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82 Iconic World Landmarks to Visit Before You Die

Perito moreno glacier – patagonia, argentina.

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Sydney Opera House – Sydney, Australia

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Uluru / Ayers Rock – Northern Territory, Australia

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St. Alexander Nevsky Cathedral – Sofia, Bulgaria

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Angkor Wat – Angkor, Siem Reap Province, Cambodia

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Parliament Hill – Ottawa, Canada

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CN Tower – Toronto, Canada

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Niagara Falls – Canada & USA

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Church of Our Lady before Týn – Prague, Czech Republic

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Dancing House – Prague, Czech Republic

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Great Wall of China, Mutianyu section – Huairou County, China

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Oriental Pearl Radio & TV Tower – Shanghai, China

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Ruins of St. Paul’s – Macau, China

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Moai – Easter Island, Chile

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Las Lajas Sanctuary – Ipiales, Colombia

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Great Pyramids – Giza, Egypt 

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Find out what NOT to do in Egypt .

Palace of Westminster – London, United Kingdom

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Eiffel Tower – Paris, France 

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Cologne Cathedral – Cologne, Germany

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Brandenburg Gate – Berlin, Germany

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Hannover Rathaus – Hannover, Germany

Gehry Buildings at Medienhafen – Düsseldorf, Germany

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Acropolis – Athens, Greece

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Blue domes – Santorini, Greece

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Hungarian Parliament Building – Budapest, Hungary

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Szechenyi Chain Bridge – Budapest, Hungary

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Hallgrimskirkja – Reykjavik, Iceland

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Azadi Tower – Tehran, Iran

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Choijin Lama Temple Museum – Ulan Bator, Mongolia

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Guggenheim Museum – Bilbao, Spain

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Potala Palace – Lhasa, Tibet Autonomous Region, China

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Check out the fairy chimneys from a hot air balloon .

Basilica Cistern – Istanbul, Turkey

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Blue Mosque – Istanbul, Turkey

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Burj Al-Arab – Dubai, United Arab Emirates

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Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque – Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

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Angel Falls – Canaima National Park, Venezuela

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Cao Dai Temple – Tay Ninh, Vietnam

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19 Unique And Fabulous Experiences In Moscow

• Destinations

Thinking of visiting Russia? When visiting such a famous city, one must, of course, visit the iconic landmarks first. Moscow has plenty of those, most of them in the center of the city, which is very well-planned for tourists. Once you’ve seen the sights that are on most travelers’ lists, it’s time to branch out and visit some of the lesser-known sites, and there are some fascinating places to see and things to do.

I know this list is long, but I just couldn’t help myself. You probably won’t have the time to see them all. But that’s okay. Just scroll through the list and choose what sounds the most interesting to you. Where possible, make sure to book in advance, as things can get crowded, especially during high season.

1. The Red Square, Kremlin, And Surroundings

Red Square (Krasnya Ploshad) is the heart and soul of Russia, and where much of the country’s history has unfolded. This is the most famous landmark in Moscow and indeed the whole country, it’s an absolute must-do! The square is always full of people and has a rather festive atmosphere!

Saint Basil’s Cathedral

This is the famous church with the rainbow-colored, onion-domed roof. The cathedral was commissioned in the 1500s by Ivan the Terrible and according to legend, the Tsar thought it was so beautiful, that he ordered that the architect’s eyes be cut out afterward, so he could never build anything more beautiful! He wasn’t called Ivan the Terrible for no reason!

Lenin’s Mausoleum

The “love-it-or-hate-it” of tourist attractions in Russia. A glass sarcophagus containing the embalmed body of Russian revolutionary, Vladimir Lenin. It may seem a bit bizarre to display the mummy of a person, but it has been there for almost half a century and the 2.5 million visitors who come each year, clearly feel the queuing and thorough body search are worth it, to be in Lenin’s presence.

Pro Tip: no photos and no loud talking are allowed inside the Mausoleum.

Eternal Flame

There is an Eternal Flame in honor of an unknown soldier on the left side of Red Square. The hourly changing of the guards is worth seeing.

The Kremlin is the official residence of the Russian president. You can see it from the outside, or you can take an excursion to one of the museums located inside. This is the biggest active fortress in Europe, and holds a week’s worth of attractions! Once behind the 7,332-feet of walls, there are five squares, four cathedrals, 20 towers, various museums, and the world’s largest bell and cannon to see. Worth a special mention is the Armory Chamber that houses a collection of the famous Faberge Eggs.

Pro Tip: You can only go inside the Kremlin if you are part of a tourist group.

2. Bolshoi Theatre

Bolshoi Theatre translates to “The Big Theatre” in Russian, and the building is home to both the Bolshoi Ballet and Bolshoi Opera — among the oldest and most famous ballet and opera companies in the world.

Pro Tip: It’s hard to get an inexpensive ticket, so if you’re reading well in advance of going to Moscow then try buying tickets on the official website . Last-minute tickets cost around $250 per person. If this is out of your budget, about an hour before a performance, you can try buying a ticket at the entrance from a reseller. Most can speak enough English to negotiate the price.

Tour the Bolshoi Theatre: You can take a group guided tour of the Bolshoi Theatre which focuses on the history and architecture of the theatre and behind the scenes. There’s an English language tour that lasts 2 hours and costs around $300 for a group of up to six.

3. Luxury Shopping At GUM And TSUM

Russia’s main department store, GUM, has a stunning interior that is home to over 100 high-end boutiques, selling a variety of brands: from luxurious Dior to the more affordable Zara. Even if shopping is not on your Moscow to-do list GUM is still worth a visit; the glass-roofed arcade faces Red Square and offers a variety of classy eateries. TSUM, one of the biggest luxury malls in town, is right behind the Bolshoi and GUM. It’s an imposing building with lots of history, and worth a visit just for its design and its glass roof.

4. Christ The Savior Cathedral

This is one of Russia’s most visited cathedrals and is a newer addition to the gorgeous array of Muscovite cathedrals, but don’t let its young age fool you. After perestroika, in the early 90s, the revived Russian Orthodox Church was given permission to build a cathedral on this site. It did the location honors and built the largest temple of the Christian Orthodox Church. The façade is as grand as you’d expect, but it’s the inside that will mesmerize you, with its domes, gold, gorgeous paintings, and decor!

The cathedral is located just a few hundred feet away from the Kremlin and was the site of the infamous Pussy Riot protest against Putin back in 2012.

Pro Tip: Bring a shawl to cover your hair as is the local custom.

5. Gorky Park

Moscow’s premier green space, Gorky Park (Park Gor’kogo) is the city’s biggest and most famous park. There is entertainment on offer here for every taste, from outdoor dancing sessions to yoga classes, volleyball, ping-pong, rollerblading, and bike and boat rental in summer. In winter, half the park turns into a huge ice skating rink. Gorky Park is also home to an open-air movie theater and the Garage Museum of Contemporary Art. There is also Muzeon Art Park, a dynamic contemporary space with a unique collection of 700 sculptures. It is located right in front of Gorky Park.

6. Sparrow Hills Park

If you take a walk from Gorky Park, along the Moscow River embankment, you’ll end up in the city’s other legendary park, Sparrow Hills. Although the park doesn’t offer as many activities as its hip neighbor, it has a great panoramic view of the city

Pro Tip: You can take a free walking tour to all of the above attractions with an English-speaking guide.

7. River Cruising

One of the best ways to experience Moscow, and see all the famous landmarks, but from a different angle, is from the Moscow River. Take a river cruise. Avoid the tourist crowds. There are little nameless old boats that do the cruise, but if you are looking for a more luxurious experience take the Radisson Blu cruise and enjoy the sights with some good food and a glass of wine.

8. Metro Hopping

Inaugurated in the 1930s, the Moscow Metro system is one of the oldest and most beautiful in the world. Started in Stalinist times, each station is a work of art in its own right. I’d recommend touring the stations between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. This way, you’ll be able to properly see it without the crowds. Ideally, I’d recommend taking a tour with a knowledgeable guide with GuruWalk, who will tell you stories of forgotten stations and how the history of the country is interconnected with the metro development. If going by yourself, then I definitely recommend checking out: Mayakovskaya, Ploschad Revolutsii, Kievskaya, Kropotkinskaya, Kurskaya, and Novoslobodskaya stations.

Visit the free Moscow Metro Museum: For real train enthusiasts, located in the southern vestibule of Sportivnaya station is a small free museum. Here you can take a peek into the driver’s cabin, see a collection of metro tokens from different cities, and see different models of a turnstile, traffic lights, escalator, and more.

9. Moscow State University View

In his effort to create a grander Moscow, Stalin had seven skyscrapers built in different parts of town; they’re called the Seven Sisters. The largest of these buildings and the one with the best view is the main building of the Moscow State University. Although this is a little outside the city center, the view is more than worth it.

10. Izmailovsky Market

Mostly known for the city’s largest flea market, the district of Izmaylovo is home to a maze of shops where you can get just about anything, from artisan crafts to traditional fur hats, handcrafted jewelry, fascinating Soviet memorabilia, and antiquities. It’s also one of Moscow’s largest green spaces. There are often no price tags, so be prepared to haggle a bit. Head to one of the market cafes for a warming mulled wine before continuing your shopping spree.

The History of Vodka Museum is found here, and the museum’s restaurant is the perfect place to sample various brands of the national drink.

Once you’ve covered the more touristy spots, Moscow still has plenty to offer, and the places below will also be full of locals! So for some local vibes, I would strongly recommend the spots below!

11. Moscow City

With a completely different vibe, Moscow City (also referred to as Moscow International Business Center) is like a mini Dubai, with lots of impressive tall glass buildings. Here is where you’ll find the best rooftops in towns, like Ruski Restaurant, the highest restaurant both in Moscow City and in Europe. Moscow City is great for crowd-free shopping and the best panoramic views of the city.

12. Tretyakov Gallery

Tretyakov Gallery started as the private collection of the Tretyakov brothers, who were 19th-century philanthropists. They gave their private collection to the government after their deaths. If there is just one museum you visit in Moscow, I recommend this one!

13. Tsaritsyno Museum-Reserve

Tsaritsyno was a residence of Catherine the Great more than two centuries ago. It became derelict during the Soviet era but has now been fully renovated. With its opulently decorated buildings, gardens, meadows, and forests, Tsaritsyno Park is the perfect place for a green respite in Moscow.

14. Kolomenskoye

A 10-minute metro ride from the city center is Kolomenskoe Museum-Reserve, where you can get an idea of what Russia looked like 200 years ago. You’ll find ancient churches (one dating back to the 16th century), the oldest garden in Moscow, and the wonderful fairytale wooden palace of Tsar Alexey Mikhailovich, father of Peter the Great.

15. Ostankino TV Tower

Built in 1967, Ostankino TV Tower was the tallest free-standing construction in the world at the time, it’s still the 8th tallest building in the world and the highest in Europe. It’s also the best observation deck, with a glass floor and 360-degree views. The speedy elevators take you 1,105 feet in next to no time.

Pro Tip: You need to book in advance; entrance is based on specific ticket times and the capacity is limited and only a certain number of tourists are allowed per day. Don’t forget your passport, you’ll need it to get through security.

16. Zaryadye Park

Zaryadye is a newly opened, landscaped urban park so new you won’t find it in a lot of tour guides. The park is near Red Square and is divided into four climatic zones: forest, steppe, tundra, and floodplains, depicting the variety of climatic zones in Russia.

These last three suggestions are a little quirky, but all are really worth checking out.

17. Museum Of Soviet Arcade Games

Release your inner child playing on 66 arcade machines from the Soviet era! What a great way to spend a couple of hours when tired of visiting museums and palaces. The staff speaks excellent English and are happy to explain how the games work.

18. Moscow Rooftop Tour

Take a 1-hour private Moscow rooftop tour with an experienced roofer. I can just about guarantee none of your friends will be able to say they’ve done it! For your comfort, I recommend wearing comfortable shoes. Take your camera, there are some amazing photo opportunities out there!

19. Sanduny Banya

This classical Russian bathhouse opened its doors in 1808 and is famous for combining traditional Russian banya services with luxurious interiors and service. If you enjoy spas and saunas, then you should experience a Russian bathhouse at least once in your life! Go with an open mind and hire a specialist to steam you as it’s meant to be done — by being beaten repeatedly with a besom (a leafy branch)! This is said to improve circulation, but is best done by a professional!

So there you have my list of things to do in Moscow. I could have gone on and on and on, but I didn’t want to try your patience! There are so many things to do in this vibrant city that you’ll definitely need to allocate several days for exploring.

Here are some other reasons to visit Moscow and Russia:

• 7 Reasons To Put Moscow On Your Travel Bucket List
• Russia 30 Years (And 30 Pounds) Ago
• Massive Mysterious Craters Appearing Again In Siberia

Born and raised in Sydney, Australia, before moving to Africa at the age of 21, Sarah Kingdom is a mountain climber and guide, traveler, yoga teacher, trail runner, and mother of two. When she is not climbing or traveling she lives on a cattle ranch in central Zambia. She guides and runs trips regularly in India, Nepal, Tibet, Russia, and Ethiopia, taking climbers up Tanzania’s Mount Kilimanjaro numerous times a year.

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15 reasons you must visit Moscow

Home / Russia Travel Experiences / 15 reasons you must visit Moscow

Home to almost over 12 million souls, Moscow is many things to many people, and everyone finds their own reasons to visit Moscow. There is an infinite number of reasons to visit Moscow and its attractions. To make it easier for travellers, we created a list of the crowd’s top fifteen reasons and attractions everyone should visit when in Moscow.

Table of Contents

1. Indulge in countless historical and modern artworks

Whether you are just dipping your toes into the art world or you know everything about arts, Moscow is a must-visit for every self-proclaimed or certified art connoisseur and historian. The city has numerous historical and contemporary museums and art galleries and they are essential in the list when you visit Moscow. Among the plethora of galleries and museums is The State Tretyakov Gallery  holding the world’s foremost collection of Russian fine art. Another is the Pushkin State Museum of Fine Arts which showcases artworks from the ancient times to this day such as the paintings of Rembrandt, Botticelli, Van Gogh, and Picasso. The Moscow Museum of Modern Art , on the other hand, displays artworks created in the 20th and 21st centuries.

Moscow is not only home to famous historical paintings, the city also showcases modern, educational, and multimedia arts. The Moscow Planetarium is one of the biggest planetariums in the world. It is an interactive museum that educates everyone with their scientific resources. The openness of Russia to new forms of arts can be seen in the Multimedia Art Museum, Winzavod (Wine Factory), Garage Museum of Contemporary Art, and the Lumiere Brothers Photography Center . These art galleries unite all forms of media, arts, and modern culture.

For the love of art, moreover, they have converted former industrial areas to unique art spaces. ARTPLAY Center of Design and Flacon Design Factory are two of the known art spaces for local organisations and artists to express their creativity, host their own workshops, lectures, design festivals, concerts, performances, and exhibits. 

TIP: Open Museum Day in Moscow offers free day-time admission in most city museums every third Sunday of the month. Forty museums and art galleries are participating including the Pushkin State Museum of Fine Arts, Moscow Museum of Modern Art, Memorial Museum of Cosmonautics , and State Museum of Ceramics and Kuskovo Estate of the 18th Century.

If you’re craving for more museum adventures, we have created a list of the best museum to visit in Moscow and St. Petersburg.

2. Step onto the mighty Red Square

Walk onto the uneven cobblestones alongside the throngs of bustling citizens and you’ll see centuries of Russian (and world) history reflected in the architecture of Red Square. It is the epicentre of Russia. The country’s major highways and Moscow’s main streets all originate from the Red Square. However, it is not only the heart of Russian streets but is also the heart of Russian history and culture where most of the biggest Russian events and changes unfolded such as high-profile executions and military parades. The city square also served as the main marketplace and site for national public ceremonies and festive processions. Being considered as a sacred place, it is absolutely a must-see when you visit Moscow.

Official commemorations and parades today are still mostly held in the square. The surrounding buildings of the Red Square also add great significance to why you should include the beautiful square on your bucket list when you visit Moscow. Some of these famous attractions are iconic:

• St. Basil’s Cathedral
• Lenin’s Mausoleum
• The Kremlin
• Kazan Cathedral
• The historical GUM Department Store
• State Historical Museum
• The Iberian Gate (also known as the Resurrection Gate and Chapel

3. Visit the Moscow Kremlin

The Kremlin , together with Red Square was recognised as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1990. UNESCO included this architectural ensemble not just because of its outstanding design but also because of its rich historical and political linkage. That is why you should not miss this when you visit Moscow. It is located on Borovitsky Hill just above the Moskva River, on the west side of the magnificent Red Square. It serves as the Russian President’s residence and treasure houses such as the Armory Chamber Museum and the Russian Diamond Fund . Two Royal Cathedrals, the Secret Garden, and Ivan the Great Bell Tower are some of the attractions you can visit inside the Kremlin. Also, along the Kremlin wall is where you can see the gravestones of most Soviet leaders -including Stalin’s.

TIP: The Kremlin is open every day except on Thursdays and tickets for each establishment inside the Kremlin are sold separately. They also limit the number of daily visitors. May to September of every year is considered as the peak season.

4. Awaken your senses in the Bolshoi theatre

The Bolshoi Ballet Company is one of the most enduring symbols of Russia’s esteemed cultural traditions, and Moscow’s Bolshoi (Big) Theatre is the association’s fittingly elegant headquarters. Moscow’s oldest theatre has been painstakingly restored and renovated in recent years. It is a must-see day or night with their world-famous opera and ballet performances when you visit Moscow. Taking in an evening performance of a classic Russian ballet like Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker is one of the city’s most captivating cultural experiences.

Aside from the Bolshoi Theatre, there are around 170 theatres in the city; each of which features unique performances. It is the sole reason why Moscow is coined as the “City of Theatres”.  No matter what genre, as long as it is in Moscow it will be surreal.  No wonder the city attracts all theatregoers around the globe. To name a few, here are the must-visit theatres around the city: (1) Maly Theatre which showcases classic traditions of Russian Theatre, (2) Moscow Art Theatre combines classical and modern drama traditions, and (4) Theatre of Nations and (5) Gogol Centre further popularized modern arts such as post-drama and comedy production.

TIP: Most people have been planning to witness a performance (especially in Bolshoi Theatre) for years. Remember to check and purchase tickets ahead of time before getting excited to watch the spectacular performance. Also, wearing your best evening dress won’t hurt.

5. Enjoy the ambiance of Moscow parks

While Moscow’s attractions are usually known as a mixture of extravagant Tsarist architecture and stern Soviet buildings, much of Moscow is actually surprisingly green and the city’s parks have grown into its pride and joy over the years. Take a break from walking around historical establishments and rest in these well-groomed green areas. These parks provide some of Moscow’s best people-watching spots and offer various activities you can do with your group or with the locals from playing sports and board games on the pavement to simply enjoying the outdoor cafes.

Slow down from the hectic pace of the city life by having a stop-over in the most popular green spaces when you visit Moscow. Gorky Park has its own telegraph and clinic, Park of Arts Museum often hosts music festivals, art fairs and exhibits, and lastly, Sokolniki Park and Izmailovsky Park have bike rentals and small amusement parks that are perfect for family day-outs.

6. Experience the magnificent Moscow Metro

Apart from being an extremely handy way to get around the city,  Moscow’s metro system  is a striking feat of engineering. Opened in 1935, it is one of the largest and oldest underground railway systems in the world. Its grand stations are remarkably beautiful. With their grandiose architecture, intricate mosaics, and dramatic sculptures, it has turned many metro stations into picturesque tourist attractions. There are 12 lines and a total of 200 stations. Elektrozavodskaya, Arbatskaya, Kievskaya, Komsomolskaya, and Mayakovskaya are just a few of the magical stations that seems to be like an underground palace.

Visit Moscow grand stations during “dead hours” —11 am to 2 pm or after 10 pm in order get the most out of the spectacular metro stations. And for the sake of courtesy and respect, always give your seat to Babushkas or the beautiful Russian grannies on the train. Train tickets can be shared and you can buy them for 1, 2, 20, 40, and 60 trips. Unlimited Metro travel for 1, 3, and 7 full days are also available from 210 to 800 rubles. Alternatively, you can purchase a Troika Card which costs 50 rubles and allows you to travel on all public transportation in Moscow.

7. Be amazed by the beauty & grace of Moscow’s churches

In Moscow, the majority of religion belongs to the Russian Orthodox Church which has 320 of total parishes in Moscow alone. Thus, it is not surprising that Orthodox churches and its unique architecture are one of the must-sees when you visit Moscow. Onion domes had long been known as the classic design of Orthodox churches in Russia. Below, we will mention some of the iconic churches you shouldn’t miss seeing in the city.

The Cathedral of Vasily the Blessed or St. Basil Cathedral is perhaps the most popular and most unusual church in the country. It is located at the Southern end of the Red Square. Built in 1555, it is originally called the Intercession Cathedral  to commemorate Ivan the Terrible’s victory over the Tatars. The bonfire-flame-shaped-cathedral has nine towers full of colours, shapes, and patterns. It was designed like a maze as a whole while each way leads to nine chapels with creatively decorated interiors. The magnificent cathedral is open every day except for the first Wednesday of every month.

With its golden onion domes, the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour  is the largest cathedral of all Russian Orthodox Church and has the capacity of over a thousand devotees. However, there is another known cathedral with golden domes —the Cathedral of the Assumption. What makes this cathedral different is that its domes are not just gold, but  they  are also light-reflecting sitting inside the Kremlin. Lastly, we would like to feature a church with neo-gothic architecture –the Moscow Immaculate Conception Catholic Cathedral.  It  is the largest Catholic building in the country. To this day, masses and Catholic religious services are still being conducted in different languages in the cathedral.

8. Visit Moscow streets and the monumental architecture

The beautiful architecture of museums and churches, makes each city street a sight to behold. For sure you’ll have a jaw-dropping moment at least once when you visit Moscow. The streets around the Red Square are a good start for you to stroll and have them as background for your OOTD photos. 

Tverskaya Stree t is known as Moscow’s fashion street and main street. This street is also one of the most expensive streets in the world, basing from the commercial rental fees. Another fashion district, Kuznetsky Most (literally translates to Blacksmith’s bridge)is where popular shops such as “Kuznetsky Most 20” – a famous concept store and “House of Foreign Books” (which is the best foreign-language bookshop) are located. Ulitsa Varvaka claims to be the oldest street and has the most churches in the city; it also shows the more medieval side of Moscow. If you are looking for high-end souvenirs, take a look at the shops on Arbat Street . Just do not forget to negotiate with the vendors and ask for discounts! Also, you get a chance to taste local vodkas as they offer free samples on the street.

9. Enjoy Moscow street food and fine dining restaurants

Moscow can surprise even the most demanding gourmands with the variety of foods , flavours and dining scenes the city has to offer. Russian cuisine is famous for exotic soups and rustic, hearty dishes like pelmeni (meat dumplings), pancakes with different fillings, and last but not the least, caviar. Sweets are also a big thing in the Russian kitchen and they are incomparable with other confectioneries that can be bought outside the country. “RotFront” soya bars , Chak-Chak Sticks and Kozinaki are just a few of the most popular sweet snacks in Moscow.

Great food is everywhere, 24 hours a day in the city. Yar , one of the oldest restaurants in Russia has been serving local Russian cuisines for nearly a century now in Moscow. Another restaurant, Praga , which opened 150 years ago is known for its European and Russian dishes in addition to their pastry shop on the ground floor. Cafe Pushkin , a three-storey restaurant is open 24 hours a day. Each floor has its own menu and theme: the Pharmacy, Library, and the Fireplace Room. The Library floor is said to have the best view of the Tverskoy Boulevard during breakfast. However, if you want to time travel, find the secret door of Mari Vanna and experience what it is like to live in a Soviet home 50 years ago. Watch old Soviet channels and look through old bookcases and photos while having traditional Russian stews and pies. And oh, do not forget to book for tables!

But there’s so much more to Moscow’s modern gastronomic landscape. From sophisticated new takes on old-school cooking to cosmopolitan eateries offering refined cuisine from around the world, Moscow is also boasting with street foods. Chebureki or cheburechnaya, as what some cafes call them, are fried triangle-shaped thin dough stuffed with minced meat and spices. On the other hand, Blini is a better option for those who have a sweet tooth. They are crepes that can be filled with, cheese, jam, honey, ham, condensed milk, or red caviar. Today, Blini are famously made and sold in Teremok — a popular fast-food chain. Another fast-food chain has popularised a Russian local snack: Kroshka-Kartoshka . Although the name translates to “tiny potato”, they serve enormous baked potatoes with cheese, pickled mushrooms, butter, and other fillings. And lastly, pirozhki, which means pie seems to be the symbol of Russian street foods. Just look around the streets and try the four local snacks that we’ve mentioned and you’ll realise that every food is stuffed and/or filled with something. Now it is your turn to stuff your belly with Moscow street food!

10. Shop till you drop in Moscow boutiques

Muscovites are mad-shoppers and once you see the brands and collectives in each shopping centre, you might become one of them. From the most glamorous high-end fashion brands, art and design pieces, to antiques and traditional handicrafts, the opportunities for a hardcore spree are endless. Make sure to drop by the two most famous shopping centres, GUM and TSUM when you visit Moscow. They are must-visits even if you are only there to admire (or baulk at) their stupendous swankiness.

GUM is on the east side of Red Square. It is a former State Department Store. The building’s architecture will instantly give you an extravagant feeling. However, along with its luxurious interior, comes the most luxurious brands and prices. It is open for twelve hours each day from 10 am to 10 pm. On the other hand, TSUM , a six-story historical gothic building is the largest high-end department store in Eastern Europe. There is a luxury supermarket which is open for twenty-four hours on the ground floor.

More affordable options are in the city’s many bustling flea markets, or in beautiful old boutique stores. Tsvetnoy Central Market and Kuznetsky Most 20 are just two of the known markets in the city where both hot and hippy street brands can be found. Local creative contemporary designers and high-end creatives are also housed in both markets.

11. Earn bragging rights with the perfect Instagram snap

Up your Instagram and Facebook feed with these views and different angles of the city. Shamelessly share your food and shoes with the streets and floors you’re walking into with your virtual friends. Or take a snap of the random streets of Moscow depicting their rich cultures. Also, do not forget the big picture! Which literally means photos of the whole city.

Did you really visit Moscow if you don’t have any photo of the Red Square and Moscow Kremlin? Stand at the centre of Red Square and Kremlin, take the most iconic shot and show the world that you were actually in Moscow. We’ve listed three buildings that have the best top views of the city. The (1) Federation Tower which also has the highest restaurant in Moscow, (2) The Moscow State University has a panoramic view of the city inside The Museum of Geography on its top floor and (3) Cathedral of Christ ’s observation deck have the most breathtaking top views of the city.

The Ritz-Carlton Hotel, Garage Museum of Contemporary Art , GUM, ARTPlay , and Moscow Metro stations are just some of Moscow infrastructures perfect for your channel your inner artsy persona.  While walking around the Moscow CBD, do not forget to look up and take photos of the skyscrapers as far as your eyes and camera can reach. However, if you want to take a break from all the spectacular man-made architecture, take a stroll in Patriarch’s Pond , where you can feel like a real Muscovite and nature-lover.

12. Moscow never sleeps

>Let it be known: Russians love to party! And Moscow is undoubtedly the party capital of Russia. The capital city has an incredible array of nightlife options and a scene for everyone. Whether you’re keen to catch a live Russian rock band or slink into a smoky jazz club, Moscow is there for you. Go clubbing till the break of dawn or just lounge around with a beer and an endless array of fine local vodka. We have listed our top five bars and clubs to help you decide which one to go to. Go ahead and get your body moving along the music while drinking with Muscovites. In that way, you can actually experience Moscow.

Propaganda , or Probka as what regulars call it, is opened in 1997 and has about the same age as the Moscow club culture. Aside from local drinks and world-class DJs, the club is also boasting with cheap sandwiches and steaks. On Thursdays, they hold dance parties and gay parties on Sundays. Nauka i Iskusstvo (Science and Art) is for you if music is the sole reason for your night out. The club is said to host the best electronic and hip parties. Noor Bar, nonetheless, is known for their classic cocktails which can be best enjoyed on Fridays and Saturdays while listening to their DJ sets. Just make sure to go there early to secure a spot. Another two famous nightclubs are located in Artplay: Pluton and Rodnya . Pluton promotes all kinds of music and art-performances while Rodnya is a rooftop club where you can enjoy dancing while waiting for the sun to rise in Summer.  Squad 3/4  is one of the most bizarre nightclubs in Moscow. It is located at the basement of the former Central Baths building and often hosts bohemian raves.

13. Take a Moscow River Cruise

Cruising along the Moskva River is one of the best ways to see and visit Moscow. Ticket pricing of the cruise depends on the size of the boat; the bigger the boat, the more expensive and smoother its sailing will be. For 800 rubles, you can board the most famous tour boat in Moscow: the yellow Lay’s boat. It plays loud Russian pop music as you sail the river. Bigger boats cost 1,100 to 2,000 rubles per person. These cruises on bigger boats often offer cozy lunch and dinner on top of the cruise itself.

TIP : There are two main boarding piers: Hotel Ukraine and Park Kultury. If you want to save money, buy your tickets online and make sure to arrive earlier as it is hard to find the pier where your boat is at. However, if you do not mind spending more for tickets, you can purchase from street hawkers. They will personally guide you on where to find your boat and where to get off. Also, make sure to bring extra clothes even in the summer season.

14. White Christmas in Moscow

Visit Moscow and bring all your thick but light-weight clothes and experience Moscow’s white winter. The average weather in December is around -10 to 0 degrees Celsius with an average of 17-30 days of snowfall. Witness snowfall on the Red Square which transforms into a Christmas market and the biggest ice skating rink in December. Celebrate with Muscovites during the Russian Winter Festival and watch live performances, eat street foods, and play games from mid-December to mid-January in Manezh Square.

15. Explore the Medieval towns of Golden Ring

There is always more to see beyond the capital city of a country. And in Russia’s case, outside Moscow is the ancient region called the Golden Ring . The region’s name is derived from the golden onion-shaped domes of the churches around the towns and from the ring-like route in which 1967 art historian and journalist Yuri Bychkov travelled.

The Golden Ring is comprised of eight main cities:

• Yaroslavl is where the Transfiguration Monastery (now a museum) and Ioann Vasiliyevich — a Soviet-themed hotel and restaurant.
• Vladimir boasts its Golden Gate and the Cathedral of the Dormition of the Mother of God.
• Suzdal is a thirty-minute drive from Vladimir, it has five monasteries, thirty churches, and a market square (Torgovaya Ploshchad) where you can local berries and honey.
• Sergiev Posad is known to be the location of the Trinity Lavra of St Sergius — one of the largest monasteries in the world.
• Pereselavl-Zalessky is where you can enjoy windsurfing and ride hot air balloons.
• Rostov Velikiy or Rostov the Great is boasting its colourful churches and unchanged kremlin architecture.
• Ivanovo is known for its huge textile industry, it is also known as the city of brides since there more women than men in the area.
• Kostroma is where the town of Bui — a town of cultural heritage, and Trinity-Ipatiev Monastery can be explored.

Visit Moscow and experience and see in the Golden Ring afterwards. We have carefully crafted  tours  for every traveller like you.

Just as a cherry on top, here is an awesome video clip of this magnificent city, Moscow:

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72 Fun & Unusual Things to Do in Moscow

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Sure, Moscow is the Russian political capital and the nation’s most populous city, but describing it as such couldn’t be any further from the truth. More accurately, Moscow is a city of contrasts.

It exudes history — its Kremlin dates back centuries, nodding to royalty and leadership old and now, while the famed Red Square, the poster child of the city, blends striking color with ancient tradition and religion.

On the other hand, it’s a city of modern pop culture and towering skyscrapers; a place where you’ll come across new-age museums, arts centers, manmade parks, and an efficient transportation system that’s one of the most beautiful in Europe.

It’s a city of longstanding culture — the Bolshoi Theater is an international symbol for excellence in classical dance, while Russia’s National Ballet Company remains renowned worldwide — as well as upbeat nightlife, with some of the world’s most celebrated rooftop bars and nightclubs.

While it’s a city filled with opposites, there remains no shortage of things to do in Moscow for all types of travelers — from those who want cultural immersion to those looking for an epic night out, you’ll be spoiled for choice. And if you’re not sure where to start, here’s a list of suggestions!

The Moscow Kremlin

If there’s any particular district begging to be the first place you visit on your trip, it’s the Kremlin.

Built in the 16th century by Ivan the Terrible, the UNESCO-listed area has since become the heart of Russia’s capital city, where you’ll find several churches, palaces, and other noteworthy buildings.

We’ll dive into each of its main attractions in a second, but regardless of what you visit, try to make it to the Kremlin in time for sunset — because seeing its golden domes glinting in the late-afternoon light makes for one spectacular tourist photo!

Click here to learn about Kremlin tickets prices .

1 – Admire the abundance of Kremlin towers | the Kremlin

As your eyes dart down the towering red-brick Kremlin wall, the first thing you’ll notice is its large towers of all different styles and sizes.

With a whopping 20 separate minarets towering above the historic area, each with its own name, colors, features and history, a guided tour to learn each of their fascinating stories is a must.

To give you a little taste, the Konstantin-Yeleninskaya Tower once housed a torture chamber. Saviour’s Tower at the main entrance boasts a famous chiming clock, the Secret Tower houses a secret escape tunnel, and the Trinity Tower is the tallest of them all.

• Moscow Kremlin tours

2 – Visit the enormous Grand Kremlin Palace | the Kremlin

A remarkable attraction in terms of both beauty and history, the Grand Kremlin Palace is an ornate rococo-style building that was commissioned during the reign of Nicholas I, and today acts as the official residence of none other than the Russian president, Vladimir Putin.

Perched atop Borovitsky Hill, its 125-meter-long facade is unmissable, making for impressive photos.

Take note: guided tours are few and far between, so you’ll have to book a few weeks in advance if you want to check out the decorated inner sanctum.

Directions in Google Maps

3 – People-watch in Cathedral Square | the Kremlin

One of the most popular areas in all of Moscow (sometimes called Sobornaya Square), with multiple massive churches at its heart, Cathedral Square is flanked by several historic buildings and is never shy of a tourist crowd.

The three main churches — each spectacular works of architecture in their own right — are the Cathedral of the Assumption (the oldest and the biggest of all Kremlin churches), the 16th-century Cathedral of the Archangel Michael (known for its beautiful Corinthian gables and turrets), and the golden-domed Cathedral of the Annunciation (which connects to the Grand Kremlin Palace’s main building).

Throw in the 60-meter-high Ivan the Great Bell Tower, the lesser-known Church of the Twelve Apostles , the Church of the Deposition of the Virgin’s Robe (underrated yet famous for its marvelous stained-glass windows), and the medieval residence-turned-museum that is The Patriarch’s Palace, and you can see why this square is regularly number one on any visitor’s list of things to do in Moscow.

4 – See a show at the State Kremlin Palace | the Kremlin

Just like the Grand Kremlin Palace , this theater and prestigious concert hall — with its grandiose facade and multiple sculptures — is another ornate building that’s worth admiring.

A popular place to hold conferences, the State Kremlin Palace was originally built as part of a larger complex for Communist Party meetings, but today hosts some of the biggest events in Moscow — we’re talkin’ sold-old ballet performances, world-famous concerts, opera shows, and festivals.

Check the website to see what’s on the calendar for your visit!

5 – See centuries worth of national treasures at the Armoury Chamber | the Kremlin

For anyone with an interest in historical weaponry and armor, this museum — which dates back to the early 1500s when it was created as the royal armory — is a must-see.

The Armoury Chamber (as well as the Diamond Fund Exhibition) is home to some of the most valuable objects that were originally owned by Russian monarchs — from jeweled heirlooms and intricate boxes to ornately decorated pistols and swords — many of which are centuries old.

Within the armoury chamber, you’ll also find the Russian historical regalia, a collection of artifacts that belonged to Russian tsars and emperors between the 13th and 20th centuries, highlighted by the Ivory Throne and the Monomakh’s Cap.

• Armoury Chamber tours

6 – Step inside the Palace of the Facets | the Kremlin

The Palace of the Facets is one of the most underrated buildings in all of Moscow, largely because it’s not as widely promoted or photographed even though its exterior adorns some postcards.

From the outside, it blends in with the crowd. But step inside and you’ll discover a world of beauty and wonder — its frescoes, golden columns and enormous rooms are a sight to behold

The Palace of the Facets is not only a piece of art (literally, with painted walls), dating back over 500 years, but also acted as the dining hall for the Tsars.

7 – Feel small next to the Tsar Bell | the Kremlin

Making Philadelphia’s famous Liberty Bell look diminutive in size, this monument , which never actually functioned as a bell due to its immense size (at 205 tons and standing 20.1 feet high!), has found fame in recent years for being the heaviest attraction inside The Kremlin.

With the bronze landmark’s claim to fame of being the biggest bell in the world, it presents as a great, quick photo op when roaming through the Kremlin.

8 – Check out the Senate Palace | the Kremlin

Another architectural masterpiece that’s tucked away within the Kremlin, this palace is famous for being one of Moscow’s most beautiful buildings — its yellow façade curves around to face inward and truly engulf anyone who stands near it.

Built back in the late 1700s, today it houses the Russian presidential administration and, unfortunately for us, is off limits to the general public.

Still, admiring it from outside, with the nearby Tsar Cannon, is certainly good enough.

9 – Grab a photo in front of the Tsar Cannon | the Kremlin

One of Moscow’s most iconic symbols, Tsar Cannon (or Royal Cannon) is a cannon that was manufactured in 1586 and resides — yep, you guessed it — within The Kremlin.

Following the theme of the enormous Tsar Bell, it weighs a whopping 39 tons — making it one of the world’s largest cannons even though it has never been shot.

And while its size may be impressive on its own, what makes this cannon so special is that it’s adorned with intricate carvings, ornaments, inscriptions, and a figure of a horse-riding Tsar Feodor the Bellringer.

• walking tours in Moscow

10 – Join a tour of the Terem Palace | the Kremlin

A stunning, fairytale-like palace that’s steeped in history and detail, the five-story Terem Palace is one of the most underrated attractions within The Kremlin. However, as part of the official residence of the Russian President, much of it is off-limits to snap-happy tourists.

That said, there’s still plenty to be seen in the accessible areas by joining a group tour: a beautiful white-stone carved staircase; curved, decorated, and painted ceilings; and an enchanting low-vaulted Antechamber with lancet windows.

The Red Square

As we move away from the Kremlin, our next stop is the most photographed, picturesque public area in the country.

Flanked by gorgeous, colorful towers and buildings, the Red Square is the most famous square in all of Russia — and one that’s steeped in history, patriotism, and communist symbolism.

Home to some of Moscow’s greatest landmarks including St Basil’s Cathedral (featuring its iconic onion domes), Lenin Mausoleum, GUM department store (an architectural masterpiece that is the most famous shopping mall in Russia), The State History Museum, and more, it’s not just a sight to see in Moscow but also one that has been seen by hundreds of millions from around the world.

11 – Make your way inside St. Basil’s Cathedral | Red Square

Built back in the early 1500s, this quirky-looking, 65-meter-tall Orthodox church is so unique and detailed that it’s earned its place as one of 16 UNESCO cultural sites in Russia — and, thanks to many Hollywood productions like Bond: Skyfall (2012), has only continued to increase in fame.

Its exterior boasts multi-colored domes crowned with golden onion top spires. Meanwhile, inside, you’ll find nine small, separate chapels, and plenty of decorated walls and windows — all best viewed as part of a walking tour of Red Square.

• Red Square tours in Moscow

12 – Visit the State Historical Museum | Red Square

One of seven museums that can be found around the expansive Red Square, the State Historical Museum is one of Moscow’s most revered.

Housed in a neoclassical building (the same as GUM), it features more than 4 million items relating to Russian history — making it so vast and incredible that you’ll need at least two hours inside to see just a fraction.

While you’re in the area, be sure to check out the Marshal Georgy Zhukov Monument, a towering horse-riding statue of arguably the most famous and heroic Soviet military commander of WWII, which can be found in front of the museum.

13 – Shop till you drop at GUM | Red Square

The official state department store of Russia, having opened in 1893 and become one of Moscow’s most iconic attractions for shopaholics over the years, is known for its gorgeous architecture that looks more like a palace than anything else.

Entering through its massive golden doors, you’ll be surprised to find an extensive shopping center with more than 100 luxury and world-renowned brands of clothing and accessories for men, women, and youngsters.

Even if you don’t plan on buying anything, stop into the Gastronom №1 for a bite to eat or take a stroll through its corridors to appreciate the building’s history and beauty.

14 – Visit Lenin’s Mausoleum | Red Square

Another iconic Red Square attraction is Lenin’s Mausoleum, a small yet foreboding building that houses the embalmed corpse of Communist leader Vladimir Lenin (who led Russia through the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917).

Opened in 1930 after his death and standing at more than 12 meters tall, it presents as both a unique and macabre site — and, considering the life-like nature of the body, certainly isn’t for the faint of heart.

Note: Entrance is free of charge, but expect to be searched by security before being allowed in.

15 – Ride the Moscow Metro, enjoying the beautiful stations along the way

As we leave the Red Square, the next cab off the rank is Moscow’s unbelievable artistic Metro network (rivaled only in beauty by that of Stockholm). Constructed between the 1930s and 1950s, its stations were built by hand with a wide range of artistic themes — from socialist realist to Slavic pagan.

Tips: The best way to experience them is as part of a Moscow Metro tour, which can be booked online. However, if you prefer exploring solo, then make sure to visit the Mayakovskaya Metro Station which is known for its seemingly endless archways.

You may also check out Dostoyevskaya, named after a famous writer with murals depicting his stories. The Ploshchad Revolutsii Metro Station is another option where a handful of Socialist statues provide a wonderful contrast to the red marble arches.

• metro tours in Moscow

16 – Spend the afternoon exploring the State Tretyakov Gallery

Boasting the reputation of being one of the world’s leading art museums, the State Tretyakov Gallery is home to a stunning collection that features well over 100,000 works from Russia and around the globe.

Featuring everything from ancient Russian icons to Soviet-era artifacts and contemporary pieces, the museum also houses a charming green garden perfect for recharging.

Visitors are advised to allocate at least three hours inside to properly appreciate everything on show — or consider booking a private VIP tour to skip the lines and focus on the best sections.

• Tretyakov Gallery tickets

Click here to find out the best Moscow tours .

17 – Get out of town to the Tsaritsyno Museum & Nature Reserve

Located a short drive from the hustle and bustle of the Red Square, this incredible attraction is both a palatial museum and cultural center, with an enchanting open-air garden to boot — spread across 405 hectares altogether.

Boasting beautiful 18th-century baroque architecture, it was originally built as a country retreat for Catherine the Great. However, it has since been transformed into an outdoor museum with several museums inside — including exhibits dedicated to Russian history and culture.

18 – Tick off the main haunts with a hop-on hop-off bus ride

Short on time or just can’t be bothered walking around anymore? Then make sure to check out the double-decker Hop-on-Hop-off Bus, a convenient and cheap way of seeing all the main attractions in one go.

With unlimited-ride tickets lasting between 24 and 72 hours, there’s plenty of flexibility to soak in must-see areas like Red Square, the Kremlin, Arbatskaya Square, Theatre Square, and the Red October neighborhood — and with a free audio tour (in English) throughout the ride, you’re sure to learn a thing or two as well.

Busses usually run every 15 minutes, with the full city loop taking roughly an hour — of course, you can disembark and reboard to your heart’s content.

• bus tours in Moscow

19 – Learn about military history on Poklonnaya Hill

For an up-close and personal experience with the past, make sure to check out Poklonnaya Hill — a UNESCO World Heritage Site about 20 minutes out from the city center that’s home to several relics from Russia’s pre-revolutionary era.

It has everything from Great Patriotic War memorials dedicated to fallen soldiers of the Russian military forces, to the Eternal Flame and the Museum of Great Patriotic War. This is an unmissable opportunity for history buffs.

Hot tip: While you’re in the area, be sure to stop into the Victory Museum (the nation’s biggest military history museum) and check out the gold-tipped Church of St. George the Victorious .

20 – Get artsy at the Pushkin State Museum of Fine Arts

Home to one of the finest and most significant art collections in Russia, the highly-regarded Pushkin State Museum of Fine Arts showcases everything from medieval icons and paintings. With over 500,000 pieces of works by renowned artists like Rembrandt, Renoir, Picasso, Matisse, Karl Bryullov and Rubens, the museum is undeniably one of the best things to do in Moscow for art lovers.

The museum also houses impressive exhibits dedicated to ancient Greece, archaeological collections, decorative arts and a 200,000-item Numismatic library.

21 – Take a charming stroll down Arbat Street

Boasting everything from galleries and craft stores to souvenir shops, cafes, and some of Russia’s finest restaurants and hotels — as well as top-notch street performers (like jugglers and caricaturists) — Arbat Street is one of Moscow’s most famous pedestrian hubs for good reason.

The entire walkway, flanked by colorful buildings, stretches about a kilometer through the historic district, making it the perfect start to any day of inner-city exploring.

22 – Lounge around at the Gorky Central Park of Culture and Leisure

One of Moscow’s biggest and most beloved green spaces, Gorky Central Park is a must-visit for anyone looking to soak in some fresh air.

The park boasts 45 hectares of picturesque grassland, forests, Golitsinsky Ponds (home to squirrels and ducks), walking trails, fountains and the Neskuchny Garden. This place is also home to the wooden Olivkovy beach, a hot spot for photographers looking to appreciate the Moskva river.

Plenty of cafes line the well-manicured park, likewise public art projects and picnic spots and an open-air cinema in the summertime!

While a relaxing day in the gardens is never a bad idea, if you’re looking for something a little more interactive, there’s the 18-meter-tall Observation Platform and a handful of museums on site. The Gorky Park Museum , Muzeon Park of Arts , Garage Museum of Contemporary Art and New Tretyakov Gallery are all noteworthy stops within walking distance.

23 – Stare at the ceiling of the Christ the Savior Cathedral

On an easy stroll from the southwest side of the Kremlin, you’ll find a majestic memorial cathedral doused in history: the 5-golden-domed Christ the Savior Cathedral .

With a beautiful color-contrasting exterior that still falls short of the intricately painted inner walls and ceiling, this underrated (due to not being in Red Square with the other main cathedrals) attraction is a must for the bucket list.

24 – Zoom around town in a Soviet van

If a hop-on-hop-off bus screams of cliche tourism, why not get a little more cultured by skirting around the city’s main haunts in a real, war-era soviet van?

Undeniably one of Russia’s most emblematic vehicles as both a symbol of a Soviet past and a comical cultural nod to its boring exterior (dubbed the “loaf of bread”), the UAZ-452 vans are iconic.

So whether you opt for a pub crawl, landmark sightseeing tour, or day of adventure with wintertime off-roading, be sure to ride shotgun in one of the loaves of bread at some stage!

• soviet tours

25 – See sharks up close at the Moskvarium

The mightiest aquarium in Europe (by size), the Moskvarium is an impressive modern space dedicated to the beauty and diversity of aquatic life.

Located right on the outskirts of Moscow’s city center (about 20 minutes drive from Red Square), this huge complex encompasses over 70 interactive exhibits. These include live shows, and the chance to go swimming with dolphins — that are sure to impress the whole family.

26 – Go underground at the Bunker 42 Cold War Museum

In the depths of Moscow’s shadow-strewn streets, hidden 65 meters beneath the tourist crowds are a Cold War-era bunker and former secret communications center.

Bunker 42 was built in 1955 as a nuclear-proof hideaway, but today you can book tours that reveal its secrets and stories — a must for the common history buff.

• Bunker 42 tickets

27 – Immserve yourself in the soviet culture at the VDNKh theme park and exhibition space

Sprawling across the Ostankinsky District, VDNKh is a massive open-air museum and theme park paying homage to Russian industry and Soviet values.

The enormous complex is decked out with several gold-clad statues and palatial pavilions, each uniquely designed to represent different Soviet interests and endeavors, such as geology and the space race.

Hot tip: For a wonderful view of the Moscow skyline, be sure to jump on the Ferris wheel after riding the small roller coasters and merry-go-round.

28 – Take a trip to the Kolomenskoye Palace

Overlooking the sparkling Moskva River about 20 kiometers south of central Moscow, the postcard-worthy Kolomenskoye Palace is a former royal estate. It’s now open to the public as an extensive park with carefully-kept gardens, including one of Russia’s oldest white stone churches (the tent-looking UNESCO-listed Ascension Church ).

It has walking trails through peaceful wooded areas and gorgeous views out over the region from its high hilltop location. The park has long been considered one of the hidden gems when it comes to things to do in Moscow.

29 – Enjoy the view from the Ostankino TV Tower

With the coveted claim to fame of being the tallest free-standing structure in Europe (and 11th tallest in the world) — standing above the Empire State Building, for reference — the 540.1-meter-tall Ostankino Tower is picturesquely located next to Park Dubovaya Roshcha, not too far from VDNH, the Moskvarium, and the widespread Park Ostankind.

So long as you’re not left lighthearted by heights, the 337-meter-high observation deck is the go-to spot for panoramic views.

30 – Blast off at the Museum of Cosmonautics

One for the space nerds and future astronauts, the Museum of Cosmonautics is dedicated to the history, present-day relevance, and future possibilities of space exploration. It provides a spectacular insight into the Soviet perspective of the 1960s space race.

Located on a lovely green site in one corner of VDNKh, the museum features an outdoor planetarium, interactive displays for children, as well as inside exhibits that showcase original spacecraft parts.

For the best experience, consider a pre-arranged tour that includes access to both the Museum and VDNKh.

31 – Complete your Moscow culinary experience with a food tour

Foodies, listen up! Moscow has gained a reputation for being one of the finest cities in Europe for foodies, with an excellent range of restaurants and bars.

For those looking for a complete Moscow culinary experience that includes some of the best hidden gems and experiences, food tours are an ideal way to go.

Depending on your tour of choice, expect to sample a few Pelmeni (dumplings), Blini (wafer-thin pancakes), and world-famous Ponchiki doughnuts. Then wash it all down with some locally-distilled vodka or Nalivka (a sweet berry-infused liquor).

• food tours in Moscow

32 – Smell the flowers at the Main Botanical Garden — the largest botanical garden in Europe

Constructed in 1945, the Main Botanical Garden of the Russian Academy of Sciences is a 340-hectare space of plant collections and lakeside walkways to explore.

It’s one of those places that gets better as you make your way around it on foot (or even rollerblades). There are many well-kept gardens, beautiful ponds filled with turtles and waterfowl, a charming Japanese Garden and some very rare trees.

33 – Wander around the Novodevichy Monastery

The Novodevichy Convent and surrounding Kremlin-style walls combine to be one of Moscow’s most picturesque sites — a UNESCO-listed complex that was founded in the 1500s and includes an interweaving of churches, cathedrals, bell towers and a cemetery.

After admiring the buildings, check out the monastery which is surrounded by green spaces perfect for a stroll and a snack.

To learn all about its architecture and history, opt for a guided tour as recommended by most travelers.

34 – Ride the coasters at Family Park SKAZKA

If you’re traveling with youngsters who seem to never be able to burn off their energy then make a beeline for the Krylatskoye District neighborhood, home to the popular SKAZKA adventure park.

Kids can enjoy everything from bumper cars to the petting zoo, while parents might want to pop into one of the cafes or restaurants.

Even if you don’t have kids in tow, the adrenaline-pumping roller coasters invite thrill-seekers of all ages.

35 – Understand the deeper meanings of “Soviet Jew” at the Jewish Museum & Centre of Tolerance

Opened in 2012, the Jewish Museum and Centre of Tolerance is a fascinating institution dedicated to exploring and honoring the diverse complex Russian-Jewish history and culture.

Explore every facet of the role of Russian Jewry throughout the centuries — including food, artifacts, religious beliefs and cultural traditions. Visitors can also see an array of exhibits made from testimonial footage, as well as a large collection of works of Jewish artists.

For history buffs, the museum dives into the intriguing role that Jewish soldiers played during World War II.

36 – Cruise down the Moscow River!

For those looking for a unique perspective on the city, there are stacks of tours (romantic, sightseeing, luxury-themed or party-vibed) that explore Moscow from its riverfront.

Take in some of the most iconic landmarks around the Kremlin and Gorky Park on a boat. Cruises can also take you underneath bridges, entertain you with live music and offer insights into the landmarks that pass by with live audio narration.

• boat tours in Moscow

37 – Grab a table at Café Pushkin

A favorite of many Muscovites, Cafe Pushkin on Tverskoy Boulevard is an intimate spot to enjoy some authentic Russian dishes.

It’s hand-picked by locals for its traditional décor resembling a nobleman’s house and charming atmosphere (thanks largely to the rustic bookshelves). You’ll find that the menu consists mainly of classic European cuisine mixed with a few local favorites. It’s complemented by a wooden bar with a fine collection of vintage wines and regular live music.

38 – Spend the day at the Karibiya Aquapark

After a hard day exploring the city, why not spend some time out to relax and unwind at one of Moscow’s largest water parks?

Karibiya has a handful of pools (including a heated salt-water spa) and fun but not too wild slides, plus a bowling alley for the kids, a fitness center and bar for the adults. There’s something to keep everyone entertained.

39 – Take a day trip to Sergiev Posad

A photographer’s dream with blue-and-gold cupolas contrasted by snow-white walls, the ancient town of Sergiev Posad (just over an hour’s drive from Moscow) is a quaint tourist favorite. It’s famous for being home to one of Russia’s most important and sacred monasteries — the free-to-visit Trinity Lavra St. Sergius monastery complex.

Founded in 1340 AD by Saint Sergius, today it serves as an active monastery where visitors are free to attend daily services. Admire its truly remarkable artworks and historic museum collections.

• Sergiev Posad day trip

40 – Spot starfish (and monkeys?) at the Crocus City Oceanarium

One of the latest attractions in Moscow, Crocus City Mall’s iceberg-shaped  Oceanarium is a vast three-floor aquarium. It has more than 5,000 species swimming gracefully under one roof — not to mention the reptiles, birds, and monkeys that also call this place home.

Since the mall also boasts shopping centers, a pair of concert halls and a skating rink, there’s no shortage of activities on offer to whisk away a rainy day.

41 – Button-mash at the Museum of Soviet Arcade Machines

Where are the gamers at?

For anyone curious about the video games and technology of Russia’s yesteryear, there’s no better place to visit than this retro museum (complete with Soviet-era soda).

Filled with an impressive collection of more than 100 vintage arcade machines dating back as far as the late 1970s (like ”Pull the Turnip”), it’s sure to take you on a trip down memory lane.

42 – Take a walk through the Alexander Garden

While the majority of Moscow’s other top attractions require a ticket or entry fee, there is at least one gem that doesn’t. It happens to be right on your doorstep if you’re staying anywhere near the Kremlin.

Alexander Garden (also known as Alexandrovsky Sad) is an expansive park that stretches the entire western wall of the Kremlin (nearly 1km in length). It’s filled to the brim with colorful flower beds, winding walkways and calming fountains.

Don’t miss the tomb of the Unknown Soldier while you’re there.

43 – Sign up for a dog sledding adventure!

Cliche? Sure, maybe a little. Seriously fun? You better believe it!

Winter is coming, and that means it’s time to get out there and experience Russia the way only locals can — by dog sledding.

Typically lasting seven or eight hours, these outdoor adventures (which include hotel pick up and drop off) are a wonderful way to experience nature and immerse yourself in ancient Russian traditions — and hang out with a handful of adorable huskies, of course!

Seriously though, this is one of those things you’re going to want photos (and videos) for when you get back home because, really, words just wouldn’t do it justice.

44 – Walk beneath the Iberian Gate and Chapel

Facing away from the Red Square and linking Manezhnaya Square, the Iberian Gate and Chapel (sometimes called the Resurrection Gate) is overflowing with history. It acts as the spiritual entrance to the Red Square and the home of the wooden chapel that houses icons of the Iberian Virgin.

Many believe it is customary to kiss the Iberian icon before entering the gate and for boys to take off their hats. For an insight into the local culture, join a walking tour and learn more about the gate’s significance to religion and history.

To add to the importance, the gate is also the location of ‘Kilometer Zero’ — the official central point of Moscow.

45 – Play all day at the Dream Island theme park

After opening its gates early in 2020, Dream Island earned itself the coveted title of being the largest indoor theme park in Europe (yep, that means it’s even open in the harsh winter).

It’s a delight for kids and adults alike. Throughout the park you’ll find an array of rides themed around classic cartoons like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Pinocchio, the Smurfs, Hotel Transylvania and Hello Kitty. It also has charming and well-arranged streets that transport you to bustling cities like London and Barcelona!

Throw in live performances, plenty of eateries, a cinema and a hotel, and you can see why it’s become all the rage recently.

46 – Race against the clock in an escape room

An unmissable and quick activity for any budding Sherlock Holmes out there, escape rooms challenge your mind and require wit, teamwork, and logic. Figure out the puzzles and escape from each room before time runs up.

Moscow’s escape room games usually last around 60 minutes and cover a range of themes (like a USSR Nuclear Bunker or even an outdoor, app-led scavenger game) — perfect for the whole family.

47 – Chill out by the Patriarch’s Ponds

Surrounded by residential buildings in the fancy downtown Presnensky District, the enormous (9,900 square meters, to be exact) the Patriarshiye Prudy is a beautiful oasis. It’s frequented by dog walkers, picnickers, artists and musicians alike.

In summertime, you’ll find people picnicking on the grassy banks or sunbathing by the ponds. In the winter, it transforms into a magical wonderland of snow and ice, morphing into a popular public skating rink.

Directions on Google Maps

48 – Go behind the scenes at Luzhniki Stadium

Moscow’s Lujniki Stadium is one of Europe’s biggest soccer complexes, capable of hosting some 80,000 fans with an electric-like atmosphere — as we saw during its phase as the main stadium of the 2018 FIFA World Cup.

Besides being the current home ground of Russia’s National Football Team, it also hosts concerts by some of the biggest international acts and was also the focal point of the 1980 Olympic Games.

If your trip doesn’t line up with any sellout matches, you can still join a backstage stadium tour that explores the dressing rooms, press conference room and the field.

49 – Head to Suzdal and Vladimir for a day

A fantastic option for anyone who wants to get out of the chaos of Moscow for a minute, these two towns are parts of the Golden Ring of ancient Russian cities. They present as perfect day trips, thanks to their rich history, diverse culture and white-drenched architecture.

In Suzdal , the Kremlin fortress is the main event, with the Cathedral of the Nativity (and its 13th-century Golden Doors) captivating visitors year after year. In Vladimir , the awe-inspiring Assumption Cathedral (Dormition Cathedral) teaks center stage, with its five golden domes making for a wonderful photo backdrop

Don’t feel like hiring a car? Take the hassle out of your getaway and book a pre-arranged tour that visits both ancient towns on the same day.

50 – Escape the crowds at the Botanic Gardens of Moscow State University

Wielding the title of Russia’s oldest botanic garden, the Botanic Gardens of Moscow State University (founded in 1706) is a fantastic place to escape the city and learn about Russia’s rich flora.

The beautifully arranged garden boasts more than 6,000 plant species that span various climates across the world, allowing visitors to see everything from roses and tulips to cacti and bamboo trees!

51 – Climb inside a tank at the Kubinka Tank Museum

A must-see for any military history buff, the Kubinka Tank Museum showcases dozens of tanks and armored vehicles from across the globe, with a particularly heavy focus on Soviet Union models (to be expected, right?).

The collection includes everything from Polish TKS tankettes to the only remaining Panzer VIII Maus, a captured WWI British Mark V and the Object 172 — as well as plenty of cannons, weapons and missiles.

Serving traditional Russian military meals and national staples, even the cafe-restaurant is military-themed!

52 – Sit front row at the Moscow International House of Music

A world-renowned performance complex on the picturesque Kosmodamianskaya Embankment, this state-of-the-art venue is best known for hosting Vladimir Spivakov’s Virtuosi of Moscow Chamber Orchestra. It showcases everything from classical concerts to jazz, folk music and more!

The venue’s three magnificent concert halls welcome an array of local and international performers. Check the website to see who’s taking center stage during your visit!

53 – Drift through fresh powder on a snowmobile!

While it’s not always winter (though if you want to make the most of your snowy trip, come between December and March), as soon as that first snowfall hits, it’s time for snowmobile tours. Make for a fantastic way to explore the out-of-the-way locations and magical forests beyond Moscow’s city limits.

Even if you’ve never ridden a ski-doo or snowmobile before, the friendly expert instructors will be with you every step of the way, with safety and enjoyment always priorities.

54 – Crank your head skywards in Moscow City

A stark contrast to the ancient and colorful onion domes in the Red Square, Moscow City’s skyscape (aka the Moscow International Business Center ) is full of towering, modern glass-heavy (even twisting) skyscrapers. Many of which are vying at the top of the list of Europe’s tallest buildings.

At 374 meters tall and with 95 floors — and a wonderful restaurant on its 60th floor — the Moscow Federation Tower is a popular choice for tourists. Meanwhile, the 85th and 86th floor of the OKO Towers play host to a Russian restaurant and skating rink respectively.

Be sure to walk through the modern Bagration Bridge and, for the shopaholics, check out the stores and IMAX theater inside AFIMALL City.

55 – Check out Zaryadye Park

Within arm’s reach of the famed Red Square, the peaceful slice of greenery that is Zaryadye Park is a breath of beautiful and natural air amidst the concrete jungle. It’s the first new city park to be opened in Moscow for more than half a century.

At various points around the 10-hectare park, you’ll find a few restaurant pavilions, a media center, a museum and a botanical collection housing over a million plants. It also houses the two-stage Zaryadye Concert Hall where thousands of passersby take a seat on the steps every day.

While you’re there, don’t miss the Chambers of the Romanov Boyars, an unusual museum above the northern side of the park.

56 – Stroll around the cozy Hermitage Garden

Small yet incredibly charming and found conveniently smack-bang in the middle of the city, the Hermitage Garden is a perfect spot to relax and unwind after a day of learning about Russia’s vast history.

Surrounded by the Sfera Theatre and The Kolobov Novaya Opera Theatre of Moscow , this lovely, leafy garden can be both a relaxing oasis or the prelude to an entertaining evening out.

57 – Treat yourself to a ballet show at the Bolshoi Theatre

With a reputation that precedes it, the impressive and world-famous Bolshoi Theatre is a must for any theater lover. Its rich history is making it one of the most iconic theaters in Europe.

While there are several performances to choose from throughout the year — from ballet to opera, classic dramas and even acrobatic shows — you can also get your own private backstage tour.

58 – Get artsy, then party at ArtPlay

This old tea factory turned cultural hub of Moscow’s creative arts is heaven on earth for rotating exhibitions by local artists.

Depending on what piques your interest, you can join in on everything from live music to dance classes, art studio workshops, flea markets and film screenings here. However, after the sun goes down, its alter-ego comes out to play.

So, if you’re feeling peckish, stop into the Domozhilov restaurant nearby for a shashlik. Then wash it down at the English pub with a beer before partying it up at Rodnya, a pumping techno club.

59 – Head to the PANORAMA360 Observation Deck

A surefire hit for the social media feed, the observation deck at the top of Moscow’s Federation Tower skyscraper — PANORAMA360 — is a must-see selfie stop for its killer views and … ice cream factory.

From the 89th floor, you can soak in the wonder of Moscow old and new from above. It has floor-to-ceiling windows providing 360-degree vistas, a rotating restaurant and mini-cinema to boot.

60 – Throw down a picnic blanket in Sokolniki Park

One of the largest green spaces in Moscow, Sokolniki Park is a very popular gathering place for locals and visitors alike.

Spread across the northeastern Sokolniki District, it’s the perfect distance from the city’s main haunts where the crowds remain small but the accessibility stays high.

With its many activities — from sports to live music to festivals — not much beats this park when it comes to outdoor fun!

61 – Catch a traditional Russian dance show

To get a true sense of the rich and diverse culture in Moscow, you can’t go past one of its many folk dance shows.

While there are several to choose from, “Kostroma” and “The Golden Ring” are two crowd favorite choices. Each is thoroughly unique with traditional music and costumes sure to make for a once-in-a-lifetime night of entertainment.

Of course, due to high popularity, be sure to book in advance.

62 – Book a table at the White Rabbit restaurant bar

Perched above the historical center of Moscow on the 16th floor of the Smolensky Passage building, this lavish restaurant is a must-visit for any foodie-obsessed traveler. Why? Because it continually ranks as one of the top 50 restaurants in the world.

The drool-worthy menu made by fifth-generation chef Vladimir Mukhin consists of creative, beautiful plated meals. The coveted eaterie also boasts 360-degree panoramic views of the city and a fine collection of wines and cocktails.

63 – Have dinner inside the Vysoko-Petrovskiy Monastery

Whether you’re an architecture or history buff, while visiting Moscow, it would be a shame to miss out on the rare chance to eat in an actual monastery.

This one is particularly special as it dates back some 700 years. Not only will you get to dig into an authentic Russian menu, but learn about the history of the building and (depending on your booking package) get a guided tour too.

64 – Pass by the ‘Children Are the Victims of Adult Vices’ sculpture

This free public art installation in Bolotnaya square was created by Mihail Chemaikin in 2001. A somewhat controversial landmark, it depicts how children are influenced by vices — alcohol, theft, ignorance, violence, addiction, poverty and war, to name a few.

The sculpture’s uniqueness and thought-provoking nature makes it an essential stop on any day of wandering around.

65 – Get wild on a pub crawl!

You’re on vacation, so it’s time to let your hair down, mingle with some fellow thirsty travelers and party it up Moscow-style!

High-energy pub crawls are a great way to get acquainted with new friends while seeing Moscow’s unique nightlife scene first-hand. Let the locals lead you to hidden gems, tourist hot spots and quirky dive bars.

If you don’t feel like walking, why not join a Soviet minivan crawl instead (where you can drink Soviet champagne onboard!)?

66 – Roll up for the Nikulin Circus!

If you haven’t had the chance to see a live circus before — and especially if you’re traveling with kids — why not head over to the Nikulin Circus on Tsvetnoy Boulevard?

It blends traditional Russian acrobatics with modern-day technology, animals, and the classic circular circus stage. This beloved local entertainment is also considered one of the most enjoyable things to do in Moscow!

67 – Get romantic on a Moskva River dinner cruise

What better way to take in the city’s skyline than from a luxury yacht as you enjoy entertainment, fine dining, and (strong) specialty drinks?

Whether you’re looking for something large that can accommodate groups of friends or something smaller with a bit more VIP style, there are several dinner cruises available to suit any taste and budget.

68 – Explore the wonderful Izmailovo District

One of the city’s best-kept secrets, Izmailovo ‘s focal point is its Kremlin, a colorful wooden complex. Built in 2007, it has had unique museums and flea markets pop up nearby in the years since.

Throughout the area, you’ll uncover museums dedicated to vodka, break and Russian folk art. The district’s charming open-air flea market has all kinds of crafts and souvenirs are haggled on the daily.

Don’t miss Izmailovo Park , which is an enormous 300-hectare space that plays host to souvenir vendors, forest walking paths and even an ice rink in winter.

With so much to see in the district, savvy travelers typically opt for a guided tour.

• Izmailovo tours

69 – Sip on a cocktail at the award-winning City Space Bar and Lounge

Self-dubbed as one of the world’s top 10 bars, with accolades like Luxury Travel Guide’s Bar of the Year 2018, this iconic and luxurious watering hole doesn’t need much of an introduction.

Perched sky-high on the 34th floor of Swissotel Krasnye Holmy, the circular lounge bar slings signature cocktails and dishes up truly stunning views of the city.

Hot tip: While there’s never a poor time to visit, aim to arrive an hour or so before sunset, that’s when the city will truly sparkle below.

70 – Pamper yourself at the Sanduny Baths

If you’re looking for something to ease that throbbing headache after a night of pub crawling, why not try the famous Sanduny Baths , a quintessentially Russian experience?

Famed as one of the world’s most beautiful public bathhouses, Sanduny’s steam rooms and pools are said to be some of the best in Moscow. But for something totally unique, you can’t go past the birch twigs massage (read: beating).

71 – Spruce up your social media feed at some Insta-worthy restaurants

While a good meal is always part of the restaurant experience, getting a good pic for Instagram is half the fun!

Luckily, there are tons of excellent eateries that combine great food with gorgeous aesthetics.

Big Wine Freaks has a fantastic drink selection (naturally), and its dark, classy rooms full of elegant light fixtures and plush furniture bring to mind a spy’s hideout.

Meanwhile, Sempre adopts more of a naturalistic approach, surrounding diners with ferns and greenery.

And at Black Market Moscow , you can choose between indoor and outdoor spaces, each featuring their own unique designs and dining experiences.

Take a bite and snap some pics!

72 – Unleash your inner party animal at the Night clubs

When the sun goes down, you’ll get to see a whole new side of Moscow: its amazing nightlife!

Head to Propaganda for a bite or a beverage, then dance to some quality club tunes.

Or get a little wild at Chesterfield , where you can pay a flat fee and drink as much as you want – the perfect recipe for fun!

And at Rock’N’ Roll , there’s a new form of excitement every day, from DJ sets to live bands, all playing a lively mix of rock music from across the decades.

With all this excitement, you won’t want to book anything early the next day!

How to get to Moscow?

Unless you’re feeling up to the challenge of a long train journey, you’ll most likely be flying into Moscow.

Luckily, it has three international airports to choose from: Sheremetyevo, Vnukovo, and Domodedovo.

Once you’ve arrived, you’ll be able to easily reach the city via the Aeroexpress train.

Where to stay in Moscow?

Golden Ring Hotel  will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, whether you’re getting pampered at the beauty salon or enjoying a meal in the rooftop restaurants.

Or check in to Radisson Slavyanskaya Hotel & Business Center , which boasts everything from riverside views and a gym to nearby shopping areas and relaxing Turkish baths.

At AZIMUT Hotel Olympic Moscow , the massages, international cuisine, sauna, and swimming pool will keep you happily occupied in between excursions.

And at sister property AZIMUT Hotel Smolenskaya Moscow , you can savor a nice meal or admire the scenery from the lounge, or stroll over to Gorky Park or roam along Stary Arbat Street.

Meanwhile, Oblaka Hotel blends simple charm and a convenient location, with charming red brick exteriors and easy access to historic sites and a metro station.

• best hotels in Moscow

Visiting Moscow on a budget?

There’s nothing like seeing a city on foot… especially on a free walking tour !

These excursions aren’t just a way to save money while still learning a lot; they also offer a wonderful opportunity to gain local perspectives, courtesy of your guides.

But despite the name, they do accept tips for a job well done, so bring a bit of money with you!

Where to go next?

If you’re short on time but still want to see the best of Moscow, try some multi-day tours ; they’ll provide all of the coolest sights and experiences in an efficient format.

After that, it’s time to start exploring further afield!

Though it’s a bit of a trek, St. Petersburg is well worth the journey!

With its famously decadent buildings to its lively arts scene, this is the perfect place to soak up some culture; but there are also some more offbeat options, like folk shows, vodka tastings, and even an amusement park!

And from the jaw-dropping designs of the metro stations (yes, you read that correctly) to the glimmer of Faberge eggs, it showcases beauty at every turn.

Ready to go beyond Russia?

Dive into the best places to visit in Europe , a smorgasbord of art and history, nature and architecture, showcasing some of the most beloved cities and countries in the world.

Final thoughts

While Russia’s capital may seem imposing, its dynamic culture, live-wire entertainment scene, and remarkable history make it an unbeatable destination, with unique adventures that will linger in your memory long after you’ve returned home.

You may feel a little overwhelmed by all of the incredible things to do in Moscow… but that’s all the more reason to come back!

If you have any other must-see suggestions, noteworthy day trips or quintessential tours worth booking, feel free to write in the comments!

As always, happy travels!

Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

The 13 summer trips Americans are searching for the most, according to Google Flights

• Google Flights revealed the top searched destinations on its platform for summer 2024.
• The data is based on the most searched travel destinations from US users between June and August.
• Neither New York nor Paris took the top spot.

If you're looking to get away this summer, you may find inspiration from Google Flights' list of the top searched destinations for the summer of 2024.

The list is based on US users' most searched destinations on Google Flights for travel between June 1 and August 31.

The list remained largely consistent from 2023, but Chicago and San Francisco didn't make the top 20 this year. The insights also revealed that searches about travel itineraries and "solo travel" reached an all-time high in January 2024.

Here are the top 13 destinations.

13. Barcelona

There's a long list of tourist attractions in Barcelona including renowned museums featuring Picasso and Joan Miró, exploring the Gothic Quarter's architecture. Barcelona is also well known for its iconic nightlife.

Miami is known for its clear beaches and vibrant culture. It's also rated second in US News and World Report's "10 Best Party Cities " in the US.

The travel destination is also a popular site for families, and made the third spot in Google searches for top places to do things with kids, according to Google trend insights from for January 14 to March 14.

11. Los Angeles

Located in Southern California, LA is known for its beaches, Hollywood glamour, Mediterranean climate, and wellness culture. The city has a number of tourist sites, including the iconic Hollywood sign, Universal Studios, and the Getty Center.

If you plan to visit LA, make sure you factor in the cost of transportation — and the time you may spend in traffic .

Athens is rich in history and has a number of tourist attractions. BI has previously suggested visiting the Athens National Garden National Garden, the Acropolis, Panathenaic Stadium, Areopagus Hill, and Mount Lycabettus.

Seattle , often referred to as the Emerald City, is home to major companies like Amazon, Starbucks, and Tableau. Surrounded by water, mountains, and forest, it's also known for classic attractions like the Space Needle, Pike Place Market, and its grunge music scene.

8. Las Vegas

Las Vegas is known for its extravagant gambling scene and luxurious hotels . It was also ranked the number one city to party as of August 2023, according to US News and World Report.

It's not just a hot spot for bachelor parties though — according to Google travel insights from January 14 to March 14, it was the number one location people searched in the US for places to go as a couple.

Orlando was the first ranked location for searches that led with the prompt "things to do" with kids, according to Google travel insights from January 14 to March 14. The Florida destination is filled with family-friendly tourist attractions , like Disney World, Universal Studios, and SeaWorld.

Located on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico, Cancún is a popular vacation destination known for its Caribbean waters, luxurious all-inclusive resorts , and vibrant nightlife. That, and it's often budget-friendly for the experience you're getting.

Cancún moved down from second to sixth place in Google Flights' 2024 destination list. The popular vacation spot was also listed in the top five locations for couples and families searching to get away, according to Google search insights from January 14 to March 14.

5. New York

New York City, also known as the Big Apple or the city that never sleeps, has a seemingly endless list of tourist attractions. It has iconic landmarks, like the Statue of Liberty; world-renowned museums; a vibrant theatre scene; eclectic nightlife; and some of the world's best restaurants.

New York has something for everyone — but it's expensive. Prepare to spend more on everyday items if you visit New York City.

Rome is filled with rich history and architecture that makes it an easy site for tourists to occupy themselves. Vatican City, St. Peter's Basilica, and the Colosseum are a few of the most popular spots.

If you do visit Rome, make sure you avoid common tourist mistakes and tip the servers.

Tokyo rose from eighth place to third in the last year, according to Google Flights.

The city in Japan has a convenient public transportation system and is relatively affordable. It also includes culturally rich sites like Shibuya Crossing, Tokyo Tower, and Sensō-ji Temple .

Paris is known for its authentic culture, charming architecture, and buttery croissants.

If you visit Paris, you'll want to visit some of the famous tourist attractions like the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and the Palace of Versailles. That, and you may want to brush up on your French too.

London maintained its spot as the number one searched tourist destination for summer travel. While living in London can be expensive and cloudy, the city is lively and vibrant during the summer.

Buckingham Palace, the Tower of London, and the thriving theatre scene are just a few of the activities this city has to offer.

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