journey of a child

Early Childhood – Understanding the journey

Good mental health is key to a happy and healthy life. Mental health is not only the absence of mental illness, but the ability to feel good and function well, to sustain strong relationships and to thrive.

A wealth of evidence shows that early childhood experiences and development shape mental health in childhood and later life. Nurturing relationships and positive experiences in the important period from pregnancy to preschool can lay strong foundations for good mental health. Conversely stress and adversity can increase the risk for mental health problems in later life. 

As the evidence for particular programmes or services builds, it might be tempting for policymakers to invest in an intervention with compelling research results, seeing it as a panacea. But no single intervention “vaccinates” children against mental illness or guarantees good mental health. A range of services and support are required in early childhood and throughout life to support everyone to experience good mental health now and in the future.

To describe a whole-system approach to improve the population’s mental health and wellbeing, we use the analogy of a car starting a journey. Let us explain...

Imagine a group of cars about to embark on a long journey. These represent our children and the lives ahead of them.

Both journey and destination matter

As the saying goes, it is not just the destination but also the journey that matters. Our goal is not simply for the cars to reach their end point, but also to have a safe and comfortable journey.

In the case of mental health, we care about what happens to babies and young children not only because it affects their future wellbeing and how much support they will need from public services as adults. We want to ensure that children are happy and healthy now, and at every point of their journey. Early life is not just about creating healthy adults, childhood itself matters too. 

Effective support can both improve the journey and the outcome

High-quality support in the early years is like putting good-quality tyres on a car. They can make each stage of the journey safer, easier and more enjoyable, and improve the chance that we get to our intended destination. Similarly, services like home visiting, parenting programmes, family hubs or early help services, can improve children’s lives now and improve the likelihood that they will be mentally healthy in adulthood. 

In our Healthy Start, Happy Start research health visitors used a video feedback programme to support parents to interact and play with their babies and toddlers in a sensitive and responsive way. Sensitive relationships improve children’s lives now AND our evidence shows that this intervention reduced the incidence of behavioural problems later too.

Getting support in place early reduces problems and saves money

The cars that have good-quality tyres from the start will have fewer problems and are less likely to need to stop for repairs on the journey.

Similarly, good early intervention for children saves money through accumulated benefits across the child’s life, and the reduced need for additional support. For example, improving mental health and reducing behavioural problems in the earliest years means children can make the most of later opportunities and experiences. They are more likely to enjoy and achieve at school and go on to contribute to the economy and society. These children are also less likely to need additional mental health or educational support. 

There are many components of success

On our cars, good tyres matter. But tyres alone will not guarantee that the journey is successful. We also need to attend to other things, such as the brakes, headlights and fuel.

We need to consider several different aspects of child development to ensure that our children have happy and healthy lives. Services like health visiting can provide a range of support to families and identify if a child needs additional help with aspects of their health or development. These holistic, universal services can support different aspects of early development such as parent-infant relationships and language development, which have significant impacts on children’s wellbeing.

Children and families might need additional help from a range of other services, so it is important that there are clear pathways to ensure children and families get the help that is appropriate for their needs. In some cases, children might need specific interventions that address single issues, for others, more holistic interventions such as Family Nurse Partnership (a home visiting programme for first-time young mums and families) might be needed to support the child and their family across several domains of development.

Although it is vitally important to provide well-evidenced interventions, getting it right for every child is not simply providing the intervention with the strongest evidence base. It is about providing the intervention that works best for the child, their needs, and their context. (Just like in a car, there is no point in providing the best new tyres, if the issue was failed brakes).

The best start does not eliminate later difficulties

Even if we get our cars in top shape at the start of the journey, it will not guarantee future success. There may be challenges ahead. Even the best tyres will struggle on a very icy road or if they hit a nail. 

Similarly, even if children have the best start in life, they may need additional support along the way as new challenges emerge. A one-off intervention may be sufficient for some children, whilst others might need ongoing support. It is important to note though, that giving children the best start in life can mean they are in a better position to take advantage of later support.

We are currently doing a five-year follow-up of the children in the Healthy Start, Happy Start research. We know that children whose families received the brief intervention when they were one- and two-years-old showed lower levels of behavioural problems two years later. We now want to understand how much of the initial impact is sustained and if families need additional support as their children grow. 

Early identification is hugely valuable

In the car, early warning lights enable drivers or mechanics to pick up and address issues before they escalate and become more difficult to deal with: It is better to have a light to warn you that the pressure on a tyre is dropping, rather than to end up stranded with a flat tyre.

Similarly, early identification of both risks and issues in children’s mental health can enable us to act before problems emerge or escalate. These risks might be apparent very early or may emerge over time. Therefore, we need well-resourced services, such as early years practitioners and health visitors, who have contact with babies and young children, and have the opportunity, skills, and tools to identify if the child is exhibiting any developmental delays or problems, or if there are risk factors for them and their families. 

Our Helping Little Minds Thrive project will be developing new ways to support early identification to help professionals to target early support to children whose mental health is at risk.

Adversity might cause problems that are not immediately visible

Back to our car: An incident, such as hitting a nail in the road, might immediately cause obvious harm and send a car off-course. Or it might cause an issue like a slow puncture - which is not obvious at first but emerges over time.

Similarly, early traumatic experiences such as maltreatment or family breakdown, can have immediate impacts on children’s wellbeing and development. But in some cases, there may not be visible impacts, but changes to the child’s developing cognitive and biological systems might make them more vulnerable to problems later in life. This is “latent vulnerability.” It means we should consider what additional support should be provided to children who experience adversity, even if they are not yet exhibiting any problems.

Relationships matter

Ensuring a smooth journey is not just about getting the car into the best shape. We also need to look at the people around the car, such as the driver and navigator. Right from the start, a successful journey depends on the car, the driver, and the interactions between them. Later, other people will be involved in the journey, such as mechanics who may service the car.

Similarly, a child’s mental health is shaped by their relationships. From pregnancy, interactions and relationships with parents or caregivers are particularly important for early development. Sensitive, responsive, and consistent care is a critical ingredient of good mental health.

Supporting parents to tackle issues in their own lives, such as mental health challenges or relationship conflict, not only improves parents’ wellbeing but also helps them to have the capacity to provide their children with the nurturing care they need to thrive. 

The environment matters

Context is important too. Ideally, every car would drive on a safe and well-maintained road. But some vehicles may end up on more difficult terrain and may need additional support to deal with this. 

We improve children’s mental health not only by focussing on individual wellbeing and resilience, but also by addressing risk factors in families, communities and wider society that might harm children’s mental health. Poverty and parental stress for example, make parenting harder and put children’s mental health at risk. We can tackle inequalities in mental health through addressing structural factors, like poverty, which put some children at greater risk of poor outcomes.  

We may not always be able to tackle the persistent challenges that families and communities face, such as poverty, disadvantage and intergenerational trauma. However, we can provide additional, high-quality support to families to mitigate the impacts of these risks for babies. Targeting high-quality support towards families facing adversity helps to ensure all children have the best chance of a happy, healthy life. 

Our Playtime with Books research supports early parent-child relationships by helping parents to spend quality time interacting with their babies. The research is especially interested in refining how the support is delivered so that it reaches families facing the highest levels of disadvantage and works for them. 

In complexity comes opportunity

The analogy of the car shows us that there is no single way to ensure a smooth and successful journey, but there are many ways to make a difference. Securing children’s mental health now and in the future requires the universal promotion of good mental health and early identification and prompt action when risks or issues occur . It is more complex than a single vaccination, but that complexity also represents opportunity. There are many ways in which policymakers and practitioners can improve children’s lives and life chances, and many reasons why it is important to invest in strong support from the start.

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Inner Child Work: How Your Past Shapes Your Present

Julia Childs Heyl is a clinical social worker who focuses on mental health disparities, the healing of generational trauma, and depth psychotherapy.

Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health.  

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Why Is the Inner Child Important?

What is an inner child wound, what triggers our inner child, how do i tap into my inner child, healing your inner child, reparenting yourself, where to get help.

The inner child is a young part of our psyche that influences how we think and react as adults. Often used in psychotherapy and spiritual settings, the inner child can symbolize hardship, trauma, and even triumph we experienced during our youth.

Yet, when we ignore our inner child and subsequently ignore how our past is painting our present, we do ourselves a major disservice. We can end up overlooking important formative experiences that may be critical in healing some of our maladaptive coping mechanisms .

This article will explore why our inner child is important, what might trigger it, and how you can tap into your inner child and start healing. 

The concept of the inner child was first introduced by renowned psychologist Carl Jung . Our inner child can drive many of our emotions in our daily life, especially when we are unaware of it.

You can think of your inner child as who you were during an important time in your life, someone you may have lost touch with despite their importance to you. However, the relationship with the inner child is different than relationships you might have with others you’ve lost touch with.  

When you lose conscious awareness of your inner child, you lose conscious awareness of a part of yourself. In turn, you may experience difficulty regulating your emotions and act from a regressed state when upset.

For example, you could find yourself having an angry outburst akin to a temper tantrum. Alternatively, you might feel shameful and lonely , just as you did as a child. Finally, you may notice that when stressed, you switch moods swiftly , similar to how a child may navigate an unsettling situation.

Our inner child can be behind many of our emotions and it can bring about great healing when properly nurtured. 

An inner child wound refers to a damaging experience or repeated experiences a person lived through as a child .

In turn, these experiences can result in unresolved trauma that manifests within adults. When you find yourself acting out of character or having emotions that feel uncontrollable , you could be behaving from that younger part of yourself that was wounded. 

When the inner child is triggered , you will notice the aforementioned behavior that doesn’t feel like it is in line with your true character.

Inner child triggers aren’t much different than any other triggers we may stumble upon. Referred to as trigger events, these issues can be mundane examples of disruption in an otherwise ordinary day.

For example, being late to work could lead one to feel unreasonably concerned that they will be publicly shamed, chastised, or fired, despite having perfect attendance and flawless reviews. Yet, this person could have experienced an unstable home environment where they were continually shamed, yelled at, or even physically abused for the smallest mistake.

Let us be clear—the inner child isn’t a mere source of discontent. The inner child can present as free-spirited, excited, and light. Think back to a moment you felt genuinely excited and giddy. It could have been when doing something you enjoyed or when receiving excellent news. This is an example of a positive inner child trigger. Even if you’ve never had this experience, there are ways to access it by tapping into your inner child.

Inner child work can be emotionally arduous—especially if you have a trauma history. With that in mind, you’ll want to refrain from revisiting any traumatic events from your childhood by yourself. Having a psychotherapist by your side as you dive into painful memories can help avoid retraumatization and ensure your hard work is fruitful. 

Consider ways you can tap into the joy of being a child. Was there an activity you loved as a kid? Consider taking it up. Were amusement parks your thing? Plan a trip and lean into the silliness of it all. 

If you’re noticing that your inner child feels triggered often, it may be time to consider some healing work. First, psychotherapy is a fantastic option. There are some forms of talk therapy that incorporate inner child work.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a form of therapy that focuses on the different parts of a human being. Each part has a role that it strives to play, even if it results in lackluster coping mechanisms.

Sound familiar? It should—everyone has a younger part that is working to protect the individual as a whole. However, in the same way a 5-year-old isn’t going to be the most skilled in navigating safety concerns and troubleshooting major conflict, the younger part of a person isn’t the best candidate to command one’s daily life decisions. Thus, IFS focuses on bringing all parts of a person’s psyche into harmony. 

Psychodynamic Therapy

Another modality of therapy that may be particularly helpful in healing your inner child is psychodynamic therapy . This form of therapy postulates our present is shaped by our past and focuses on helping you heal from past trauma.

Furthermore, psychodynamic therapy uses the relationship between the client and the therapist as a powerful vehicle for change. Let’s say you find your inner child triggered by your therapist. A skilled and compassionate psychodynamic therapist will work with you to sort through what the therapeutic relationship might represent for you, drawing upon family dynamics and relational wounds. These parallels will be used as fodder for understanding your psyche further and deepening your healing journey. 

A clinician can help you learn how to reparent your inner child. However, there are steps you can take on your own. The goal of reparenting is to care for, give, and allow yourself to receive the validation, love, and nurturing that you may not have received in the way that you needed it as a child. Here are some ways to get started:

• Begin a dialogue with your inner child (you can choose any age - 5, 8, 10, 12, etc.), ask them how they are doing and if there is anything they would like to share with you, and engage in a mindful and intentional dialogue with them. Listen to what they may have to say to you in response.
• Write a letter to your inner child and allow them the opportunity to respond by writing back to you.
• Say nurturing things to your inner child (I love you, I appreciate you, I value you, I'm proud of you, I hear you, thank you, I’m sorry).
• Look at photos of yourself as a child and tell them everything they needed to hear then; allow them (and you) to receive it now.
• Think and write about what you loved doing when you were young and make and protect time to do those things now.
• Engage in meditation and creative visualization with your inner child.

You can validate the pain that has come from not having your needs met as a kid. Assure your younger self that while you may have been in situations that weren’t safe then, you’re a competent adult who will keep that child part safe at all costs. Nurture that younger self. If you notice you’re triggered and getting flooded with negative emotions, grant yourself patience. 

If therapy feels like a cost-prohibitive venture, don’t let that stop you from getting the healing you deserve. Open Path Collective is a directory with a wide variety of clinicians who have diverse identities and sessions range from $40 to $80.

If you’re someone with a marginalized identity seeking support, check out Inclusive Therapists to find a provider who can truly understand you. Finding peace is possible and you don’t have to go it alone.

Smith J. Working with the inner child. In: Smith J, ed. Psychotherapy: A Practical Guide. New York, NY: Springer International Publishing; 2017.

Sjöblom M, Öhrling K, Prellwitz M, Kostenius C. Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons . Int J Qual Stud Health Well-being . 2016;11(1):31486. doi: 10.3402/qhw.v11.31486

Hestbech AM. Reclaiming the inner child in cognitive-behavioral therapy: the complementary model of the personality . APT . 2018;71(1):21-27. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008

Kneisl CR. Healing the wounded, neglected inner child of the past . Nurs Clin North Am . 1991;26(3):745-755. PMID: 1891407.

By Julia Childs Heyl, MSW Julia Childs Heyl, MSW, is a clinical social worker and writer. As a writer, she focuses on mental health disparities and uses critical race theory as her preferred theoretical framework. In her clinical work, she specializes in treating people of color experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma through depth therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) trauma therapy.

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Unleashing Potential: A Journey into Child Development and Growth

As parents, one of the most rewarding and crucial roles we play is in shaping the development and growth of our children. Understanding the various stages of child development can empower us to provide the right support and environment for our little ones to thrive and reach their full potential. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the fascinating world of child development, from prenatal stages to adolescence, and uncover the profound impact it has on lifelong outcomes.

Table of contents

Introduction to child development, theories of child development, prenatal development: from conception to birth, infancy: nurturing the youngest minds, toddlerhood: exploring the world, preschool years: curiosity and creativity, middle childhood: expanding horizons, adolescence: identity and independence, factors influencing child development, language development in children, emotional development: nurturing resilience and empathy, social development: building relationships and communication skills, physical development: gross and fine motor skills, cognitive development: enhancing thinking and learning, supporting children with special needs, screen time and child development, frequently asked questions.

Child development is a continuous process that encompasses physical, cognitive, emotional, and social growth. By comprehending the different stages of development, parents can better nurture their children’s unique abilities and needs, ensuring a strong foundation for their future success.

The early years of a child’s life are the most formative and influential. Discover how experiences during this critical period shape a child’s brain development and lay the groundwork for lifelong learning and achievements.

Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development: Stages of Intellectual Growth

Jean Piaget’s groundbreaking theory outlines the distinct stages of cognitive development in children. Understanding these stages can help parents support their children’s intellectual growth and adapt educational strategies accordingly.

Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory: Shaping Social and Emotional Well-Being

Explore Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory, which focuses on the emotional and social aspects of development. Learn how fostering healthy relationships and emotional well-being can impact a child’s overall development.

Kohlberg’s Theory of Moral Development: Nurturing Ethical Awareness

Morality plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s character. Delve into Lawrence Kohlberg’s theory of moral development and discover strategies for nurturing ethical awareness and empathy in children.

The Miracle of Life: Stages of Prenatal Growth

Prenatal development is a miraculous journey that lays the foundation for a child’s life. Learn about the various stages of development from conception to birth and how parents can support healthy growth during pregnancy.

Influences on Prenatal Development: Nutrition, Environment, and Maternal Health

Discover the factors that influence prenatal development, including maternal nutrition, environmental factors, and maternal health. Understanding these influences can help parents make informed choices to support optimal development.

Milestones in Infant Development: From Smiling to Walking

The first year of life is marked by incredible milestones. Explore the physical, cognitive, and emotional developments during infancy, from the first smile to those precious first steps.

Attachment and Bonding: The Building Blocks of Emotional Security

Building a strong bond with your infant is crucial for their emotional well-being. Learn about the importance of attachment and how nurturing this bond fosters a sense of security and self-esteem.

Language Explosion: From First Words to Sentences

Toddlers experience a language explosion, and communication becomes more sophisticated. Discover strategies to encourage language development and support your child’s expanding vocabulary.

Independence and Autonomy: Fostering Self-Reliance

As toddlers explore their independence, they develop vital life skills. Learn how to strike a balance between providing support and encouraging autonomy to help them grow confidently.

Cognitive Skills : Preparing for School Readiness

Preschoolers are eager learners with curious minds. Explore activities that enhance cognitive development and prepare children for a successful transition to school.

Social Interaction : Making Friends and Cooperative Play

Preschool years are when children start engaging in more social interactions. Discover how parents can encourage positive socialization and teach essential cooperation skills.

Cognitive Advancements : Abstract Thinking and Problem-Solving

Middle childhood is a period of significant cognitive growth. Learn about fostering abstract thinking and problem-solving abilities to help children excel academically and creatively.

Emotional Intelligence : Understanding and Managing Feelings

Emotional intelligence is critical for building healthy relationships. Explore ways to help your child understand and manage their emotions effectively.

Puberty and Physical Changes: Navigating the Teenage Years

Adolescence is a time of profound physical and hormonal changes. Learn how to support teenagers through this transformative phase and address their unique needs.

Peer Influence and Social Identity: Shaping Adolescent Behavior

Friends and peers play a significant role in shaping teenagers’ behavior. Discover how parents can guide their adolescents to make positive choices and develop a strong sense of self.

1. Nature vs. Nurture: The Interplay of Genetics and Environment

One of the most significant factors influencing child development is the interplay between nature (genetics) and nurture (environment). Genetics contribute to a child’s inherent traits, such as physical appearance, temperament, and cognitive abilities.

However, the environment in which a child is raised, including family, school, community, and cultural influences, also plays a crucial role in shaping their development. Understanding this interplay helps parents and caregivers recognize the unique needs of each child and tailor their support accordingly.

2. The Impact of Parenting Styles: Authoritative, Permissive, and More

Parenting styles significantly influence a child’s emotional, social, and cognitive development. Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth, clear boundaries, and consistent discipline, fosters a balanced and secure environment for children to explore and learn.

On the other hand, permissive parenting, which involves lenient rules and low demands, may lead to challenges in setting boundaries and self-discipline. Different parenting styles impact a child’s self-esteem, communication skills, and ability to handle challenges, emphasizing the importance of a nurturing and supportive parenting approach.

3. Socioeconomic Status and Family Environment

The socioeconomic status (SES) of a family and the overall family environment can have a profound impact on a child’s development. Children from low-SES families may face challenges such as limited access to quality education, healthcare, and resources, which can affect their academic and cognitive development.

Conversely, children from higher-SES families may have more opportunities for enrichment activities, leading to greater cognitive and social advantages. Creating a supportive and nurturing family environment regardless of SES can help mitigate potential disparities.

4. Early Childhood Experiences

Early childhood experiences, especially during the first five years of life, lay the foundation for a child’s development. Positive experiences, such as secure attachments, responsive caregiving, and engaging stimulation, promote healthy brain development and emotional well-being.

On the other hand, adverse experiences, such as neglect, abuse, or exposure to trauma, can have long-lasting effects on a child’s physical and mental health. Providing a safe and loving environment during early childhood is crucial for fostering healthy development.

5. Peer Influence and Social Interactions

As children grow older, their interactions with peers become increasingly influential in shaping their behaviors and attitudes. Positive peer relationships can foster social skills, empathy, and cooperation, while negative peer influences may lead to risky behaviors or social challenges.

Encouraging healthy friendships and providing opportunities for positive social interactions can support a child’s social development and emotional well-being.

Understanding these influential factors in child development empowers parents, caregivers, and educators to create a nurturing and supportive environment that maximizes a child’s potential. By recognizing the interplay of genetics, parenting styles, family environment, early experiences, and peer influence, we can lay the groundwork for healthy growth and lifelong success.

1. Language Acquisition: From Babbling to Fluent Communication

Language acquisition is a fascinating process that begins at birth and evolves as children grow. During the early months, infants engage in babbling, a precursor to spoken language. As they progress, they start imitating sounds and eventually form their first words.

By the age of three, most children have developed basic language skills and can communicate in short sentences. As parents and caregivers, providing a language-rich environment, reading to children, and engaging in meaningful conversations play a vital role in supporting their language development during these critical early years.

2. Bilingualism and Multilingualism: Benefits and Challenges

Many children are raised in bilingual or multilingual environments, exposed to more than one language from a young age. Research suggests that bilingualism offers numerous cognitive benefits, such as enhanced executive functions, better problem-solving skills, and improved mental flexibility.

Bilingual children also tend to have more extensive cultural awareness and appreciation. However, bilingualism may present challenges such as code-switching (shifting between languages), initially slower vocabulary development in each language, and potential confusion in language use. Nevertheless, with consistent exposure and support, bilingual children can navigate both languages proficiently and reap the long-term advantages of being bilingual.

3. Language Development Disorders and Speech Delay

Some children experience language development disorders or speech delays, where they struggle with acquiring language skills at a typical rate. These conditions may be caused by various factors, including developmental issues, hearing impairments, or neurological conditions.

Early identification and intervention are crucial in such cases. Speech therapy and other specialized interventions can help children overcome language challenges, improve their communication skills, and build their confidence.

Emotional Regulation: Coping with Feelings and Stress

Help your child build emotional resilience by teaching them effective coping mechanisms to manage stress and difficult emotions.

Building Empathy: Fostering Compassion and Understanding

Empathy is a crucial skill that enhances social relationships. Discover activities that foster empathy and compassion in children.

Play and Socialization: The Importance of Peer Interaction

Play is more than just fun; it’s a vital aspect of social development. Learn how playtime with peers enhances social skills and promotes healthy relationships.

Social Skills Training: Enhancing Communication and Conflict Resolution

Equip your child with essential social skills that will help them communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and build strong interpersonal connections.

Gross Motor Skills: Mastering Movement and Coordination

Encourage physical activity and play to develop your child’s gross motor skills and improve coordination and balance.

Fine Motor Skills: The Development of Dexterity and Precision

Discover activities that enhance fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination, laying the groundwork for essential life skills like writing and drawing.

Cognitive Stimulation: Activities to Boost Brain Development

Engage your child in stimulating activities that promote cognitive development and enhance their ability to think critically and creatively.

Problem-Solving and Critical Thinking: Nurturing Intellectual Growth

Foster problem-solving and critical thinking skills in children to prepare them for academic success and real-life challenges.

1. Identifying Developmental Delays: Early Intervention and Support

Early identification of developmental delays in children is crucial for providing timely interventions and support. Regular developmental screenings and assessments help identify any potential challenges or delays in areas such as motor skills, speech and language, social-emotional development, and cognitive abilities.

When delays are detected early, children can receive targeted interventions and therapies that can make a significant difference in their progress. Early intervention programs, including physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and behavioral interventions, are designed to address specific needs and help children reach their developmental milestones.

2. Inclusive Education: Creating Supportive Learning Environments

Inclusive education is a vital approach that emphasizes providing equal opportunities and support to children with special needs within the regular classroom setting. Inclusive classrooms welcome children with diverse abilities, and educators receive training to accommodate various learning styles and needs.

By creating supportive learning environments, children with special needs can learn alongside their typically developing peers, fostering social inclusion, acceptance, and understanding. Inclusive education also promotes positive interactions and friendships, which can have a profound impact on a child’s self-esteem and overall well-being.

3. Collaborative and Individualized Education Plans

Collaboration between parents, educators, and specialists is essential in supporting children with special needs. Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) or Individualized Family Service Plans (IFSPs) are customized plans that outline specific goals, accommodations, and services for children with special needs.

These plans are designed to address the unique challenges and strengths of each child and provide a roadmap for their education and development. Regular progress monitoring and communication between all stakeholders ensure that the child’s needs are met effectively, and appropriate adjustments are made as needed.

Balancing Digital Devices: The Impact of Screen Time on Development

Explore the effects of excessive screen time on child development and learn how to strike a healthy balance between digital devices and other activities.

Guidelines for Healthy Media Use: Promoting Balanced Growth

Establish guidelines for media usage to ensure children benefit from technology while minimizing potential negative impacts.

As we conclude this journey through child development, let us reflect on the importance of understanding and supporting each stage to unlock the full potential of our children. By embracing the power of child development, we can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth, resilience, and success throughout their lives. Together, let’s embark on this empowering journey of parenting and unleashing our children’s true potential.

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Key milestones in child development include sitting, crawling, walking, first words, forming sentences, social interactions, problem-solving, emotional regulation, and abstract thinking.

Parents can promote language development by talking, reading, and singing to their child regularly, engaging in conversations, using descriptive language, and providing a language-rich environment.

Effective parenting strategies for supporting emotional development include offering emotional support, validating feelings, setting boundaries, teaching coping skills, and being a positive role model for handling emotions.

To identify developmental delay, observe if your child misses age-appropriate milestones, shows limited speech, has difficulty with social interactions, or struggles with motor skills. Consult a pediatrician for evaluation and early intervention.

Encourage social growth by arranging playdates, participating in group activities, and teaching cooperation. Foster cognitive growth through age-appropriate games, puzzles, reading, and encouraging curiosity and exploration.

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Each of us has been affected by the worldwide pandemic, as family and friends have unexpectedly moved beyond mortality. Let me acknowledge three we dearly miss, representing all those we love so much. This is Brother Philippe and Sister Germain Nsondi. Brother Nsondi was serving as the patriarch of the Brazzaville Congo Stake when he passed away. He was a medical doctor who shared his talents generously with others. This is Sister Clara Ruano de Villareal from Tulcn, Ecuador. She embraced the restored gospel at age 34 and was a beloved leader. Her family said goodbye singing her favorite hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives." This is Brother Ray Tuineau from Utah with his beautiful family. His wife, Juliet, said, "I want [my boys] to [remember that their dad] always tried to put God first." The Lord has said, "Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die." While we weep, we also rejoice in the glorious resurrection of our Savior. Because of Him, our loved ones and friends continue their eternal journey. As President Joseph F. Smith explained: "We cannot forget them; we do not cease to love them. ... They have advanced; we are advancing; we are growing as they have grown." President Russell M. Nelson said, "Our tears of sorrow ... turn to tears of anticipation." Our eternal perspective not only enlarges our understanding of those who are continuing their journey beyond mortality but also opens our understanding of those who are earlier in their journey and just now entering mortality. Each person who comes to earth is a unique son or daughter of God. Our personal journey did not begin at birth. Before we were born, we were together in a world of preparation, where we "received [our] first lessons in the world of spirits." Jehovah told Jeremiah, "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee." Some may question if life begins with the formation of an embryo, or when the heart begins to beat, or when the baby can live outside the womb. But for us, there is no question that spirit daughters and sons of God are on their own personal journeys coming to earth to receive a body and experience mortality. As covenant children of God, we love, honor, nurture, safeguard, and welcome those spirits who are coming from the premortal world.

For a woman, having a child can be a great sacrifice physically, emotionally, and economically. We love and honor the amazing women of this Church. With intelligence and wisdom, you bear the burdens of your family. You love. You serve. You sacrifice. You strengthen faith, minister to those in need, and greatly contribute to society.

Years ago, feeling deep concern for the number of abortions in the world, President Gordon B. Hinckley addressed the women of the Church with words that are relevant for us today.

HE SAID: "You who are the wives and mothers are the anchors of the family. You bear the children. What an enormous and sacred responsibility that is. ... What is happening to our appreciation of the sanctity of human life? Abortion is an evil, stark and real and repugnant, which is sweeping over the earth. I plead with the women of this Church to shun it, to stand above it, to stay away from those compromising situations which make it appear desirable. There may be some few circumstances under which it can occur, but they are extremely limited. ... You are the mothers of the sons and daughters of God, whose lives are sacred. Safeguarding them is a divinely given responsibility which cannot be lightly brushed aside."

Elder Marcus B. Nash shared with me the story of a dear 84-year-old woman who, during her baptismal interview, "acknowledged an abortion [many years before]." With heartfelt emotion, she said: "I have carried the burden of having aborted a child every day of my life for 46 years. ... Nothing I did would take the pain and guilt away. I was hopeless until I was taught the true gospel of Jesus Christ. I learned how to repent ... and suddenly I was filled with hope. I finally came to know that I could be forgiven if I truly repented of my sins."

How grateful we are for the divine gifts of repentance and forgiveness. What is our responsibility as peaceful disciples of Jesus Christ? Let us live God's commandments, teach them to our children, and share them with others who are willing to listen. Let us share our deep feelings about the sanctity of life with those who make decisions in society. They may not fully appreciate what we believe, but we pray that they will more fully understand why, for us, these decisions go well beyond just what a person wants for his or her own life. If an unanticipated child is expected, let us reach out with love, encouragement, and, when needed, financial help, strengthening a mother in allowing her child to be born and continue his or her journey in mortality.

In our family, we have been immeasurably blessed as two decades ago a young 16-year-old learned that she was expecting a child. She and the baby's father were not married, and they could see no way forward together. The young woman believed the life she was carrying was precious. She gave birth to a baby girl and allowed a righteous family to adopt her as their own. For Bryce and Jolinne, she was an answer to their prayers. They named her Emily and taught her to trust in her Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ. Emily grew up. How grateful we are that Emily and our grandson Christian fell in love and were married in the house of the Lord. Emily and Christian now have their own little girl. Emily recently wrote: "Throughout these last nine months of pregnancy, I had time to reflect on the events [of] my own birth. I thought of my birth mother, who was just 16 years old. As I experienced the aches and changes that pregnancy brings, I couldn't help but imagine how difficult it would have been at the young age of 16. ... The tears flow even now as I think of my birth mother, who knew she couldn't give me the life [she desired for me and unselfishly placed] me for adoption. I can't fathom what she might have gone through in those nine months; being watched with judging eyes as her body changed, the teen experiences she missed, knowing that at the end of this labor of motherly love, she would place her child into the arms of another. I am so thankful for her selfless choice, that she did not choose to use her agency in a way that would take away my own." Emily concludes, "I'm so thankful for Heavenly Father's divine plan, for my incredible parents who [loved and cared for] me, and for temples where we can be sealed to our families for eternity." The Savior "took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when he had taken him into his arms, he said unto them, "Whosoever shall receive one of [these] children in my name, receiveth me." I express my love and compassion for righteous couples who marry and are unable to have the children they so eagerly anticipate, and to those women and men who have not had the opportunity to marry according to God's law. The unrealized dreams of life are difficult to understand if viewed only from the perspective of mortality. As the Lord's servant, I promise you that as you are faithful to Jesus Christ and your covenants, you will receive compensating blessings in this life and your righteous desires in the eternal timeline of the Lord. There can be happiness in the journey of mortality even when all of our righteous hopes are not realized. After birth, children continue to need our help. Some need it desperately. Each year, through caring bishops and your generous contributions of fast offerings and humanitarian funds, the lives of millions and millions of children are blessed. The First Presidency recently announced an additional 20 million dollars to assist UNICEF in their global efforts to administer 2 billion vaccines. Children are loved by God. It is concerning that even in some of the most prosperous countries of the world, fewer children are being born. God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. With faith and prayer, these sacred decisions can be beautiful, revelatory experiences. I share the story of the Laing family of Southern California. Sister Rebecca Laing writes: "In the summer of 2011, life for our family was seemingly perfect. We were happily married with four children-ages 9, 7, 5, and 3. ... "My pregnancies and deliveries [had been] high risk ... [and] we felt [very] blessed to have four children, [thinking] that our family was complete. In October, while listening to general conference, I felt an unmistakable feeling that we were to have another baby. As LeGrand and I pondered and prayed, ... we knew that God had a different plan for us than we had for ourselves. "After another difficult pregnancy and delivery, we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. We named her Brielle. She was a miracle. Moments after her birth, while still in [the delivery room], I heard the unmistakable voice of the Spirit: 'There is one more.' "Three years later, another miracle, Mia.

Brielle and Mia are a tremendous joy for our family." She concludes, "Being open to the Lord's direction and following His plan for us will always bring greater happiness than... relying on our own understanding." The Savior loves each precious child. "... He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them. ... "And ... they cast their eyes towards heaven, ... and they saw angels descending out of heaven ... in the midst of fire; and [the angels] encircled those little ones about, ... and the angels did minister unto them." I testify that your own personal journey as a child of God did not begin for you as the first flow of earth's air came rushing into your lungs, and it will not end when you take your last breath of mortality. May we always remember that each spirit child of God is coming to earth on his or her own personal journey. May we welcome them, safeguard them, and always love them. As you receive these precious children in the Savior's name and help them in their eternal journey, I promise you that the Lord will bless you and shower His love and approval upon you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The Personal Journey of a Child of God

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The Unplanned Journey

When you learn that your child has a disability.

The birth of a child with a disability, or the discovery that a child has a disability, can have profound effects on the family. In “ You are Not Alone ,” Patricia McGill Smith offers the insights that she and others have gained through their own experience of having a child with a disability. In this article, we will provide additional information to support the life cycle, health, and well-being of the family when a member has a disability.

It is with a great deal of humility that we are even attempting to describe what the future may hold for you and your family. On the one hand, we want you to be as prepared as possible so you can negotiate the challenges that may await your family. On the other hand, we recognize that individual variation and differences are the rule when a child has a disability. Researchers often base their findings on group data—what happens to the majority of people in a circumstance. However, what might be “true” in a research sense may not be at all true for your family. Therefore, while we hope this article will guide you to sources that are helpful, take from our discussion only what you need.

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The Journey

Growth is endless and our lives change and change us beyond anticipation. I do not forget the pain—it aches in a particular way when I look at Jessy’s friends (her paid companions), some of them just her age, and allow myself for a moment to think of all she cannot be. But we cannot sift experience and take only the part that does not hurt us. ( 1 )

No parent wants his or her child to be sick, disabled, or harmed in any way. It is not an experience anyone expects to have; rather, it is a journey that is unplanned. The terrain families must travel is often rough in places. And yet, the majority of families are able to find the strength within themselves and among their circles of support to adapt to and handle the stress and challenges that may accompany their child’s illness or disability.

Many parents have described the progression—and pendulum—of feelings they experienced upon learning that their child has an illness or a disability . Patty McGill Smith touched upon many of these emotions in her article—shock, denial, grief, guilt, anger, confusion. The type of emotions parents experience, as intense and overwhelming as they may be, are also normal and acceptable. Stability does return, both to the individual and to the family. Parents begin to search for needed information. Many report feelings of personal growth that are often, in retrospect, astounding to them. One mother, reflecting on life after the birth of a child with spina bifida and other disabilities, says:

I have learned, and grown, more since Dylan’s birth than any other time in my life. You learn patience, and you get to witness miracles that you otherwise would have been too busy to have noticed…You learn acceptance, you realize you have been wrong to judge, and you learn that there is a thing called unconditional love. ( 2 )

Taken together, the many suggestions and insights offered by parents who have lived for years with the experience of disability in the family can provide parents who are new to the experience with much guidance and support. The remainder of this article will outline many of the ways that parents have helped themselves and those they love adjust to living with and caring for a child with special needs.

Access Information and Services

One of the first things you can do that may prove enormously helpful, now and in the future, is to collect information —information about your child’s disability, about the services that are available, and about the specific things you can do to help your child develop to the fullest extent possible. Collecting and using the information available on disability issues is a critical part of being a parent of a child with special needs. Fortunately, there is a great deal of information available on many disabilities and many disability issues.

Join a Group

Much of the information that will be helpful to you is in the hands, heads, and hearts of other parents like yourself. For this reason, it is worthwhile to join a parent’s group. Some groups are organized around one particular disability (e.g., cerebral palsy, Tourette syndrome, Down syndrome), while other groups draw together parents who, irrespective of the disabilities of their children, have similar concerns, such as daycare, transportation, coping, or finding out about and supporting special education in their community. Within each of these groups, information, emotional and practical support, and common concerns can be shared. The power of this mutual sharing to combat feelings of isolation, confusion, and stress is a consistent thread running throughout the literature written by and for parents.

Our children had Down syndrome, seizure disorder, holes in the heart, premature birth, deafness, and cerebral palsy. I hated the repeat surgeries, but one mother wished her child had a condition that doctors could fix. I struggled with how to respond to strangers, but another mother wanted her child’s condition to be visibly obvious so strangers would understand why she wasn’t doing what other six-month-old babies did..It was powerful to simply congregate with other mothers whose babies had special needs, hear the variation in stories, see the experience refracted through the crystal of multiple identities. ( 3 )

Parent groups aren’t only for mothers, though. Don Meyer writes of running “fathers-only” workshops where fathers came together to exchange insights and trade war stories.

Often the din of the conversation was such that we were asked “to keep it down” by presenters in neighboring rooms. Fathers became so involved in talking to their peers that we sometimes needed to shoo them out of the room at the end of the meetings… All this from fathers who “don’t say anything.” Clearly these men have much to say, and much to offer one another. ( 4 )

There are many ways to identify a parent group in your area. A good starting place is your state’s Parent Training and Information Center , the PTI. Not only can the PTI help you understand your child’s rights, the services available in the community, and how to advocate for your child, this valuable resource can also put you in touch with parent groups locally and in the state.

Read Books Written By (and for) Parents

You may also find it helpful to read many of the excellent resources—books, articles, Web sites—that are available on disability issues. Some are quoted in this publication. Others are listed on disability fact sheets . Worthwhile suggestions about what to read can come as well from talking to a local librarian, your child’s teacher, or other involved professional; contacting a national, state, or local disability group; or talking to other parents of children with disabilities.

Find Out About Services

The search for available services is a challenge for families and one that continues as the child’s needs change. Most of these services are made available because of legislation at the federal and state levels. For a quick read on the educational rights of children and youth with disabilities, try:  Questions Often Asked by Parents about Special Education Services .

Typically, there are many services available within communities, districts, and states to assist you in meeting the needs of your child with disabilities and your family. Families with a young child with disabilities (birth through the third birthday) should access early intervention services , which are designed to identify and treat developmental problems as early as possible. For school-aged children with disabilities, special education and related services can be important factors in addressing a child’s educational needs.

Early intervention services . Early intervention services are designed to address the needs of infants and toddlers with disabilities as early as possible. These services can range from feeding support from a nutritionist in a hospital to developing a complete physical therapy program for an infant with cerebral palsy. However, these services are not just for the child with special needs. When framing the law describing early intervention services, Congress recognized that families are central in a young child’s life. Therefore, the family’s priorities, concerns, and resources are a major consideration when planning services for infants and toddlers with disabilities. The plan that is developed through this process is called an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP).

Parents, too, can benefit from early intervention services. As full members of the team developing the program for their child, they can learn skills that may be useful for a long time—skills in helping their child learn and develop, as well as skills in decision-making, planning, being of support to others, and influencing policy-making in their community.

The services themselves are offered through a public or private agency and are provided in different settings, such as your home, a clinic, a neighborhood daycare center or Head Start program, a hospital, or the local health department. Initial evaluation and assessment of your child will be provided free of charge. Services may also be provided at no cost, although this may vary from state to state. Some states charge a “sliding-scale” fee for services.

Special education and related services . Through the mandates of two federal laws—the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act ( IDEA ) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973—each eligible child with special needs is guaranteed a free appropriate public education designed to address his or her unique needs. This education is planned by a team, including the parents of the child.

Thus, as parents, you are key participants in the team that determines what type of special education your child will receive. Together, the members of your child’s team develop an Individualized Education Program (IEP), which states in writing the educational program that is planned for your son or daughter.

There are many books and websites that are particularly useful if you are seeking to understand and access special education services. This includes the material immediately available here at the Center for Parent Information and Resources to explain the special education process. We’ve listed a few webpages you might like to read to learn more.

_______________________

Overview of Early Intervention https://www.parentcenterhub.org/ei-overview/

Services for Preschoolers https://www.parentcenterhub.org /preschoolers/

The 10 Basic Steps of Special Education https://www.parentcenterhub.org/steps/

Evaluating Children for Disability https://www.parentcenterhub.org/evaluation/  

__________________________

Supporting and Empowering Family

You’re the heart of the family.

Many factors can influence the well-being of a family. One factor is certainly the emotional and physical health of the parents. You, as parents, are definitely the heart of the family. You are the ones who deal with the issues associated with your child’s disability—doctors, child care providers, family members, your child’s school, the professionals who work with your child. You also maintain the household — working to pay the bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning up, taking care of other children. Is it any wonder that many parents of children with disabilities report times of feeling overwhelmed?

Therefore , it is very important for you, as parents, to take some time to care for yourselves as individuals : getting enough sleep, eating regular meals, taking a short walk, and doing the things that you really enjoy, even if you can only squeeze them in occasionally. As one mother relates:

I would sometimes retreat to my “tower” and pretend that I had no responsibilities other than to amuse myself with a good book or a soothing tape. The respite usually didn’t last more than a half hour, and it was never enough, but it helped me break the “martyr” pattern of thinking I was required to live and breathe only for my children.

In those brief moments of quiet reflection I could renew my sense of self and remember that I was important, too; that I was Kate, a person, with lots of abilities and interests that did not all coincide with my role as Mommy. I came to realize that a little selfishness is not a bad thing. If I could enjoy myself more, I could enjoy my children more. ( 5 )

Many families will be single-parent families, but for those who are not, the relationship between the parents is a factor that can influence the family’s well-being. When the parents’ relationship is a strong and supportive one, it enriches family life for all members. Conversely, when there are problems in the relationship, the tension affects the rest of the family as well. This is stating what most of us already know—that marriages undergo change with the birth of a child, any child. But when a child in the family has special needs, this change may be even more profound. As Kelly Harland puts it, “[H]ow unexpectedly it all unfolds. One moment, you and your lover are singing along in bad Italian with Venetians in a crowded bar…red wine pouring out of nowhere. And the next minute, the two of you are filling out disability forms for your tiny son.” ( 6 )

Much of the literature written by parents discusses ways for parents to protect their relationship. One point emerges again and again, and that is the importance of making time for each other: meeting for lunch, getting away for a few hours together, sharing an activity. Talking to each other and really listening are also important—and conversations do not always have to revolve around the children in the family. Finding other topics to discuss can do much to revitalize parents and preserve intimacy between them. It is also important to recognize that there are times when one partner needs to have space. As one parent puts it, “Realize that you do not deal with this stress in the same way your spouse does. Let your spouse deal with it in their own way, and try to come to an understanding of your differences.” ( 7 ) Another parent shares, “At these lonely moments, the greatest gift was simply to let the other be.” ( 8 )

Sharing the duties of providing care is also necessary, although couples report that they often have to work hard at communicating in order to achieve the “we-ness” that goes behind teamwork.

Many parents have found it is necessary and helpful to seek joint counseling . Through this process, they grew to understand each other’s needs and concerns more fully and found ways of discussing and resolving their differences. As one parent says, “We steer a rocky ship, my husband and I…We have had to check in with the therapist, sometimes once a year, sometimes once a week. We’ve experienced a hard distance between one another from time to time, as Will in all his complexity takes over every spare second of our lives. We have hung on, though. Our hearts are bonded by something that goes even deeper than love.” ( 9 )

Brothers and Sisters

We know from the experiences of families and the findings of research that having a child with a disability powerfully affects everyone in the family. This includes that child’s brothers and sisters. Many authors and researchers have written with eloquence about how the presence of a disability affects each sibling individually, as well as the relationships between siblings .

The impact, according to the siblings themselves, varies considerably from person to person. Yet there are common threads that run through their stories. ( 10 ) For many, the experience is a positive, enriching one that teaches them to accept other people as they are. Some become deeply involved in helping parents care for the child with a disability. It is not uncommon for siblings to become ardent protectors and supporters of their brother or sister with special needs or to experience feelings of great joy in watching him or her achieve even the smallest gain in learning or development. Megan, age 17, says of her life with her brother who has Down syndrome:

Every day Andy teaches me to never give up. He knows he is different, but he doesn’t focus on that. He doesn’t give up, and every time I see him having a hard time, I make myself work that much harder…I don’t know what I would do without Andy. He changed my life…If I had not grown up with him, I would have less understanding, patience, and compassion for people. He shows us that anyone can do anything. ( 11 )

In contrast, many siblings experience feelings of bitterness and resentment towards their parents or the brother or sister with a disability. They may feel jealous, neglected, or rejected as they watch most of their parents’ energy, attention, money, and psychological support flow to the child with special needs. ( 12 ) As Angela, age 8, puts it, “[T]here are times when I sit down and think, ‘It’s not fair!’” ( 13 )

And many, many siblings swing back and forth between positive and negative emotions. Helen, age 10, whose sister has severe intellectual disabilities and seizures, begins by saying that she’s glad to have a sister with special needs. “It has opened my eyes to a world of people I never would have known about.” ( 14 ) But she also says, “Sometimes I wish I had special needs. I think that a lot when Martha gets ooohed and aahed over and nobody even thinks about me.” ( 15 ) And then in the next breath, Helen says, “Another thing is that it really makes me mad when kids slap their chest with their hands and go, ‘I’m a retard!’ It made me so mad!” ( 16 )

The reaction and adjustment of siblings to a brother or sister with a disability may also vary depending upon their ages and developmental levels. The younger the nondisabled sibling is, the more difficult it may be for him or her to understand the situation and to interpret events realistically. Younger children may be confused about the nature of the disability, including what caused it. They may feel that they themselves are to blame or may worry about “catching” the disability. As siblings mature, their understanding of the disability matures as well, but new concerns may emerge. They may worry about the future of their brother or sister, about how their peers will react to their sibling, or about whether or not they themselves can pass the disability along to their own children. ( 17 )

Clearly, it is important for you to take time to talk openly about your child’s disability with your other children , explaining it as best you can in terms that are appropriate to each child’s developmental level. As Robert Naseef remarks, “Just as parents need information, so do siblings, on their level.” ( 18 )

If you’re concerned about sibling issues, have a look at our Siblings page, where you can connect with helpful resources, including support groups available to your children. These can provide an “excellent outlet” for siblings to share their feelings with others in a similar situation. ( 19 )

Your Child with Special Needs

Much of how you raise your child with a disability will depend on your family’s personal beliefs about childrearing, your child’s age, and the nature of his or her disability. An important point to remember is that most of the regular child-raising issues will apply—children with disabilities will go through the usual childhood stages . They may not go through stages at the same age, at the same rate, or use the same words as children without disabilities, but they are children and kids are kids.

We, as parents, may believe that all children should be treated the same, but in practice that is usually not the case. Why? Because anyone who has been around children, even infants, knows they have different personalities and react differently to similar situations. We encourage and coax the shy child and set limits for the rambunctious one. We tell the loud ones to be quiet and the quiet ones to speak up. We offer different activities to the child who loves to paint than to the one who wants to play ball. Children just are not the same—but they should have the same opportunities.

Among their opportunities should be the chance to assume increasingly greater degrees of responsibility and independence. There may be many ways in which your child can help himself or herself or other members of the family, including doing chores around the house. You will need to consider what these activities might be, given your son or daughter’s disabilities and capabilities. As you expect and encourage your child to assume responsibility, his or her sense of pride and competence will also increase.

Conversely, to not expect or encourage your child to contribute to self-care or household matters may send the message that he or she is not capable of helping. Dependence is fostered instead. As one mother insists, “Let him do things for himself. Don’t baby him. My father-in-law noticed how Chrissy can manipulate people very well…[His] comment was, ‘Boy, he wouldn’t walk anywhere if he could find someone to carry him all over.’ Yup. That’s why we don’t carry him!” ( 20 )

Of course , the nature and severity of your child’s disability may affect how much he or she is able to participate in household duties and so on. Peggy Finston remarks:

The issue, then, for each of us is what is a “realistic” amount of normality to expect from our child? If we expect too much, we run the risk of rejecting him as he is. If we expect too little, we will fail to encourage him to do the most he can with himself. There is no one answer for all of us, or even for all of us dealing with the same condition. The best we can do is to realize that this is an ongoing question that we need to consider. ( 21 )

Another issue that may concern you is what (or whether) to tell your child about his or her disability. As with siblings, the child with special needs may also have a need for information and perspective about what makes him or her different.

Now my hug becomes tighter, closer. I feel my breath in his tousled hair.

“Will, do you ever wonder why you get so scared when something comes out of the blue, why it upsets you so much?”

He sniffles. “Yeah.”

I hesitate. I’m feeling terribly warm. I never wanted to introduce my child to the label someone else created for him. And yet an instinct tells me it may help him….( 22 )

This is how Kelly Harland describes the conversation she had with her son when she told him about his disability, autism.

And now he’s still. He has calmed down. He’s listening.

…And silence, as I try to imagine where to go next. Maybe I’m all wrong. Maybe I should never have used that word. But an odd rush comes over me. It feels like, with this tentative back-and-forth, we’ve suddenly crashed through some floodgate….Has Will known for awhile that he has a problem; has he been waiting for his mom to explain it to him? There is in all this talk something for both of us to hold onto, maybe in this one moment a way to quell the terror, or even rise above it. ( 23 )

As your child grows and matures and especially as he or she edges into young adulthood, it may be very helpful for him or her to be able to discuss the nature of the disability. This includes what special accommodations he or she needs in order to succeed in school and other settings.

You may wish to involve your child in his or her own IEP meeting , which can teach your child useful skills like self-advocacy, expressing personal interests and goals, and being involved in making decisions that affect his or her life. In fact, by law, whenever your child’s transition to life after high school is going to be discussed at an IEP meeting, your child must be invited to attend the meeting. To learn more about transition planning and student involvement in IEP meetings, visit the  Transition Suite , which begins at: https://www.parentcenterhub.org/transitionadult/

Grandparents (and the Rest of the Family)

Grandparents are often greatly affected by the birth of a child with a disability. “They face the double grief of their grandchild’s disability and their own child’s pain.”(24) It is important to remember that they will need support and information, too. (This is true for other members of the family as well.)

Therefore, your parents and other members of the extended family need to be given opportunities to get to know your child as a person and not just a person with disabilities. Help them to understand your child’s strengths and needs, help them to accept him or her as part of the family. Allowing family members to become involved with your child may also allow you some much-needed time away from the responsibilities associated with caring for a child with special needs.

Care Givers

All parents, at some time, will probably seek child care. For families with a child who needs more supervision or specialized assistance, child care may be difficult to find—or feel comfortable with. However, even if you do not work outside the home and do not need regular child care, you may benefit greatly from having child care on a periodic or even an ongoing basis. This will give you time to take care of personal matters, enjoy some leisure activity, or be relieved of the constant need to care for a child with a disability or chronic illness.

You may also benefit from respite care, a system of temporary child care provided by people familiar with the needs of children with disabilities. “Temporary” can range from an hour to several months, depending on the respite care provider and the needs and desires of the family. Many respite care providers have undergone specialized training and can knowledgeably care for children whose needs may range from close supervision to medical care. Respite care can be provided to infants, teenagers, or adults with special needs. In some cases, the respite provider may be able to provide care only for the child with the disability; in other cases, care may be available for siblings as well. Respite care generally differs from daycare in that it is not available on a daily basis to allow a parent to return to the work force.

To find out more about respite services, contact the  ARCH National Respite Network and Resource Center. ARCH operates the National Respite Locator Service whose mission is to help parents locate respite care services in their area. Visit at: http://www.archrespite.org

Although many parents initially may feel reluctant to leave their child with special needs in the care of someone else, those who have tried it give ample testimony to its value in restoring their energy, sense of humor, and perspective.

Working with Professionals

Over 20 years ago, parent Cory Moore, speaking directly to professionals, wrote:

We need respect, we need to have our contribution valued. We need to participate, not merely be involved. It is, after all, the parent who knew the child first and who knows the child best. Our relationship with our sons and daughters is personal and spans a lifetime. ( 25 )

This sentiment echoes throughout the parent literature and in the hearts of parents everywhere. Not surprisingly, many of the materials written by parents for other parents offer insight into how you might work together with professionals for the benefit of your child and family. The best relationships are characterized by mutual respect, trust, and openness, where both you and the professional exchange information and ideas about the best care, medical intervention, or educational program for your child. Both you and the professional need to speak clearly about issues and listen carefully. Indeed, both of you have important expertise to share.

You, for example, have intimate knowledge of your child with special needs. You live with and observe your son or daughter on a daily basis and can contribute invaluable information about his or her routine, development, history, strengths, needs, and so on.

The professional, too, has specialized knowledge to contribute—that of his or her discipline. Often you must rely upon the professional’s judgment in matters that are critical to the well-being of your child.

Thus, there should be a mutuality in the parent/professional relationship. This can take time to develop and may require effort from both parties. To that end, many parent writers suggest:

If you are looking for a specialist with whom you can work well, ask other parents of children with disabilities. Often, they can recommend a good speech or physical therapist, doctor, dentist, or surgeon.

If you don’t understand the terminology a professional uses, ask questions. Say, “What do you mean by that? We don’t understand.”

If necessary, write down the professional’s answers. This is particularly useful in medical situations when a medication or therapy is to be administered.

Learn as much as you can about your child’s disability. This will assist you with your child, and it can help you participate most fully in the team process.

Prepare for visits to the doctor, therapist, or school by writing down a list of the questions or concerns you would like to discuss with the professional.

Keep a notebook in which you write down information concerning your special needs child. This can include your child’s medical history, test results, observations about behavior or symptoms that will help the professional do his or her job, and so on. (A loose-leaf notebook is easy to maintain and add information to.)

If you don’t agree with a professional’s recommendations, say so. Be as specific as you can about why you don’t agree.

Do whatever informed “shopping around” is necessary to find a doctor who understands your child’s needs, is willing to work collaboratively with other medical professionals, and with whom you feel comfortable.

Measure a professional’s recommendations for home treatment programs or other interventions against your own schedule, finances, and other commitments. You may not be able to follow all advice or take on one more thing, feeling as Helen Featherstone did when she wrote, “What am I supposed to give up?…There is no time in my life that hasn’t been spoken for, and for every fifteen-minute activity that has been added, one has to be taken away.” ( 26 ) Peggy Finston points out that “most professionals won’t be familiar with the sum total of our obligations and will not take it upon themselves to give us permission to quit. This is up to us. It’s in our power to make the decision.” ( 27 )

In conclusion, it is important that the parent/professional relationship empower the parent to be a full participant in information-gathering, information-sharing, and in decision-making. However, it is ultimately up to you to decide what role(s) you want to take in this process and what role(s) you need help with. It is helpful to know that families do, indeed, choose different roles in relationship to professionals. Some parents want to allow professionals to make most decisions about their child, others want to serve as an informant to the professional, some want veto power, and some parents want a shared role in the intervention with their child. ( 28 )

You are also free to change your mind about the role or level of involvement you may want or be able to assume regarding your child’s services. You may find that you choose different roles at different times for different purposes. Be as direct as possible about what you want or don’t want to take on in this regard.

In this article, we have looked at many of the issues facing you as parents of a child with a disability. Learning that your child has a disability or illness is just the beginning of the journey. At times, you may feel overwhelmed by the challenges associated with disability and by the strength of your own emotions. And while you may feel alone and isolated, there are many supports available. Other parents can be invaluable sources of help and information. Services are also available through public agencies that can assist your entire family—early intervention services for infants and toddlers and educational services for  preschoolers and school-aged children. Having access to information and supports may be critical in maintaining a stable and healthy family life.

We urge you to read, to talk to other parents who have a child with a disability, to talk with each other and with other family members, and to reach out for assistance when you need it. We conclude with the words of Clare Claiborne Park, as she reflects upon the experience and emotions of being a parent of a child with disabilities.

This experience we did not choose, which we would have given anything to avoid, has made us different, has made us better. Through it we have learned the lesson of Sophocles and Shakespeare—that one grows by suffering. And that too is Jessy’s gift. I write now what fifteen years past I would still not have thought possible to write; that if today I was given the choice, to accept the experience, with everything that it entails, or to refuse the bitter largesse, I would have to stretch out my hands—because out of it has come, for all of us, an unimagined life. And I will not change the last word of the story. It is still love. ( 29 )

  1 | Park, C. (1982). The siege: The first eight years of an autistic child with an epilogue, fifteen years later (p. 320). Boston, MA: Little, Brown. (A sequel to this classic parent book, called Exiting Nirvana , was published in 2001 and continued the story of Jessy into adulthood.)

  2 | Hickman, L. (2000). Living in my skin: The insider’s view of life with a special needs child (p. 211). San Antonio, TX: Communication Skill Builders.

  3 | McDermott, J. (2000). Babyface: A story of heart and bones (p. 197). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  4 | Meyer, D.J. (Ed.). (1995). Uncommon fathers: Reflections on raising a child with a disability (p. v). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  5 | McAnaney, K.D. (1998). I wish: Dreams and realities of parenting a special needs child (2nd ed.). Sacramento, CA: United Cerebral Palsy Associations, Inc. (Quotation from page 22.)

  6 | Harland, K. (2002). A will of his own: Reflections on parenting a child with autism ( p. 33). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  7 | Hickman, L. (2000). Living in my skin: The insider’s view of life with a special needs child (p. 246). San Antonio, TX: Communication Skill Builders.

  8 | McDermott, J. (2000). Babyface: A story of heart and bones (p. 155). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  9 | Harland, K. (2002). A will of his own: Reflections on parenting a child with autism (p. 33). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  10 | McHugh, M. (2002). Special siblings: Growing up with someone with a disability . Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes.

  11 | Meyer, D. (1997). Views from our shoes: Growing up with a brother or sister with special needs (p. 89). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  12 | Lavin, J.L. (2001). Special kids need special parents: A resource for parents of children with special needs . New York: Berkley Books.

  13 | Meyer, D. (1997). Views from our shoes: Growing up with a brother or sister with special needs (p. 21). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  14 | Ibid, p. 41.

  15 | Ibid.

  16 | Ibid, pp. 41-42.

  17 | Lavin, J.L. (2001). Special kids need special parents: A resource for parents of children with special needs . New York: Berkley Books.

  18 | Naseef, R.A. (1997). Special children, challenged parents: The struggles and rewards of raising a child with a disability (p. 144). Seacaucus, NJ: Birch Lane Press. (A revised edition of this book was published in 2001 by Paul H. Brookes.)

  19 | See references 10 and 12 above.

  20 | Hickman, L. (2000). Living in my skin: The insider’s view of life with a special needs child (p. 239). San Antonio, TX: Communication Skill Builders.

  21 | Finston, P. (1990). Parenting plus: Raising children with special health needs (p. 72). New York: Dutton.

  22 | Harland, K. (2002). A will of his own: Reflections on parenting a child with autism (p. 57). Bethesda, MD: Woodbine House.

  23 | Ibid, pp. 57-58.

  24 | Naseef, R.A. (1997). Special children, challenged parents: The struggles and rewards of raising a child with a disability (p. 157). Seacaucus, NJ: Birch Lane Press. (A revised edition of this book was published in 2001 and is available from Paul H. Brookes.)

  25 | Moore, C. (1993). Maximizing family participation in the team process . In L. Küpper (Ed.), Second National Symposium on Effective Communication for Children and Youth with Severe Disabilities: Topic papers, reader’s guide, and videotape (pp. 43–54). McLean, VA: Interstate Research Associates. (Quotation from page 49.)

  26 | Featherstone, H. (1980). A difference in the family: Life with a disabled child (p. 78). New York: Basic.

  27 | Finston, P. (1990). Parenting plus: Raising children with special health needs (p. 188). New York: Dutton.

  28 | McBride, S., Brotherson, M.J., Joanning, H., Whiddon, D., & Demmit, A. (1992). Implementation of family centered services: Perceptions of professionals and families. Unpublished manuscript, Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa. (This document is not available.)

  29 | Park, C. (1982). The siege: The first eight years of an autistic child with an epilogue, fifteen years later (p. 320). Boston, MA: Little, Brown. (A sequel to this classic parent book, called Exiting Nirvana, was published in 2001 and continued the story of Jessy into adulthood.)

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The Journey of a Shoebox

The amazing journey of a simple shoebox gift, begins with you and results in evangelism, discipleship, and multiplication.

From children to seniors, people pack shoebox gifts each year to bless children in need around the world. Parents often use the project to teach their kids about giving. Year-round volunteers support these efforts across the country.

Churches and groups of all sizes collect boxes from their communities. Some churches also serve as drop-off locations for shoeboxes the third week of November every year.

Thousands of volunteers serve annually inspecting and preparing shoeboxes for international shipping. Every hour work stops for a few minutes to pray for the children who will receive the boxes.

Worldwide Distribution

Long before shoeboxes arrive in more than 100 countries, volunteer National Leadership Teams train pastors and community leaders who want to share the message of the Gospel and bless children. The leaders learn how to host child-friendly outreach events, and how to implement The Greatest Journey follow-up discipleship program.

Outreach Events

Pastors around the world host outreach events in places where people may not know Christ and invite them to follow Him. Other churches use the boxes as resources for outreach in orphanages and other at-risk areas. In many places, they also offer The Greatest Gift , a Gospel story booklet Samaritan’s Purse developed for shoebox recipients, and invite children to participate in The Greatest Journey discipleship program.

Discipleship & Multiplication

As a result of what they learn in The Greatest Journey , boys and girls grow in Christ and share with friends and family. The students also invite others to their graduations where the Gospel is shared. This often brings parents, siblings, and friends to accept Christ and become active members in the local church. Families are reached, churches grow, new churches are started, and communities are transformed. Go Deeper ￫

It all starts with you! Join what God’s doing and pack a shoebox.

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Journey of Hope Overview

Journey of Hope (JoH) is an evidence-based psychosocial support program designed to build resilience for children. Many children endure the everyday stresses of living in communities impacted by natural disasters or poverty ; witnessing significant changes to their homes, neighborhoods and schools. Journey of Hope ofers the opportunity to begin to normalize emotions and develop coping strategies

Program Design

Save the Children developed Journey of Hope after Hurricane Katrina, and has implemented in disaster and low-resource settings across the United States and internationally since 2007.

The program is designed to help normalize emotions and develop positive coping strategies through cooperative play, creative arts and literacy. There are three modules for children between 4-12 years old. Journey of Hope is organized into 8 one-hour sessions for groups of 8-10 children. Save the Children partners with school districts, childcare centers and community organizations to implement Journey of Hope with trained facilitators during the school term or in summer camps.

In addition to the children's modules, there is a 3-hour workshop for caregivers to allow the time and space to process their experience, identify their coping mechanisms and develop community resources to increasing their capacity to support children.

The learning objectives of the program are to:

1.       Support children in understanding and normalizing emotions associate with trauma or other difficult circumstances.

2.       Support children in developing positive coping strategies to deal with these emotions.

3.       Build on the innate strengths of children, their families, schools and communities to further develop positive coping mechanisms.

4.       Instill a sense of hope, empowering children to feel more in control.

Strengths-based Approach

Journey of Hope utilizes a strengths-based approach in each of the session activities, focusing on participants' ability to manage their emotions and support each other. Group facilitators identify positive coping strategies and allow children to form valuable insights into their own well-being. This approach leads to a greater child-centered practice.

Promoting Protective Factors

The interventions, activities, and methods within Journey of Hope help children address and overcome a traumatic event or adversity through building external and internal protective factors, such as:

1.       Promoting positive relationships with caring adults;

2.       Building problem solving skills;

3.       Promoting healthy peer relationships;

4.       Teaching self-regulation skills;

5.       Promoting self-efficacy.

For more information, please contact [email protected]

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The Journey of Early Childhood Education Through Time

by NDFAuthors

• Feb 05, 2018

For over 2,000 years  the issues of “why” and “how” to teach young children have engaged philosophers, psychologists and educators seeking to discover universal laws of child development.

Early childhood education is an important step in educating young minds and offering stimulating opportunities for exploring and learning. Those who contributed to the discipline of early childhood education came from occupations and professions outside the academic domain. What they had in common was an understanding of children. And that is what makes early childhood education unique; it starts with the child and not with the subject matter.

Historical Foundations of Early Childhood Education

Early childhood education has roots that reach far back into history . For over 2,000 years  the issues of “why” and “how” to teach young children have engaged philosophers, psychologists and educators seeking to discover universal laws of child development.

• Plato (428-348 BC), a leading Greek philosopher, believed all children were born with a defined amount of knowledge, and that education served to ‘remind’ them of this inherent understanding of the world, and help them use it in their everyday lives.  Plato viewed play as a form of anticipatory socialization. If children were to become builders, he suggested, they should play at building houses. The teacher’s role was to try to direct children’s inclinations and pleasures through play towards their final aim in life.
• Quintilian (AD 35-95), educator in the new Roman empire, was also an advocate for play, and encouraged parents to choose their children’s tutors and nurses with great care, emphasizing learning through imitation rather than intimidation.
• Martin Luther (1483-1546) was a keen advocate of universal education, and believed both boys and girls should be educated to read independently so that they could have access to the Bible, instead of relying on verbal retelling. He believed the school’s role was to educate the intellectual, religious, physical, emotional, and social aspects of children.
• John Amos Comenius (1592-1670)  published what many consider to be the first picture book dedicated to the education of young children. Comenius believed all children to age 6 should be taught in their native languages. He was also the first to introduce the concept of “grades”, or different levels of education determined by each individual child’s age and developmental stage.
• John Locke (1632-1704) developed the theory (known as “Tabula Rasa”, or “Blank Slate”) that children come into the world with an empty mind, and that knowledge and learning is received through experience and converted to understanding through reasoning. Locke strongly believed in “nurture” over “nature.” This belief led him to emphasize the idea of early education and changes in parental care, such as allowing young children to explore their world physically without restraint and the use of gentle forms of discipline. He emphasized respectful, loving relationships as the best way for adults to inspire the child to replicate their behaviours, and that learning should be fun, not a task to be imposed.
• Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) was a French writer, philosopher, and social theorist. His belief in the innate goodness of children led him to propose early schooling that enabled children to direct their own activities, free from the constraints imposed by “society”. He also believed education should begin at birth and continue well into adulthood, emphasizing the differences between the minds of children and adults, and adjusting educational methods accordingly. According to Rousseau, children learned best by experiencing and exploring their environments. This idea is still incorporated into ECE programs today. Such child-centred education, emphasizing activity and the use of senses, was thought to foster the development of each child’s moral and intellectual potential.

• Most of us probably think of kindergarten when we consider early childhood education. We can thank Friedrich Froebel (1782 – 1852), a German educator who created kindergarten in Germany in 1837, for that. Froebel’s idea was born out of the desire to socialize young children and to expose them to an education in science, music, and language outside the home. Following Rousseau’s philosophy, Froebel advocated respect for young children’s needs and the importance of sensory training. He promoted the importance of play as the educational “medium” through which children could reach their intellectual and emotional potentials. Suggesting that children progress through different age-related “phases”, he proposed that certain materials, or “gifts”, be incorporated into the kindergarten curriculum to correspond with these phases, hence enhancing development. This notion of appropriate “match” has been the cornerstone of many contemporary early education programs.
• Maria Montessori  (1870-1952), Italy’s first woman physician, continued the Froebelian tradition within a different context. Concerned with the welfare of young, poor urban children in Italy, she established her “children’s houses” in Rome in 1907. Like Froebel, Montessori implemented an early education curriculum that was founded on a developmental theory, employed play as the instructional method, and introduced developmentally appropriate materials designed to facilitate sensory and cognitive skills. Her method, which like kindergarten also spread throughout the world, was child-centered and child-directed, meaning that individual students learn based on what they are interested in at the time.

Approaches and Teaching Methods in ECE Today

The montessori method – self-directed learning.

In a Montessori classroom, the main interaction is between the child and the materials, not between the teacher and the child. Initially, the teacher demonstrates the proper use of each set of materials, after which children may work on them individually or in small groups. The teacher’s role in a Montessori school is to observe in order to connect the child with the suitable materials. Children learn through experience, by observing and doing. They practice life skills like buttoning, zipping, cutting, and gardening, enabling children to care for themselves as well as their environment. Learning in the Montessori classroom is cumulative, constantly building on what was learned prior. Activities are primarily individual, and children move around the classroom freely, choosing their own activities. The emphasis is on self-directed learning; children pursue their own interests at the pace that best suits them, rather than moving through teacher-led lessons as a group. Children develop respect for each other and their classroom, placing items back on shelves before reaching for new ones. Their work is taken seriously, and not regarded as play.

The High/Scope Program – Plan-Do-Review Process

High/Scope was founded in 1970 and emerged from the work Dave Weikart and Connie Kamii did on the Perry Preschool Project. High/Scope provides broad, realistic educational experiences geared to children’s current stages of development, to promote the constructive processes of learning necessary to broaden emerging intellectual and social skills. In a High/Scope classroom, students are engaged in learning ‘centers’, including building, dramatic play, math, reading, music, writing, art, science, and motor development. A typical day would demonstrate a three-part process: “Plan-Do-Review.” Beginning with planning, the class and teacher discuss and create plans for a certain play period. Children go about their various activities, (Do) while teachers observe and offer support. The “review” process takes place after the play period, where students and teachers gather to discuss what they have found. This helps children understand their own actions, and enables connections between action and language. Children’s work is proudly displayed on the walls of the classroom.

Waldorf Schools – Hands-On Exploration

Developed by Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925) in 1919, Waldorf programs aim to educate the whole child “” “head, heart, and hands.” Children in Waldorf schools are allowed to remain ‘childlike’, under the belief that there is a time for every aspect of development, and that children ought not to receive formal education until after the age of 7. Learning is hands-on, achieved through cooking, art projects, storytelling, singing, puppet shows, dress-up, and play. The teacher stays with the same group of children from preschool through eighth grade. The focus in the Waldorf classroom is on sensory exploration and self-discovery rather than formal instruction and merit, helping children develop  a sense of compassion and responsibility. The use of electronic media, especially TV, by young children is discouraged in Waldorf schools.

Reggio Emilia Schools – Classroom as the “Third Teacher”

Loris Malaguzzi (1920-1994) founded the Reggio Emilia approach at the Italian city of the same name. The Reggio approach fosters intellectual development through a focus on symbolic representation. The primary curriculum is in-depth project work based on the interests of the children. Children are encouraged to express themselves through ‘natural languages’, including drawing, painting, working in clay, sculpting, constructing, conversing, and dramatic play. In a Reggio Emilia school, educators pay close attention to the look and feel of the classroom, which is often referred to as the “third teacher.” The goal is to create a room that is beautiful, joyful, inviting, and stimulating. Teachers document the children’s discussions, remarks, and activities through notes, videos, and photographs. This makes learning visible and helps parents to understand what their children are learning; teachers get to know the children better; and children see that their work is valued.

Bank Street Approach – Learning by Doing

John Dewey (1859-1952) and his theory of “˜learning by doing’ influenced this developmental approach. The focus of Bank Street preschools is on a child’s mental, social, emotional, and physical growth. In these programs, the child is an active learner and gains knowledge about the world through experience. Students set the learning pace, and the teacher serves as a guide. Bank Street approach teaches lessons through hands-on activities, such as building blocks, puzzles, clay, and dramatic play.

Which Educational Philosophy Is Best?

As the preschool options seem endless, many parents wonder if they will ever be able to choose a program that is a good match for their child. Here are some guidelines to help them in the process:

• Carefully consider your child’s personality and learning style before investigating the options. After all, you know your child best.
• Research the various types of programs available, and make the selection of those that best fit your child’s needs.
• Visit each type of school and then try to determine the program that feels right for your child and family.

What type of ECE program do your kids attend? How did you choose your child’s preschool? Share with us your thoughts and experience.

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The long journey of a child who died more than 2,000 years ago

by Julie Gazaille, University of Montreal

In 2020, the pandemic disrupted everyone's lives, isolated people from each other and ushering in a new reality for all. At universities, activities shifted into low gear and moved online. And in Université de Montréal's Department of Anthropology, then-director Guy Lanoue took the opportunity to do something he'd never had time for: Tidy up.

He was in for quite a surprise. On a dusty shelf, Lanoue found a shoebox-sized cardboard container—and inside were the bones of a child, born in antiquity. At least, that's what was written on the top of the box. Where did the bones come from and what were they doing there? An investigation was in order.

Lanoue called in his colleague Isabelle Ribot, a bioarchaeologist specializing in ancient human remains. After a brief examination, she concluded that the bones were indeed many centuries old. She, too, had no idea how they'd ended up on a shelf in the Department of Anthropology.

Three years later, in early December 2023, with the pandemic over and campus life back to normal, the bones—now dubbed "El Niño"—found a new home. In a private ceremony captured for posterity by UdeM's staff photographer, Ribot handed the box over to Mexico's consul-general in Montreal, Alejandro Estivill Castro.

Alongside his vice-consul and other officials, the diplomat thanked Ribot for returning the bones. The ceremony marked the first time ever at UdeM that ancient remains had been turned over to their rightful owners.

Some notes, one drawing and an inscription

A long series of events had led to that day.

In 2020, with nothing to go on besides a few scribbled notes left in the box, Ribot decided to entrust the investigation of the bones to one of her best students, Étienne Houle, who was completing a master's degree in anthropology. She asked Carlos Jacome, a visiting professor from Mexico and expert in forensic archaeology and Mesoamerican bioarchaeology, to co-supervise the student.

Houle had a few clues to El Niño's story: Notes on the box described the origin of the remains and dated them as possibly from the La Pastora subphase (750–550 BCE) of a period known as the Zacatenco, named after the main village in a region of Mexico where Indigenous populations practiced agriculture.

A rough drawing on the top of the box indicated that it contained only one individual in a very incomplete state: 75 bone fragments from a six-and-a-half-year-old child who lived more than 2,000 years ago.

On one side of the box was an additional inscription that helped Houle make progress: "For the American Museum of Natural History if they want it. Contact Sumru Aricanli."

Brought back from a dig in 1965

Aricanli is an expert in South American, Mexican and Central American archaeology at the American Museum of Natural History (AMNH), in New York City. Houle contacted her and learned that back in 1965, Paul Tolstoy, founder of UdeM's anthropology department, had brought the bones back from a dig he'd done in Mexico. After retiring in 2014, he left no forwarding address but stayed in touch with Aricanli.

Aricanli explained that Tolstoy transferred his entire collection, composed mainly of ceramic and lithic artifacts, to the AMNH in 2014 but it included no human remains. Tolstoy specialized in the cultural diffusion of Mesoamerican societies; he never mentioned the El Niño bones in any publications on his research. In fact, when they were discovered, it appeared the bones had originally been mislabeled as those of a deer: the inscription "deer" on the box had been crossed out and replaced by "human child."

Kent V. Flannery of the University of Michigan—a sheet of paper left in the box bore the school's crest—also helped solve the mystery. At Tolstoy's request, he had worked on analyzing some of the artifacts brought back from the 1965 dig and had apparently reported the presence of juvenile human bones among the faunal remains before they were brought to Montreal.

Houle and his colleagues hypothesize that Tolstoy most likely brought the bones back by mistake, unaware they were of human origin.

The remains were unearthed by the team of UdeM archaeologists in 1965 at the El Arbolillo site near Tlalnepantla de Baz, in south-central Mexico, though the exact location remains uncertain. Tolstoy died in fall 2022 but he had an email exchange with Houle in the spring and provided some valuable information.

"He distinctly remembered these remains," said Houle. "Thanks to the information he gave us, we were able to set this repatriation in motion, since we support the return of bioarchaeological collections and their centralization in their country of origin.

Repatriation procedures and a scientific article

Meanwhile, Jacome handled the lengthy repatriation procedures with Mexican authorities and scientists from the Instituto Nacional de Antropología e Historia, in Mexico City. The three UdeM researchers wrote an article about the singular discovery, the subsequent investigation and the repatriation process, and it was published (in French) in the fall 2023 issue of the Quebec journal Archéologiques .

The article is divided into three parts: the osteological inventory, the archaeological context of the discovery, and the ethical and international legal considerations associated with the repatriation of these human remains.

"The ethics of the conservation of archaeological human remains has become a major concern in the 21st century for communities and for researchers," the three anthropologists wrote in the introduction to the article. "The novel process of El Niño's international repatriation brings up ethical and legal issues that have also been raised by many other requests for repatriation in recent years."

"This case study highlights the need to take ethical considerations into account in the management of bioarchaeological collections and to clarify processes for the return of human remains to ensure respect for the deceased and their home communities," said Ribot. She also noted the need to balance conflicting claims for the scientific preservation of human remains in educational institutions and the cultural and spiritual dignity of the Indigenous communities concerned.

Human dignity must prevail over the materialistic approach of the scientific community, the three researchers argue: "While the Western worldview is sometimes emotionally detached from ancient artifacts, many Indigenous communities feel an emotional connection to their ancestors," said Houle. "They believe that the dead are entitled to dignity regardless of the passage of time, just like someone who dies today."

Who do human remains belong to?

The article also discusses issues involving the cultural affiliation of human remains. Should remains be returned only to groups with demonstrated geographic, genetic and cultural affiliations? Challenges arise when remains cannot be culturally identified according to scientific standards, and this hampers communities in their efforts to get them repatriated. This was the case with El Niño.

The process of returning the bones revealed gaps in Canadian and Mexican laws on the repatriation of human remains and drew attention to the codes of ethics and professional conduct that guide practices in bioarchaeology. Institutions will have to work to clarify procedures for this type of repatriation in future, the anthropologists say.

As the Mexican consul noted more than once in December during the handover of El Niño's remains, the adventure of this child who died over 2,000 years ago is not over yet. Mexican scientists plan to study the remains as part of ongoing work in Mexico on the Teotihuacán period. And so, after decades on a shelf, El Niño will help researchers enrich what we know about the people who inhabited the Americas before us.

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The Journey of a Hidden Child (Jewish Children in the Holocaust) Hardcover – November 1, 2022

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Belgium, 1941. Rosa and Charles Russ give their newborn son, Jean-Pierre, to their non-Jewish friends for safekeeping; they are not aware that the couple is involved in espionage for the British, putting their baby in grave risk. In the home where they've placed their son, soirees are held for high-level Nazis who believe that the baby they bounce on their knees is Christian. The alcohol flows along with German secrets.

In April 1944, Rosa and Charles are arrested and sent to Auschwitz. Both endure barbaric treatment in multiple camps. One parent succumbs a mere month before the end of WWII. The other survives to reclaim Jean-Pierre. This stranger's appearance, he recalls, is the worst day of his life. Thoroughly and meticulously researched, The Journey of a Hidden Child traces the Holocaust trajectories of Charles and Rosa, as well as Jean-Pierre's years as a hidden child. It is a story of unimaginable sacrifice and courage, testifying to the strength of the human spirit and the ability to build a new life from scratch.

• Print length 262 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Amsterdam Publishers
• Publication date November 1, 2022
• Dimensions 6 x 0.75 x 9 inches
• ISBN-10 9493276554
• ISBN-13 978-9493276550
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Editorial Reviews

The Story of a Hidden Child is a vivid, gripping portrayal of a Jewish family's attempts to survive the unspeakable horrors suffered throughout the Holocaust. The book is fortified by thorough historical research that provides rich, edifying context. More broadly, this book punctuates the timeless, enduring presence of deep-seated evil in our society, including the seemingly unimaginable ways it can take form.

This book is a powerful warning to Jews and other persecuted peoples-especially during these increasingly uncertain times-that apathy, inattention, and denial are wholly alien to our courage and our survival.

More broadly, this book punctuates the timeless, enduring presence of deep-seated evil in our society, including the seemingly unimaginable ways it can take form. This work is a powerful warning to Jews and other persecuted peoples-especially during these increasingly uncertain times-that apathy, inattention, and denial are wholly alien to our courage and our survival.

-Myles Martel, Ph.D.

Harry Pila unraveled astonishing mysteries when he investigated his parents' lives. The result is a deeply sensitive and impressively researched story of selflessness and bravery. The Journey of a Hidden Child is a powerful record of sacrifice and resistance in the face of terror.

-Keren Blankfeld, journalist and author.

About the Author

Product details.

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Amsterdam Publishers (November 1, 2022)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 262 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9493276554
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-9493276550
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.23 pounds
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.75 x 9 inches
• #803 in Jewish Biographies
• #1,534 in Survival Biographies
• #3,027 in Jewish Holocaust History

About the author

Robin black.

Robin Black , a former teacher, is an Author, Researcher, Public Speaker, and Ghostwriter who specializes in the Holocaust. She has written three books, including One Voice, Two Lives: From Auschwitz Prisoner to 101st Airborne Trooper with David S. Wisnia (2015), in which she conducted two years of interviews and accompanied Mr. Wisnia to Poland before ghostwriting his book; The Numbers on my Parents' Arms with Jerry Bagel (2019), which she researched and ghostwrote; and The Journey of a Hidden Child with Harry Pila (2022), in which she conducted extensive research and wrote. She is currently at work on her fourth book, about a Jewish family who was exiled to Siberia after being kicked out of Poland by the Nazis. An accomplished public speaker, Robin Black has spoken about her work at colleges, universities, high schools, primary schools, synagogues, libraries, and other venues.

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A Child’s-Eye View of One Black Family’s Covered-Wagon Journey

Lesa Cline-Ransome’s new novel in verse adds female voices to the late-19th-century Black homesteaders movement.

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By Salamishah Tillet

Salamishah Tillet is the author of “Sites of Slavery: Citizenship and Racial Democracy in the Post-Civil Rights Imagination” and “In Search of ‘The Color Purple’: The Story of an American Masterpiece.” Her next book is “All the Rage: Nina Simone and the World She Made.”

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ONE BIG OPEN SKY, by Lesa Cline-Ransome

From a history book released in paperback in 1992, during my freshman year of college, I learned about the thousands of Black people who left the South in the late 19th century to move to the West, pursuing freedoms promised by the Homestead Act of 1862. The feminist Nell Irvin Painter’s “Exodusters: Black Migration to Kansas After Reconstruction,” originally published in 1977, was one of the first detailed studies of this mass movement by an African American historian.

There is a passage in Painter’s 1992 introduction that stands out as a disclaimer: “Unlike many other histories of Reconstruction, this book does not focus on Washington or the state capitals of the South. My central figures are not officeholders or men able to influence policy directly. (I say men because women, while they participated in the Exodus, were not voters during Reconstruction and do not appear as actors or speakers in the sources.)”

Lesa Cline-Ransome’s historical novel in verse, “One Big Open Sky,” is determined to fill in these archival silences. It tells the story of one Black family’s perilous covered-wagon journey from Mississippi to Nebraska through the voices of three resourceful and resilient female characters: the 11-year-old Lettie; her pregnant mother, Sylvia; and a young teacher, Philomena, whom they meet along the way.

Driving the wagon, and the decision to gamble everything on the chance of a better life ( “We can’t live free/on someone else’s land/picking someone else’s crop!” ), is Lettie’s father, Thomas. Her two younger brothers, Elijah and Silas, have had a hard time, as has her mother, adjusting to the idea of leaving the only community they’ve ever known: “Soon as Daddy finished talking/Elijah started fiddling/with his boot laces/ … When we coming back? /he asked Daddy/ from moving I mean /I saw Momma’s eyes fill up/ Ain’t no coming back once we leave ’lijah /Daddy told him/ So why we leaving then? /Silas asked.”

Though it spans just nine months in 1879, Cline-Ransome’s lyrical tale reminds us that this often forgotten Black resettlement, which predated the Great Migration (the subject of her award-winning “Finding Langston” trilogy) by roughly three decades, was epic in its political ambitions and actual execution. The movement — in both senses of the word — is vividly captured by the book’s narrative flow.

“One Big Open Sky” mainly presents the alternating points of view of mother and daughter, until Philomena joins them. Their differences in age, anxieties and aspirations are so vast that their stories, even as they converge, remain distinct and enable us to understand the debates and desires that motivate them, as well as the Black male leaders galvanizing them and the white communities discriminating against them.

Cline-Ransome’s evocative writing — a mix of richly textured description and vibrant dialogue — makes the impact of the family’s betrayals by the federal government and their fellow Exodusters all the more harrowing.

Prioritizing Lettie’s wide-eyed perspective highlights their vulnerability, and foreshadows the harsh conditions and violent conflicts they will navigate on their trek, which begins by crossing the Mississippi River via flatboat, with their wagon and two mules, Titus and Charly: “Titus is always scared/of one thing/or the next/So Daddy had me/stand next to him/on the ride over/ … As the currents/pulled us one way/the men steering the boat/pulled us another.”

Lettie chronicles their daily hardships in straightforward, heartbreakingly eloquent detail: “Too hot today/to sit in the wagon where it heated up/so much/Momma said/she felt like she was a hot biscuit/ … We all had to walk now/to save Charly and Titus/from pulling extra/ … I held Momma’s hand tight/slippery with her sweat/With our other hands/we waved away/the mosquitoes that followed/in black clouds above us/like they were traveling west too/We couldn’t talk/or we’d swallow/them whole.”

More often than not, however, despite painful losses, Lettie is optimistic about the unknown, with its endless possibilities. “From where we sat/we could see the lantern/lighting up the cabin,” she muses as they near their destination, “and imagine/the warmth inside/our new home/in the West/in Nebraska/with a fire in the hearth/and beds stacked with quilts.”

We know that the warmth Black families found in Nebraska during this period, and elsewhere throughout their various migrations over the next century, was no guarantee of full citizenship or racial equality. That battle continues today.

In Lettie’s, Sylvia’s and Philomena’s stories, enhanced by Cline-Ransome’s meticulous research (and the historical context provided by her author’s note), we learn about the limits of such movements, and about the Black people — and Black women in particular — who upended their lives down South to get one step and generation closer to the American dream.

“One Big Open Sky” shows us that the road there was dangerous, even as democracy loomed on the horizon.

ONE BIG OPEN SKY | By Lesa Cline-Ransome | (Ages 8 to 12) | Holiday House | 304 pp. | $18.99

Salamishah Tillet is a contributing critic at large for The Times and a professor at Rutgers University. She won the Pulitzer Prize for criticism in 2022, for columns examining race and Black perspectives as the arts and entertainment world responded to the Black Lives Matter moment with new works. More about Salamishah Tillet

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'Dear White People' Actress Ashley Blaine Featherson Is Pregnant With First Child, Shares Her IVF Journey

The actress and her husband are expecting their first child together following an emotional IVF journey.

Ashely Blaine Featherson-Jenkins is going to be a mom!

On Monday, the Dear White People actress shared via Instagram that she is expecting her first child with her husband, Darrol Jenkins. 

"Even though we know someday you’re gonna shine on your own, we’ll be your projectors. Born to be your protectors💕✨ #pregnancy #pregnancyannouncement #ivfjourney #ivfsuccess," the caption alongside a video announcement read. 

At the start of the video, Featherson and Jenkins have a sweet message for their baby.

"See you soon," the 36-year-old actress tells the camera. "We love you. We hope you look like us, but you're probably just gonna look like him," she says as she pans the camera to her husband. 

"But I really hope you look like me a little bit, just a little bit, that would be amazing."

As Beyoncé and Rumi Carter's "Protector" song begins to play, Featherson gives a look at her journey with IVF, starting with pre-transfer acupuncture, leading into the weeks she gives herself shots, as her husband supports her when she cries. Featherson then shows off the embryo, and the moment she and her husband found out the transfer was successful -- and she was officially pregnant. 

Featherson also shares the moment she and Jenkins told their "very happy" family the news, and a sweet mirror selfie of her and Jenkins rocking "IVF Mom" and "IVF Dad" shirts. The video ends with a sweet image of their baby's ultrasound, with the message, "Coming August 2024," with a pink heart emoji. 

Featherson took to her Instagram Story to share the sweet reactions from her friends.

"I am so emotional again watching this," Logan Laurice Browning wrote. "So many of my friends and loved ones have experienced this IVF journey and it means so much to witness it shared in this beautiful way. I'm so happy for you two and I can't wait to meet baby Jenkins."

"So happy for yall!," Lena Waithe wrote. "Love you both @ashleyblaine and @mynamedarrol!." 

Featherson and Jenkins tied the knot during a wedding ceremony in September 2021. The pair were longtime friends before they began dating in 2018 and got engaged in 2020. 

Updates on Celebrity News, TV, Fashion and More!

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At 50, I had a flashback to a priest abusing me as a child. Then I decided to confront him

Mary Dispenza spent years as a nun and working in the church before her buried memories rose to the surface. It was the start of her long journey towards justice and peace

M ary Dispenza was almost 50 when she experienced her first flashback. At the time, she was in a workshop entitled Sexual Misconduct on the Part of the Clergy, which she had been asked to attend as part of her job in pastoral support for the Roman Catholic archdiocese in Seattle . To this day, she isn’t sure what words unleashed that memory.

She recalls only how clammy her hands became and how the room suddenly started spinning as she saw her seven-year-old self being lifted on to the lap of a priest in a dark, empty auditorium. She knew in an instant who he was.

Dispenza urgently wanted to leave that workshop, but she sat through to the end. “I didn’t fall apart, I didn’t tell anyone, but it cracked me open and woke me up,” she says. “It was amazing to me that I could really bury that for so long … but that’s what we do to survive.”

Dispenza talks of using two “survival strategies”. At first, she buried the knowledge, hiding it from everyone – including herself – as she built a life at the heart of the Catholic church, even spending 15 years as a nun. She describes it as “splitting” – a dissociation so complete that, even as the horror happened, she could function and move forward without giving it any conscious thought.

After that flashback, Dispenza needed a new strategy. She confronted her abuser, joined a class-action lawsuit against him for damages and has spent decades supporting other victims and campaigning to hold the church accountable for covering up sexual abuse. It is what she calls “a truth telling”, a move into the light.

Dispenza, 84, lives in Washington state, but she grew up in east Los Angeles, where she attended a Catholic school. Her parents weren’t congregants, but they believed it offered their daughter the best education possible. To get her the place, Dispenza’s mother took a job driving the school bus and working in the adjoining rectory.

“The first flashback is a very clear memory,” says Dispenza. “I was seven years old and my mum had driven the bus to school, so I was looking for her at lunchtime. I found her in the lunchroom talking to the lunchroom ladies.” As the women talked, Dispenza grew bored and drifted towards the door, across the hallway and into a dark auditorium where a projector was whirling, emanating a tiny light.

As she made her way towards it, a tall figure in black robes stepped from the shadows – Father George Neville Rucker, the parish priest. “I knew he was a priest, so he was special,” says Dispenza. At the time, in 1947, Rucker was a young man, newly ordained and in his first post, although there were to be many more in the decades ahead, as allegations and rumours led his diocese to continually move him around.

“He motioned me to sit on his lap and I did,” says Dispenza. He then penetrated her with his fingers, “the same kind of act that I later learned was his modus operandi”.

“I believe that I ‘went away’. It was the beginning of separating my body from myself. After maybe 10 or 15 minutes, he walked me out of the auditorium and left. Imagine being a child alone, not knowing what had just happened. I had enough sense to go and wash myself in a little bathroom.”

This abuse continued, she thinks, for about two years. She has since had other flashbacks, including to Rucker’s bedroom in the rectory where her mother worked. By the time Dispenza was 12, Rucker had moved to another parish.

“People don’t really understand the impact of this on a child,” she says. “I couldn’t focus in class or take in academic information because, in a way, I wasn’t there. The only way I could be there was through activities. I excelled in sport, in school spirit, in leadership, but I couldn’t perform academically.

“The split kept me from being intimate with my friends. I had friends, but I just couldn’t connect in the ways they did, sharing stories about everything. Intimacy and being able to connect with someone in a long, meaningful relationship has been a long-term journey for me. For many years, I never thought I’d have that in my life.”

Secrecy and shame lodged in her “like squatters”, she says, although she didn’t know why. “The truth is that I was so disconnected from what happened that I didn’t know what those feelings were. But they were always somehow in the way, taking up space.”

God and religion became a salvation. “We’d been taught that God knew our secret thoughts, words and deeds and loved us anyway,” she says. “So God was my rock and I never let go. I guess it’s fair to say that, for me, that was a positive outcome.”

When she finished school, her decision to join a convent shocked her parents. When she told her dad in the car, he was so upset that he jumped a red light, then reversed back, crashing into the car behind him. “For my dad, it was a waste of a perfectly good life. For my mum, it was the end of her dream of marriage and grandchildren,” she says. “But I really loved God and I loved the nuns. Now, I lead a support group for people abused by nuns, but I can say that all the nuns in my life were good. I admired them. They served people, they prayed and, for me, they were safe.”

I n the years ahead, the splitting continued. She had relationships with men and with another nun. “I’m not proud of stepping outside my vows – maybe it was very human of me,” she says. “I’m always so grateful no one found out. Being a nun fitted for a while, but then I felt restless, fragmented. It took time and courage to leave.” When she did, at 33, Dispenza continued working within the church, eventually being appointed the director of pastoral life services in Seattle, where she was asked to attend that workshop on sexual misconduct by clergy.

When she got home that evening, she called the sister who had run the workshop and told her what she had remembered. (“She said that she would have to report him. I said: ‘Fine.’”) Her diocese helped Dispenza to access therapy. “A good therapist can help you recover your truth,” she says. “It allowed me to find my voice and power. It also allowed me to confront my abuser.”

With the help of her therapist, Judy, Dispenza wrote to Rucker, setting out in detail the harm he had caused her. She got a brief reply from his solicitor and after several exchanges (including Dispenza threatening to go to the media), Rucker agreed to meet her.

Judy and a nun were there to support her. “I felt nervous,” she says. “He wanted to shake my hands, but I had enough presence not to.” In that meeting, Dispenza was able to tell Rucker what he had taken from her – although his response was disappointing. He claimed that the abuse had happened only once and he said it was because he had been taking hormones. Dispenza, he said, was “in the wrong place at the wrong time”. He even offered to bless her and suggested that it must have happened for her “sanctification”.

“He was totally in denial and probably a very sick man,” says Dispenza. “I didn’t get the answers I wanted, or the missing pieces, but I was proud of myself. I really believe that little Mary got to speak that day.”

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Life continued towards the light. “I was facing difficult truths – and once you start, you don’t want to stop,” she says. Initially, during therapy, Dispenza had refused to talk about her sexuality. “One day, Judy said: ‘Mary, if you don’t talk about it, you’ll never know intimacy – and that’s the one thing we all want.’ I went home and thought about it. I knew in my heart that I was comfortable with women. That was where love could be.”

Dispenza didn’t come out quietly. She read books, enrolled in university classes on lesbian and gay studies and signed up for a coming out celebration event, at which she stood on stage and announced: “I’m Mary Dispenza and I’m a lesbian.” “They clapped,” she says. “I always remember that as a beautiful, affirming moment.”

She also gave an interview to the Seattle Times headlined “Ex-Nun Comes Out Of The Closet”. Shortly after, she was fired by her archbishop for “breaking allegiance” with the church. “I was devastated; I’d lost the framework of my life,” she says. “But I did face that courageously. No one was going to stop me from telling the truth.”

A decade later, in 2002, Dispenza learned that Rucker had been removed from duty and was under police investigation, initially for charges involving 16 girls . Rucker was moved to a retirement facility and stripped of all assignments. The earliest case that was reported contemporaneously dated to 1967, when he was accused of molesting two nine-year-old girls. At the time, the police found insufficient evidence and Rucker was swiftly moved to another parish.

It is now believed there were more than 30 victims . The files on Rucker released by the archdiocese of Los Angeles make for extremely grim reading. One victim remembers that when Rucker appeared in the playground, children would scream: “It’s Father Rucker, run for your life!” The report states: “The children had turned this awful situation into a game to avoid dealing with the emotional horror of being chased like a school of fish by a shark, all the time wondering who was going to be the next victim.”

Although statute of limitation laws meant that there was no criminal trial, a civil case was brought against Rucker and the church in 2006. The hearing took place in the ballroom of the Los Angeles Sheraton. Dispenza attended. Rucker was 86.

“He walked in, surrounded by attorneys, who were being paid hundreds of dollars an hour by the Catholic church,” says Dispenza. “He looked small, to tell you the truth. He’d lost all his power, in my mind.” Rucker declined to answer questions throughout, asserting his “right to remain silent”. Months later, the case was settled. The Los Angeles archdiocese agreed to pay $60m to 44 victims. Rucker died in 2014.

It led Dispenza to become an active member of Snap ( Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests ). “It’s about supporting survivors, protecting children and holding abusers accountable,” she says. “If there was a priest that needed to be outed, we’d stand outside their church with posters, we’d insist on archdioceses releasing the records.”

She is involved in a campaign to break the “seal of confession” , which can prevent a priest from reporting abuse disclosed during confession. Dispenza also runs a Snap support group for survivors of abuse by nuns. Members meet via video call from all over the world. “It has helped me, too, because there is nothing so healing as hearing somebody’s story,” she says. “In each one, we see bravery, courage and how they were able to go through this and come out. Every story I’ve listened to has given me something.”

She never returned to Catholicism . “It made no sense,” she says. “First, there was no room for me as a lesbian. After all those years, it broke my heart not to be wanted. The other reason is the way they were handling, or not handling, clergy abuse.” God is still very much in her life, though. “I talk to God; God is my lifelong companion and friend,” she says. “That’s different to ‘religion’, ‘church’ and all the rest.”

Dispenza is happily married to Mary Ann, whom she met at a retreat not long after coming out. “We’ve known each other 31 years and been married for 11, since the law changed in Washington,” she says. “We had a great wedding. All our friends came. Mary Ann’s grandchildren and my grandniece and grandnephew carried baskets of flowers. Our entrance song was That’s Amore.” The couple live on the shore of Lake Washington. “I walk, I dance, I paint, I have a wonderful spouse and companion and meaningful work with Snap,” she says.

There are no regrets about her years of silence, or time wasted. “All the pieces of my life have led me here, like pieces of a puzzle,” she says. “I like who I am. I like where I am, how I love, what I do in the world. I buried it until I was able to deal with it – and I love where life has brought me.”

In the UK, the NSPCC offers support to children on 0800 1111 and adults concerned about a child on 0808 800 5000. The National Association for People Abused in Childhood ( Napac ) offers support for adult survivors on 0808 801 0331. In the US, call or text the Childhelp abuse hotline on 800-422-4453. In Australia, children, young adults, parents and teachers can contact the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or Bravehearts on 1800 272 831. Adult survivors can contact Blue Knot Foundation on 1300 657 380. Other sources of help can be found at Child Helplines International

Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here

• How we survive
• Rape and sexual assault
• Catholicism
• Christianity

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TikToker Nara Smith Details Postpartum Journey After Giving Birth to Baby No. 3 With Lucky Blue Smith

Tiktok star nara smith gave insight into her postpartum recovery after welcoming her and lucky blue smith's third child, a baby girl named whimsy lou smith..

This time, Nara Smith isn't working from total scratch.

The TikTok star, who recently gave birth to her and husband Lucky Blue Smith 's third child, a daughter named  Whimsy Lou Smith , gave an inside look into her postpartum recovery .

" This postpartum experience has been so different from my other two," Nara—who also shares daughter Rumble Honey Smith , 3, and son Slim Easy Smith , 2, with Lucky—said in an April 15 TikTok . "My body's recovering a lot quicker but my emotions are all over the place so I'm just trying to give myself some grace and slow down."

And while this recovery is in some ways easier and harder than her others, Nara has a team behind her. Not only is Lucky by her side—she noted that the 25-year-old asked to be woken up every time Whimsy needs her diaper changed or to be swaddled—but Nara's parents also flew from their home in Germany to be with her and help the new family of five. 

Because as the Nara noted, "It truly takes a village, especially if you have two toddlers that need to be entertained as well."

The 22-year-old also gave some insight into what her day to day is looking like with Whismy. From cuddle sessions with her other children and their new sibling to starting to get back in the kitchen, there is one thing Nara says is non-negotiable. 

"This step I never skip, I get ready every morning," she explained. "Even if it's just putting on some moisturizer to get back into bed."

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Nara closed her video with a clip of the family's walk to In-n-Out for lunch, before showing herself getting back in bed with her youngest daughter.

She captioned the post with a sweet message to her followers, writing, "Hi guys! It feels like I haven't been on here in a while and I've missed you. Thank you for all the messages it means so much." 

And her followers were likewise happy to be reunited with the content creator.

"OMG I WAS LIKE 'lemme go check on nara she had her baby' AND I CATCH A POST NOT EVEN 5 MINS OLD," wrote one user, while another added, "WE LOVE U NARA SMITH CONGRATS."

And for more celebrities who have welcomed babies in 2024, keep reading. 

Kendall Schmidt & Mica von Turkovich

Big Time Rush member Kendall and his wife Mica announced that they have welcomed their first child together , a baby girl named Maple .

The couple shared the news in a joint Instagram post March 22, posting photo of Maple as well as one of Kendall and Mica posing with their baby girl.

Emily VanCamp & Josh Bowman

The married  Revenge alumni welcomed their second daughter,  Rio Rose , on March 12.

Giannina Gibelli & Blake Horstmann

The  Love is Blind  and  Bachelorette alums welcomed their son , Heath Orion Horstmann , in March.

"Our lives are brighter, fuller, and forever better," they wrote in their announcement . "Thank you for all of the love and well wishes, Heath has so many people who love him. We're parents!"

Ellie Monahan and Mark Dobrosky

Katie Couric became a grandmother after her eldest daughter, Ellie Monahan , welcomed her first baby with her husband, a son named John Albert .

"Mom and Dad (Ellie and Mark) are over the moon (it was a full moon)," she wrote on Instagram March 24. "I am thrilled to have my first grandchild, Carrie can't wait to be a cool Aunt and Molner is enjoying handing out cigars. We feel so blessed."

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden

There's something about this family, as the Good Charlotte rocker and the Charlie's Angels alum welcomed their second child —a baby boy named Cardinal Madden .

"He is awesome," they share in a joint Instagram post on March 22, "and We are all so happy he is here!"

David Guetta and Jessica Ledon

The “Titanium” artist and Adonai actress shared that they welcomed their first baby together, Cyan .

“Love is in the air,” David and Jessica wrote in a joint Instagram post March 17. “Welcome Cyan.”

Bhad Bhabie and Le Vaughn

The rapper announced the arrival of her daughter Kali Love on March 15. 

Sydney Hightower and Fred Warner

The former  Bachelor contestant and  San Francisco 49ers linebacker welcomed their first baby, a son named Beau Anthony , on March 7. 

The couple announced the news on Instagram March 11, and noted in the caption that it was the “best day of our lives.”

Lady Kitty Spencer and Michael Lewis

Princess Diana 's niece celebrated Mother's Day in the U.K. by sharing she and her husband privately welcomed their first baby.

“It’s the joy of my life to be your mummy, little one. I love you unconditionally," she captioned her March 10 Instagram post. "Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate today."

Adam Devine and Chloe Bridges

Pitch Perfect star Adam Devine and wife Chloe Bridges shared that they welcomed their first baby, son Beau Devine, on Feb. 16.

Gal Gadot and Jaron Varsano

The Wonder Woman star announced on March 6 that she and her husband had welcomed their fourth baby, a daughter named Ori . According to the actress, the name means "my light" in Hebrew.

Tron Austin and Jeong Ah Wang

TLC singer Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas is officially a grandmother after her son and wife welcomed their baby girl on March 2.

Brendan Hunt and Shannon Nelson

Ted Lasso 's Brendan Hunt welcomed his second son with fianceé Shannon Nelson on March 1. The 51-year-old announced on Instagram, “Say hello to Archibald Felix Nelson Hunt (Archie will do), born Friday March 1st, coming in at 9+lbs. He’s in perfect health, and his weary hero of a mother is recovering peacefully."

Dak Prescott and Sarah Jane Ramos

On Feb. 29, the Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott welcomed his first child, daughter MJ, with girlfriend Sarah Jane Ramos . 

Miranda Kerr and Evan Spiegel

On Feb. 27, the former Victoria's Secret Angel and Snap Inc. CEO announced the couple welcomed their third baby , a son named Pierre Kerr Spiegel.

Gemma Styles and Michal Mylnowski

On Feb. 23, Harry Styles ' older sister announced she and her partner of nine years, Michal Mylnowski , had welcomed a baby girl. The 33-year-old wrote on Instagram , "Took some time off to ensure the safe arrival of our baby girl, who is adored by her whole family."

Madisson Hausburg and Ish Soto

Two years after the death of their son  Elliot , the Siesta Key star and husband Ismael "Ish" Soto welcomed baby girl  Sunday Christina Soto .

Wyatt Russell and Meredith Hagner

Their second son, Boone Joseph Russell , arrived on Feb. 13, with mom noting he came "a week before his due date. 8 pounds 3 oz of heaven. Hearts overflowing."

Jessie James Decker and Eric Decker

On Feb. 9, the retired NFL star and country singer welcomed their fourth baby together, a son named  Denver Calloway Decker . As she shared on Instagram a week later, "Our beautiful boy is here."

Johnny Galecki and Morgan Galecki

In his first interview in years, The Big Bang Theory actor revealed to Architectural Digest  he’s now married and that he and his wife welcomed baby girl Oona Evelena .

Nick Viall and Natalie Joy

The Bachelor Nation alum and his fiancée welcomed baby girl  River Rose Viall Feb. 2: "Named after Natalie's great grandmother and niece…the best part of life starts now."

Christie Murphy and Jamie Martin

The Big Brother alum gave birth to twin girls Sage Martin Murphy  and  Sela James Murphy in January, she exclusively told E! News . 

"Since my wife, Jamie and the girls took my last name, we wanted to honor Jamie's full birth name in both of their names," Christie explained. "'James' after Jamie and 'Martin' after her maiden name. It feels special and right!"

Ashley Cain

Two years after the death of his baby girl, The Challenge alum welcomed a son with a friend he had been romantically involved with . "Aliyas Diamond Cain - 16.01.24, 4:32am, 9lbs 3oz," he wrote. "I will love you, appreciate you, guide you and protect you with all of my heart, for the rest of my life. & you will have the most beautiful guardian angel heaven holds watching over you and protecting you too." 

Amanda Stanton and Michael Fogel

The Bachelor alum welcomed her third baby, her first with her husband , in late January. "She's finally here," she wrote on Instagram at the time, noting they named the little one Rosie . "1.24.24 at 1:40pm in room 42." Their baby girl joins big sisters Kinsley , 11, and Charlie , 10, who Amanda shares with ex-husband Nick Buonfiglio .

Michael Phelps and Nicole Phelps

Nico Michael Phelps entered the world on Jan. 16 , joining his three older brothers Boomer , 7,  Beckett , 5, and  Maverick , 4.

Kailyn Lowry and Elijah Scott

The Teen Mom 2 star officially became a mom of seven after she welcomed a baby boy and a baby girl with boyfriend Elijah Scott in January .

Kelsey Kreppel and Cody Ko

The YouTube couple welcomed a baby boy in January.

"our little guy arrived last week and everyone is happy and healthy," they wrote on Instagram Jan. 21 . "we feel like the luckiest people in the world. we love you, Otis ."

Josh Duhamel and Audra Mari

Alongside a black-and-white photo of their baby's feet, the actor and former Miss World America winner announced the arrival of their first baby together , Shepherd Lawrence Duhamel .

Josh is also dad to son Axl , born in 2013, with ex Fergie .

Jesse Palmer and Emely Fardo

"Our worlds have been forever changed," the couple wrote on Instagram Jan. 10, announcing the arrival of their daughter Ella Reine Palmer . "Our hearts are overflowing with love and gratitude."

Clare Crawley and Ryan Dawkins

The  Bachelorette alum and her husband welcomed a baby girl via surrogate, Clare announced Jan. 15.

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Alexa and Carlos PenaVega’s fourth child dies during birth: ‘It has been a painful journey’

Alexa and Carlos PenaVega’s fourth child died during birth, the couple announced on Instagram Monday.

“There are never the right words to say when it comes to loss,” they wrote atop a black screen. “After a beautiful and peaceful delivery our daughter ‘Indy’ was born at rest.”

“It has been a painful journey,” they continued in the joint post. “But in the pain we have found peace. God continues to comfort and hold us in his arms.”

The pair went on to thank their “community” for their continued “prayers,” which have “been so sustaining in this difficult season.”

“This little girl has already changed our lives in so many ways,” they wrote. “She was absolutely beautiful. And looked just like daddy. Dark hair and all.”

Although the couple didn’t reveal exactly when the tragedy happened, they’ve been dealing with their “grief” in “waves” — feeling “absolutely gutted” some moments and others “feeling blessed by just getting a moment with her.”

“We can’t understand why things like this happen and we may never get those answers,” they concluded. “Indy Rex PenaVega, you completely changed our world. You gave us the community we have been longing for. We love you [and] can’t wait to see how many other lives you change.”

The couple, who are also the parents of son Ocean, 7, son Kingston , 4, and daughter Rio , 2, announced their pregnancy news in November 2023.

“Thank God we love adventures,” they captioned a joint Instagram post at the time. “Oh baby here we come! Número cuatro!”

Alexa continued sharing her pregnancy experience with her followers, from bump updates to third-trimester complications.

In March, the “Spy Kids” star, 35, was hospitalized for “insane” bleeding.

“Long story short, after a lot of time in the hospital, and tests, and bleeding calming down and everything, and ruling out all possibilities, it looks like I have had a separation of my placenta from my uterus,” she explained in an Instagram video . “Not completely, a partial.”

The actress admitted she had been expecting to “have had a baby already and … [be] in the NICU.”

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She gushed, “Every single day that I’m pregnant here in this hospital is literally a miracle.”

Alexa went on to call Carlos, 34, a “super daddy” for taking care of their kids while she was being monitored.

The Big Time Rush member wrote via Instagram that “solo parenting” was “next level,” adding that he couldn’t wait for his wife’s return.

“Lex [is] truly my teammate,” the singer continued. “Never appreciated being able to tap out for 5 mins to take a phone [call] more than ever!!”

The Hallmark stars began dating in 2012, shortly after Alexa’s divorce from producer Sean Covel.

Carlos and Alexa walked down the aisle in January 2014 in a Mexico ceremony and started growing their family two years later.