while handing her the money. I was suffering from depression at the same time, but it was anxiety in this situation that affected me most.

The next year I didn’t go to school at all, accepting the fact that I was a failure. Recovery was not easy, as the simplest social situations terrified me. Talking on the phone? Not going to happen. Pushing a cart and paying for groceries? No way. Walking to the mailbox? Not if there’s a chance of anyone seeing me. My thoughts consumed me in circumstances that other people wouldn’t give a second thought to.

I was talking to a therapist regularly during that year off school and she recommended group therapy. The idea of that seemed nearly impossible for me to do, but six months later I found myself in a social anxiety group. This was a three-month program with homework involved in which we were tasked with gradual exposures. We ranked our social fears from what made us least anxious to most, and we did our best to conquer them. We put ourselves in these uncomfortable situations and did this repeatedly until our anxiety went down at least a bit. For each exposure we filled out a sheet explaining the situation, our thoughts and feelings, and what the outcome was. While it was tedious, it was also very helpful in changing how we went about future social interactions.

A couple months after the program ended, I realized that the therapy truly did help. I could shop for clothes and purchase them without trepidation. I could walk my dog around the block, not worried if anyone was outside. I was ready to go back to school, and I did.

Going outside of your comfort zone is of the utmost importance in overcoming social anxiety or any other fear. Being comfortable is what is safe to us, but not the best decision. If we don’t make ourselves uncomfortable we’ll never expand our comfort level. There’s no need to go from hiding from the world to public speaking, but taking small steps are what will help most. No matter how uncomfortable you feel in a situation, your level of anxiety will go down. That’s so important to remember when you’re in these situations. The discomfort does not last long and you actually feel accomplished afterward.

If you suffer from social anxiety or any other fear, remember that the only way to overcome it is to leave your comfort zone . There’s no need to throw yourself in—unless you really want to—but take a step or two. Get expert advice if needed, like I did. It feels so liberating to be able to do what I want and not be limited by my fears. I still have more work to do in expanding my comfort zone, and maybe I always will, but I welcome that feeling now. It lets me know that I’m helping myself become the woman I always wanted to be, but was too scared to make it a reality. I feel like I have so many more doors open in life, and that feeling is worth all the anxiety I went through to get here.

[su_panel background=”#f2f2f2″ color=”#000000″ border=”0px none #ffffff” shadow=”0px 0px 0px #ffffff”]by Michelle Balge

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Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche Paperback – February 17, 1994

Purchase options and add-ons.

Understand the dark side of your psyche—a Jungian approach to transformative self-acceptance.

We all have shadows—the unlit part of our ego that is hidden and never goes away, but merely—and often painfully—turns up in unexpected places. This powerful work from the acclaimed Jungian analyst and bestselling author of Inner Work and We explores our need to “own” our own shadow: learn what it is, how it originates, and how it impacts our daily lives. It is only when we accept and honor the shadow within us that we can channel its energy in a positive way and find balance.

• Print length 128 pages
• Language English
• Publisher HarperSanFrancisco
• Publication date February 17, 1994
• Dimensions 5.31 x 0.29 x 8 inches
• ISBN-10 9780062507549
• ISBN-13 978-0062507549
• See all details

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Editorial Reviews

From the back cover.

A bestselling author shows how we can reclaim and make peace with the "shadow" side of our personality.

About the Author

Robert A. Johnson, a noted lecturer and Jungian analyst, is also the author of He, She, We, Inner Work, Ecstasy, Transformation, and Owning Your Own Shadow.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Owning your own shadow, harpercollins publishers, inc..

The shadow: What is this curious dark element that follows us like a saurian tail and pursues us so relentlessly in our psychological world? What role does it occupy in the modern psyche?

The persona is what we would like to be and how we wish to be seen by the world. It is our psychological clothing and it mediates between our true selves and our environment just as our physical clothing presents an image to those we meet. The ego is what we are and know about consciously. The shadow is that part of us we fail to see or know.

How the Shadow Originates

We all are born whole and, let us hope, will die whole. But somewhere early on our way, we eat one of the wonderful fruits of the tree of knowledge, things separate into good and evil, and we begin the shadow-making process; we divide our lives. In the cultural process we sort out our God-given characteristics into those that are acceptable to our society and those that have to be put away. This is wonderful and necessary, and there would be no civilised behaviour without this sorting out of good and evil. But the refused and unacceptable characteristics do not go away; they only collect in the dark corners of our personality. When they have been hidden long enough, they take on a life of their own -- the shadow life. The shadow is that which has not entered adequately into consciousness. It is the despised quarter of our being. It often has an energy potential nearly as great as that of our ego. If it accumulates more energy than our ego, it erupts as an overpowering rage or some indiscretion that slips past us; or we have a depression or an accident that seems to have its own purpose. The shadow gone autonomous is a terrible monster in our psychic house.

The civilising process, which is the brightest achievement of humankind, consists of culling out those characteristics that are dangerous to the smooth functioning of our ideals. Anyone who does not go through this process remains a "primitive" and can have no place in a cultivated society. We all are born whole but somehow the culture demands that we live out, only part of our nature and refuse other parts of our inheritance. We divide the self into an ego and a shadow because our culture insists that we behave in a particular manner. This is our legacy from having eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden. Culture takes away the simple human in us, but gives us more complex and sophisticated power. One can make a forceful argument that children should not be subjected to this division too soon or they will be robbed of childhood; they should be allowed to remain in the Garden of Eden until they are strong enough to stand the cultural process without being broken by it. This strength comes at different ages for different individuals and it requires a keen eye to know when children are ready to adapt to the collective life of a society.

It is interesting to travel about the world and see which characteristics various cultures affix to the ego and which to the shadow. It becomes clear that culture is an artificially imposed structure, but an absolutely necessary one. We find that in one country we drive on the right side of the road; in another, the left. In the West a man may hold hands with a woman on the street but not with another man; in India he may hold hands with a male friend but not with a woman. In the West one shows respect by wearing shoes in formal or religious places; in the East it a sign of disrespect to wear shoes when one is in a temple or house. If you go into a temple in India with your shoes on you will be put out and told not to come back until you learn some manners. In the Middle East one burps at the end of a meal to show pleasure; in the West this would be very bad manners.

The sorting process is quite arbitrary. Individuality, for instance, is a great virtue in some societies and the greatest sin in others. In the Middle East it is a virtue to be selfless. Students of a great master of painting or poetry will often sign their work with the name of their master rather than their own. In our culture, one brings to his or her own name the highest publicity possible. The clash of these opposing points of view is dangerous as the rapidly expanding communication network of the modern world brings us closer together. The shadow of one culture is a tinderbox of trouble for another.

It is also astonishing to find that some very good characteristics turn up in the shadow. Generally, the ordinary, mundane characteristics are the norm. Anything less than this goes into the shadow. But anything better also goes into the shadow! Some of the pure gold of our personality is relegated to the shadow because it can find no place in that great levelling process that is culture.

Curiously, people resist the noble aspects of their shadow more strenuously than they hide the dark sides. To draw the skeletons out of the closet is relatively easy, but to own the gold in the shadow is terrifying. It is more disrupting to find that you have a profound nobility of character than to find out you are a bum. Of course you are both; but one does not discover these two elements at the same time. The gold is related to our higher calling, and this can be hard to accept at certain stages of life. Ignoring the gold can be as damaging as ignoring the dark side of the psyche, and some people may suffer a severe shock or illness before they learn how to let the gold out.

Product details

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0062507540
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ HarperSanFrancisco; Reprint edition (February 17, 1994)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 128 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780062507549
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0062507549
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 3.6 ounces
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.31 x 0.29 x 8 inches
• #10 in Dreams (Books)
• #19 in Popular Psychology Psychoanalysis
• #429 in Happiness Self-Help

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Understand the dark side of your psyche—a Jungian approach to transformative self-acceptance.

We all have shadows—the unlit part of our ego that is hidden and never goes away, but merely—and often painfully—turns up in unexpected places. This powerful work from the acclaimed Jungian analyst and bestselling author of Inner Work and We explores our need to "own" our own shadow: learn what it is, how it originates, and how it impacts our daily lives. It is only when we accept and honor the shadow within us that we can channel its energy in a positive way and find balance.

Stepping Out of Others’ Shadows and Embracing Your Own Light

L iving under someone else’s shadow is an experience many can relate to, whether it’s in the context of a family member, a colleague, or even a partner. It’s like walking on a path where your steps are always aligned with someone else’s, and your own identity seems blurred or overshadowed.

This post aims to guide you through the journey of stepping out from that shadow and embracing the light of your own unique identity. It’s about learning to value your individuality, developing your self-esteem, and ultimately, finding your own path in life.

Understanding the Shadow

What does it mean.

Living in someone’s shadow involves constantly measuring yourself against another person, often feeling like you’re falling short. This situation can arise in various aspects of life – from growing up with a high-achieving sibling to working alongside a standout colleague. It’s a feeling that your accomplishments, no matter how significant, are always dimmed by the presence of this other person.

Being in someone’s shadow can deeply affect your self-perception and emotional wellbeing. It often leads to a constant feeling of inadequacy and can hinder your ability to appreciate your own achievements. The shadow can be so overwhelming that it overshadows your personal growth, making it difficult to recognize and celebrate your own strengths and successes.

Identifying Your Shadow

Recognizing the signs.

The first step towards stepping out of someone’s shadow is recognizing that you are in it. This could manifest as a feeling of invisibility when you’re with the person, or a persistent comparison of your achievements with theirs. Other signs include downplaying your successes, fearing to express your own opinions, or feeling that your worth is tied to how you measure up against them.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

Being aware of these feelings and acknowledging them is crucial. It’s the first step in a journey towards self-discovery and empowerment. Self-awareness allows you to understand the dynamics of your relationships and the impact they have on your sense of self.

The Psychology Behind the Shadow

Understanding the roots.

The reasons why we find ourselves living in someone else’s shadow are often deeply rooted in our psyche. It may stem from low self-esteem, a lack of self-identity, or a habitual comparison with others. Understanding these psychological underpinnings is essential in addressing the issue.

Self-Esteem and Identity

A key factor in this dynamic is the relationship between self-esteem and identity. People with lower self-esteem are more prone to compare themselves to others and feel overshadowed. Building a strong sense of self is crucial in overcoming the need to live in someone else’s shadow.

Breaking Free: First Steps

Mental shifts.

The journey of stepping out of the shadow begins with a shift in your mindset. Start by recognizing your unique qualities and celebrating them. It involves changing the way you view yourself and the person you’ve been comparing yourself to.

Embracing Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is a critical step in this process. It means accepting who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses. Embracing self-compassion and understanding that your journey is unique is essential in breaking free from the shadow.

Cultivating Your Identity

Discovering who you are.

Developing a strong sense of self is about exploring who you are beyond comparisons. It’s about delving into your interests, passions, and values. This process might involve trying new things, reflecting on your experiences, and understanding what truly matters to you.

The Role of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is a powerful tool in this journey. It involves looking inward to understand your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This practice helps in identifying aspects of your life where you might be living in someone else’s shadow and areas where you can grow into your own.

Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

Enhancing self-confidence.

Building confidence is a gradual process. It starts with setting small, achievable goals and celebrating your successes, no matter how minor they may seem. Confidence grows when you prove to yourself that you are capable and worthy.

Practical Exercises and Daily Habits

Incorporate exercises like positive self-affirmations, journaling your achievements, and practicing self-care. These habits not only boost your self-esteem but also help in reinforcing a positive self-image.

Creating Boundaries and Independence

Setting healthy boundaries.

Establishing boundaries is vital in defining your individual space. It’s about learning to say no, understanding your limits, and not allowing others to overshadow your thoughts and feelings. Boundaries help in creating a sense of self that is distinct and separate from others.

Embracing Independence

Independence is about making decisions that are right for you, without undue influence from others. It’s about trusting your judgment and recognizing that your choices and paths in life are valid and important.

Nurturing Supportive Relationships

Seeking empowering relationships.

The people you surround yourself with play a significant role in your journey out of the shadow. Seek relationships that uplift and support you, where there is mutual respect and admiration without the need for comparison.

Avoiding Comparison and Competition

In nurturing these relationships, it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of comparison and competition. Celebrate the successes of others while recognizing your own achievements and growth.

In conclusion, stepping out of someone else’s shadow is a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and growth. It’s about recognizing your worth, celebrating your individuality, and building a life that reflects who you truly are. Remember, your path is unique and equally valuable, and embracing it fully is the key to stepping into your own light.

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June 19, 2017 by Molly

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My family and I are so blessed to live on the beautiful emerald shores of the Gulf Coast. I don’t think I’ve ever been to the beach and not come home with at least a few beautiful sea shells. It’s the most popular thing to collect on any beach, right? If you’re in other parts of the world, you may be so lucky to find sea glass, colorful stones, and other fun treasures. I’ve wanted to make a shadow box for all our beach mementos for a while now. I’ve had a shadow box in my craft stash forever, and now that it’s summer beach season, it’s the perfect time.

This shadow box project is a great way to display and store your own travel memories. No matter what your destination, there’s always some little something you could save and display in your shadow box. And this one is super easy to make, and you can completely customize it however you’d like, in whatever colors and decor style suits you.

IT’S TIME FOR A MONTHLY CRAFT DE-STASH, HOSTED BY C’MON GET CRAFTY !

Every month, a group of bloggers challenge each other to create a new craft or project from their own stash of goodies! Check out some awesome creations you might be able to make from your own stash!

How does the Craft Room Destash Challenge work, exactly?  Well, participants can create something – anything – using primarily items within their own “stash”. They’re allowed up to $10 for necessary supplies (i.e. paintbushes, glue, ribbon, etc.) but that’s it!

If you’d like to join in the Craft Room De-Stash Challenge, you can request to join our Facebook group here.

I’ll say, I’ve done pretty well so far this year and haven’t had to spend too much of my $10 budget for my projects. This month, I didn’t spend any money out of pocket to create my travel memories shadow box, I’ve had these supplies all stashed away waiting for a rainy day. And considering it’s rained here in Florida from day one of the kids Summer Vacation, it’s a miracle I even had a minute to spare to craft anything, ha! These rainy days mean kids inside all day…

But I digress. Let’s get right into the project, shall we?

How to Make Your Own Travel Memories Shadow Box

• Unfinished wood shadowbox
• Paint or Wood stain
• Decorative scrapbook paper
• Image of your travel destination (just Google a clip art of whatever state or location you’ve visited)
• Rags or Foam brush if you use wood stain
• Mineral spirits if you use wood stain
• Carbon paper for tracing

Before you begin, chose your color palette. You should also decide if you’re going to paint or stain, or do like I did, and use a combo of both.

Make sure you find a shadow box that has a removable back. Most of them do, but this is important to be able to customize your box, as well as to add your treasures as you find them.

First, I painted the inside of the box, as well as the back. I thought I was going to leave the back white, but I decided later to add more color.

Next, I stained the outside of the box. I just rubbed it on with a rag. I used my General Finishes gel stain in java, left over from some of my furniture makeover projects .

You’ll want to use gloves with the stain, and mineral spirits for easy clean up.

Chose an image you want as a memory of your trip. Maybe that’s a state you visited, a city skyline, a favorite Disney character. Whatever reminds you of your trip, it’s easy to just Google an image to trace for the back of your box.

After you print your image to size, use the carbon paper to trace it onto your scrapbook paper.

When your image is ready, cut it out.

I said earlier that I decided I didn’t want my background to be white. So, I chose a complimentary color scrapbook paper, and traced the back of the box onto it and cut it out as well.

The last step is to Mod Podge your papers onto the back of your shadow box.

I found this small bottle of Mod Podge at my local Dollar Tree, but if you don’t have one of those close by, it’s available on DollarTree.com  as well.

I love the multiple colors in my Florida shadow box.

Just as I thought, the shells pop against the vibrant background.

I know the bright colors aren’t for everyone. The sky is the limit for customizing your own shadow box.

These would make great gifts, travel memories, and several displayed together would make an awesome gallery wall design.

What would you display in your own shadow box?

What style would yours be customized to?

If you like this project and would like to see more from my previous Craft Room Destash ideas, you can check them all out HERE.

And, be sure to check out all the other creative bloggers and their destash projects for the month!

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Reader interactions.

June 19, 2017 at 8:41 am

Great idea! I always have little trinkets (or shells!) leftover from trips. This is a perfect way to keep & display! Will pin this for later. 🙂

June 19, 2017 at 9:40 am

This is a great way to showcase the shells picked up on vacation. It makes for nice memories.

June 19, 2017 at 1:28 pm

We recently visited Orange Beach, Alabama and have a few shells from there. This is a perfect way to display them AND I think all the needed items are already in my stash! Thank you for a wonderful de stash solution! -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures

June 19, 2017 at 3:44 pm

Home made art that is attached to a memory is the best. Love how you added the state outline to the artwork. Really well done, thanks for sharing.

June 20, 2017 at 1:11 pm

Oh, what a wonderful idea! I have a friend who does theme with ready made IKEA frames, but I really dig your crafty version!!!

June 20, 2017 at 8:27 pm

I love this and there are so many variations you could do with this shadow box. Thanks for the inspiration.

June 20, 2017 at 10:57 pm

I love how this turned out. The colors you used are perfect!

June 22, 2017 at 6:08 pm

I love the color combination, and the shadowbox idea is great! So glad you are enjoying the challenge!!!

June 26, 2017 at 2:47 pm

I love this idea. I wish I kept more of the smaller things from our Vegas trip to do this. I’ll have to remember this for our next adventure 🙂

June 29, 2017 at 9:51 pm

What a great idea! I’m thinking my girls would love to do something like this for their rooms, since we spend our summers on the beach, they would always have a memory.

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How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You

In this article, I am going to dive into everything you need to know about the shadow. How to face it, own it, integrate it, and use it as your rocket fuel.

Ignore this advice, and your shadow will own you. It will wreak havoc in your relationships. Left unfaced, your shadow becomes the anchor being pulled behind the boat of your life, dragging along the ocean floor and slowing your progress in all that you attempt to accomplish.

After releasing my recent article 7 Of My Favourite Quotes That Will Turn You Into A Better Person , one of my readers asked me what I thought Carl Jung meant when he said, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

To me, shadow work is the epicentre of this painful self-discovery process. It takes courage and grit to be willing to look into the darkest, most repressed parts of our psyche. Enter: shadow work.

What Is The Shadow?

The shadow is a concept that Carl Jung (a genius dude, way ahead of his time) coined.

Simply put, our shadow is the so-called dark side of our personality.

We all feel fine presenting the bright, shiny, nice parts of ourselves to the world (kindness, benevolence, generosity, thoughtfulness, etc.)… but the parts of ourselves that we fear society would deem unsavoury often get relegated to the shadow.

How Does Your Shadow Come Into Existence?

No matter how healthy and positive some people’s childhoods are, everyone experiences invalidation at some point in time.

Say you displayed a specific character trait (like rage, envy, or greed) when you were a toddler and one of your parents shamed you for it. You would then infer, “When I show these parts of myself to the world, I am less lovable. I am less safe. Therefore, it is not safe to show these parts of myself to the world. These parts are less lovable than the rest of me.”

When this occurs, we cast these seemingly less lovable things into the discard pile of our own personal shadow.

Compound this trend over time, and we learn to make certain parts of ourselves so ‘wrong’ or unlovable that we never give them any time to come out and play. And the longer we suffocate these parts of ourselves, the more power those traits gain over us (while lurking in the shadows of our subconscious mind).

In short, the things that we are in rejection of are the things that come to form the building blocks of our shadow self.

What Happens If You Aren’t In Right Relationship With Your Shadow?

If you haven’t done conscious shadow work to face into and integrate your shadow, some of the most common side effects are:

– Difficulty in relationships (friendships, intimate partners, familial, business/colleagues, etc.)

– Persistent feelings of distance, separation, and isolation from others

– The same frustrating lessons appearing in our lives over and over again (for example, thinking that you’ve finally met a romantic partner who is completely unlike your last five and then finding out they’re the exact same – in the most frustrating ways – as the previous ones)

– Misalignment in your career and relationships

– Lashing out at people with anger, jealousy, or being manipulative, in ways that are seemingly completely out of left field and incongruent with who you think yourself to be

– A lack of passion and energy throughout your life in general

Someone who hasn’t integrated their shadow is also a risk factor (to themselves and to the world).

People who perpetually suppress aspects of themselves and have an increasingly large shadow side are at a greater risk of turning into rapists, murderers, suicide statistics, and mass shooters. This might sound dramatic, but it isn’t. When parts of the psyche are hidden away for too long, those suppressed emotions convert themselves into demons – and those demons need to find a way out, one way or another.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” – Gospel of Thomas

Why Is It So Difficult To Face Into Your Shadow?

The things that you suppress into the shadow were once put there for a reason. In many cases, these reasons may have literally felt like they were a matter of life or death.

It’s not uncommon for children in multi-sibling family systems to fear that if they don’t suppress the seemingly less lovable parts of themselves, that they will lose love and/or be cast out of the family.

“Do mom and dad love my brother/sister more than me? Are my parents glad they had me? How do I earn my place in this family? Do I ask for too much?”

Even if these thoughts have no basis in reality (i.e. the parents were never on the precipice of throwing their worst behaved child out on the streets) fears like these can still propagate in the ego-centric minds of children.

When one begins to truly look into their shadow, there is much psychological resistance.

Especially around our most painful thoughts, memories, and layers of self-rejection, there are often psychological buffers that keep us from knowing the exact parts of us that we would be the most set free by alleviating.

The shadow is sneaky like this. It’s as if we’re walking through the snow… and our shadow compels us to walk in a direction our conscious mind wouldn’t want us to go. But when we look behind ourselves, we see no foot steps as to how we arrived there (because the unintegrated shadow hides our tracks, as we step, without our awareness).

It’s difficult to look into our shadow because it’s exactly these shadow aspects that we have been rejecting for years, if not decades. It has been their full time job to not be known by us.

Our shadow doesn’t want to be seen because the things that we cast aside long ago were too painful to truly be with.

This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to face these aspects of ourselves and reclaim them (not at all). It simply means that these aspects of ourselves won’t be known by us without a fight.

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” – Carl Jung

Examples Of Shadow Thoughts

There are an infinite number of thoughts that could fall under the category of shadow thoughts.

Before we get into the exercises that will help you excavate your shadow material, in order to demystify the shadow further, I thought it would be beneficial to list examples of what shadow thoughts can sound like. These are real life examples that I have either heard in group shadow work classes, from the mouths of my clients (anonymously, as always), and a few from my own journey mixed in for good measure.

– “I think I’m better than most people.”

– “I think I’m worse than most people.”

– “I hate men for ruining the world.”

– “I think that women truly are the inferior sex. They say they don’t need men, but I feel like they would flounder on their own and they’re actually afraid of how much they need us.”

– “My pain is more significant than the pain of others.”

– “I wish that there were wolves in the streets who would feast on the weakest people in my community. It would strengthen the gene pool and get rid of all of the talentless losers.”

– “I should have more money than 99.9% of the world because I will do better things with it than most people would.”

– “I think that people (over the age of 25) who accept minimum wage jobs have low self-esteem and deserve the societal position they have opted themselves into.”

– “I love the feeling of being completely in control of someone sexually. It makes me feel powerful.”

– “I love manipulating men into giving me what I want.”

– “I wish that my mom had died instead of my dad.”

– “I wish that the bottom stupidest third of the world would just disappear. Or at least that it would be made illegal for people under a certain IQ to procreate.”

– “I have fantasized about being raped.”

– “Sometimes I hate women for how much power their sexual energy has over me.”

– “I love the idea that I could coast through my entire life on my looks and my charm alone.”

– “I have fantasized about marrying and divorcing several rich men and never working a day in my life. I believe that putting my effort into my looks pays more significant dividends than investing in my mind and education.”

– “I feel like my gender/race have held me back in life and I wish I could change who I am.”

– “I hate money.”

– “I wish I could travel back in time and slit the throat of my high school bully.”

Not exactly the kinds of things you would proudly say into a microphone at your kids parent/teacher meeting. And yet, those thoughts can live inside of us and we can still function in society like normal people. Go figure!

And remember… you don’t have to 100% believe in a thought in order for it to qualify as a legitimate shadow thought. You can believe in it 1% and it would still count. The fact that it’s part of your shadow has more to do with your resistance to the thought (the degree to which you make the thought wrong) than the thought itself.

Benefits Of Being In Right Relationship With Your Shadow

The benefits of facing and integrating your shadow are innumerable, but here are a handful of what I believe to be some of the most exciting and rewarding ones.

– Better intimate relationships

Our unintegrated shadow causes a lot of chaos in intimate relationships. Relationships, by nature, bring up our deepest wounding because we’re allowing someone to get so close to us. When we have come to know all parts of ourselves and accept them, it then becomes that much easier to get to know all parts of another and accept those things as well.

– Increased creativity

Suppressing various parts of ourselves stifles creativity. Conversely, letting go of being at war with long-suffocated parts of ourselves frees up an incredible amount of energy. In fact, dozens of times over the last few years I have been on coaching calls with clients who described feelings of tangible energy surging through their bodies mere seconds after naming and owning a significant, and long-held shadow thought.

Naming and owning a shadow thought can feel akin to pulling the plug in a filled up bathtub. As soon as the block is removed, the water starts flowing again.

When you integrate more aspects of yourself, don’t be surprised to find that your creative energy will pour through you like never before (even if you hadn’t previously considered yourself a creative person).

– More energy

Self-rejection is heavy and taxing. When you let go of the one-tonne bag of wrong-making you’ve been dragging behind you for decades, a lot of energy is freed up to be utilized in your life.

Every potent, powerful bad ass I know is in right relation with their shadow side. This process is a necessary precursor to being your most embodied, creatively expressed, full-spectrum self.

– Greater feelings of connection with everyone you meet

As you come to know, love, and accept more parts of yourself, it then becomes that much easier to do the same, as your default, for others. Regardless of whether you interact with them or not, it will be that much easier for you to assume the best in others, and you will be more compassionate, understanding, and patient with others.

How To Face And Integrate Your Shadow : 7 Exercises

Serious work on the self (and, in particular, engaging in shadow work) is an ongoing process. There will always be more layers to be revealed. I have had clients who had major breakthroughs and realizations about themselves, or about their families of origin, well into their 60’s and 70’s.

That being said, if you are newer to shadow work, then you can move the needle a lot in a short amount of time, by giving a few of these simple exercises a genuine effort.

1. Track your most consistent judgments of other people

The aspects of our shadow that we are least in relationship with are the things we are the fastest to perceive and judge in others.

If you’ve heard of the concept of projection, this is what we’re talking about in this section. When you aren’t facing an aspect of yourself, you (much like a film projector) project that aspect of yourself on to others and see it on them. That aspect very well actually be a part of that person… but if you are quick to see something in others, over and over, then it is likely your psychological content that you are simply placing on to another.

Here’s a personal example.

For years, I was quick to either see someone as absolutely brilliant and super-intelligent (when in reality they weren’t very traditionally intelligent) or completely stupid. It was very black and white. In my eyes, you were either a genius or you were an idiot. I eventually came to realize that this pedestalization and/or judging of others was a symptom of me not facing and owning my own intelligence. Because I once thought that I was stupid in my childhood, I suppressed my relationship to my own intelligence and relegated it to my shadow.

Once I came to see, accept, and honour my own intelligence, the weight of this pattern dissipated rapidly. This propensity to judge others on their intelligence hasn’t left me entirely (I am still quick to grow impatient with people who I perceive to be less intelligent than me), but at least now this pattern doesn’t own me in the same way that it used to. I can see the humour in it, even while being in the middle of it.

2. Notice the people and things that piss you off the most

If something triggers you, it’s because that thing is a part of you and you are not in right relationship with it.

Do lazy people make you red with rage? Look at the ways in which you can be lazy.

Do racist or homophobic people send you into a blind rage? Think about the ways that can you be intolerant or dismissive of others.

Do highly expressive creative types infuriate you? What things are in you that you wish you could be expressing and sharing with the world?

These emotional triggers could show up in your life as people, ideas, objects, or any other source. The point is to notice these triggers as they are occurring, ask yourself, ‘How am I like that?’, or ‘What is this response showing me about myself?’, and then integrate the lesson.

It’s all too easy to see all of the evil ‘out there’ in the world. But nothing could be further from the truth. The more you waste precious mental energy on believing that there are some unknown evil doers out there in the world, the less capacity you will have to look for the evil, malevolent, and vicious parts in your own heart. And there is no coming to true consciousness without first observing your own capacity for the evils that you perceive in others.

Stop blaming ‘the man’, the president, or conspiracy theories for how the world is, and instead look inwards and observe your own capacity for evil/greed/hatred/etc.

Wake up, on an individual level, and you will have moved the world further forwards than if you had spent that same energy blaming others for the state of the world.

3. Free writing

Self-observation is key when it comes to digging into our own blind spots.

Free-write (aka writing without stopping) three pages of notes in your journal every day for a week and see what starts to fall out of you. For this practice, I strongly recommend pen to paper writing over digital writing.

You may not be surprised by 70% of what falls out of you… general worries and anxieties that take up a lot of your brain space… to-do lists… random observations about your life. But there will be 30% of your output that will surprise you.

“Hmm… I didn’t know that was in there. Or at least not to that degree.”

Maybe you’ll realize how much simmering anger you have been sitting on about a recent conflict with a friend. Or maybe you will notice just how much stress you have been holding on to about some long-standing theme in your life.

Free-writing is like mining for gold (side note: I’m obvs a miner in my spare time so this upcoming analogy will be flawless). Most of what comes through you will just be rocks, soil, and rubble. But the nuggets of gold that you find via your efforts will be well worth it.

4. Meditation

Meditation is another potent way to observe your ego-personality in real time.

Meditation doesn’t have to be a big daunting task. It doesn’t have to be sitting in total stillness and silence for an hour at a time on a firm cushion.

Your version of meditation can be dancing to sensual music for fifteen minutes every morning. Or sitting and looking at a lit candle for three minutes and breathing deeply. Or you can scream at the top of your lungs into a big pillow for thirty seconds, five days a week (RIP vocal chords).

Similar to the nuggets of gold that come through in the panning for gold analogy in the previous exercise, certain thoughts, biases, and shadow elements will creep through between the cracks of silence your mind will access during your meditation practice.

Catch them, keep them, and hold on to them for further processing.

5. Talk based therapy

One of the fastest ways to improve the quality of your life is to increase the time you spend around high quality mirrors. Not mirrors like the reflective surfaces that you look into while having sex with your partner (like, real-time porn starring you and your loved one… not in an American Psycho way), but mirrors in terms of people who are adept at validating your experience and reflecting your essence (and your blind spots) back to you.

The beauty, and frustration, with being human is that we’re all too close to ourselves. We can catch some of our little quirks and idiosyncrasies as they’re happening, but the majority of them we are completely blind to. That’s where having high quality mirrors comes in.

If you have emotionally intelligent, kind, non-shaming, non-bullshitting friends who can act as mirrors for you and have bandwidth for your process, amazing. Lean on those people and treat the relationships like gold. You are in the 1% of most lucky humans in the world.

If you do not have close friends/confidantes such as these in your life, I can’t recommend doing some form of talk based therapy (with a highly skilled coach or therapist that you have a good rapport with) highly enough. Obviously I’m super biased because I, personally, have benefited from this practice so much. I have spent good chunks of the last 15 years, on and off, in benefiting from having a coach or therapist on speed dial… and the value that I have derived form this practice is literally immeasurable.

If you want to come to know your shadow that much more deeply, I can’t recommend therapy highly enough. Especially if your therapist is actually someone who has walked the walk of looking deeply into their own mind and integrated their own shadow. You will know that they have done this work if they do not shy away from going into deeper themes in your sessions. Conversely, if they try to steer you away from talking about your sadness, grief, anger, hatred, envy, etc. during your early sessions, run. Run far away and never return. They’re a hack and deserve none of your time or money and you deserve someone who can actually hold space for the fullness of who you are.

6. Engage in group work

Similar to the last section, but featuring even more mirrors to reflect your stuff back to you.

In a 1-on-1 therapeutic relationship, you allow one person to get to know you deeply and see all of your peculiarities. In group work (whether you’re in a men’s group/women’s group/shadow work group/encounter group, etc.), you multiply the number of mirrors who can either witness you deeply, or trigger your stuff to come to the surface. The trade off often being that the average skill level of people in group work will drop (compared to working 1-on-1 with a highly skilled coach or therapist). But don’t let this deter you. If doing therapeutic shadow work in a group appeals to you, do it. And if the idea of doing shadow work in a group scares the shit out of you, all the more reason to do it.

All of this with the caveat of you want to make sure that you aren’t engaging in the work just to leech from the community’s energy. Don’t just go to make friends. If you’re going to show up, show up all the way. Be radically honest. Let people see you as you are, and you will reap the rewards of the process.

7. Be in an intimate relationship

Ahhhhhhh intimate relationships… nature’s therapy.

If you think that you have zero blocks to intimacy… that being loved deeply doesn’t bring up any sense of un-ease or unworthiness for you… and you never judge anyone, ever, I would tell you that you’re either 1) a phenomenal bullshitter, or 2) you’re single and you haven’t been in a relationship for a really long time and you’ve forgotten what your psychological baggage sounds like when love triggers it to the surface.

When we allow a deep, nourishing love relationship to enter into our lives, it is entirely common for the junkyard dog of our ego to get ready to pounce on any impending love intruder who dares to try to love us exactly as we are.

When love is offered to us, everything that is unlike love bubbles up to the surface in order to be cleared out.

As always, observational awareness and self-compassion is key.

Notice the things that bubble up for you… don’t judge or condemn those parts… and do the work of integration (name it, own it, embody it) to let it go.

Sentence Prompts To Help You Integrate Your Shadow

So, how does one integrate their shadow?

The short answer of healing and integrating our shadow is this: become aware of the parts of yourself that you are rejecting, and bring those things forwards into your life in a healthy and responsible way.

If you’re currently at a loss for what shadow themes are lurking behind closed doors in your psyche, allow these prompts to poke and prod a little deeper.

– What is my relationship to power?

– How much do I want to have power over other people?

– How much do I want to have power over my intimate partner?

– How much do I want to sexually control my partners?

– How much do I want to be sexually controlled by my partners?

– How much do I feel I deserve to be richer than other people?

– How much do I aspire to be financially wealthy?

– How much do I feel I am better than others?

– How much do I feel I am especially broken/fucked up/unlovable compared to others?

– How much do I want to use people?

– How much do I perceive other people as sexual objects?

– How manipulative can I be?

– What do I hate about men?

– What do I hate about women?

– How much do I enjoy being manipulative?

– How much do I judge people?

– How much do I hate people?

– How much do I wish certain people in my life/in the world would just die?

Did those questions bring up some intense thoughts for you?

Did you uncover any shadow thoughts that you feel uncomfortable with having had, or excavated?

Remember… the point isn’t to find new, creative ways to make yourself wrong for these new thoughts you’re discovering. Nor is it to let these shadow thoughts have total free rein without any interjection on your behalf. These thoughts ultimately mean absolutely nothing about who you are as a person. For now, the point is simply to be aware of them.   “Oh, that’s in there. Interesting!”

Once you are aware of these thoughts, then you are able to be in a place of CHOICE… rather than simply living in a place of unconscious reactivity.

Integrating The Shadow

Integrating our shadow could be boiled down to this simple process:

1) Become aware of the aspects of yourself that are difficult to face

2) Name it out loud and/or have a dialogue with it

3) Step more fully into this trait that you are in resistance to (yes, embody it more fully)

4) Having stepped further into the trait, realize that you didn’t die and the world didn’t end

5) Benefit from a more integrated relationship to that once rejected trait.

We can’t eliminate our shadow (nor would we want to), so the point of facing your shadow is to accept it. See the humour in it. Come to see it as an ally instead of an enemy, and learn how to harness it for the greater good.

For the uninitiated, shadow work might seem intimidating (and, yes, totally valid… it is). But if you have made it this far in reading this article, then I trust that there is some important, unresolved psychological content that is begging to come forth and be integrated.

If you truly want to help the world to wake up, do your own inner healing work. Because everything that you perceive as being ‘wrong’ with the world, out there, also lives in you.

I believe in your capacity to find these shadow aspects, and bring them out into your conscious awareness.

And once you have done this… you, and the world, will benefit greatly.

Dedicated to your success,

Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will likely also love checking out:

– Are You Willing To Be Awake In Your Relationship?

– The Shadow Doesn’t Want To Be Seen

– Stretch Your Opposites

Want to encourage even more depth in your relationship?

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• Solar Eclipse 2024

See the 2024 Solar Eclipse’s Path of Totality

A total solar eclipse is expected to pass through the United States on April 8, 2024, giving stargazers across the country the opportunity to view the celestial phenomenon in which the sun is completely covered by the moon.

The eclipse will enter the U.S. in Texas and exit in Maine. It is the last time a total solar eclipse will be visible in the contiguous United States until 2044.

Here's what to know about the path of the eclipse and where you can see it.

Read More : How Animals and Nature React to an Eclipse

Where can you see the total solar eclipse?

The eclipse will cross through North America, passing over parts of Mexico, the United States, and Canada. 

The eclipse will enter the United States in Texas, and travel through Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. Small parts of Tennessee and Michigan will also experience the total solar eclipse.

Much of the eclipse's visibility depends on the weather. A cloudy day could prevent visitors from seeing the spectacle altogether.

When does the solar eclipse start and end?

The solar eclipse will begin in Mexico’s Pacific coast at around 11:07 a.m. PDT. It will exit continental North America on the Atlantic coast of Newfoundland, Canada, at 5:16 p.m. NDT.

The longest duration of totality—which is when the moon completely covers the sun — will be 4 minutes, 28 seconds, near Torreón, Mexico. Most places along the path of totality will see a totality duration between 3.5 and 4 minutes.

Read More : The Eclipse Could Bring $1.5 Billion Into States on the Path of Totality

Where’s the best place to see the total solar eclipse?

The best place to witness the event is along the path of totality. Thirteen states will be along the path of totality, and many towns across the country are preparing for the deluge of visitors— planning eclipse watch parties and events in the days leading up to totality.

In Rochester, NY, the Rochester Museum and Science Center is hosting a multi-day festival that includes a range of events and activities. Russellville, Arkansas will host an event with activities including live music, science presentations, tethered hot-air balloon rides, and telescope viewings.

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Write to Simmone Shah at [email protected]

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