do cruise ship workers hook up with guests

Do Cruise Ship Employees Hook Up?

Before I worked on cruise ships, I always wondered whether a lot of the crew hooked up. It was way more than I thought!

In my estimation, 60% of single employees hook up with someone, and 40% of the “taken” people (those that are married, engaged, or in a relationship already) do as well. Some hooking up is inevitable, considering cruise ship employees are in extremely close quarters 24/7. We work, eat, and party together… people are bound to hook up and it definitely happens.

From complete debauchery to fully committed marriages; being “sea hot” and the “walk of shame”, read on to learn more about how relationships at sea work, and when they don’t. 

At sea, friendships and relationships happen much faster than on land

Much, much faster – from days to weeks.

Where it would take me 5 to 6 months to develop a friendship on land, it would only take days at sea. Within a few weeks of joining a ship, I would already have a good handful of regular friends.

It makes sense though, as you’re in very close quarters with lots of other people – all the time. After working, eating and hanging out with the same people every day, you very quickly get to know each other. 

As soon as you join, you also quickly start “checking out” who’s available and who’s not. And they’re checking you out too!

It’s a terrible term, but when you begin your contract you’re considered “fresh meat”, and people start to make claims on you based on who you interact with first.

I would see some relationships forming within weeks, if not days – crazy!

Once, while working on cruise ships…

I had just started dating a girl from the spa, and her single waitress friend jokingly complained that “she found me first” as I had talked with her before I met my spa girlfriend.

Sea Hot vs. Land Hot

One of the funniest things I noticed while working on cruise ships was the “sea hot vs. land hot” paradigm. 

It works like this – on a scale of “hotness” you might be a 6 on land, but at sea you’re suddenly an 8 – just like that. For males and females alike.

When you think about, there are a lot fewer people to choose from, which instantly makes you a lot hotter – supply and demand right?

This usually resulted in people getting a lot more attention than they would on land – which was great for me 🙂 

Some people call this having “sea goggles”, and it would lead to some very interesting situations. 

Like my bartender friend. After constantly being pursued by 5 or 6 different crewmates every night in the crew bar, she told me she’d never got this kind of attention on land and it was really addictive. This was the norm for many.

A few of my guy friends had similar luck. Many of them could never get a date on land, but once joining their first ship, they were suddenly choosing between girls. And, they were not unhappy about this 🙂

I remember a lot of conversations with my friends that would start with, “You know, I think so-and-so is kinda cute”. Which we would then respond with, “sea hot, or land hot?”.  If the answer wasn’t an instant “land hot!”, we’d get the usual hums and haws as they tried to justify their intentions. Too funny.

Another benefit of the “sea hot” miracle was seeing people much more open to connecting with people they normally wouldn’t on land. They were more accepting of different cultures, religions, orientations and very different personality types. This lead to some pretty unexpected relationships – some worked, and some did not.

Once, while on vacation between cruise ship contracts…

A friend of mine asked to see a picture of my cruise ship girlfriend. 

After looking at the picture, then looking me up and down, he said, “She wouldn’t even consider you if she met you on land right?”

“Probably not,” I replied. 

Enough said 🙂

The fishbowl effect

We would often joke that sea life was a casualty of the fishbowl effect – when a group of people are taken out of their usual norms and conventions and put in a completely different environment that’s way less restrictive.

At sea, the usual and healthy balancing effects of family and good friends are gone, with the added fuel of complete boredom and lots of cheap alcohol.

The result is that people tend to do things at sea they normally wouldn’t do on land. 

Complete debauchery can sometimes be the status quo on cruise ships

Whether away from home for the first time, lonely, bored or just sexually curious, you’ve probably heard that hooking up at sea can get pretty outrageous. 

In close quarters, you can’t help but hear about all the sleeping around and care-free sexual activity. I was always amazed to see who was sleeping with who, from the expected to the unexpected. 

There was a general understanding that if someone asked you to “watch a movie” or “have a few drinks” in their cabin, it pretty much meant sex.

And then there is the “Walk of Shame”. I always had early morning shifts and saw this one quite often. The “Walk of Shame” is where you’d see a crew member heading back to their cabin wearing last night’s uniform. 

This was particularly easy to spot with officers as their evening formal uniforms completely stood out. Accompanied by a red and tired face, disheveled clothing, and the absolute avoidance of any eye contact – you could pretty much guess they weren’t in their own cabin last night. Yep – Walk. Of. Shame!

It wasn’t just single people either. Many of my married friends and coworkers would have a significant other (or others) on board – no matter what rank or position.

I became great friends with a co-worker and his girlfriend. We explored the ports together and hung out all the time.

One day he informed me his wife was coming on board for a full week cruise. What? Really? You’re married?

It was a terribly awkward cruise to say the least. She eventually found out he was cheating on her and ended the marriage.

When this subject comes up, people always want to know about Captains. Do Captains cheat too? 

No position on ships is immune – and this is especially true for Captains. Being the ultimate “alpha-male” on board brings its own temptations, and not all Captains can resist. 

Once while working on cruise ships…

One of the younger engineers was suddenly sent home by the Captain on ridiculous and untrue accusations.

Feeling guilty because the Captain was married, she had broken up with him and started to show an interest in this engineer. 

And that sealed his fate!

Not all Captains are that bad, and you can read more about what Captains are like – from the dictators to the coolest person you’ll ever meet – in the upcoming, “What are Cruise Ship Captains Like” post.

Having said all this, there are a lot of “taken” people that do remain faithful to their significant others. I know many fellow shipmates that are happily married and thoroughly enjoy ship life without compromising their relationships.

Some crew relationships are more than just sex

Like on land though, you have the full range of relational hook-ups. Some are just for sex, others are the beginnings of meaningful relationships. I saw quite a few that led to happy marriages.

One friend of mine had a new girlfriend every contract. Within days of joining the ship he’d find “his girl” and would be steady and committed for the full contract. Once the contract ended, so did the relationship. He knew it. She knew it. It was just how it was.

Another friend dated the same girl for years over many contracts, and they did whatever they could be on the same ship over and over.

Others got married and also worked on the same ships for years too, and many finally left ships and began their new lives on land.

I personally only dated if I felt there was a true connection, and had some pretty amazing relationships as a result. Unfortunately, none of them worked out in the long run because of some pretty big hurdles to overcome, which you can read about next…

Crew relationships that don’t work out can get pretty nasty

One of the things I found frustrating about relationships at sea was how bad the break up can be – for everyone.

Like on land, things can get tense between you and your Ex. 

But unlike on land where you can escape or getaway, you’ll be seeing your Ex each and every glorious day while you’re at sea 🙁

Imagine having to be civil at every meal, seeing them in port, and the worst – your former friends already hitting on them at the crew bar. It definitely happens – ouch!

You probably met in the same group of friends too, so their friends are probably your friends – or at least they were.

Sadly, friends end up having to take sides, and groups of people that would normally hang out together end up getting split apart.

But it’s not always terrible. I’ve seen a lot of couples “mature it out…” and remain friends as best they can.

Why relationships at sea rarely work

In my estimation, I’d say only 10% of relationships at sea actually lead to lifelong committed relationships.

Along with all the same obstacles on land, here are a few unique to ships…

Cruise lines don’t accommodate couples that are just dating

The cruise lines have a fair amount of grace to try and help married or engaged couples work together, but not so much for people that are just dating.  

When going well, dating relationships can be great for the crew. But if things go sour, it’s messy – and couples break up all the time. I’ve seen people go from absolutely “in love” to fits of rage for each other in days. Huge drama!

From cabin changes to asking to be transferred to another ship, it’s a logistical nightmare for the HR Department and shore side staff. So they simply don’t try to accommodate people that are dating.

My girlfriend and I had moved into the same cabin together – and then we had a terrible breakup!

Because the ship was so small with extremely limited crew cabin space, it took over 2 weeks before one of us could be moved out. 

With nowhere else to go, eating and hanging out in all the same places, it was pure agony!

Getting on the same ship at the same time is like playing roulette

Even if the cruise line did want you and your significant other on the same ship, they might not be able to.

Many of the crew that hook up are from different third-party companies that manage them – like the casino, spa and shop departments.

They have different contract lengths that most likely don’t start or end at the same time as the other person.

Even if there is some overlap, it might not be for long.

These third-party companies are also weary about trying to accommodate couples for the same reasons as the cruise lines – who knows what might happen with that relationship and if they’ll be asked to quickly shuffle them to another ship.

I was dating a girl from the casino and it was always challenging trying to get on the same ship at the same time.

We would be together on one ship, then miss a contract. Five months later we’d be together for a few weeks then apart again… so frustrating!

It’s heartbreaking, even when relationships do work out

If the relationship does survive the harsh realities of ship life and the choice has been made to go back to land life, there’s one more big decision that both people have to make – where are they going to live?

People on cruise ships come from many different countries. Chances are someone is going to have to make a major move!

That person may have to get used to a new country and potentially a new culture that’s completely different than their own. 

On top of that, they may even have to learn a new language. 

If this doesn’t sound daunting, the person moving will most likely have to make the biggest sacrifice of all – saying goodbye to their family and friends for long periods of time, if not indefinitely.

Couples from different religions and races may also deal with family and friends that don’t agree with their partner choice. My friend from India got engaged to a girl from Russia, and both their families struggled with it to the point of the relationship not working out.

Very challenging stuff.

Despite the very best of intentions, these issues often become the final deal-breakers, and the end to many cruise ship crew relationships.

I dated a girl from the Republic of Georgia, a small country below Russia. 

Between contracts I went to Georgia several times and met her family and friends. It was an amazing country of hard-working and friendly people – a mixture of the first and third world, its own language and very distinct culture.

The relationship sadly ended though, as the experience showed me my home country of Canada was truly the place I wanted to live out my life. I couldn’t imagine not being with my family. 

Some relationships survive

Having said all this, I do know of many relationships that have worked out. 

Sometimes the couples came from the same country and only had to move to a new town. A few even made the massive country/culture change and have fully embraced their new lives together. 

True love can take people on some pretty amazing journeys.

In all, cruise ship crew definitely hook up. Some are just in it for the short term pleasure, while others navigate the long and sometimes arduous path to fully committed relationships, defying all probability and borders. 

A Little About the Author...

Rob Lilley is passionate about working on cruise ships, and spent 5 years of his life travelling the seven seas and touching ground on all 7 continents.  With the experience of 2 different job positions in multiple contracts with different cruise lines, from explorer ships to full-sized cruise liners, Rob is keen to share his insider insights with all of those interested in working at sea! More…

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14 Secrets of Cruise Ship Workers

By jessica hullinger | jun 6, 2019, 8:00 am edt.

From an outsider’s perspective, working on a cruise ship might seem like a dream job. What could be more glamorous than getting paid to travel the world by sea, without having to pay for housing or food? But as with many “dream” jobs, there are a few significant downsides to consider before you fill out an application. We spoke to a few cruise ship employees about what it’s like to live and work on a floating hotel.

1. Americans are the worst cruise workers.

On most large cruise liners, the majority of staff and crew are not American. “On any given contract, you’re working with about 64 nationalities,” says Kat, who spent three years working for a major cruise line. There are a number of possible drivers behind this statistic, but one is that cruise ship employees work really long hours and almost never get a day off, which isn’t particularly appealing to Americans used to a 40-hour workweek and relaxing on weekends. “On my worst contract, I was working close to 300 hours a month,” Kat says. “Yeah, you might be in beautiful places, but you’re so tired sometimes you don’t even want to go out and explore. A lot of times they won’t even hire Americans because the rate of people quitting is so high.”

Americans are also more expensive to employ, even if they do the same work as their counterparts from developing countries. Sam, who worked on Princess Cruises for two years, says her monthly salary of $1100 was higher than that of her Filipino boss. According to Sam, the official reason the ship gave was that the dollar is worth more to people from developing countries than it is to Americans.

2. Cruise ship workers are trained for pirate attacks.

It’s rare for pirates to take on a massive cruise ship, but it can happen, and if it does, the crew is prepared. Nolan, who worked for both Princess Cruises and Oceania Cruises, says he was trained to get all guests away from windows and spray the intruders with giant water cannons.

“Our ship can totally outrun their little dinghies,” he says. “We could spray them with water and they’d be helpless.” Other ships may be equipped with Long Range Acoustic Devices that emit loud, painful noises to deter attacks. That’s how a luxury cruise liner escaped a pirate attack off the coast of Africa in 2005.

3. Want to lose weight? Work on a cruise liner.

While passengers are feasting on steak and scrumptious seafood, the staff and crew aren’t so lucky. “Imagine eating at your high-school cafeteria three meals a day, seven days a week for a year,” writes one former cruise ship worker on Reddit. Kat recalls strange offerings like goat foot stew. The unappetizing food, combined with the many hours spent running the length of the ship, often mean crew members lose a significant amount of weight during their time at sea. “I would lose about 10 to 12 pounds per contract,” Kat says.

Gavin, who worked as a waiter for a major cruise line, said the crew would occasionally get treated to whatever leftovers remained from the passenger buffet, but “it would disappear so fast.”

4. Crew members sometimes mess with passengers.

Life at sea can get a bit monotonous. “It got mundane really fast,” writes one former worker on Reddit. “It was basically the same comedy of errors each day of the week, with a different ‘cast’ of passengers each week.”

Some crew members shake things up by getting a rise out of passengers in the form of good old practical jokes. According to another former crew member, “a favorite was while in a passenger area say to another crew member, loud enough to be heard by passengers, ‘Meet you in the bowling alley tonight!’” Of course, there wasn’t actually a bowling alley on board. “Then we'd wait for the comment cards to come in: ‘Why do crew get a bowling alley when we don't?’”

5. … and chance are the workers might be drunk.

When they’re not working, employees are probably drinking and partying. “We partied our asses off,” Gavin says. “We joked about how it makes a frat house look like a monastery.” The staff get their own designated watering holes on board, referred to as the crew bars, where the drinks are dirt cheap. “At the passenger bars they were charging like $15 for a drink and we’d go down into the crew bar and you could get a beer or mixed drinks for $1.25,” Sam says.

And what happens when you give copious amounts of cheap alcohol to people who are cooped up together for months at a time? “It seems like a cliche, but everyone was hooking up with each other,” Sam says. “In a lot of the crew areas there were these huge posters about STD prevention.”

The crew is regularly threatened with the possibility of random breathalyzer tests (and drug testing), but even this isn’t always enforced. “There was a strict limit on our ship of no more than .04 blood alcohol content at any time,” Gavin says, “but as long as you didn’t make a fool of yourself, you wouldn’t get randomly breathalyzed, so people would break that rule all the time.”

6. For the crew, hooking up with guests on the cruise is strictly forbidden.

So you spotted a cute crew member on your ship and are thinking of chatting them up? Good luck with that. Having sexual relations with a guest is one of the fastest ways for a crew member to get fired. This is mainly to protect the cruise line from reputation-damaging accusations of abuse. Ship security keeps a close eye on crew members day and night. That doesn’t mean hookups never happen, but if a crew member is caught in the act with a guest, they’re kicked off the ship at the next port.

7. Crew passengers are almost always being watched.

“It is safe to assume if you are outside of your cabin you are probably on camera,” Gavin says. “In the event of any kind of emergency, they could pull security footage at any time.”

8. Passengers have a lot of power over how much the crew gets paid.

At the end of a journey, you might be asked to rate your experience and share any praise or complaints on a comment card. These reviews are taken very seriously and often translate directly into salaries and bonuses for workers. “For most people, their salaries are quite low and they rely on those bonuses,” Kat says. So if you leave a bad review and mention someone by name, you can be sure they’ll feel the impact on their paycheck.

“The very best thing you can do for a crew member is to write a glowing review, mentioning them specifically on your comment card,” says a former cruise worker on Reddit. “Their superior’s superiors take note of that.”

9. Some cruise workers have double lives.

“You get a lot of married people that have their own separate lives on the cruise ship,” Kat says. “I’ve worked with couples that have wives at home and a whole different relationship while they’re on the cruise ship. It’s kind of like a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy.”

Gavin says one of his fellow employees lived as an out-of-the-closet gay man while on board, but was still closeted on land.

10. They have no idea what’s going on in the world.

“You stop following news and sports and pop culture,” Gavin says. “You’re really kind of isolated out there.” It can be difficult (and expensive) to find an internet connection while at sea, so many ship workers completely lose track of current events while on contract.

11. They speak in code.

Crew members have shorthand codes for everything from fires to medical emergencies, which they can announce over the loudspeaker without alarming passengers.

Code Adam: a child is missing Code Alpha: there’s a medical emergency Code Oscar: man overboard Code Bravo: fire on the ship

12. The cruise ship has many mafias.

But not the kind that will make you an offer you can’t refuse. According to Sam, the crew members on her ship were split into “mafias” based on their country of origin, and each mafia dealt in specific goods. For example, the Indian mafia was in charge of getting good food for the crew parties, she says. Because Sam worked in the youth center, she was tasked with providing art supplies for crew costume parties. “That’s just one of the economies of the ship,” Sam says. “Everyone is always trying to figure out what they can get from another person.”

One former cruise ship worker says the Filipino mafia was known for getting good booze at all hours. “If you wanted anything after hours, they would get it for you! The crew bar would close around 1 or 2. If you wanted to keep drinking, but were out of booze, you would just go to the Filipino mafia and get what you needed. You paid a huge markup obviously, but it was still pretty cool!”

13. There’s a morgue on board.

Roughly 200 people die on cruise ships every year, and cruise lines need some place to store the bodies safely until they get back to shore. As a result, many ships have small morgues on board that can hold five or six bodies. “We definitely had a morgue on board,” one former ship employee told me. “Because the line was for older demographics, we had people die on the ship pretty regularly.”

14. They will leave you behind.

If you leave the ship for an on-land excursion, make sure you get back before departure time. Cruise lines pay massive fines if they overstay their port time, so chances are high the ship will leave without you if you’re running behind. “You’re on your own,” Kat says. “They won’t wait.”

This list first ran in 2016 and was republished in 2019.

• LGBTQIA+ Cruisers

Are the crew allowed to socialize with passengers?

By Jaffa , October 3, 2004 in LGBTQIA+ Cruisers

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Just wondering wether the crew are allowed to socialize with the passengers?

Can you go ashore together?

If they are off duty and have the time, do they?

Or do they normally steer clear of the paying guests.

Can you invite them for a drink in the bar?

Can you share a meal?

Are they allowed in your cabin.

Or is all of this a no no!!

Cheers Colin...................................

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Just wondering wether the crew are allowed to socialize with the passengers?   Can you go ashore together?   If they are off duty and have the time, do they? Or do they normally steer clear of the paying guests.   Can you invite them for a drink in the bar? Can you share a meal? Are they allowed in your cabin.   Or is all of this a no no!!   Cheers Colin...................................

Depends on who youa re talking about. Once off the ship, crew can do as they please, though they may just want to get away from guests.

Meals and drinks and your cabin, it depnds on who you are talking about. Anyone with stripes can do just about anything. The entertainment staff also has more freedom. The service staff cannot. In fact they are not allowed in most public areas aside from where they work. Of course, there are ways around this, but their job can often be on the line.

Depends on which line, also. Royal Caribbean has a no socializing policy. On Carnival, we've always had fun with the "friendly" staff (shore excursions, dance club on ship, and Carlos&Charlies in Cozumel). As long as they were off duty. As was said earlier, entertainment staff and officers have the most freedom. They are not allowed in your room and you are not allowed in their quarters, however. We had the owner's suite on Norwegian Sea in Feb. and wanted to have a party for a few of the crew we had met, but could not come because it would jeopardize their jobs.

Jaffa - my understanding is the same as the others' here, based on sailing on Celebrity, RCCL, NCL and Princess over the years. On shore, you can meet up with anyone - I think the only issue for either crew or staff is gossip, not losing their jobs. On board ship, however, crew (room stewards, dining room or bar stewards, engineering workers, etc.) are not supposed to socialize with guests and cannot be in passenger areas unless they are working. Staff, i.e., entertainment staff, spa staff, shop workers, are allowed to socialize with passengers in public areas but are not supposed to be in your cabin. There are cameras everywhere on a ship and they could lose their jobs - some may take the risk but keep that in mind. So you can meet and chat in a bar, the disco, and even invite them to join you in the buffet or the dining room. Anything more can be risky for them;) . Except officers, who can do anything, anywhere...

Just off the Amsterdam recently, and spent alot of time socializing w/ the crew - particularly the cruise-staff and entertainment staff - aboard ship.

Seems cruise-staff and entertainment staff can freely socialize if they are off-duty or even on duty as long as it doesn't interfere w/ their job performance (such as at late-night dance parties or chatting when they are manning the library)

Larger ships have their own entertainment spaces aboard for crew - they can have drinks for far cheaper than in the passenger lounges (HAL cabin stewards and waiters are Indonesian, so don't drink) so wouldn't make any sense for them to come up for drinks.

ColoradoLad

I read all the posts and figure that a few observations are due. All 2004.

On RCI our group, a mixed group, met crew that we had got to know in Key West, the guys danced, etc and as just a "PFLAG" family guy who knows.

What makes me wonder is that I was able to invite crew for a descrete drink to my suites. Have the "owners Suite" on the 10/30 Norwegian Sea. We are older, my Milli is a charmer, social lady, I am well a retired Army cripple, but

the guys told me that they just asked "what bar" or place in port and guess what the crewpersons showed up. I suspect the RCI cruise that go to Key West are different. Is there a Gay Disco in Cancun or Cozumel?

I have seen the oppressive themes and the way crews are treated. I watch and well tip the folks who do good descretly. Yes, can not spell.

I liked the officer post as we closed down the disco on RCI and then it was not closed. Will report back early November. Lets us see what the Norwegian Sea does for me versus you.

I posted for a "FOD" event but as usual few ever respond here. But

I will host a Dourthy event in our suite.

robtx100 Good issue: I suspect that you did not ask the Captain or Cruise Director or that like in the real world: I will try the same thing. Thus we will know at least "why".

Hey, I booked this fast and what are the benies for the Owners Suite: besides a bathrobe and whatevers?

For those who do still not know what PFLAG is: means the parents and brothers and sisters of those who post on this section! :-)

• 3 weeks later...

I agree with what has been written here. My story, on RCCL the entertainment crew seem to have more freedom. I got acquainted with one of the performers in the steam room / sauna on one of my sailings. We arranged to meet elsewhere as well, although he did seem somewhat apprehensive about being seen or caught, but not overly worried.

A totally different angle on this... I sailed RCCL another time with a non FOD companion. We were at the main bar / danceclub one night. Many of the "stripe" types were there that night. One very obvious FOD was being very friendly with my friend, who was obviously not interested. Finally, something must have been said, because after that night we never saw that crew member in the club again on the rest of the sailing.

There are rules indeed, but I think it also varies from one situation to the next, depending on how daring or carefree the crew member is.

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

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Cruise worker reveals the most common rule that crew will break with guests

A cruise worker has opened about the rules that workers aboard cruise ships most regularly break, despite the potentially high costs of doing so

• 16:15, 5 Oct 2023
• Updated 16:25, 10 Oct 2023

A cruise worker has lifted the lid on life below deck, including the rule that workers break most often.

The idea of travelling across the world aboard a cruise ship for a living, getting to see the world and soak up the sun alongside a group of like-minded sailors the stuff of dreams for many. As well as the hard work that is obviously required to be in such a position, there are also rules staff have to follow.

One cruise worker has opened up on a common rule broken by 'male crew' members. As is common on most ships, sex between workers and staff is banned. While this may seem a little unfair given that you're essentially living aboard a holiday ship often for months on end, when compared to a more typical workplace, it makes a bit more sense.

If an employee were were to elope with a passenger and then move on, the heartbroken guest may be primed to raise a complaint. Cruise ship workers can face major punishment if caught in the act and could even risk their job. Despite this deterrent, it seems that many of those who make a living onboard are happy to flaunt the rule.

One staff member opened up about their experiences working above the waves. They claim that romantic trysts between staff and the paying public happen all the time.

Text overlaying one of their TikTok videos read: "The one rule is: don't sleep with the guests. We're told we have to do what we're told but surely..." The clip then cuts to words which read: "Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty. 'Every male crew member'."

It's not the first time a cruise insider has spilled some secrets.

Another cruise worker, Ezra Freeman, offered a different insight into what life is like working on the ships . Ezra is a star both on the Princess Cruises where she entertains guests both on and off the stage, and to her hundreds of thousands of followers on social media.

The Real Love Boat performer spent much of the first years of the Covid pandemic 'stuck at sea' onboard ships, and revealed that guests would regularly offer her free stays - one person even offered her a free ticket to Walt Disney World .

For those hoping to form bonds with the crew during their cruise holiday, Ezra says it's quite simple. "Ask! All you have to do is ask nicely and take an interest in the crew," she said. "If you chat with us for even two minutes and make a personal connection, we will want to go the extra mile for you

"It really makes such a difference, and for us, that is what it is all about. It's not annoying when a guest will ask to chat or ask about what country you're from or what your family is like... after all, we are in this hospitality industry. Everyone who works on a cruise ship is a people person, and we want to get to know as many people as we can and make them enjoy life onboard so we can all keep cruising."

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Cruise Employees Share What It's ACTUALLY Like To Work on a Cruise Ship

Alina Wang is a staff writer at Cheapism covering travel and personal finance. Prior to joining the Cheapism team, Alina worked as a U.S.-based correspondent for Vision Times and interned for several media outlets during college. She currently lives in Colorado.

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Aye Aye, Captain

Boasting relaxation, adventure, and all-inclusive amenities , it's no wonder that cruises rank among the most sought-after vacation choices. But while they attract millions of travelers  each year, the realities for those employed aboard these floating resorts are very different. While operating behind the scenes to ensure a seamless and enjoyable experience for guests, cruise ship employees face a distinct set of challenges that diverge sharply from the glamorous vacationer's lifestyle.

From working super long hours to being apart from family and loved ones for months on end, here's what life is really like for cruise ship workers. 

1. Long Working Hours

Cruise ship employees often work incredibly long hours, sometimes up to 12-14 hours a day without a day off for weeks. "Customers will treat you like a servant, and you'll work insane hours without ANY days off for 6-10 months," writes one former cruise worker  on Reddit. On top of the grueling schedule, the work can also be physically and mentally-taxing, with almost no time left for recreation and personal relaxation. 

"This is a job that has a LOT of hours of work and very little free time," writes another user  who worked as a bartender on a cruise ship. "You will get very little, if any, time in port if you work as a bartender. And you will work long and hard hours." Yikes! 

Related:   23 Things That You Should Never Do on a Cruise

2. Extended Time Away From Home

Employees on cruise ships are typically contracted  for several months at a time, meaning they spend extended periods away from family and friends. This separation can lead to feelings of isolation and homesickness — particularly during holidays or family milestones — which they have to miss. Cruise lines often also hire workers from other countries  to capitalize on currency conversion rates and pay lower wages.

"Cruise lines typically hire workers from Southeast Asia and Eastern Europe," writes one user. "That is because they can pay them a little as possible, the money does translate for them to be fairly good, and they aren't going to quit because they are far away from home." Well, damn. 

Related:   The Worst Cruise Ship Horror Stories

3. Subpar Living Quarters

The living conditions on a cruise ship can be cramped, with several employees sharing the same bathroom and living space. "The rooms are very small, the bathrooms are generally shared (with some exceptions)." writes one  former cruise worker. Staff quarters are typically also much smaller than guest accommodations and are often shared with multiple coworkers, several users pointed out. 

"If you want a job that will let you see the world, there are better options that don't involve living in a cramped space with hundreds of other people,"  writes another user.  

4. Strict Rules and Regulations

Working on a cruise ship also means having to adhere to a strict set of rules  and regulations. These mandates can govern everything from personal conduct and dress codes to what foods they can eat and where they're allowed to hang out. Employees must maintain a high level of professionalism at all times, which can add an additional layer of stress to their already demanding roles. 

"Depending on the line and ship, you aren't allowed to eat the same food as the guests," writes one user,  adding, "And you aren't allowed to be in guest areas (with some exceptions)." 

Related:   14 Types of People Who Really Should Never Take a Cruise

5. Limited Access to Communication

While at sea, internet access can be limited or expensive — making it difficult for crew members to stay connected with their loved ones ashore. This can enhance feelings of isolation and make it harder to manage personal affairs while working for months on end. In fact, some cruise lines don't even offer free wifi to their employees, says one user . 

"Newer ships are great for cabins and wifi, older ships cabins can suck and really make you not want to be there," writes another user , adding, "Most bar staff would just go to the cafe at the dock to use the internet, call home, or transfer money."

6. Low Compensation

Cruise ship employees often face very low pay , especially when compared to similar roles on land. Cruise lines may try to leverage favorable currency conversion rates to offer wages that appear competitive in the employee's home country, but are relatively low by international standards. This issue is then compounded by the fact that many workers are from regions where economic conditions make any job opportunity attractive, despite the low pay. 

As one user points out , "If you’re from the countries they get most of the crew from (Philippines for restaurant workers, Thailand for housekeeping), it’s a better living than many jobs back home, but by American standards, it’s nonstop grueling work from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed for next to no pay." YIKES! 

7. Physically Demanding Work

Many roles on cruise ships are physically demanding, from deckhands to entertainment staff. Physical exhaustion is common, users point out, adding that the constant movement of the ship and the need to be always "on" in public areas can also be mentally-taxing. "[Servers and housekeeping staff] really do work 12+ hours a day," writes one user  who worked as an entertainer on a cruise ship. "[They're also given] rare opportunities for time off, including port days."

"We had long hours and were always on call," writes another user  who worked on a Holland America Line with her husband 10 years ago. "We only lasted 3 years because ship life can get tiresome," she adds. No kidding! 

Related:   Don’t Sink Your Wallet: 7 Things You Should Never Buy While on a Cruise

8. Job Security and Seasonality

Cruise ship employment can be highly seasonal, with many contracts offering little job security and next to zero opportunities for advancement. This can lead to uncertainty about future employment and financial instability, especially when contracts end and there is a wait before the next embarkation. "Some contracts are 9 or 10 months [but] you work every day of it. EVERY DAY!" writes one user.  

Another Redditor who worked as a photographer  aboard big names like Royal Caribbean, Silja Line, and Holland America says, "It was very, very, hard work, and the working contract was only 4 months due to the pressure and work load." 

For more cruise news you can use,   sign up for our free newsletters .

9. Safety Drills and Responsibilities

Since safety is paramount on cruise ships, employees are expected to be well-versed in drills and emergency procedures. These responsibilities — while critical for the safety of everyone on board — add another layer of seriousness to their roles, which can be time-consuming and pressure-filled. 

"We did fire training a lot," writes one user , adding, "Maybe once a week there was a basic verbal training, as in what to do when you hear the alarm, what are the types of fire extinguishers etc, and once a month was a full-on training where they got into the fire suits and did full evacuation drill." 

Related:   Before You Set Sail, Learn these Surprising Cruise Ship Facts

10. Personal Growth and Unique Experiences

Despite these challenges, some users pointed out that working on a cruise ship provided them with unique experiences and memories that led to significant personal and professional growth. "Worked on a Carnival cruise line for 4 years in the spa," writes one user. "It is what you make of it — you can complain about long hours and little pay, or see it as getting paid to travel. I saw more of the world than I would’ve [been able to] and don’t regret a thing about it."

Other employees also noted the opportunity to travel the world, meet new people, and gain valuable industry experience as key benefits of their job.

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Cruise ship worker says there are six things you should never do while on one

Listen to those who spend much more time on them than you.

Tom Earnshaw

A cruise ship worker has explained exactly what you should never do when setting sail - and some of the pointers might shock you.

The summer season is almost upon us and with that, a boom in travel as millions head on their annual breaks abroad.

And for many Brits , Spain is the go to destination with recent guidance giving the 16 million UK residents heading there a sigh of relief .

But some fancy something a little different, with the likes of cruise ship excursions extremely popular if you can afford them .

With one cruise ship staff member recently explaining why you should 'get ready to spend a lot of cash' on one thing in particular , another in the industry is here with six things she says you should never do if you're getting ready to set sail on any boat.

Tammy Barr has been sailing around the world , working on cruise ships, for years on end before now doing it as a customer.

Originally shared with Business Insider, here are six things she says she would never do following her experience as a cruise ship worker and now customer.

A big no-no to the drinks package

For many, this is the big question before setting sail across the world. But for Tammy, you shouldn't pay if your drinking habits aren't on the overindulgent side of things.

"I enjoy a pina colada by the pool or a Manhattan while listening to a jazz set after dinner," she says.

"Even so, it doesn't make sense for me to pay in advance for 12 to 15 cocktails a day."

For Tammy, the math doesn't add up especially if the trip you're on will see you leaving the ship for multiple port-heavy trips. Going ashore means less time on the ship to drink its booze.

"I prefer to buy as I go and take advantage of happy hour and other drink specials that are available on certain cruise lines. I also check the beverage policy in advance and bring on my own wine, if allowed," she says.

Touching surfaces

It's time to utilise those elbows and knuckles with Tammy never using her fingers to touch stuff in the public areas such as elevator buttons.

"Some cruise lines are better than others at wiping down commonly touched surfaces, but I don't take any chances," she says.

"I avoid touching things others frequently touch, and I wash my hands frequently."

Illnesses such as norovirus can quickly spread on cruise ships, given there are thousands of people in a confined space, so taking this little measure could be the different between holiday bliss and holiday bliss.

Upgrading your food

Most cruise liners will include the main dining room meals in your package, which is one part of why the price is so much, given you're essentially paying for perks like this in advance.

But if you want something fancy, expect to pay more on top.

Tammy says that, while ' $12 may not seem like much for a steak of lobster tail', it defeats the point. She will stick to what she's got.

Calling the ship by the wrong name

A quirky one from Tammy, but one that comes down to looking the part when you're on board.

She says: "Ships have proper names, and so do not require a definite article. For example - 'Tomorrow I am embarking on Discovery Princess' or 'I enjoyed scenic cruising on MS Westerdam'."

Basically if you want to look savvy and knowledge, drop the 'the' before the ship name. It's just not correct.

Room key does not go around your neck

Tammy thinks this is a bit naff for a few reasons. For one, it can be seen as flaunting your status by showing off how often you cruise.

No one likes a show off really and the longer you are at sea, the fancier your room key.

It's also an invitation to those who have sinister means. She says: "In port, that room key bouncing off your chest looks like an invitation to be robbed. It screams 'I have money! Come and take it from me'."

There's no need for super busy port day

The idea of missing your cruise ship's departure and being stranded somewhere on the other side of the world is mortifying.

For Tammy, the best way to avoid this is to have pretty chilled port days so you're never at serious risk of missing your cruise ship before it leaves port.

"I've never missed a sail away, but I have cut it too close at times and have had to run down a pier or two. Just recently, as a passenger, my taxi driver got lost returning our group to the port at night," she says.

"When I realised how late we were going to be, I forked over $8 per minute to be connected with the ship. I pleaded with them to wait for us. It was a sprint through the port to get back on and we received quite a scolding from the first officer."

Topics:  Cruise Ship , Hacks , Holiday , Travel , World News , Money , Health , Alcohol

Tom joined LADbible in 2024, specialising in SEO and trending content. He moved to the company from Reach plc where he enjoyed spells as a content editor and senior reporter for one of the country's most-read local news brands, LancsLive. When he's not in work, Tom spends his adult life as a suffering Manchester United supporter after a childhood filled with trebles and Premier League titles. You can't have it all forever, I suppose.

@ TREarnshaw

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The Beginner’s Guide to Hooking Up on a Cruise

Sunshine. Alcohol. Swimsuits…

Is there a better combination for a having a romantic encounter? Yes, actually. Add all those elements and then combine them on a cruise ship where everyone will be together for several days, all having a similar experience.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, then, that hookups can and do happen on a cruise. Call it love, call it romance, call it a one-night stand. No matter what you call it, there are people on every cruise that end up getting down after meeting on the ship.

Of course, if you’re interested in hooking up on a cruise, there are ways that you can increase your odds… and a few things that you should consider before doing so.

We’re not here to tell you not to have a good time, but you should definitely keep a few things in mind before you try to get it on.

DO be careful

Let’s get this out of the way. If you’re going to try to have some romance on a cruise ship, you need to be careful. Even though cruise ships can seem like sanitized vacations where everything is safe and clean, hooking up with strangers always carries risk. Use common sense, and listen to your gut.

Don’t go back to someone else’s cabin if you don’t feel comfortable. Protect your drink and don’t overindulge to the point that you can’t keep your wits. Wear protection if you have sex.

Sexual assault is the most common major crime reported on cruise ships, with about a hundred cases reported on U.S. cruises in 2019 . Given the millions of people that sail annually, that may not be that many, but that’s little consolation to those who are victims.

This isn’t meant to scare you. Hooking up on a cruise can be a fun and memorable experience. Just don’t let it turn into a nightmare by doing something at sea that you wouldn’t do on land.

DO attend singles’ events

Every cruise will usually have singles’ mixers during the course of the cruise. If you’re looking for a partner, the playing field doesn’t get any better than this. Put on your best outfit, have a drink or two, and go scope out the scene.

You’ll find the schedule in the ship’s daily planner. They are normally in the evening around dinner time at a specific bar. While the mixers last about an hour, the key is to take the next step of extending from the mixer to other things on the ship.

For instance, if you’re feeling that things are clicking with someone, you can ask them to dinner or to have another drink after others might have left.

DO hit up the late-night bars

Let’s face it. If you’re wanting to get lucky, then that’s usually not going to happen at 5 p.m. You’ve got to be out and about when people are thinking about romance.

The best place we can suggest is to check out the ship’s bars after midnight. Here you’ll find people that like to let loose and have a good time (but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to hook up). But just like on land, if you’re looking for love, a late-night bar is the right place to look.

As mentioned, it’s fine to have some drinks, but don’t get sloppy. Just because a cruise ship is relatively safe doesn’t mean you should let your common sense take a rest.

DON’T be bashful

You don’t want to come across as creepy by being too aggressive, but remember that your time on the cruise ship is short. There is no time to be bashful. If you see someone that you’re attracted to, make an effort to talk to them. If you wait until you get up the nerve, then your time on the ship could already be over.

So go ahead and take that risk of striking up a conversation… or making a move to ask someone to dinner. The worst that can happen is that they say no. After the end of your cruise you won’t see them again anyway, so there is not a big risk of being embarrassed.

DON’T be too picky

If you really want to hook up on your cruise, then you’re likely going to have to forget being picky.

Remember that even the biggest cruises will have at most about 4,000-6,000 people. Once you whittle down that number to only men or women… the people that are single… and the people in your age range… the number gets to be pretty small. The “ocean” just isn’t that big on a cruise ship.

If you’re looking for companionship during the sailing, then those that have the most success will be those who cast the widest net.

DO select the right time of year to sail

The demographics of a cruise ship change dramatically throughout the year. Want to sail with a younger crowd with more singles? Check out Spring Break or summer cruises. Cruises that sail in the fall when school is back in session will have older crowds if you’re looking for a fling with a more mature person.

In general, cruise ships have all ages on board. But as a rule of thumb, shorter sailings tend to have younger crowds. So if you’re in college, then a three-day cruise would likely have more people your age that are single. Longer trips tend to see older passengers.

DON’T expect to hook up with the crew

Young, international, good looking. The crew on a cruise ship — such as personable bartenders — seem like they would be a prime hunting ground for a quick fling. Don’t do it.

Crew members are on strict orders that hooking up with passengers is forbidden. It can easily cost them their job. Keep your efforts to other passengers and not the crew.

DO remember you have to share the ship

If you are looking to hook up on a cruise, the chances are you aren’t looking for love or anything long-term. Even so, the idea of getting with someone early in the trip and then ghosting them is not great.

Remember, you are on a small, floating city. If you do something like hook up with a person on the second day and then try to avoid them the rest of the cruise, you’re going to be constantly looking over your shoulder.

Instead, avoid any awkwardness by only getting together with someone you can stand hanging out with for the remainder of your cruise.

More on Romance on a Cruise:

• Sex on a Cruise Ship: What to Know Before you Get Down
• Why You Should Never Go Nude On Your Cruise Balcony

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Tipping a couple of dollars to the bartender or the pool deck waiter is a good thing…

Hooked up in the sauna right after the ship left the dock. few words spoken and yada yada yada never saw dude again

I hooked up on cruise once and what a mistake. It was very awkward seeing him afterwards with this wife!!!! OMG!! Told me he was bi but I could tell the wife had no idea.

Sailing in February of 2024, hopefully there will be women on that cruise who wants some excitement and spice during their getaway

Some interesting information. I am going on the Temptations Cruise to the Caribbean in February, 2024 as a single male. I am wondering how one connects up with females who are going prior to the cruise. … or should I just wait and take my chances?

I am about to go on a carnival cruise in 2 days, I am wondering the Same exact thing!!! However, I will be with extended family! 🤣 I will let you know the ins and outs lol. Probably will be a fail but who knows lol. This single mom needs some excitement lol

Well hi there Miss mystery mom I am looking for the same kind of like singles cruise and I would really like to have the results of your cruise. I am so just wanted to have company on a cruise that’s all not asking that much. Please keep in touch.

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How to Hook Up on A Cruise

Alyce Meserve

31 July 2018

Who doesn’t have a secret dream about meeting their soulmate on vacation?

Let’s face it, lots of people go on vacation hoping for a little romantic action.  Some even believe the Las Vegas motto: what happens on the ship, stays on the ship .

Unless you’re on a cruise specifically themed for singles, making a love connection will take a some work on your part.

Here are a few ways to meet people on a cruise.

Double occupancy

Singles who cruise often have to bring a friend to share the room to keep the fare low. Otherwise, they pay double rates to have a cabin to themselves.

Despite the fact most people on the cruise have partners, you can also find groups that cruise with people who are single.

Next, when you meet someone, ask where they’re from, if they’re here with family or spouses.

Finally, if you enjoy talking — great! Maybe you made a new friend. If you’re just looking for some romance, thank them for talking and move on to another person who looks interesting.

Singles gatherings

Additionally, ships schedule daily solo and singles events like meet and greets. Singles meet up and share a drink or meal and get to know each other.

Not to mention it’s a great way to make new friends, you could meet your next roommate to share a cabin with on your next trip.

By the same token, if you’re lucky, you’ll find a connection with someone else.

All in all, singles events bring a bunch of eligible people together in one place at the same time.

On board events

Fortunately, there’s tons of stuff to do on board cruise ships.

All you need to do is turn up at events and just have a friendly chat with another passenger.

In other words, give them a compliment, talk about the great weather, ask where they’re from, or say where you’re from.

Likewise, you can keep it simple. Just say “hi” and introduce yourself.

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If you participate in an excursion where you are able to chat with the other guests, you may find someone who shares a similar interest or hobby, like cooking or SCUBA diving.

In addition, taking a tour gives you an opportunity to get to know the other participants over a few hours.

Then again, you may meet other people you can get together with again back on the ship, or perhaps someone from another ship.

Singles cruises

Singles cruises are also a fantastic way to meet other singles.

Fortunately, some travel agencies host  singles cruises several times each year. They arrange several daily events on board, group meals and excursions as a group to help singles meet and mingle.

In addition, some singles cruise focus on a specific age group. Consequently, it’s easier to meet someone your own age.

Solo cruisers can pay extra for a single cabin, or get matched with a roommate to get the lower double occupancy rate.

In fact, one woman found she wasn’t single for long on her singles cruise.

Crew members are off limits

Ever notice that the cabin door is always wedged open while the cabin attendant is inside? Crew members are required to keep doors open when cleaning rooms.

Indeed as cool as they are, crew can’t hang out with you.   The cruise line strictly forbids crew members fraternizing with guests.

Unfortunately, there are grave consequences. I f an employee is caught hooking up with a guest, the behavior voids their contract.

As a result, security removes them from the ship immediately and left at the next port without fare home.

Ultimately, most crew members won’t risk losing their job to hook up. (Never mind that they hook up with each other. That’s mostly overlooked.)

Stay safe while getting to know new people. Simply stay in public areas if you’re not sure of them yet.

Equally important, be careful not to give out too much personal information at first. Your new friend might be genuine, or might be scamming.

Most of all, be respectful of other people’s wishes.

Of course, if they don’t seem interested in talking, or tell you “no” or “not interested” just  move on. Even if you got a “yes” before, ask for consent before hugging, kissing, touching or engaging in sexual activity.

Unfortunately, inappropriate behavior shouldn’t have to be addressed. But it still happens a lot.  No means no, simple as that.

Above all, if someone makes you feel uncomfortable or behaves inappropriately, contact security immediately.

And condoms. Bring them. Use them.

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A former cruise ship HR manager reveals one thing that will get workers fired instantly: Sex with the wrong person

• Cruise-ship workers are not allowed to have sexual relationships with passengers, according to a former human-resources manager who worked for three cruise lines.
• If an employee is caught having a sexual relationship with a passenger, they're likely to get fired.
• But sex is common among employees.
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• Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

Sexual activity among cruise-ship workers is common, but according to Aida Carvahlo — a former human-resources manager for MSC Cruises, Viking Cruises, and Holland America Line — sexual relationships with passengers are forbidden.

If an employee is caught having a sexual relationship with a passenger, they're likely to get fired, Carvahlo said.

"We are not allowed to have any type of intimate contact with the guests. We are dismissed for that," she said.

The same is not true of sex with other employees.

"There's a lot of sex on cruise ships," said a former casino manager for Holland America Line.

Cruise ships have intense hookup cultures

Some current and former cruise-ship workers compared the hookup culture as being similar to, or even exceeding, that of a college dorm. And, like college, sexual activity is fueled by  frequent alcohol consumption . Sex among employees is so pervasive that former Carnival Cruise Line waiter and art auctioneer Brian David Bruns said a co-worker was surprised when Bruns had not hooked up with one of his colleagues during his first night on a ship.

But the permissive sexual culture on cruise ships can also lead to aggressive or inappropriate behavior. A former Royal Caribbean International employee said one of her managers on Royal Caribbean would make comments about her sexual orientation and criticize her for never changing her hairstyle.

Royal Caribbean did not respond to a request for comment.

Read more: Ex-Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and Norwegian Cruise Line workers reveal their 11 best hacks for living on a cruise ship

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A former Carnival employee said at one point, she was dating a man whose contract was close to ending. Male co-workers would remind her of her boyfriend's imminent departure, and, as soon as he left, made advances under the guise of comforting her.

Relationships move faster than on land

Romantic relationships among employees develop and end much faster than on land, which, along with frequent turnover, can make long-term relationships difficult.

"One month on a ship is maybe like two years on land, because you spend so much time with these people," said Taylor Sokol, a former cruise director for Holland America Line.

But the close proximity between employees can make it difficult to maintain a healthy amount of space from a romantic partner, Sokol said.

"It's kind of hard to give someone their space when you live maybe 10 feet away from them."

Chad Stone, a former production manager for Seabourn Cruise Line, said the dating scene on cruise ships was part of the reason he stopped working on them. At one point, he got engaged to a co-worker, but ended the engagement a month later after he learned his fiancee had cheated on him during a break between contracts.

Long-term relationships are difficult

The cruise ship lifestyle also makes the prospect of raising children a challenge, as cruise ship workers sign  contracts that keep them on board for months at a time . Nina Beader, a former youth staff employee for Carnival, said she decided to stop working on cruise ships in part because she wanted to one day have a family and feared that a cruise ship job would prevent her from spending enough time with her children.

"I did not want to end up being 40 and not having a family," she said.

A former Royal Caribbean employee who spent two decades working on cruise ships expressed ambivalence about the unusual nature of on-board romance near the end of his time with the company. He said at the time that he was considering ending his time on cruise ships in part because they aren't conducive to long-term relationships, but he has also noticed that friends who were in conventional relationships did not appear to be satisfied with them.

"I look at my friends all over the world that have relationships that would be considered normal, and I don't find a whole lot of them too happy," he said. "I'm still pretty happy with my single lifestyle and not having to answer to anybody. I'm okay with that for now."

Have you worked on a cruise ship? Do you have a story to share? Email this reporter at  [email protected] .

• A former Royal Caribbean employee reveals the one question you should always ask cruise ship workers
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• A lawyer who works with cruise passengers reveals the one thing you need to know before getting on a cruise ship
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Watch: The world's largest cruise ship just landed in Miami — here's what it's like on board

• Main content

Do Cruise Ship Workers Hook Up?

By Alice Nichols

It’s a question that has been asked by many and the answer is not as simple as it may seem.

For years, rumors have been circulating that suggest that cruise ship workers do in fact hook up. But is there any truth to these rumors

To find out, we spoke to several former cruise ship workers who anonymously shared their experiences with us. Their stories were quite varied, but all of them agreed that there did seem to be some truth to the rumors about cruise ship workers hooking up.

One former worker described how the “party atmosphere” on board the ships made it easy for romance to blossom between crew members. They explained how after long days at work, crew members would often socialize and drink together in the evenings. This could lead to flirting and eventually more intimate relationships between coworkers.

Another former employee spoke of how “hook ups” were not only common among crew members but also between crew members and passengers. They said that due to long working hours, some crew members would take advantage of their free time and flirt with passengers they found attractive. Although they noted that this was not encouraged by their employers and could potentially lead to disciplinary action if caught by a supervisor.

Finally, another former worker revealed how they had seen many instances of couples meeting on board a ship, forming relationships during their time at sea, and then going their separate ways once docked back in port. This was especially true for foreign-based crews who would stay on board for multiple months at a time before returning home for vacation or extended leave periods.

From these accounts, it seems clear that cruise ship workers do indeed hook up with each other as well as with passengers from time to time. However, it should also be noted that this type of behavior is generally frowned upon by employers and can lead to disciplinary action if caught in the act.

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work Friend

This Ship Is Sinking. Can I Jump to a Client’s?

In the workplace, saving yourself is also your job.

Credit... Margeaux Walter for The New York Times

Supported by

By Roxane Gay

• April 28, 2024

Send questions about the office, money, careers and work-life balance to [email protected] . Include your name and location, or a request to remain anonymous. Letters may be edited.

Ethics of Self-Preservation

I am in a senior position with a marketing agency that is in bad shape. Employees are on reduced hours and pay because our work has slowed substantially. The owners pledged to get new work but have not made any moves in that direction. I’m looking for a new job, and I’ve seen some very appealing openings with current clients. I’d be a great candidate, because I know many of the players, and they know and like my work. We don’t have a noncompete, but I am worried I would further harm my employer if I applied for a job with its clients. Will the clients take it as a red flag? Will I accelerate the demise of my current company if I jump ship to a client? — Anonymous

You will not harm your employer by taking a new job with one of its clients. You are not responsible for your employer’s demise. If the roles were reversed, it would not offer you a fraction of the consideration you are offering. It is a job, and maybe you love it, but as I have said many times before, it will not and cannot love you back. If there are no noncompete issues (which may not matter anyway, as the Federal Trade Commission banned noncompetes last week), by all means, take a job with a client. If the client asks why you’re leaving your agency, you’re welcome to offer a diplomatic answer — or you can tell the truth. This is not an ethical quandary. It would be unethical only if, for example, you took a position with a client and then shared proprietary information about your former employer or its other clients.

The Overly Conscientious Boss

I manage a small, stellar team at a nonprofit. After annual reviews last year, I reached out to my supervisor to request raises for each member of my team and myself, factoring in both the annual cost-of-living raise and the merit raises I would like to see. I then shared what I was hoping to get each individual with that person, so they would know they had someone advocating for them. This seemed like a good decision at the time, to show I valued their hard work. However, we recently received our raise notifications, and, while everyone did get a salary bump, we didn’t quite hit the numbers I was hoping for. Now, based on some reactions, I’m worried that they’re disappointed because expectations were set too high. Did I make a mistake in giving them the specific salary increases I was hoping for? How should I follow up? Should I follow up at all? — Anonymous

Though you meant well, you did make a mistake. In the future, you can certainly tell members of your team you are going to push for raises, but don’t give them exact numbers until you know what those numbers are. In this instance, you set your team up for disappointment, and that’s what you’re seeing right now. I’m not sure if you should follow up. It may just deepen any resentment they’re feeling — a bit of salt in the wound. They probably don’t care about your good intentions right now. The best path forward is to learn from this misstep. And don’t be too hard on yourself. You were acting from a good place. I’d also think of some other ways you can show your team how much you value its hard work.

Too-Many-Ideas Guy

I work in social media on a digital media team at a nonprofit. There are two “strategists” on the digital team. Their jobs are to help strategize, and my job is to manage and create content. One of the strategists has free range deciding when and how he will participate. For example, I am responsible for managing the video content on our TikTok channel. At a meeting, this co-worker announced we would introduce a weekly stream of video content that is not a good fit and does not align with the strategy I have been developing. Further, this co-worker has never produced a video, so I am not sure what role he would play. He becomes the de facto project manager of many of his ideas, “directing” those who have the skills to do the work. My supervisor considers this co-worker a “go-getter,” but I think he is being anti-collaborative and imposing more work on the rest of us. I try to stay out of all of his projects. This, however, is still exhausting. His ideas are endless. If I did address this, how would I? — Anonymous

People like this strategist thrive in the workplace because they come up with “interesting” ideas and don’t trouble themselves with how those ideas come to fruition. Management focuses on the ideas, valuing quantity perhaps over quality, and doesn’t really care who executes the ideas so long as they are executed. Of course this is exhausting, particularly because it seems that the strategist is throwing things at the wall to see what sticks.

If you want to address this, start by sharing how much you appreciate all his enthusiasm and creative ideas, but then share that sometimes, his ideas don’t align with project aims and strategies and that it would be great if you could meet and collaborate, focusing not just on generating ideas but making sure those ideas are well aligned with organizational needs. If all else fails, become an idea person, too!

Grim Prospects

I am a 41-year-old creative/media industry professional who has struggled to find full-time work since the pandemic. I was just beginning to reach the junior rung of the management ladder when workplaces shut down and companies began downsizing. I have the additional misfortune of having spent most of my career in an industry that has been roiled by restructuring, mergers and mass layoffs. I have a master’s degree from one of the most respected professional schools in my field, a wealth of experience and enthusiasm. Yet the jobs simply don’t exist anymore for someone with my experience. I have been surviving on gig economy delivery jobs and dog walking for the past four years. I am terrified I will never get back on my real career path. Do I start over in another field? (I have an arsenal of transferable skills.) Do I go back to school? I’m single, with no children, and no property tying me to any one place. — Anonymous

A shocking number of people in the media industry are in similar straits. Just this year, there have been mass layoffs at several companies and news organizations, and too few new jobs are being created to absorb so many job seekers. You are eminently qualified, and it is incredibly painful when being eminently qualified isn’t enough.

That said, you can find a new career path. You’re going to have to think creatively. A lot of the ideas you suggested in your letter may prove fruitful.

I have more questions than answers to offer. Start with looking at other fields where you can take your arsenal of transferable skills. What do you need to do to change career paths? How can you make as lateral a transfer as possible? If you return to school, have a plan and know what you’re getting into. What do you want to study and why? What is the job market like in your field of study? Can you afford a graduate education or second undergraduate degree? If you take on student loans, will you be able to manage the debt burden?

Finally, when you do apply to new jobs, present your experience as an advantage. Highlight your creativity, resilience, leadership skills and adaptability. Good luck as you move forward.

Roxane Gay  is the author, most recently, of “Opinions: A Decade of Arguments, Criticism, and Minding Other People’s Business” and a contributing Opinion writer. Write to her at  [email protected] . More about Roxane Gay

Advice From a Work Friend

Roxane gay offers tips on office interactions, money, career and work-life balance..

Caring colleagues might mean well, but your taking on new and more projects is none of their concern . You’re simply interested in developing a more robust skill set and should communicate that.

Expressing your political views nonstop at the office can backfire. While we can and should learn from one another , our every interaction need not be so intensely didactic.

Many organizations are grappling with how to manage A.I. in the workplace. A good place to start is developing guidelines .

To get out of a dead-end job, you have to be relentless . Start by mapping out what a path to quitting looks like.

If you’re the boss and have just made a difficult decision, over-explaining  that you did what was best for everyone won’t help.

Is your colleague literally working out, or is he working from a treadmill desk? If he’s working out, something should be said . But maybe not to the boss.

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