you visit me in my sleep

"Who Knew" lyrics

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Who Knew by Pink

• You took my hand You showed me how You promised me you'd be around Uh huh That's right I took your words And I believed In everything You said to me Yeah huh That's right If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong and I know better Cause you said forever And ever Who knew Remember when we were such fools And so convinced and just too cool Oh no No no I wish I could touch you again I wish I could still call you a friend I'd give anything When someone said count your blessings now For they're long gone I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong They knew better Still you said forever And ever Who knew Yeah yeah I'll keep you locked in my head Until we meet again Until we Until we meet again And I won't forget you my friend What happened If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong and That last kiss I'll cherish Until we meet again And time makes It harder I wish I could remember But I keep Your memory You visit me in my sleep My darling Who knew My darling My darling Who knew My darling I miss you My darling Who knew Who knew Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind
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Comments: 41

• Kehlten from Atlanta I can relate to this because my friend committed suicide. She was like a sister and I still remember it like it was yesterday that I told her not to do it and she just stopped talking to me like not even 5 minutes from there and still haven't heard a word from her to this day.
• Aj from Home I love this song and I can relate bc one of my friends tried to commit suicide.
• Bridget from Whidbey Island, Washington PERFECT.. really Poignant… What writing and what version. I don’t have any heroes the pink is one of them
• Kristine from Philadelphia This song cuts to the bone.
• Link from Brisbane I heard this song at work yesterday and I almost cried, I remember hearing this song so much as a kid but it never really resonated with me until now…I lost someone last year who I cherished with all my heart, he was my best friend and I loved him a lot, he passed away in his sleep suddenly… he was only 23 years old…I never would have thought I’d ever lose him this soon…I still cry whenever I think of him or a song or other piece of media being forth the memories…I wish I could have said goodbye to him, talked with him more…but now it’s too late
• Gina from Baltimore Maryland This song cuts me to the bone! My husband was my best friend,sole mate. My everything! He died very suddenly. He didn’t die from drugs but from a car fell on him. He was working on his car when the jack broke and crushed him immediately. I was told he didn’t suffer. This song really hits home. I was told in time the pain gets better but it’s been 11yrs and I’m still traumatized!
• Peggi from Melbourne,florida My husband died 5 years ago, not of a drug overdose but cancer. This hits home for me because we were living a great life, than the diagnosis. I thought we really had a handle on it and out of no where it had gone to his brain. Surgery twice wasn't enough and in the end I had to watch him die a little every day. The end was such a whirl wind much of it is a blur.i had no idea that he was keeping from me how bad it really was because he didn't want me to worry. As a nurse I feel like I should have seen it abs should have been able to save him. But I couldn't. This song always makes me think of him.
• Boon from Sydney, Australia Loved reading everyone's comments! I too feel overcome with emotion every time I hear Pink singing "Who knew". It's so powerful and can resonate with the message and its contents. Maybe it's because I lost two brothers to drug overdose or reminiscing past relationships - either way, Pink really brings the message home loud and clear.
• Brokenhearted Siobhan from N. Ireland I never really thought about the lyrics of this song until l heard it on the radio this week. Ironically my husband is 3 year's dead and the lyrics describe exactly how l feel. I have listened to it so many times since and will continue to play it. I have also taken comfort from the comments of your other listeners. Thankyou xx
• Fat Ass Leaving A Casino from Middle Class, Usa One of her best songs. I think about my old girlfriend with this one as we were together seven years. A long time. Some of the better years of my life. At least in adulthood. She’s the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I was lucky to be with her. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies. When I was with her, I could actually sleep. I could let go, she would help me. But that’s not her job to be my doctor. If I was on my deathbed, she’d be someone I would want to see. Unfortunately we wanted different things but I think about her every day. She was always my “goddess.” I never had anybody talk to me the way she did. She would tell me we met in another life. I believe her. The heart of the song is the very end: “The last kiss, I’ll cherish, Til we meet again, And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember. But I keep your memory, You visit me in my sleep. My darling, Who knew?” Enjoy today as tomorrow is not guaranteed
• Jcw from England Pink release this three years after I lost my Grandad. It helps so much as I sing along to it.
• Elise from Derbyshire I'm 17 and last year my best friend past away although it wasn't drug related this song makes me smile laugh and cry thinking of the good times and the horrible end but even when I cry I'm glad I heard it because it makes me feel closer too her. I've still not been to her grave a year later because it scares me the idea of seeing her name on a headstone solidifies she's gone and I'm not in some nightmare but she's truly gone. This song reminds me she isn't her but is still in my heart.
• Chantelle Louise Pride from Mansfield, Nottinghamshire This song reminds me of two of my friends who died and this song and Perfect by Pink make me cry.
• Left High Kick from Middle Class Usa I had a beautiful girlfriend for seven years, we don’t talk anymore. But this song takes me back to times over the first couple years we were young, wild, loving, and carefree. We were young and we were stupid to think it would last forever. She wanted marriage and a future and I never wanted that. Made it clear from upfront and ever changed my mind. When she started getting resentful towards me and taking frustrations out on me , had to be a man and let it go. Now we don’t talk anymore. The lyrics make me think of our times together, the times we shared. It’s frustrating for me because we took one last trip to Vegas in December 2019. For the life of me, I can’t remember where we were the second day we were there. Too much alcohol and weed. Enjoy today, because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
• Maya from California One of my favorite songs by Pink. I used to listen to this song all the time when I was younger but I did not realize the meaning until a few years ago.
• Lilly from A City, Ny Who Knew, Glitter in the Air and f--kin Perfect are the top three most beautiful P!nk songs in my opinion! They made me cry when I first heard them!
• Snow from ..., Ny There are only three songs that can make me cry -- My Immortal by Evanescence, How Far We've Come by Matchbox 20, and Who Knew. It's just.... beautiful.
• Christina from Allentown, Pa I wanted to thank Pink for writing this song, It hits home with me for several reasons.. One i lost several friends to drug over doses and i myselfe almost ended my own life 9 times. When i first saw the video it made me cry. Not because of first part but the part where she calls someone and walks away. I was the one who made the call several times and eachtime it was too late.. I lost my best friend to Herion overdose. My cousin to a cocaine overdose. My attempts were always with Pills
• Behija from Glasgow, Ky Two years ago my ex boyfried died of a pill ovderdose, he was my first love, my everything, we dated off and on for almost four years. Well the week and the day before he died we were talkin about getting back together, and the night before we said goonight and i love you, the next morning i got to school and found out his sistr found him dead. It was the worst day of my life, i feel guilty because he kept calling and calling and the pain of him being gone will never go away. On the way to his burial this song was playin on so many stations it was ironic, because i looked it up and found out the meaning behind it...it still makes me cry when i hear it.
• Mia from Melbourne, Australia My brother has just turned 18 and he has always been wild, he first got drunk when he was 14 and that night the police came to our door. i love him a lot but every time his friends pick him up i get scared. he has three friends i know he can trust but they are the only ones i've met. i remember once he had some friends over and one of them was high. he came into the kitchen looking for a knife... i was about 5m away from him. my mum had to get a hammer off him. listening to this song scares me and makes me think of what could happen to my big bro but that's just how powerful the song is.
• Steph from Claverack, Ny I had a best friend; we don't talk any more. When I hear this song, it takes me back to when we were young, wild and free. And, not knowing what would come down in the future. It means youth, and NOT knowing to me. Just a great song, can make you cry and think.
• Jack from Denver, Co This song breaks my heart. Its the very most honest and personal Pink has ever gotten, and its fantastic.
• Stephanie from Southampton, United Kingdom I admit, some of her stuff isn't my style, has that bad poppy quality to it, but this song is just...amazing. Try running and listening to this song, it's like your running away from yourself.
• Bev from Western Sierras, Ca Just because it mentions a kiss, people think it has to be a BF not just a friend. This song brought to me not the death of someone, but just the loss of a dear friend in general. For me it was my best friend (male) who I lost touch with due to various things & all the words matched exactly how I felt & what I would say. I love Pink. I realte a lot to her songs. This one in particular had special meaning to me. I am sorry for Pink to have lost her firend like that.
• Loretta from Dalby, Australia it sounds like the dude is her bf, not just a friend...
• Shilo from Noneofyourbuisness, Italy I love this song.I'm just wondering if it has to be taken as losing a loved one to drugs.Could it also mean your'e just losing a loved one becuse the two of you just won't work?The first time I heard it,that's what I thought of.But does anyone else get what I'm talking about?I'm probably wrong,but I honestly don't know.To sum this all up: GREAT SONG ^^ ~Shilo~
• Courtney from Salt Lake City, Ut I honestly had no idea this song was about losing a loved one to drugs. Pink did an incredible job with this one. I interpreted this completely wrong. I took it as loosing someone like an ex boyfriend or girlfriend...I guess depending on what's going on in your life you choose to interpret lyrics differently. In my case, the man I love is getting married in a month and this song truly makes me think of him..."That last kiss, I'll cherish."
• Miriam from Erie, Pa it's been almost a month since my husband committed suicide... the most devestating time of my life.. this song just makes me think about him.. I cry and cry but somehow it's a comfort to me.. it jsut fits how I feel.
• Natasha from Oklahoma City, Ok DJ from Winchester, I thought it was about the same thing the first few times I heard it but then i started wondering if it was about the death of a friend...this song still reminds me of my last boyfriend who I was really serious with and the line "that last kiss, I'll cherish" made me cry for over a month after we broke up.
• Jaclyn from Buffalo, Ny I am in fact pleasantly surprised by the actual meaning of the song. Pink has never failed to bring depth toher music though, so for her, this kind of misleading lyrical quality is typical, which is one of the reasons her music appelas to me so much. "Who Knew" is a very touching song on many levels, and regardless of how the lyrics may or may not fit into your life, it is nice to see the actual perspective of the writer.
• Christie from Watsontown, Pa this song is really nice. the meaning behind it is sad though...
• Stephanie from Pittsburgh, Pa My friend Jake who died of a drug overdose a year ago. He was the love of my life and if anyone HAD told me he would be gone, I truly would have punched them out . . . he always seemed somehow immortal. Who knew? RIP Jake A.
• John from Ellicott City, Md This song stands together with "Back on the Chain Gang," written by Chrissie Hynde and released by the Pretenders in 1982. Each deals with the death of a beloved friend by a drug overdose. The worst shame of it is that 25 years later we still have to write songs about this. Please (help your friends) stay clean.
• Brittany from Sacramento, Ca When she sings, "If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out," does she mean if someone said that she will not remember him anymore she would hit them or if three years ago someone said her friend would die soon, she would hit them?
• Nat from Derby, England i love this song & da wrds r so powerful!! x x
• H from New York, Ny I automatically interpreted this song as a boyfriend telling his girlfriend they'd be together forever...then he leaves her. I couldn't believe it wasn't about that.
• Dj from Winchester, Va I Really like this song. I usually like the harder rock and Pink's other songs but I really like this one from her. :)
• Erica from Belleville, Canada Normally I don't like her music, but I love this song
• Susanna from Klaukkala, Fl this is very nice i like that
• Emma from Melbourne, Australia Rachel, Like what the description said earlier about her finding her male friend dead at the age of 14, the video represents this. The girl and boy in the clip are having fun, enjoying themselves when things get shaky and she finds him shooting up, she calls an ambulance and walks away crying- just like how she found her friend.
• Rachel from Deerfield , Il this is one of the best songs i've ever heard. it makes me cry and think of a girl i know whose mom died...the "if someone said 3 years from now..." and "count your blessings now..." parts. but will someone please explain the video to me?

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Describing Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations

Sleep paralysis can be accompanied by frightening hallucinations

• What It Feels Like
• Hallucinations
• Emotional Responses

Sleep paralysis hallucinations are symptoms of sleep paralysis , a phenomenon in which you are temporarily unable to move or speak as you transition from sleep to consciousness. These hallucinations are different from normal dreaming. You might see, hear, or feel things that are not there. For example, you may feel like someone touched you while you were sleeping, even though no one else was in the room.

Sensing danger, feeling suffocated, and feeling like you are having an "out-of-body" experience are other common sleep paralysis hallucinations. Sometimes people even see threatening imaginary creatures, known as "sleep demons."

This article will explain what sleep paralysis feels like, what people may see when they have sleep paralysis hallucinations, and how to prevent them.

Sleep paralysis demons were first identified in 1664 by a Dutch physician, who believed they were caused by a demon-like creature that attacked its victims as they slept.

What Does Sleep Paralysis Feel Like?

Normally, you have smooth transitions between different phases of sleep. But when a transition is interrupted, you might experience sleep paralysis. This can happen either when you first fall asleep or when you're about to wake up.

Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin

Symptoms of sleep paralysis include:

• Inability to move or talk during sleep transitions
• Trying unsuccessfully to cry or scream for help
• Limited eye movement
• A sensation of suffocation or breathlessness
• Feeling like someone is sitting or standing on your chest
• Out-of-body experience (like you're looking down at yourself)

These symptoms often last for several minutes. They occur when there’s a disruption in the transition from rapid eye movement (REM) sleep to wakefulness. During REM sleep, your body is in a state of muscle relaxation. If your mind is awake and aware during this transition, you may be temporarily conscious but unable to move.

The level of awareness during sleep paralysis varies. Some people claim they're completely awake and aware of their surroundings. Others describe only partial awareness.

What Happens During Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations?

Illustration by Ellen Lindner for Verywell Health

You may have vivid hallucinations during sleep paralysis. With these, you feel like you're experiencing something that isn't actually occurring. 

The hallucinations linked to sleep paralysis fall into four categories based on which senses they affect:

• Visual (vision)
• Auditory (hearing)
• Olfactory (smell)
• Tactile (touch)

Sleep paralysis hallucinations are not related to the types of hallucinations that may occur in people with schizophrenia .

Visual Hallucinations

Symptoms of visual hallucinations can include seeing:

• Bright colors
• Presence of a figure

These visions can be intense. Many people report the presence of a human figure, often described as a dark figure, shadow, or ghost. This figure may be standing at the bedside, just at the edge of their vision. Some people report seeing several people in the room.

Sometimes the visual hallucination can be very detailed. For example, some have reported seeing a hand not attached to a body, a gargoyle, bugs, or even a cat.

In other cases, people have vague visions that are blurry or shimmering. They might also have a sense that things in the room are floating.

Auditory Hallucinations

Similarly, the auditory (hearing) hallucinations in sleep paralysis can range from routine to bizarre. Many people hear various noises, but hearing voices is the most common. The voices may sound like whispers, screams, or laughter.

Almost as often, people report hearing a loud buzzing or static noise. It may sound like a radio that's on but not tuned to a station. Some people hear breathing, footsteps, knocking, or a ringing sound. Others might hear unusual sounds like a horse carriage or growling.

The sounds aren't always specific. They can be hard to describe or remember.

Tactile Hallucinations

Tactile hallucination is the experience of feeling like you're being touched when you're not. It's one of the most common aspects of sleep paralysis. Many people say they feel like someone else is touching them while they sleep. They also describe pressure as if something or someone is holding them down.

Some people with sleep paralysis report tingling, numbness, or a vibrating sensation. Others describe a sense of floating, flying, or falling. A few people report feeling chilled or freezing.

Less often, people feel like they're being physically moved or dragged from their beds. Some people report feelings of sexual contact, including physical sensations involving their genital areas.

Other physical experiences that people have reported include: 

• Sense of getting bitten
• Bugs crawling on the skin
• Breathing in the ear
• An uncontrolled feeling of smiling

Olfactory Hallucinations

The least common hallucination in sleep paralysis is olfactory (sense of smell). Like the other types of hallucinations, the intensity of the smells varies.

What Causes Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations?

There is no established cause of sleep paralysis hallucinations, though it is thought they may be associated with:

• Anxiety disorders
• Poor sleep quality
• Alcohol consumption
• Traumatic events
• A family history of sleep paralysis

How Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations Make You Feel

An important and lasting element of sleep paralysis is the emotional component.

For many, the experience of sleep paralysis is a waking nightmare . For example, the dark figure you sense in the room seems to be an evil presence, intent on real harm. Or the stranger standing over you or sitting on top of you is threatening or intimidating.

Most people who experience sleep paralysis describe it as a scary or horrifying experience. This is often related to the hallucination of a stranger’s presence. Some people have a sense of impending doom, or they feel that real harm or death is coming for them.

When you first experience sleep paralysis, it may feel like you had a stroke that resulted in locked-in syndrome . With this condition, you're conscious but unable to move anything except for your eyes.

Many people describe how real everything seems when it's happening. It's common for people to use the words "weird" and "strange" to describe their experiences.

People might summarize their sleep paralysis as shocking, worrisome, or disgusting. They may say it left them scared, angry, or helpless. Rarely, some people describe the experience as comforting.

How to Prevent Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations

Sleep paralysis doesn't tend to affect people frequently. Once you understand what it is and why it happens, it might not bother you as much. Practicing good sleep hygiene may help prevent episodes of sleep paralysis. Try these general tips:

• Make sure you're getting enough sleep .
• Try to wake up and go to bed at the same time every day.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine in the hours before bedtime.
• Try to sleep on your side. Sleeping on your back may make sleep paralysis more likely to occur.
• Turn off your phone and other digital devices before bed.
• De-stress before bed by meditating, listening to music, or taking a warm bath.

How to Cope With Sleep Paralysis Hallucinations

If sleep paralysis happens often, you might be able to develop strategies to make it less distressing. For example, focusing on one moving one small part of your body such as a finger may help you come out of the paralysis more quickly. It can also help to remind yourself to stay calm and think about how you are breathing.

Remember that what you're feeling is normal and try to reassure yourself that any hallucinations you're having aren't real.

During sleep paralysis—a phenomenon in which you are temporarily unable to move as you transition from being asleep to being awake—it is possible to hallucinate and think you're seeing, hearing, smelling, or feeling something that isn't actually there. It can be a scary feeling, but it's usually not a sign of anything serious.

Sleep paralysis hallucinations may be preventable by maintaining a regular sleep routine. If you experience sleep paralysis, a board-certified sleep doctor may be able to help you.

Stanford Medicine. Sleep paralysis .

Cox AM. Sleep paralysis and folklore . JRSM Open . 2015;6(7):2054270415598091. doi:10.1177/2054270415598091

Waters F, Blom JD, Dang-Vu TT, et al. What is the link between hallucinations, dreams, and hypnagogic–hypnopompic experiences ?  Schizophr Bull . 2016;42(5):1098-1109. doi:10.1093/schbul/sbw076

Denis D, French CC, Rowe R, et al. A twin and molecular genetics study of sleep paralysis and associated factors . J Sleep Res . 2015;24(4):438-46. doi:10.1111/jsr.12282

Denis D. Relationships between sleep paralysis and sleep quality: current insights . Nat Sci Sleep . 2018;10:355-367. doi:10.2147/NSS.S158600

Principles and Practice of Sleep Medicine . Elsevier; 2017. doi:10.1016/c2012-0-03543-0

Denis D, French CC, Gregory AM. A systematic review of variables associated with sleep paralysis . Sleep Med Rev . 2018;38:141-157. doi:10.1016/j.smrv.2017.05.005

Lišková M, Janečková D, Klůzová Kráčmarová L, Mladá K, Bušková J. The occurrence and predictive factors of sleep paralysis in university students .  Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat . 2016;12:2957-2962. doi:10.2147/NDT.S115629

Stanford Health Care. Sleep paralysis .

By Brandon Peters, MD Dr. Peters is a board-certified neurologist and sleep medicine specialist and is a fellow of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

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by   PETER

there isn't a video lesson for this song

Year: 2006 - Album : I'm Not Dead

Written by Lukasz Gottwald, Alecia Beth Moore, Max Martin

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Seeing Ghosts in Your Bedroom? It's Sleep Paralysis

The most likely explanation for supernatural visitors is a common body glitch..

Posted November 7, 2017 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

• Why Is Sleep Important?
• Find a sleep therapist near me

Waking up unable to move can be very scary. The medical term "sleep paralysis" may frighten you more.

But sleep paralysis is really not all that complicated: Simply put, your mind wakes up before the rest of your body. During the dreaming stage of sleep, your muscles relax to a point where you can’t control them, probably to keep you from acting out your dreams. If you become mentally aware while in that state, you experience a sense of paralysis, but it usually goes away within minutes.

According to a review of the research , about 8 percent of the population will experience sleep paralysis at some point. That number jumps to 32 percent, though, for people with mental disorders — and nearly 35 percent for those with a panic disorder.

By itself, sleep paralysis is harmless. However, it can be a clue to other issues that might be worth checking out . It can be one symptom of narcolepsy, a neurological problem that also causes daytime sleepiness. When you feel strong emotions, you might briefly lose a sense of control over your muscles. Episodes of sleep paralysis seem to come more often to people with other sleep problems such as sleep apnea, nighttime leg cramps, and nightmares. It may also be a symptom of post- traumatic stress disorder.

Other sensations may come along with paralysis: You might wake up sensing a presence in the room, hovering nearby or sometimes sitting on your chest. You might be sure you’re about to die or feel you are falling, floating, or having an “ out-of-body experience .” Some people believe that they have been abducted by aliens or visited by a ghost.

The more fear you feel during the episode, the more likely you are to stay anxious about it during the day. Your ideas about what causes sleep paralysis will also affect how much it bothers you, at least one study found. But accepting that you’re experiencing a common, harmless glitch can put your mind at rest.

According to one theory , people who feel outside of their own bodies, or who sense ghostly presences, may be experiencing a glitch in their mirror neurons , the brain cells that fire when we observe activity in other people — and so learn to imitate them.

However, some people get more relief from their own interpretations. If someone tells you he woke up unable to move and saw his late father’s ghost, or had an out-of-body tour of the cosmos, hear him out. You can try mentioning this explanation. If he asks, “What is sleep paralysis?” then answer. But don’t assume he’ll agree, and don’t push it.

Can you prevent or limit sleep paralysis? Some people say that trying to wiggle their fingers or toes shortens the time that they feel trapped. You can also try holding your breath.

Sleep paralysis often seems to come in waves. To prevent a recurrence, the first step is to rule out medical conditions that may be interfering with your sleep. Ask your doctor to reevaluate your medications. You’ll need to adopt good sleep hygiene and minimize interruptions. When researchers tried to figure out how to induce sleep paralysis, they succeeded by waking up volunteers as soon as they entered “rapid-eye-movement” (REM) sleep. Block out light and noise. Make sure your phone is off, your pets aren’t going to jump on you, and your partner isn’t snoring. If you normally sleep on your back, try a different position. You might also try a meditation exercise before you go to bed, or other remedies for anxiety . If you know you have anxiety, PTSD , or panic disorder, think about whether you need to do more to address the larger problem. (For a detailed scholarly account that includes remedies, see "Sleep Paralysis: Historical, Psychological, and Medical Perspectives.")

People with sleep paralysis may be especially good at the technique called “ lucid dreaming ,” in which you can consciously manipulate your dreams.

A version of this story appears on Your Care Everywhere.

Temma Ehrenfeld is a New York-based science writer, and former assistant editor at Newsweek .

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What your dreams about deceased loved ones could mean, from dream experts.

Dreaming of a loved one who's died can stir up a range of emotions, from feeling comforted to reliving the grief all over again. And of course, there's the question of whether loved ones can visit us in our dreams after they've died. Here, experts weigh in on what these dreams could mean, what to do about them, and how to know if you were visited.

What is a visitation dream?

A visitation dream can be described as an emotionally intense dream where a deceased loved one returns in the dream to provide guidance, a warning, or reassurance.

What it means when you're dreaming of a deceased loved one

You're grieving.

In the case of dreaming about a loved one who's passed on, a study by dream researcher Joshua Black, Ph.D., shows these dreams can help us process the trauma of a loss , serve as a way to maintain connection with the deceased, and/or help regulate emotions.

These are essential components of grieving, and as therapist and dream expert Leslie Ellis, Ph.D. , tells mbg, "One of the most interesting things is, when we lose a loved one or pet, the vast majority of the dreams we have about them are comforting."

Professional dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg echoes this point, telling mbg her clients often feel comforted when a deceased loved one appears in a dream, and these dreams help with the grieving process. "When it's in the first couple of years after their death, and if it's someone you're very close to, it can still be connected to the grief. And it's really common," she explains.

You're projecting emotions

While a majority of dreams about a loved one who's died are ultimately positive or comforting, there are cases where this loved one may be angry, upset, or disappointed in you. According to Loewenberg, these dreams are most likely projections of your own feelings.

"If they're mad at you, for example, it's not their spirit coming through. This is you being mad at yourself for some reason," she explains, adding that these types of dreams are common if you feel you had unfinished business with this person or things left unsaid, and/or they died suddenly.

You could be self-sabotaging

Another potential scenario for dreaming of a loved one who's died involves them trying to harm you in the dream . Loewenberg tells mbg this likely represents a self-sabotaging part of yourself that's exhibiting similar patterns or behaviors as this loved one.

She suggests asking yourself if you're doing anything you know is self-sabotaging, or if there's something this person struggled with that you're doing now, whether it's frivolous spending, a substance abuse problem, etc.

It could be a visitation dream

And last but not least, there are some who believe loved ones can visit us from beyond death , including in our dreams. If you've ever dreamed of a loved one who's passed, you may have pondered the possibility yourself.

For what it's worth, both Ellis and Loewenberg believe it can happen and, further, claim to have experienced it themselves. Ellis was visited by her cat, Shadow, and Loewenberg, her grandfather, both dreams occurring shortly after their respective deaths.

Ellis and Loewenberg both also describe the same telltale ways of knowing whether you had a visitation dream, or if it was just a dream like any other, which brings us to our next point.

RELATED: Dreaming Of Someone Dying Who's Still Alive?

How to tell if you experienced a visitation dream

According to Ellis and Loewenberg, visitation dreams feel distinctly different from your average, everyday dreams. For one thing, Loewenberg says, the person (or pet) probably looks great, healthy, radiant even. Ellis adds when she was visited by Shadow, his coat was shiny and he looked to be in great shape, for example.

Visitation dreams are also typically comforting in nature, as if your loved one was letting you know they're OK, and they're around, supporting you.

As Ellis tells mbg, a good litmus test for a true visitation is when the deceased tells you something you didn't already know and it turns out to be true. "For example, a woman dreamed of her great grandmother, and in the dream was told to ask her mother about the back room in her house," she says, adding, "She did so and her mother burst into tears, telling her daughter this room was filled with dress-up clothes that she and her siblings would play with every Sunday at their grandmother's house, and these were her happiest childhood memories."

Visitation dreams are also typically not very long, according to Loewenberg, who notes the dream likely won't be unusual. It's often simply communication between you and the loved one in question.

What to do about it

In the case of a visitation dream, there's nothing to necessarily do besides take comfort in the fact that you feel your loved one reached out to your through the dreamworld. Loewenberg says you could also write it down in a dream journal and keep it in a safe place to treasure it going forward.

In other cases, she says, "it's definitely a call from your subconscious to try to come to terms with what's going on." Whether it's a feeling of unfinished business or not being able to accept they've passed, it's important to find a way to accept whatever it is.

One great practice for this, she says, is to write them a letter telling them everything you never got the chance to say when they were alive. You can also do your best to look for a lesson if you feel there were things unsaid, and "moving forward in your life, to never let things get to that point again with anyone you care about," she adds.

"When these dream figures keep returning, it brings a sense of continuity of connection," Ellis says, adding that toward the end of life, lost loved ones often come to help ease the life-death transition . "So while grief dreams can be painful, most often they help us through the pain of loss," she says.

Dream interpretation

There are some in the camp who believe dreams are memory consolidation at work and nothing more. Others, however, believe dreams are loaded with messages and interpretations for us to dive into.

As psychologist and dream expert Rubin Naiman, Ph.D. , previously explained to mbg. " Dream interpretation is about decoding the dream. It enlightens us and expands our awareness psychologically, [offering an] expansion of consciousness."

The key, he says, is to feel into the emotions the dream evokes in you, identifying more about the emotional experience as opposed to the literal visuals in the dream. "We need to learn the dream language; we don't always have to translate it into waking," Naiman adds.

When you can pin down which emotions the dream stirred in you, and pair it with the dream's scenario, it can help you identify something your subconscious is trying to get through to you.

The takeaway

Losing a loved one is never easy, and dreaming about the person can bring up all those feelings again. Try to find comfort in the dream if you believe you were visited, and if not, there's likely another message within the dream waiting for you to unpack .

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Why Isn’t My Loved One Visiting Me in a Dream?

Everybody wants a visit dream. But not everyone gets one.

A visit dream can be a powerful way for your loved one on the Other Side to let you know that they’re at peace. That they send their love.

If you’re hoping for a visit dream, it can be disappointing to wait. And wait. And wait! You might assume that your loved one has forgotten about you or that they don’t love you anymore. Please know that this is not the case.

What Does a Visit Dream Feel Like?

When you have a visit dream, it usually feels like a true, actual visit  —  spending some precious quality time with someone you care about. You may find that you remember every detail and nuance of the dream in a way that feels different from your regular dreams. You may recall what you or others were wearing, where you were, how someone moved, and so on.

A visit dream usually feels like an actual visit.

Usually, if a loved one visits you in a dream, their main message to you is that they are okay; they are well. This message may be in words or imagery, but you’ll mostly get it in the feeling of the dream itself. This feeling  —  your experience of being in this visit  —  will probably stay with you as a strong memory.

After the dream, you are likely to feel calm and peaceful. If this is the first time you have had any communication from your loved one since they passed, you will probably feel a very great sense of relief to find out that they really are okay.

“Why Isn’t My Loved One Visiting Me in a Dream?”

Over the years, I’ve heard many explanations directly from people on the Other Side who want to visit loved ones in a dream, but simply can’t get through.

Here are the four most common reasons. Could any of these apply to you or your loved one?

1. You’re not in an optimal sleep state.

Think about connecting with someone on the Other Side. They’re no longer in the same physical realm as you are. When I am making a medium communication, I need to meet them in the middle of the two realms. That’s what happens when you sleep, too. Medications, light sleeping and other sleep disturbances may prevent you from settling into the deep level of sleep that’s enables “meeting in the middle.”

2. Your loved one isn’t a visual thinker.

The way they communicated in the physical realm is the same way they will communicate in the Afterlife. If your loved one wasn’t a visual thinker before, they might not be able to appear to you visually in a visit dream. It doesn’t mean they love you any less! Rather, their analytical or logical thinking style hinders communicating through imagery.

Related: Five Common Questions About Relationships on the Other Side

3. You’re not ready.

It often happens that your loved one is well aware that you’re asking for a dream visit — and they want to visit — but you are not yet in the right emotional space for it. If you’re in an early stage of grief, you might still be wrestling with shock, disbelief or the intense pain of your loss. When that’s the case, you subconsciously create a protective shield to avoid further hurt. While this is a very normal and healthy response to grief, it may prevent a visit dream.

4. They’re  not ready.

Some people learn how to communicate from the Other Side faster than others do. In some cases, it can take months. Just the other day, an individual on the Other Side asked me to pass along this message: “I’m trying to make a dream visit; I just haven’t figured out how to reach that dream state yet!”

Believe me, I know how discouraging it feels when you can’t connect with your loved one in a dream. Even though I’m a medium, I’ve had that experience myself! But do take comfort in knowing that it’s not a reflection on how your loved one feels about you. Stay open to receiving other signs from them.

Related: What Happens When a Loved One Dies by Suicide?

Don’t assume that your loved one has forgotten about you.

No matter how badly you want a dream visit, you can’t force it. You can, however, increase your ability to reach a sleep state conducive to a dream visit. Most important: practice meditation. It will not only allow you to meet your loved one in a middle realm — but will also help you manage stress, achieve better quality sleep and improve your overall health.

Also, remember that there is a lot of gray area when it comes to communicating with loved ones in the Afterlife. If they aren’t coming to you now, try to accept that there is a reason for it  —  and know that it can still happen in the future!

I Swam Twice a Week for 3 Weeks. Here’s What It Meant for My Sleep

T he house I grew up in sits directly across the street from my hometown's swimming pool. Needless to say, most summers were spent in the water -- from playing with friends and taking swim lessons to then becoming a swim instructor, lifeguard and competitive swimmer.

It's no surprise, then, that I enjoy being in and around water, whether a pool, lake or ocean -- and it turns out that this enjoyment is backed by science, too. You may have heard of a " blue prescription " or the Blue Mind Theory, popularized by marine biologist Wallace Nichols . These theories suggest that there are intrinsic beneficial connections between humans and water. Being around water or “ blue space ” has been proven to increase dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin in the brain and decrease cortisol levels, which lowers heart rate and stress levels . 

Initial thoughts and expectations

For this experiment, I wanted to investigate the impact of swimming and being around water on my sleep quality. Unfortunately, I don't live near an easily accessible natural body of water such as a lake or ocean. I do, however, live near an indoor pool, where I decided to take up lap swimming. 

I dove headfirst into this investigation, assuming, for a few reasons, that I would sleep better on the days I swam. Not only does being around water have a naturally calming and meditative effect, but swimming is also an excellent form of exercise and has many known benefits -- including better sleep . 

I spoke with licensed psychotherapist and sleep specialist Annie Miller , who explained that movement and exercise increase the body's natural sleep drive, which allows us to feel sleepier and have overall better sleep quality, and swimming is no exception. 

"Swimming is an activity that promotes deeper, more mindful breathing, which encourages relaxation. Deep breathing can positively impact sleep quality," said Annie. 

Let's be clear: I'm no scientist, but I did my best to keep other variables the same. I limited my coffee consumption to two cups in the morning and kept my diet similar each day, including what and when I ate. I didn't drink alcohol and took the same sleep gummies every night. I also did not engage in any other forms of strenuous exercise on the days when I did not swim.

I swam a consistent distance of 1 mile each swim day. The only difference was the speed at which I completed the mile, which ranged from 38 to 40 minutes. I tracked my workouts and sleep data using my Apple Watch and waited until the end of the trials to compare and contrast the information to avoid potentially swaying the results prematurely. Right off the bat, however, I noticed that my sleep quality seemed worse on the nights after swimming versus days when I didn't swim.

Swimming vs. sleep data

The results.

The final results of this experiment shocked me: On average, I actually slept less and was awake more on swim days compared to non-swim days -- essentially the opposite of what I was expecting to find. 

Sleep on swim days vs. non-swim days

I also noticed an interesting pattern with my sleep when comparing swim days with the off-days immediately following a swim day, or what I'll refer to as a "recovery day." On swim days, my total sleep time averaged just under 7 hours, and my awake time was about an hour per night. On recovery days, my total sleep time was much higher -- around 8.5 hours, with a significantly lower awake time of about 30 minutes. 

Sleep on swim days vs. recovery days

To be honest, I was baffled. I read online to see if others have had a similar experience and found the probable cause. According to writer and competitive swimmer Olivier Poirier-Leroy , the more intense the workout, the harder it can be to sleep due to the spiked cortisol and norepinephrine (adrenaline) levels. In fact, it can take up to 48 hours for norepinephrine levels to return to normal after high-intensity exercise -- which seemed to be the case for me.

Consistently walking out of the swim center with wobbly pool noodle legs was probably a sign that I was pushing myself a little too hard. Despite not having the results I had expected (or hoped for), I noticed a few other interesting changes during this experiment that are harder to quantify but worth mentioning. 

My stress floated away

My lap swim sessions occurred in the middle of my workday, around 1 p.m. Every time I left for the swim center, I felt sluggish and stressed about going when I had other tasks to complete. Some days, I even had an accompanying tension headache before swimming and was generally not looking forward to the workout. 

During the workout, those negative feelings would gradually wash away. I began looking forward to reaching that meditative state where I could focus solely on breathing and calming my mind.

After every swim, I noticed a significant improvement in my mood. I was less stressed and didn’t experience that typical afternoon slump when I usually opted for another cup of coffee to get me through the rest of the day. I felt physically tired but mentally energized and focused , ready to tackle the rest of the day’s to-do list. 

Conclusion and final thoughts

I believe being in and around water had positive calming effects, as the Blue Mind Theory suggests, but perhaps not quite enough to outweigh the spiking cortisol levels I was experiencing from pushing myself too hard. 

Like Finding Nemo’s Dory says, I’ll “just keep swimming” using the insight gained from this experiment until I find a happy medium that improves my sleep quality. I hope to conduct similar studies with less intense workouts or simply spend time near water each day to explore these theories further. 

If you’re like me and you’re looking for ways to get better rest, don’t sleep on our simpler tips and tricks , such as limiting technology usage, developing a bedtime routine , journaling or meditating and -- take it from me -- making sure you’re working out at an appropriate intensity level and at the right time of day.  

7 reasons you keep waking up at night — and how to start sleeping through instead

Wide awake again at 3am? An expert reveals why you keep waking up at night and how to stop

Many of us can fall asleep easily but suddenly find ourselves waking up at night. If you’re one of the 35% of people who wake in the night at least three times a week, several factors could be causing it.

“Waking up briefly during the night is a normal,” explains Maryanne Taylor, sleep consultant and founder of The Sleep Works . “When we transition through sleep cycles, we have a partial awakening, although we may not remember it. If, however, we often find ourselves fully awake, this can then cause us to stay awake for some time, leaving us feeling exhausted by the morning.”

Night waking’s a problem when it starts to interfere with overall sleep quality and daytime functioning. “If you consistently wake up for more than 30 minutes during the night, it may be indicative of a larger sleep issue so it’s important to address any underlying factors contributing to the problem,” explains Maryanne.

Here the sleep expert explains the common reasons behind why you keep waking up at night, how to stop it, and how to start sleeping through instead. If you feel your bed is one of the culprits behind your frequent night wakings, then consider investing in the best mattress for your sleep style and body too – the more comfortable you are at night, the sounder you'll sleep.

7 reasons why you keep waking up at night

1. you're eating too close to bedtime.

Consuming large or heavy meals close to bedtime can increase metabolic activity making it more difficult to stay asleep all night. “The body requires energy to digest food, and if digestion is still active when we go to bed, it can interfere with the body's ability to relax and transition into restorative rest,“ explains Maryanne. 

“Certain types of foods, particularly those high in sugar or fat, can stimulate the nervous system, cause discomfort or indigestion, making it difficult to fall or stay asleep.” 

Eating late at night can also increase the likelihood of experiencing acid reflux or heartburn, especially if you lie down in bed shortly after eating. Heartburn can cause discomfort and disrupt sleep patterns, leading to frequent awakenings during the night. 

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2. Loud noises – inside and outside your home

Loud noises, whether from the street outside or an early-hours text message can startle us from deep stages of sleep, leading to fragmented sleep patterns and a decrease in overall sleep quality. 

“If you’re often woken up by noise and struggle to get back to sleep afterwards, consider using a white noise machine or earplugs to mask external sounds. Additionally, some heavy curtains can be helpful to block out noise from outside, creating a quieter sleep environment,” offers Maryanne. 

3. Frequent peeing at night

Waking to use the bathroom can interrupt our natural sleep cycles, preventing us from reaching deeper stages of sleep. “Excess fluid intake in the evening, especially caffeinated and alcoholic drinks which can act as diuretics, increase the need to urinate,” explains Maryanne. 

“So can eating water-based foods such as large salads and some fruit like watermelon – hidden water consumption can put extra pressure on the bladder and contribute to night awakenings. Also, not emptying your bladder fully before bed can increase the likelihood of waking up.” 

4. Your hormones are to blame

As we age, sleep tends to become more fragmented throughout the night. In women, night-waking becomes more common during perimenopause and is caused by fluctuating oestrogen. 

“Hormonal shifts can cause various symptoms that can contribute to sleep disturbances, such as hot flushes, night sweats, anxiety and racing thoughts, which can make it harder to go back to sleep if you do wake,” says Maryanne. 

5. Your bedroom is too light

Ideally, bedrooms should be as dark as possible to promote the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone, to help us get to sleep and stay asleep.  This is also important when dawn breaks and natural light begins to filter in during the early hours of the morning - the darker the room, the less disruption to our sleep cycles.

6. You're drinking alcohol in the evenings

Alcohol suppresses the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, which is crucial for cognitive function and memory. “Even if you drop off quickly after drinking, you're more likely to wake during the night, possibly struggle to get back to sleep, and feel groggy,” says Maryanne. 

In terms of the amount of alcohol that can affect sleep, whilst the exact threshold varies from person to person, even one drink can impact sleep quality, particularly if consumed close to bedtime.

7. You're stressed out

Anxiety and stress activate the body's ‘fight or flight’ response, triggering the release of stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. These physiological responses can increase alertness and arousal levels, making it difficult to stay asleep. 

“Even if you manage to drift off initially, heightened anxiety levels can cause you to wake up and struggle to return to sleep,” says Maryanne. “Anxious or stressed people often experience racing thoughts and rumination. Persistent worries, concerns, or intrusive thoughts can make challenging to dial down mental chatter and relax.” 

How to stop waking up at night

Now you know what could be causing your night-waking, here’s Maryanne’s advice to help it stop:

1. Invest in blackout blinds

Consider blackout curtains or an eye mask to block external light sources. Blue light from phones or screens can impact the natural production of sleep-hormone melatonin and increase cortisol, which can impact our sleep, so limit screen time before bed. 

2. Wear earplugs or use white noise

Try earplugs or a white noise machine to help minimise disturbances from external     noise. Thick curtains or double-glazed windows can also help to prevent noise from the street outside waking you up. If you sleep better with some noise, try using white noise – this can also mask other noise pollution.

3. Manage your stress

Managing stress and staying physically active can support restful sleep during transitional life stages such as perimenopause or menopause. If you suspect hormonal activity might be causing you to regularly wake up, it could be worth seeking medical advice too.

4. Limit diuretics and avoid alcohol at night

Avoid diuretic drinks – coffee, tea and alcohol leading up to bedtime and minimise evening intake of water-based foods such as salads or fruit like watermelon to help prevent your bladder waking you up. Also try to avoid drinking alcohol close to bedtime, especially if you're prone to sleep disturbances. Switch to non-alcoholic drinks in the hours leading up to sleep instead.

5. Eat the best foods for sleep

Avoid heavy or large meals within a few hours of bedtime. Instead, opt for lighter, easily digestible snacks. Foods that contain tryptophan, such as bananas, nuts, or dairy products, may promote relaxation to help prepare the body for sleep. 

6. Write down worries before bed

Starting a worry journal can help you process anxious thoughts before sleep. Jot down any concerns, fears and to-do lists before you bedtime, allowing you to externalise worries and mentally prepare for restorative sleep. Some psychologist suggest setting aside some worry time every day and doing it outside of the bedroom so that you don't associate your bed as a place where you actively worry.

Bethan is a freelance journalist, brand consultant and copywriter, specialising in beauty, fashion, wellbeing, and health. She has over 17 years' experience working across print and digital platforms on national weekly, monthly and bi-monthly magazines, including Stylist online, Refinery29, Elle Australia, Grazia Australia, OK!, The Sunday Mirror, The Metro, Stella and Telegraph online, and more. Bethan has a keen interest in sleep and, crucially, how she somehow can get more of it. 

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• John_U Having an orgasm is probably the best way to get to sleep or go back to sleep in the middle of the night. It is completely natural, has no bad side effects like the oft prescribed sleeping "aids", and it costs nothing. It is beyond disgusting that the medical profession refuses to mention masturbation or solo sex as an important way to get to sleep. If you think that is something everyone should "just know", keep in mind that in our sex negative society, sex in general, and masturbation in particular, are considered immoral by at least half the US population. So it is incumbent on the medical profession to give people permission to have an orgasm to help them get to sleep. And, if it helps, watch a little porn to get in the mood. That's harmless, too. I should also mention that there is research indicating that it is normal for at least some people to wake up for an hour or so in the middle of the night, do something, and go back to sleep. See for example: "At Day's Close: A History of Nighttime" by A Roger Ekirch http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/jul/30/featuresreviews.guardianreview8 Reply
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My insomnia hell: sleeplessness is a curse – but I think I finally have the answer

Pills, meditation, yoga, sleep restriction ... I have tried absolutely everything to get some proper rest. Is the solution actually surprisingly simple?

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I am standing in my bedroom in my boxers and a T-shirt, while a man I have just met fiddles with my legs. His name is Parthasarathi, and he’s here with his boss Julius, who has come to set me up for a polysomnogram – AKA a sleep study. Once they have glued electrodes all over my legs, chest and head, and stuck a cannula into my nostrils, and clipped a monitor to one of my fingers, and strapped more electronics to my chest and waist, and trained an infra-red camera on my bed, and given the Guardian’s photographer a good laugh, they’ll be leaving me for the night. Then all this kit will track how long and deeply I am sleeping, how much I am snoring, how twitchy my legs are, how often I get out of bed, whether I talk, walk or … I don’t know, juggle in my sleep, what’s happening to my blood oxygen levels, what my heart’s doing and, crucially, how well I’m breathing.

The answer to that last one turns out to be: not very well. I later learn that I stopped breathing for at least 10 seconds that night – not once, not twice, but 60 times. That’s an average of almost 10 times an hour. What the hell? I think.

At the same time, I’m comforted. Maybe I’m getting closer to fixing my insomnia. It’s been a problem for at least half my life, and now I’ve decided to live to 100, I don’t want it screwing up my final 40 years. It increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and depression, as well as accidents like crashing your car or walking in front of a bus.

How bad is mine? Most nights I don’t get much more than five hours’ sleep. I wake at least once in the small hours, often twice or more, and if I wake up any time after 4am there’s a good chance I won’t fall asleep again.

I think you’d call me a high-functioning insomniac. I don’t feel terrible most days – just a little tired. It hasn’t stopped me holding down a good job, getting married, having a family. And the fatigue is mainly mental. I can usually manage a run, or an exercise class, or some yoga, as well as a full day’s work. A woman recently wrote to the Guardian asking if I had servants . How else could I fit everything in? It’s simple, madam: I rarely get more than 20 winks.

But I wish I did. There are moments when I’m drifting off, almost always when I’m lying on my back, when I feel something I can only describe as bliss. I bathe in that warm ooze of wellbeing, a smile in my heart – until my wife, Hannah, pokes me to complain I’m snoring.

There are certainly times that euphoria would come in handy. I’ve had two brief episodes of depression and anxiety, both bad enough to need medication. Both times I was sleeping particularly poorly. I don’t think that’s the only reason I became ill – but it felt as if the misery and the insomnia were feeding each other.

Maybe I just need to improve my “sleep hygiene”? Don’t you start. This is all you ever hear about if you’re struggling to sleep, from every expert, book, website, app, audiobook or well-meaning stranger. If you’re lucky enough never to have encountered the concept, it simply means doing everything you can to encourage sleep while stopping everything that may undermine it.

Entirely off the top of my head, I can tell you that this includes: 1) making sure your bedroom is dark and quiet; 2) getting plenty of daylight first thing, maybe with a long walk; 3) getting plenty of exercise generally, though not too late in the day; 4) avoiding blue light from screens in the evening; 5) not sleeping next to your phone; 6) turning down the lights as you approach bedtime; 7) avoiding social media and other rage-inducing stimuli late at night; 8) going to bed and rising at about the same time, even when you really, really fancy a lie-in; 9) keeping the lights off if you must get up to use the toilet; 10) keeping caffeine to a minimum, avoiding it completely in the evening; 11) ditto booze; 12) leaving at least a few hours between your last meal and bedtime, so you’re not still working hard to digest it; 13) not eating too much for dinner, for the same reason; 14) using your bed only for sex and sleep; 15) getting out of bed if you’ve been awake for more than 20-30 minutes, then moving to another room, where you should do something soporific; 16) trying not to check the time when you’re in bed; and 17) clearing your mind before bed by making a to-do or to-worry-about list. I could go on.

You know what? Following these rules almost certainly will help you sleep better.

The same goes for meditation/mindfulness, breathing exercises, yoga and tai chi, all of which I have tried and enjoyed, and all of which have helped a little. They all relax you (in the jargon, “engage your parasympathetic nervous system”) and some you can practise while lying unhappily in bed.

Experts quite rightly try to give sufferers the confidence they will one day overcome their problems, not least because worrying only makes it harder to sleep. But the truth is, none of this is guaranteed to get you all the way. Not even the treatment often described as the gold standard: sleep restriction, which is usually combined with most of those rules in a programme of cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia, or CBTi. The aim is to create a strong association between your bed and sleep (as opposed to reading, working, watching TV, etc – and especially tossing and turning).

I recently endured almost six months of this – during two of which I had weekly phone calls with my local NHS CBTi service. Approaches vary a little, but the basic principle of sleep restriction is to work out how much shut-eye you are getting in your horrible, underslept state (five hours, for instance). Add another 30 minutes and then allow yourself only that long in bed for night after night until exhaustion has bludgeoned you into sleeping solidly for at least a week, at which point you get an extra 15 or 20 minutes. Once you’ve proved you can make the most of this, you get another 15 or 20 minutes, and so on until you can’t improve any more. Well done, you!

Even before you start all this, it’s clear it’s going to be an enormous pain in the balls. You’re warned that you will be even more tired than usual, and more irritable, and find it harder to focus, and that you should tell your family, friends and workmates so they can make allowances. All of that is true; none of it quite captures the grim tedium of staying up past midnight for seven, 14, 21, 28 nights in a row, exhaustedly observing those loathsome rules. Imagine sitting droopy-eyed in a darkened room, long after everyone else has gone to bed, listening to an audiobook that won’t overstimulate you, and trying your damnedest to stay awake because – let’s call this rule number 18 – it’s not a great idea to nap, and if you do, it shouldn’t be for long, and definitely not in the evening.

It’s not quite hell, but it’s definitely purgatory.

What you will learn en route is that it is remarkably difficult to be sure how much you are sleeping. We routinely wake up in the night and forget about it by the morning, or even think we have been awake when we have actually been sleeping. This is known in extreme cases as paradoxical insomnia. And remember rule number 16: you must not check the time during the night. As for wearables such as the Apple Watch, the Oura smart ring or the Whoop tracker band (all of which aim to chart not just your hours asleep, but the amount you spent in light sleep, deep sleep and REM sleep), I’ve tried them all and I wouldn’t rate them any more than seven out of 10. They are particularly erratic when it comes to distinguishing between sleep and lying really still. Like when you’re awake and trying not to be.

Does sleep restriction work? I’m sure it does for most people. I began to sleep a little longer and with a little less disruption – but I still wasn’t sleeping well . I began to wonder if I ever would.

Have I tried pills? Of course, and I’d probably have used them more if I could get the good stuff. Lormetazepam, which I was prescribed when living in France, is rarely dispensed in Britain, partly because of fears of addiction and partly because of other possible side-effects. It worked well for me, and I could genuinely take it or leave it, but the problem with that argument is that the more you repeat it to your doctor, the less convincing it sounds.

Amitriptyline, which is readily available, left me muzzy; I binned it completely after one horrible morning of irritable, spaced-out jitters. I have just been prescribed zopiclone, which a friend tells me is wonderful. But this is another drug that GPs are wary of, and I’ve only got seven pills, so I’m keeping them for emergencies. And in any case, pills rarely give you proper, restful sleep. Sometimes a few hours of unconsciousness is all you need to stop spiralling, but it’s not a long-term solution.

As for the over-the-counter, non-prescription sleep aids, I have spent a fortune on Nytol, valerian, magnesium, 5HTP, lavender, and black cherry gummies. Nytol One-a-Night (the hardcore version with antihistamines) did some good; the rest were as useless as they were expensive, though the gummies were tasty. And what about the holy grail for self-medicating insomniacs: the hormone melatonin, widely recommended for jet lag and other sleep problems? It’s available over the counter in the US and many other parts of the world, but only on prescription in the UK. I tried it for months, in every dose from 1.9mg to 10mg, in quick-acting and timed-release forms. When it had any effect, which wasn’t always, I reckon it made me sleep a little more soundly and just a little longer. Helpful, maybe. Magic bullet? Not for me.

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A few weeks ago, I spoke to a doctor who had done a lot of work with sleep . He said I shouldn’t write off the progress I had made with the hygiene and the CBTi and the sleep restriction: these things take time, and was I familiar with the Japanese concept of kaizen , or continuous improvement? You create something, then you add a bell to make it a little better, then a whistle, then another bell … That was a helpful way to think about my achievements, such as they were.

Then he told me about a new type of sleeping pill called an orexin receptor antagonist.

“How do you spell that?” I asked.

Anyway, when I arranged to spend a night decked out like a Christmas tree, it wasn’t because I thought a polysomnogram would help me. Dr Sundeep Chohan’s kaizen seemed like my best – probably only – hope of success. But after being so frustrated by my attempts to measure my sleep, I was interested in the proper way to do it – the test that doctors rely on. Enter a company called Independent Physiological Diagnostics (IPD), which brings polysomnography to your home rather than making you check into a sleep clinic.

In between fitting me with all those electrodes and cannulas and so on, Julius Patrick, a clinical physiologist as well as IPD’s managing director, checks my throat and asks me questions designed to help with the analysis. Do I ever wake up gasping for air (no, thank God, and don’t you think I’d have mentioned it?), do I have headaches in the morning (nope), do I get brain fog (sorry, what was the question?), how often do I pee in the night (too often), do I ever have nightmares or night terrors (again, no) and do I dream? Surprisingly rarely, I tell him.

Oh, everyone does, he says, but not everyone remembers it. And you know what? No sooner do I fall asleep than I jerk awake and tell Hannah I’ve been trying to catch a spider in a glass. It’s so huge that its legs stick out and it just scuttles away, taking the tumbler with it. Then I’m out cold again.

That’s not the real surprise, though. A few days later Dr Oliver Bernath, the neurologist who reviews my test results, announces that I have “moderate obstructive sleep apnoea”. I’d heard about apnoea before, but always associated it with bigger bodies, daytime sleepiness and dramatic symptoms like the aforementioned gasping for air. It turns out to be far more widespread and often less spectacular; according to the Sleep Apnoea Trust, it affects up to 10 million people in the UK , 4 million of them moderately or severely. The vast majority of cases go undetected, so that people like me who have what Patrick describes as “regular arousal from sleep” end up focusing on other causes. That’s not to say you can’t have more than one reason for terrible sleep – hence the term Comisa, or co-morbid insomnia with sleep apnoea.

Bernath recommends I get treatment “to reduce the long-term risk of cardiovascular complications”. This “may also improve the subjective experience of sleep quality”.

This is, despite the muted language, a gamechanger. I finally have an explanation for my problems – and a way to tackle them. If the worst comes to the worst, I might need a continuous positive airway pressure (Cpap) machine, to feed me air during the night. I admit, my heart sinks at the thought of wearing a mask to sleep, and not just because it feels like a memento mori. As my wife likes to remind me, at 50 she is “considerably” younger than me and I’d rather not give her another excuse to tease me.

Then there’s Stevie, our sweet but nervous rescue dog, who usually spends the night under our bed. He already freaks out when one of the kids turns up in a new hat or a novelty wig. He will quite possibly wet himself if he sees me attached to a Cpap machine.

But there’s a good chance it won’t come to that. The apnoea only occurs when I’m “supine” – that is, on my back – so I may be able to avoid it just by sleeping on my side. The thought makes me a little sad given how much I enjoy a supine snooze. But it’s clearly going to have to stop.

To make that a reality, my options seem to be good old willpower, the sort of V-shaped pillow that’s popular with pregnant women, or a device that will stop me rolling on to my back. This could be one of the traditional anti-snoring hacks – like a tennis ball sewn into the back of a pyjama top – a special backpack, or something electronic that will prod me if I deviate from the correct position.

I immediately go online and order the pregnancy pillow, then add a belt that will give me a little electric shock every time I go astray.

It’s early days but I’ve been trying a combination of pillow and willpower for the last week, and so far the signs are good. I’m sleeping better than I have for ages – on my side, obviously – and waking up more refreshed. If I start backsliding, I’ll move on to the belt, and then the Cpap machine. My ego, Stevie and Hannah will all just have to suck it up. Sorry, Stevie! Sorry, Hannah!

After decades slugging it out with insomnia, I think I’ve got it on the ropes. I’m actually looking forward to the next 14,000 nights.

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The Demon Attacks at Night: Explaining the Incubus Phenomenon

If you've ever woken up in the middle of the night feeling as though you're being crushed by a demonic being, you may have just experienced what's called the incubus phenomenon: an "attack" by a male demon. (Its female counterpart, the succubus, usually attacks men.)

The phenomenon is, in many ways, the quintessential nightmare. For centuries, the incubus demon has been said to haunt sleepers, inspiring tales in traditional folklore as well as works of art.

Now, a new meta-analysis from the Netherlands suggests that this frightening phenomenon may be more common than previously thought — and that it should be taken more seriously by psychiatrists and psychologists who hear such accounts from their patients. [ Top 11 Spooky Sleep Disorders ]

The so-called attack usually occurs during an episode of sleep paralysis, a condition that's even more common than the incubus phenomenon, according to the meta-analysis.

Sleep paralysis is a result of the dissociation of sleep phases, said senior author Dr. Jan Dirk Blom,a professor of clinical psychopathology at the University of Leiden in the Netherlands.The condition happens when a person is falling asleep or waking up. During sleep paralysis, two aspects of REM sleep, or rapid eye movement sleep, occur when a person is conscious.

During REM sleep , which is the period when a person typically dreams, the body's muscles are relaxed to the level of paralysis, presumably to prevent the sleeper from acting out his or her dreams, Blom said. But when sleep paralysis takes place, the person's mind wakes up — however, the person is still dreaming, and the body is still paralyzed.

"Lying in bed in such a state of paralysis, the brain's threat-activated vigilance system kicks in and helps to create a compound hallucination of a creature sitting on the chest ," Blom told Live Science.

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What the afflicted person sees is a combination of their actual surroundings and a nightmare, which is projected onto the real world. The experience feels exceptionally real, Blom said.

Tracking demons

In the meta-analysis, which was published in November in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry , the researchers looked at 13 studies of the incubus phenomenon that included nearly 1,800 people. The different studies came from various countries, including Canada, the United States, China , Japan, Italy and Mexico.

The researchers found that over 1 in 10 people, or 11 percent of the general population, will experience the incubus phenomenon in their lifetimes, Blom said. "That means that there is an 11 percent chance for any given individual to experience this [the incubus phenomenon] at least once during their lives," he added.

But in certain groups, the odds of "encountering" an incubus are higher. Among people with psychiatric disorders, as well as among refugees and — somewhat surprisingly — students, the odds of experiencing the incubus phenomenon are as high as 41 percent, Blom said.

The analysis also found that people sleeping on their backs are more likely to experience the phenomenon. Alcohol consumption and irregular sleeping patterns also make an incubus visit more probable, Blom said.

Though the frightening experience gets frequently dismissed as "just a bad dream," Blom noted that the incubus phenomenon can lead to additional problems, including anxiety, difficulty sleeping due to fear and even delusional disorder, a mental illness akin to schizophrenia .

In the paper, the researchers speculated about a possible link between the incubus phenomenon and sudden unexpected death syndrome, a situation in which a healthy person inexplicably dies in his or her sleep.

"People who have experienced the incubus phenomenon often report a level of anxiety that is 'off the scale,'" Blom said. "Many of them have the feeling that they will actually die during an attack. Whether that ever happens is unknown, even though for a person experiencing it, it is not hard to imagine this [happening]."

The analysis also found that the form of the incubus figure and how people react to it can vary based on the person's cultural background.

For example, "patients with Muslim background often tell me that they see the incubus phenomenon as a proof that they are being haunted by a jinn , an invisible spirit created by Allah out of smokeless fire," Blom said.

Sometimes, however, the incubus may take on a much more friendly and entertaining form.

"I recently spoke to a healthy 15-year-old girl who had experienced the incubus phenomenon," Blom said.  "She found four miniature penguins dining at a table on her chest, and had been thrilled and amused rather than scared."

Originally published on Live Science .

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The Best Pregnancy Pillows of 2024

Tested by a formerly pregnant wellness editor, here are the top picks for the best pregnancy pillows.

Being pregnant comes with many sleep hurdles like insomnia , heartburn , an active fetus and even joint and ligament pain . Having been pregnant for most of last year, I learned that a pregnancy pillow can be helpful during this stage of life. After testing various pregnancy pillows for the majority of my second and third trimester, I can see why pregnant people turn to these for relief at bedtime or when lying on the couch. Although I'm dealing with sleep issues of a different kind now thanks to my infant's sleep regressions, I still rely on my pregnancy pillow for a good night's sleep. Having tested these pillows thoroughly, I narrowed down some of my favorites.

During testing, I took into account that everyone's needs and preferences are different, but overall comfort is key. These pillows will hopefully help you get through those tough nights of sleep when insomnia hits in those early morning hours. Don't be surprised if you find yourself continuing to use these pillows during the postpartum stage like I did for extra comfort.

What's the best overall pregnancy pillow?

Since the best pregnancy pillow will vary by individual, I chose the one that I found to be the most versatile and comfortable for everyday use as my top pick: the Frida Mom Adjustable Keep-Cool Pregnancy Pillow . I liked how easy it is to maneuver throughout the night depending on your sleep position without struggling with the weight or size of the pillow. That's something that you can't do as easily with a full-sized pregnancy pillow that is usually larger and heavier. However, the pillow that works best for you may change as your pregnancy progresses. For example, in the very beginning as I adjusted to my belly growing, I preferred a wedge pillow that supported both my back and stomach. Even if the Frida Mom Adjustable Keep-Cool Pregnancy Pillow isn't your top choice, there are plenty of other selections that might fit your pregnancy needs. 

Check out CNET's Editors' Choice for money and health tools in 2024.

Best pregnancy pillows of 2024

Frida Mom Adjustable Keep-Cool Pregnancy Pillow

Best overall pregnancy pillow.

Of all the pregnancy pillows I tested, I found myself reaching for the Frida Mom Adjustable Keep-Cool Pregnancy Pillow the most. This lightweight cylinder-shaped pillow is filled with microbeads to allow for proper airflow and keep you cool. It's also fully adjustable and can be molded into a U, C, L or I-shape. Because it's moldable, it also gets less in the way if you share a bed compared to a traditional full-body pregnancy pillow.

I will admit, this isn't the firmest pillow on the list, so if you're not into a softer option, this may not be the right fit for you. If you're heavily pregnant and want ultimate support all around, you'll also find this pillow lacking. In that case, you may be better off with a full-body pillow. I found this pillow was the best fit for me and my needs throughout the majority of my pregnancy, but it may be more suitable during the second trimester as your belly grows and needs some support when you sleep on your side.

This pillow isn't too big and I could easily maneuver it as I switched sleeping positions throughout the night. You can also wrap your legs around it if you need extra hip support, which is common during pregnancy. I also appreciated how the pillow didn't overheat and remained comfortably cool throughout the night. I even caught my husband napping with it one time, so if you're generally a side sleeper you can enjoy this pillow. Another plus is that the cover is machine washable, so you don't have to worry about ruining the shape of the pillow.

This pillow is part of our Editor's Choice 2024 roundup.

• Easily adjustable
• Takes up little space 
• Doesn't offer full-body support
• May be too soft for some people 
• Firmness:  Soft (1 to 2)
• Support:  Medium soft (3 to 4)

Belly Bandit S.O.S. Side Sleeper Pregnancy Wedge Pillow

Best adjustable pregnancy pillow.

If you're looking for a side sleeper pillow that offers some back and belly support that you can adjust throughout your pregnancy, you'll love the Belly Bandit S.O.S. Side Sleeper Pregnancy Wedge Pillow. The side sleeper pillow is best for those looking for a pillow that specifically supports their belly and back when they sleep on their side. It consists of a round, flat pillow wedge to support the belly and a triangle wedge for the lower back. There's a Velcro belt across the middle of the two pillows, which you can adjust according to the space your body needs. This was one of my favorite features on this pillow since you can use it throughout all the trimesters as your belly grows. It's also travel-friendly thanks to its compact size. 

This is a smaller pillow compared to some of the others, so if you're looking for something that offers more head or hip support, you're better off with a full-body pillow. I'd recommend the Belly Bandit S.O.S. Side Sleeper Pregnancy Wedge Pillow for most people during the second trimester as your belly grows, but some might not find it supportive enough during the third trimester when most people experience extra discomfort that comes with the final weeks of pregnancy. 

One aspect I found a little uncomfortable was having to adjust the pillow throughout the night every time I shifted sleeping positions. If I started off sleeping on my right side and changed to the left, I'd have to make sure I grabbed both pillows right side up otherwise the Velcro strap would flip one side upside down. But it takes up little space in your bed, so if you share the space with a partner, it won't be intrusive to them. It also won't cause you to overheat the way some of the full-body pillows do. 

• Adjustable belt
• Offers belly and back support

Cons: 

• Limited support
• Firmness:  Medium (5 to 6)
• Support:  Medium soft (3 to 4)

Momcozy Huggable Our Maternity Body Pillow

Best cooling pregnancy pillow.

Speaking of full-body pillows, they can feel a bit over the top if you've never slept with one before. The Momcozy Maternity Body Pillow was one of the better ones I tested because it has a cooling pillowcase cover and it's breathable so you don't overheat. This was important to me, since being heavily pregnant in the middle of summer meant I was constantly trying to stay cool. It is massive and has some weight to it -- initially I thought was too big considering I'm petite. However, it really helped during the third trimester when I needed more support and cushioning around me. I already sleep with the air conditioner on full blast, but between the AC and this cooling body pillow, I didn't feel overheated throughout the night. The cover is also machine-washable so you can remove it easily during laundry day.

This pillow is plush enough that you don't need a regular pillow for your head -- unless you like your head more elevated while you sleep. The other good thing about this pillow is that the memory foam holds its shape no matter your sleeping position. I slept on both of my sides and laid on my back, and it never felt like it was sinking or losing plushness. I should point out that I have a queen-sized bed and it took up enough space on my side of the bed that it didn't interfere with my husband's sleep. But if you have a full-sized bed, it may leave little to no room if you share it with a partner.

• Plush all around
• Good for full-body support
• May not fit all bed sizes
• Firmness: Medium soft (7 to 8)
• Support: Medium (5 to 6)

Newton Baby Pregnancy Pillow

Best organic pregnancy pillow.

If you find most body pillows to be too heavily cushioned, then you'll want to check out the Newton Baby Pregnancy Pillow. Not only is it less cushioned than a traditional full-body pregnancy pillow, but it's made up of organic cotton and has memory foam to provide you with support throughout your body. The arm on this U-shaped pillow is detachable and adjustable so you can customize it based on your needs. 

This pillow wasn't the most cooling, but I did find it comfortable during the second trimester despite it not being as cushioned as Momcozy maternity body pillow. Even though it was obtuse like most full-body pregnancy pillows, the lack of fluff seemed to make it fit better in my bed without taking up too much space. One aspect I didn't love was the cotton cover, which is removable and machine washable. The design didn't seem well-protected and I could see it getting easily ruined if something sharp snagged on it. I also wasn't a fan of the head part of the pillow since it fell flat and didn't fluff up, so if you want extra head support, you'll need to use your own additional pillow. Additionally, it's all white so I worried about staining it as well.  If none of these things are a dealbreaker for you then you'll like the Newton Baby Pregnancy Pillow as a full-sized body pillow for a good night's sleep

• Made of cotton 
• Weight is light for a full-body pillow
• Not heavily cushioned like other body pillows
• Head part could use more cushioning
• Can be flat for people who prefer a pillow with more fluff
• Cover may be prone to getting stained or snagging onto something sharp
• Firmness: Soft (1 to 2)
• Support: Soft (1 to 2)

Hiccapop Pregnancy Pillow Wedge

Best pregnancy pillow wedge.

The Hiccapop Pregnancy Pillow Wedge was my go-to pillow during the second trimester when my belly was starting to grow and I needed a little support as I slept. It takes up minimal space so if you share a bed, your partner won't feel cramped. It's small enough that it can be used for traveling and comes with its own travel bag, which is always a plus. It has a soft CertiPur-US memory foam on one side, and is breathable and remains cool thanks to its airflow technology. The pillow cover is also machine washable. And if you ever ruin your pillow, Hiccapop has a generous lifetime guarantee policy where it will send you a replacement free of charge. You just have to make sure it's a pillow you've bought through the company's direct site or Amazon page.  

I personally preferred using this wedge pillow while relaxing on the couch because I could lay on my side as I watched TV and use it as extra support on the belly area. It's also versatile enough that you can use it for back or knee support if you need it while sitting or lying down. However, if you're looking for more of a traditional pregnancy pillow that offers support all at once for your hips, back and belly, I'd recommend one of the full-body pregnancy pillows on this list.

• Portable and compact
• Can be used for belly or back support
• Travel-friendly
• Can be used in bed or on the couch
• Doesn't offer all around support the way a full-body pillow does
• Firmness: Medium soft (3 to 4)
• Support: Medium soft (3 to 4)

Other pregnancy pillows we tested

Boppy Total Body Pillow :  I found the shape of this pregnancy pillow to be awkward because parts of it are shorter than others so it wasn't as comfortable or supportive as the other pillows tested. I also found myself overheating when I slept with this pillow even though the cover is supposed to be breathable.  

How we picked the best pregnancy pillows

When testing the best pregnancy pillows, we looked at a few factors that pregnant people would appreciate comfort-wise as each trimester requires different needs. 

Firmness:  The ideal firmness of a pillow may vary depending on preference and the person's needs -- for example, if they need more head, belly or back support.

Support:  Support is important as the belly grows and it may also be needed for other parts of the body like the hips, knees and back, which are also affected during pregnancy. 

Design:  We looked at how practical the design of the pregnancy pillows were for the specific support pregnant people need and for everyday use.  

Factors to consider when shopping for a pregnancy pillow

• Budget : Consider your budget for a pregnancy pillow, because they can be pricey. This may also vary depending on if you're buying a full-body pillow or a wedge pillow. 
• Pregnancy needs : Your unique pregnancy needs are the most important factor that should determine the type of pillow that works for you. Decide if you want belly, back, hip or full-body support.
• Temperature : If you already sleep hot, you can expect to feel warmer during pregnancy , so you may want to consider a pillow with cooling properties. 
• Size : If you share a bed with a partner, determine how big of a pillow you can fit on the bed without taking up the whole space.

Best pregnancy pillows compared

Pregnancy pillow faqs, what makes a pregnancy pillow different from a regular pillow.

Pregnancy pillows are more plush and allow you to contour the shape and hug your body better to support your belly, hips, knees or back.

What are the different types of pregnancy pillows that exist?

There are U-shaped, C-shaped, L-shaped, wedge and inflatable pillows.

Can you use a pregnancy pillow postpartum?

Yes, you can use a pregnancy pillow after the baby is born to support you during recovery and as you deal with the body aches that come with caring for a newborn. 

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