the tourist 3d joke

The Tourist: Every Irish person is making the same joke about Jamie Dornan's character losing his memory

His strong Northern Irish accent led to numerous people making the same comment

• 21:13, 3 JAN 2022
• Updated 07:33, 4 JAN 2022

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Jamie Dornan's latest drama, The Tourist, landed with a bang on BBC on New Year's Day, with fans loving the gripping plot.

The Tourist sees an unidentified man, played by Dornan , getting involved in a car crash and waking up with no memory of who he is.

He's then forced to follow a series of clues and work with a number of questionable allies to solve the mystery of who he is and what he's done in his pre-crash life.

The series was a hit with fans and critics alike, with many praising the storyline, setting, humour and performances - with particular praise being given to Dornan himself.

These weren't the only comments that were made about Dornan's appearance however.

With his character boasting a heavy Northern Irish accent, many viewers took to social media to make the same joke about how an Irish person in Australia might fair with memory loss in real life.

One viewer said: "So, no memory, but a strong Norn Irish accent. All you'd have to do is take a photo of the guy, stick it on Belfast Twitter and we'd know his mum, his sisters, his cousins, his school and whether he stands his round at the bar."

Someone else replied: "I mean a postcard addressed to “The family of a lost in Australia Irish fella, Northern Ireland” would get there no bother."

Another viewer joked that an Irish person in Australia would surely run into someone they knew, given the amount of Irish people who live in the country. They said: "Watching #thetourist & finding it hard to believe that an Irish bloke in Australia hasn’t randomly met someone he went to school with yet."

Comedian Neil Delamere added: "Jamie, go to an Irish bar, you will bump into one of your cousins within 20 minutes."

While another said: "The guy with Amnesia in The Tourist has an accent that locates him to a 30 mile radius of Belfast, where everyone knows everyone. Why can’t the Australian Police just go on Facebook?"

Another joked about Jamie Dornan's time as the serial killer Paul Specter in acclaimed BBC drama The Fall, writing: "Anyone watching The Tourist?Keep expecting Jamie Dornan to remember he is the Belfast strangler..Lost his memory in that too!".

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The Best Travel Jokes

by Melissa Giroux | Last updated Feb 25, 2023 | Quotes , Travel Tips

Looking for the best travel jokes ? We got your back!

Traveling seems like a walk in the park, and it often is, but there are times when it can get stressful, tiresome, or downright annoying.

From plane cancellations to being stranded in dodgy destinations, conflicting itineraries, or cockroaches in your hotel room.

In those situations, you can do one of two things.

You can let it get the best of you and ruin your trip, OR you can lighten the mood and have a laugh, and what’s better than travel jokes to make you groan and giggle when your trip isn’t quite going to plan.

Kids bored on a long train journey?

Just had an argument about which direction you need to go?

Awkward silence on a road trip?

AHA, we have just the thing.

We’re bringing you our best (and worst) jokes about travel and travel puns to turn that ruined vacation upside down and give you some much-needed giggles.

Jokes About Traveling

Here are 50  jokes about traveling which should keep everyone on your trip from getting bored for a good long while.

1. What’s it like in Bulgaria? 

Sofia , so good.

2. Why did the robot go on vacation?

He needed to recharge his batteries.

3. What do goblins mail to their friends on vacation?

Ghost cards.

4. What travels around the world but stays in one place?

5. Where do cows go on vacation? 

6. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He Neverlands .

7. How do fleas travel?

They ‘ itch hike.

8. A: What’s gray, has four legs and a trunk?

B: An elephant?

A: No, a mouse on vacation.

9. Where do pepperoni’s go on vacation? 

The leaning tower of pizza .

10. Me: I want to travel

Bank account: Like…to the back yard?

11. Why are oceans friendly?

They’re always waving at you.

12. What did the bread do on vacation?

It loafed around.

13. How do rabbits prefer to travel?

By hare- plane.

14. Where do bees go on holiday? 

Stingapore .

15. Where is a math teacher’s favorite destination?

Times Square .

16. What did the pig say on the beach?  

I’m bacon .

17. Which country has the most germs?

18. Where do hamsters go on vacation?

Hamsterdam .

19. Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He needed some ARGH and ARGH .

20. Which Star Wars character travels around the world?

Globi -Wan-Kenobi

21. Why did no one like the airplane?

It had a bad altitude .

22. Why did Mister Krabs not invite Spongebob on vacation?

Because he’s shellfish .

23. Are you from Ecuador?

Because you have the Quito my heart.

24. Where do sharks go on vacation?

25. A photon is going through airport security.

The TSA agent asks if it has any luggage.

The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

26. What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.

27. Why did the librarian get kicked off the flight?

It was overbooked .

28. What did the Japanese receptionist say when I was 2 hours late checking into my hotel?

You really Tokyo time.

29. Where do eggs go on vacation?

New Yolk City.

30. What do you say to someone going to bed in Stockholm?

Swede dreams.

31. A: The airline lost my luggage so I tried to sue them.

B: Did you win?

A: No, I lost the case.

32. Why did the coffee have a terrible vacation?

It got mugged on the first day.

33. Why are mountains the funniest places to travel?

They’re hill-areas .

34. What kind of chocolate do all airports sell?

Plane chocolate.

35. What is the capital of Spain?

36. Where do sheep go on holiday?

The Baaaahamas.

37. What do you call a chilled-out traveler? 

38. How did the buffalo say goodbye to his child at the airport?

39. Why did the witch stay in the hotel?

She heard it had great broom service.

40. Why don’t aliens travel to our planet?

It’s got terrible ratings. Only one star.

41. What do you like about Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

42. A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips.

“Are you the friar?” he asked.

The brother replied, “No. I’m the chip monk.”

43. Where do crayons go on vacation?

44. How do elephants prepare for a trip?

They pack their trunk .

45. Why don’t pirates travel on mountain roads?

46. You cannot make everyone happy.

You are not a plane ticket. 

47. I bought a world map for my wall and I’m going to put a pin in all the places I travel to. I’m going to have to travel to the top two corners of the map first to stop it from falling down.

48. What did E.T’s mom say to him when he returned home?

Where on Earth have you been?

49. Where do pianists go on their vacation?

The Florida Keys .

50. Which U.S. state is known for its extra small soft drinks?

Mini-Soda .

Puns About Traveling

These 40 traveling puns make great captions for the ‘Gram.

Whether you’re relaxing on a cruise, staring at a sunset, or shivering at the top of a mountain, these vacation puns will be sure to give your followers a laugh (before they become insanely jealous of your adventures).

• Sea you soon.
• Port of me never wants to leave.
• I’m Havana a great time.
• Another sun bites the dust.
• Keep palm and carry on.
• I think I met my Seoul mate on vacation.
• Keep it plane and simple.
• These temples are Buddha-ful.
• Flying is really Boeing sometimes.
• Alpaca my bags for the next trip.
• You’re Ghana love it.
•  Love at first flight .
• Tropic like it’s hot.
•  Is this the check-in desk? ‘Cause I can’t stop checkin ’ you out.
• Suite dreams.
• There is Norway I want to go back home.  Let’s just wing it.
•  Sumo wrestlers are some of the biggest stars in Japan.
• My Portuguese friends never Lisbon to me.
• Traveling is a Pisa cake.
•  It’s a-boat time for a vacation.
•  Free to Rome in Italy.
• Road trips are so tire -ing.
• I Ecu-ador South America.
• I heard a great time travel joke tomorrow.
• I want to travel to Bora Bora, but I am Pora Pora .
• Alaska local why it’s so cold here.
•  I want to travel to France. After all, I have nothing Toulouse .
• Oman , I was really looking forward to that trip.
•  Don’t you Thai and stop me traveling.
• It’s impossible to ruin the view of the Colosseum.
•  My Romanian trip was too crazy. I needed to Buch-a-rest afterward.
•  I couldn’t Bolivia the salt flats in South America.
•  I never travel to Finland because I’m afraid of disappearing into FinnAir .
•  I’m Halong way from home.
•  Wooden shoe love to go to Holland?
• I love Peru -sing from the top of Machu Picchu.
•  A plane ticket is the answer. Who cares what the question is.
•  People who swim in French rivers are in- Seine .
• I don’t like camping, I find it too in tents.

Final Thoughts On Jokes About Traveling

And just like that, Iran out of travel puns.

We hope these puns and jokes have put a smile on your face and made you the funniest person on your trip.

If you like these traveling jokes (and why wouldn’t you), check out these puns about mountains or these jokes about road-trip to keep everyone occupied and laughing.

Alternatively, we also have a long list of funny beach jokes .

If you love using these for all your travel social media posts, we’ve got you covered with 250 sunset captions for Instagram and these travel captions for Instagram .

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Walt Disney’s Carousel of Progress - “It’ll never work!”

Image: doctorow,  Flickr  ( license )

The Carousel of Progress is the one attraction that best encapsulates everything Walt Disney was passionate about in his life. It tells the story of the American family through the 20th century, and it does so using what was, at the time of its creation, cutting edge technology .

But, at the heart of it all is a warm and inviting narrator whose love of progress is only surpassed by his surefire belief that he’s living in the most amazing time that ever would be.

Nowhere is that more evident in the attraction than in its running gag, masterfully set up in the “Turn of the Century” scene. The father, recanting the news of the day, assuredly tells us, “I even hear tell about two brothers from North Carolina who are working on some kind of flying contraption. It’ll never work.”

Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room - “So low, we can’t hear you!”

Image: aloha75,  Flickr  ( license )

When the Enchanted Tiki Room debuted in 1963 at Disneyland, it was the very first attraction to use Disney’s now-ubiquitous audio-animatronics system. Originally intended to be a restaurant, the show has experienced a variety of changes over the year - most notably in the Walt Disney World iteration of the attraction.

But, what has endured is the attraction’s most famous song, penned by the incomparable Sherman Brothers: The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room.

During that song, one of Disney’s greatest quips can be heard. As one bird, Michael, proudly proclaims, “I sing so beautiful, I should sing solo.”  His friend Jose’s reply is as ice cold and wonderful as can Ben, “Si. So low, we can’t hear you.”

  O Canada - The Narrator’s exit

Image: rain0975,  Flickr  ( license )

Leave it to Canada to craft a beautiful yet charming CircleVision film that both captures the country’s staggering wonder and entertains all who view it. While neighboring France features a film that is a masterful multi-sensory poem dedicated to the nation’s beauty, Canada’s film is a much more light-hearted entry.

Martin Short stars as, well, himself — offering a tour of his beloved homeland with the self-deprecating wit that we’ve all grown to love from him. But he’s not the only narrator.

Oh no, we first get a movie-trailer-esque voice-over artist intoning powerfully about how big and cold Canada is before Short chases him away. Of course, he doesn’t leave before letting out one quick quip, “I’ll just go to the France Pavilion film — where they appreciate an invisible narrator.” Touché!

MuppetVision 3D - “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”

The single funniest attraction at Walt Disney World, or any Disney Park, is of course the one penned by the master himself, Jim Henson. One of his last contributions, MuppetVision 3D remains as timeless and wonderful as it was when it first debuted.

The Muppets’ vaudevillian sensibility lends itself perfectly to the 3D spectacle, and unlike most other 3D films, it allows the attraction not to get bogged down in any useless drama. The show is just a rapid-fire onslaught of jokes, from the first moments of the pre-show to the very last Waldorf quip.

But the best joke, and the one which best encapsulates the Muppets’ entire sense of humor, comes early on as master of ceremonies Kermit the Frog describes the process by which MuppetVision 3D came into being. “We invited distinguished scientists from all over the world to come and work here,” he tells us. “Unfortunately, none of them showed up.”

Humor will always be a key part of the Disney experience, and while some of these jokes might soon disappear, they’ll surely be replaced by new classics. What are your favorite jokes from Disney attractions?

Dakota has been visiting Walt Disney World since before he can even remember. His favorite things are Space Mountain, Disney's BoardWalk Resort, and those massive Mickey-shaped cookies dipped in chocolate. When he's not waiting in line at Ample Hills Creamery, he lives in New York where he works professionally as an editor for a sports website.

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The Tourist: Season One Review

10 comments:

Josie, thank you so much for initially recommending this show to me, and then reviewing it. I had no idea a second season was coming, but I'm thrilled. Although I don't know how they can top season one. I loved it, and watched it twice. While Eliot is so intriguing and the reveal at the end heartbreaking, it's Helen that made this story work for me. I just loved her to bits and kept hoping she would realize her own worth. There's something about them as a couple that delights me. I think the LSD-related stuff was my favorite. So unexpected and well-done. Although I didn't think we'd get more, I wanted the story to continue. I wanted to find out what happens to these two people. Fingers crossed that it's even half as good as season one.

I'm really surprised this show never really took off. I think you are the only person I know who has even heard of it. I hope Netflix pushing it, and the second season, will get more people interested. This was the first and last thing (as far as I can remember) that I've ever seen Jamie Dornan in. I remember that I tried The Fall, but didn't even finish the first episode. (Too grim!)

We can't be the only ones to see it or there wouldn't be a second season, right? Jamie Dornan made an excellent serial killer in The Fall . He was also the lead in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. :)

You're not the only ones. Me, too. Loved it! Like you guys I just assumed this was a limited series. One & done. Obviously the S02 plot is gonna give Eliot a get out of jail card, but like everything else in this show it won't be free.

I loved the show too, but I probably wouldn't have seen it if Josie hadn't posted about it. But I'm not sure what to expect of a second season. The first season ending was kind of perfect.

Wow! What a pleasant surprise! I had no idea The Tourist got a second season. I loved it (and I loved The Fall too, even though it was a bit grim).

There are five of us! That's almost a half dozen!

Okay, the Netflix blurb says, and I quote, "This thriller about a man with amnesia became the UK's most watched drama in 2022 thanks to its 'sharp dialogue' and 'clever plotting' (rogerebert.com)

My hairdresser is the only person I know in person who has seen it. (She was very excited to know there's a second season.) Was the UK hiding this from us? As punishment or something?

That must be the answer. The UK was hoarding the show.

We love comments! We moderate because of spam and trolls, but don't let that stop you! It’s never too late to comment on an old show, but please don’t spoil future episodes for newbies.

Touristed Puns

A list of puns related to "Touristed"

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

But all the license plates there were from in state.

Let's go Inuit

It's got a terrible paunch line.

They're both in Dhaka

People were lined up around the block.

to get stoned.

Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

This is the way.

He said, “No, they usually come that way.”

They were incahoots.

He really shouldn’t have gone to the I-Fell Tower

People are dying to get into them!

He said "Khmer tourist, I got things for you to buy.

He told the owner “keep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked “are you a vet?” The German replied “vet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

I bounced a lot of Czechs.

Guy 1: I don't like tourists. You never know what they're up to.

Guy 2: I'm a tourist and do you know what I'm up to? To kill you for what you said!

Guy 1: To what?!?!?

Guy 2: Tourist.

They went from "see" to "see"

Goes up to a Londoner to ask for directions.

Tourist: Excuse me, do you know Bishops Walk?

Londoner: Why yes, it is good for them.

It was an amBUSH.

One could say I've been pining for the fjords

It takes a toll on everybody.

Go to check out of my hotel this morning. I get in the elevator and there's a group of raucous old men telling jokes and laughing. They were going down so they invited me in to the elevator even thought I was planning on catching the next one.

Anywho, as we're going down, the elderly gentleman I'm standing next to turns to me, and says

"Do you know the elevator dance?"

me: "No, what's that?"

him: "There are no steps!"

My parents went to Spain, they met a Japanese tourist while on an excursion.

Japanese tourist greets my parents: "ohayō" (pronounced Ohio)

Dad says: "California"

I answered “Why would you think that?”

He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there”.

So for some background, my dad's a tour guide in the UK and he was showing a group round Hampton Court Palace and in the gardens there's this maze . This is the text he just sent me:

>Dad joke at Hampton Court Maze - I have fine memories of Hampton Court Maze. I used to bring my children here...... If you see them could you send them home!

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that “they were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.

This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.

By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm

We were sitting up at the dinner table tonight, and my sister was over too. We started talking about travelling and she mentioned about how when she went to Venice, she didn't see many of the local Venicians, just lots of tourists. Dad went on to explain to us (with a big grin on his face) the reason you don't see many venetians is because most of them are blind...

...so that tourists can have a clean getaway.

A rabbit walks over the boarder to the neighboring country, what does it become?

Answer Huh this wont work on pc... The rabbit becomes a Tourist

In the streets of Bangkok, there were motorbikes with carts on the back for tourists to get around the city called tuk-tuks (pronounced "took-took"). When we were looking for a way to get across the city, my dad, without fail, would proudly say, "Let's take-take a tuk-tuk!"

At a tourist attraction a large group walks past us speaking a different language

BF: I think they're Russian

Me: Where do think they're rushin to?

Eye roll and forehead smack. Success :)

My mom tells us that according to studies, Venice sinks a little more every year. My dad then responds, "What's Venice sinking (said to sound like thinking) about?"

I lost it in front of many foreign tourists who probably thought I was mental.

I work as a photographer at reasonably popular tourist spot, and over the Easter weekend we're all wearing bunny ears. A family came in: The Dad: "Mate you've got something on your head!" Me: Nah, that's just my hare (MFW)

Blank looks from the rest of the family, but their dad appreciated it.

He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

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100 New York Jokes: Guaranteed to Make Locals & Tourists Laugh

New York City: the bustling epicenter of culture, commerce, and comedy. In a city that never sleeps, laughter becomes the hidden melody of the streets, echoing from the historic comedy clubs of Greenwich Village to the impromptu stand-up shows on the subway. “100 New York Jokes: Guaranteed to Make Locals & Tourists Laugh” is your VIP ticket to the lighter side of the Big Apple.

Dive into our collection of zingers, quips, and puns that capture the essence of New York life, where the taxi horns honk in B-flat and the pizza is a food group all its own. We’ve curated a laugh-out-loud lineup of jokes that will have you grinning wider than the Brooklyn Bridge. Whether you’re a long-time local who’s seen it all from the Bronx Zoo to Staten Island Ferry or a wide-eyed tourist trying to take a bite out of the city, these jokes are your insider pass to New York humor.

In this blog, we weave through the intricacies of New York’s iconic landmarks, culture, and the ever-vibrant street life, with humor as our guide. Why did the bagel lose the election in NYC? Because it was always getting “toasted” at the debates! Or perhaps you’ve wondered why New York elevators can crack a joke? They’re good at “lifting” spirits. From the towering heights of skyscraper puns to the underground punchlines of the subway, we’ll explore every avenue of NYC’s heart through laughter.

Join us as we celebrate the city where dreams are made, and chuckles are guaranteed. Because in New York, even the statues have stories, and the crosswalk signals are just starting points for a good gag. Let’s turn the concrete jungle into our personal comedy club. Buckle up for a ride through hilarity, seasoned with a New York state of mind.

• Why do New York skyscrapers never get cold? Because they’ve got central heating.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of martial arts? “Kung-Fu-getaboutit!”
• Why do New York pigeons act like they own the place? Because they have a lot of “street smarts.”
• Why was the New York banker bored? Because he lost interest.
• What’s the most thoughtful crime in New York? A “mugging” you can’t forget.
• How do New York rats find their way home? They take the “subway.”
• Why don’t secrets last long in New York? Because even the walls have “ears” — tunnel ears!
• What do you call an alligator in a vest from New York? An “investigator.”
• Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building? Because the elevator music was driving him bananas.
• How do you know if a New Yorker is friendly? They give you a “fare” shake on the subway.
• Why don’t New York City florists ever get lost? Because they take the “flower” district.
• Why do New York fish always know what’s going on? They keep up with the “current” news.
• What’s the most “illuminating” part of New York? Times Square’s light bulb moment.
• How do you get a squirrel to like you in Central Park? Act like a nut.
• Why did the tomato turn red in New York? Because it saw the salad “dressing” in the window.
• What do you call a New York bear with no teeth? A gummy bear at the Bronx Zoo.
• How do New York ghosts stay healthy? By exercising their “fright” to jog in the city.
• Why did the New Yorker stay calm during the theft? Because he knew the robber couldn’t take the Brooklyn Bridge too far.
• How do New York City birds stay fit? Pigeon yoga at dawn.
• Why do New York writers have trouble keeping a schedule? Too many deadlines crossing on Broadway.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite dog breed? A New Yorkie.
• How do you find the fastest way in New York City? You “hail” a solution.
• Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory in New York? Lack of “concentration.”
• Why do New York cows have no money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
• Why was the New York bookkeeper always calm? He knew how to “account” for his stress.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite workout? Lifting their spirits on Wall Street.
• Why was the doughnut shop in New York always successful? It was the “hole” package.
• Why do New York dogs stop at red lights? Because they’re “paw”-lite.
• What did the New York street say to the sidewalk? “I’m under a lot of “pressure” here!”
• How do New York lawyers say goodbye? “I’ll be suing ya!”
• Why did the picture go to jail in New York? Because it was framed in SoHo.
• What did one skyscraper say to the other? “Stop looking down on me!”
• Why did the New York deli run out of bagels? Because it was a “roll” with the times.
• What’s the favorite New York City insect? The Manhattan-mite.
• Why don’t New York chickens play sports? They fear the “fowl” play.
• What’s a New York electrician’s favorite outfit? A pair of shock-resistant shoes.
• Why don’t grains like NYC? Because of all the “cereal” killers.
• How do you organize a space party in New York? You planet at the International Space Station on the West Side.
• Why was the New York plumber a good storyteller? He knew how to “pipe” up a good tale.
• What’s a snowman’s favorite New York street? “Chill-ton” Avenue.
• Why did the computer go to the New York therapist? It had too many “bytes” of problems.
• Why was the geometry book sad in New York? It had too many “problems” to address.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite chess piece? The Queens.
• Why are New York jokes so smart? They have a lot of “street” knowledge.
• What’s the sleepiest building in New York? The one that’s a “residential” area.
• Why did the New York cop go to the baseball game? To catch the “pitch” thief.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of tea? Liberty.
• Why did the New York chicken cross the playground? To get to the other “slide.”
• How does New York water say goodbye? “Sea” you later!
• Why did the taxi driver get a ticket in NYC? He got “fine”d for outstanding parking.
• Why did the New York chicken cross the road? To get a better apartment on the other side!
• What do you call an honest New Yorker? A tourist.
• Why did the hot dog stand get a ticket? For parking on “Mustard” Street.
• How do you know a vampire lives in New York? He only comes out for the “nightlife.”
• Why did the New York deli get bad reviews? The chef’s specialty was “sour-dough” humor.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of music? Traffic jam sessions.
• Why don’t they play hide and seek in the Financial District? Good luck hiding when everyone’s seeking!
• What did the bagel say to the pizza? “Stop going around in circles, try being well-rounded like me!”
• Why did the man go broke in Manhattan? Because he couldn’t stop dropping his “bucks” at Starbucks!
• What’s the deal with New York elevators? They’re always up to something or down on you.
• Why did the New York sandwich go to the therapist? It had too much “filling” pressure.
• How does a New Yorker order a single coffee? “One regular, hold the traffic!”
• What’s a Manhattanite’s favorite kind of investment? A “stock” of Broadway shows.
• Why did the New York skyscraper laugh? It found the little buildings “hilarious.”
• What did the Statue of Liberty say when she got a cold? “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses of tissues.”
• Why did the man get lost on Wall Street? He took a wrong “stock” at the exchange.
• How do you know if a New Yorker is an optimist? They take an umbrella for “light” showers.
• What did the Times Square billboard say to the tourist? “I’m big on the scene.”
• Why did the taxi driver quit? He couldn’t “fare” the traffic anymore.
• How does Central Park stay so clean? With “litter-ature” reviews.
• Why don’t New York rats play basketball? Too much dribbling in the subway.
• Why do New Yorkers love a breeze? It’s the only “wind” of change they get.
• What’s a New Yorker’s favorite workout? “Jogging” their memory for the best pizza place.
• Why do New York pigeons act like they run the town? They think they’re the “pecking” order.
• What’s the best place to hide in New York City? Behind a slow-walking tourist.
• Why don’t New York fish make good comedians? The pressure to be “finny” is too much.
• What do you call a nosy pepper in NYC? Jalapeño business on 5th Avenue.
• Why do New York squirrels do well in business? They’re always gathering their “nuts” and “assets.”
• Why was the computer cold at the New York office? It left its Windows open.
• How do you keep a New York secret? Tell it on the subway, and it’ll be “underground” in no time.
• Why do New Yorkers always carry a pen? For “express” checkouts.
• What’s a New York trash can’s favorite game? “Cans” and robbers.
• Why did the New York lamp post get a promotion? It was outstanding in its field—lighting up Broadway!
• How does a New York lemon say goodbye? “See ya around… maybe sour, maybe not!”
• Why did the slice of pizza go to acting school? To “pepperoni” up its performance.
• Why did the New York egg hide? It was a little “cracked” up over the traffic.
• What do you call a clumsy New Yorker? A “trip” down 5th Avenue.
• Why did the New Yorker stay on the bus? He heard it was going “terminal.”
• What’s a New York moment? When you “bagel” the question of what’s for breakfast.
• Why are New York jokes so expensive? Because they’re in high “demand”!
• Why did the New York chef become a banker? He was great at “slicing” debt.
• What do you call a group of musical New York fish? A “bass” band.
• Why did the New York book stay closed? It was tired of the same old “story.”
• What’s the calmest job in New York? The “Statue” of Liberty, she’s always “standing” by her point.
• Why did the New York traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
• How do you get a sweet deal in New York? “Candy” a compliment to a shop owner.
• Why did the doughnut visit New York? It wanted to see where the “hole” thing started.
• What’s a New Yorker’s least favorite veggie? “Traffic jam.”
• Why did the padlock go to New York? It heard there were lots of “combination” possibilities.
• What’s the New York City bird’s favorite game? “Beak-a-boo” in Central Park.

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Tourist Jokes

How many tourists does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to hold the bulb and six to ask for directions. What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Memphis campus? A Tourist. What do goblins mail their friends while on vacation? Ghostcards Where do the pianists go for vacation? Florida Keys What the tourist said after seeing a Hindu Yogi walk over hot coals? Wow, that's some feat! Where can you find a pepperoni tourist? The Leaning Tower of Pizza. Where do crayon go on vacation? Color-ado! Did you see the film where Marty McFly spends a summer in Europe? It's called "Backpack to the Future" Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? I heard Macaulay Culkin went to Rome Alone. American Tourist An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house.  When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. "The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. "They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday." "True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose." Lawyer A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so unique and fascinating that he picks it up and asks the shop owner about the price. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he laughingly replies, "but I'll take the rat." With his bronze rat under his arm, the tourist leaves the store. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats ten city blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer." Small Tourist Hotel A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,

"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!" Railroad Station A tourist stopped off at a small railroad station where, sitting by the side of the tracks, there were Native Americans selling their wares. The tourist saw a blanket he liked very much, and was told that the price was a hundred dollars. The tourist offered fifty. The Native American said, "Price is one hundred. Bargains like Manhattan you no get anymore!" Currency Exchange "A Korean man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 200,000 Korean won and walked out with $200. The following week, he walked in with another 200,000 Korean won, and was handed $185. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Korean man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!""

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Houston for Tourists? If You Think That’s a Joke, the Joke’s on You

Howard Kingsnorth/Getty

L.A. may have invented urban sprawl, but Houston took it to the next level, because, you know… Texas. But just because this city is hard to define doesn’t mean it’s not big fun.

William O’Connor

Former Travel Editor

H ave you ever been somewhere that was simply enjoyable? Good food, memorable attractions, a culture different from your own, and people who generally seemed happy to be living there?

Houston as a leisure tourist destination might not sound convincing to most, but after spending a handful of days there at the start of summer, I can heartily attest that it’s a place that was, quite simply, fun.

And so, it’s the latest selection for our twice-a-month series on underrated destinations, It’s Still a Big World .

Don’t get me wrong—for me Houston remains a place impossible to comprehend, and as I set out to write about it, I find it nearly impossible to firmly grasp a coherent vision of the place. After all, it’s huge. It’s also, arguably, America’s most diverse major city—racially, politically, socioeconomically, culturally—and so what follows is admittedly the tiniest sliver of a tiny sliver of experiencing America’s fourth largest city.

The tenor of the visit was created by my first stop and home for my stay—the recently restored, expanded, and reopened La Colombe d’Or. Named after the famed French spot, it’s located in Montrose ( a neighborhood once known for its countercultural vibe ) and housed in the 1920s mansion of a Texas oil tycoon. Over the past couple years, the Zimmerman family has added the bungalows in the back and now a luxury high-rise.

Tarick Foteh

While it can be a trap to rely on the views of Uber drivers for one’s impression of a city, since they have no reason to prevaricate (not knowing what I do), it’s often insightful. And every time one realized they were dropping me back off at La Colombe they made a remark along the lines of being excited for its reopening or that they’d heard that it was, a sign of the property as a community touchstone of sorts.

The suites in the original house are spacious and appointed with care. Those in the tower have a more globalist modern aesthetic, while those in the bungalows are quirky. The gym (shared with the tower residence) is one you wouldn't mind being a member of and the pool looks out over the metastasizing expanse of Houston.

The Bar at La Colombe d'Or

The real allure, and why you should swing by even if staying elsewhere, are the public spaces. The dining rooms and bar are beautifully decorated and there is art everywhere . And not guy from down the street art. Raoul Dufy, Man Ray, a Picasso lithograph, Dorothy Hood, etc. And all in places that seem a little too exposed to a diner’s potential splatter!

And, gosh, was the food good. I love a good hotel breakfast, and the Colombe’s will make it incredibly difficult to want to try other options in Houston. And the drinks were representative of something I found everywhere I went in Houston—they were made by people who enjoy drinking.

Houston for tourism may not be convincing (yet), but its culinary scene has been anything but underrated in the last decade. My experience dipping a toe into a tiny portion of that scene matched those expectations. The three restaurants where I ate dinner—Squable, Bludorn, and MAD—were all fantastic with very different experiences.

I just want to walk into a home every day filled with the smell of the short rib from Squable, and the waitress there told me to get the sourdough to soak up the broth and I’m forever glad she did. Bludorn is happening . If you want excellent people watching in a restaurant where the food is great and the buzz of conversation from people dressed up to go out to dinner is more cacophony than hum, this is your spot. A slice of Houston I won’t soon forget. And MAD is just nuts—one of those restaurants where they do things like make desserts look like sunny-side-up eggs and the interior is a total mindfuck. Plus, it’s in the swanky new River Oaks District shopping village, so, more people watching.

One of the best parts about visiting Houston as a tourist is you’re mostly competing with Houstonians, and most of the restaurants, bars, and attractions haven’t been altered by the need to placate the tourist gaze .

For instance the Museum of Fine Arts Houston (MFAH), Houston’s main art museum housed in buildings by the likes of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe and Rafael Moneo, has 83 percent of its visitors from a 40 mile radius. Which is wild since the collection is superb—Canaletto, Kishi Ganku, Pissaro, Monet, Worth gowns, the Mackay silver Tiffany butterfly napkin clips (worth a visit themselves), Van Gogh, Berni, and a new personal favorite, Grupo Mondongo. And it’s always one of the destinations on the museum circuit for blockbuster exhibitions. (Also the cafe at the MFAH is delicious and reasonably priced.)

The MFAH isn’t the only cultural powerhouse, as Houston is home to the Menil Collection. Created by the wealthy French immigrants who plopped down in Texas in the mid-20th century and seriously collected art, it’s also nowadays a template for many private art museums like the Glenstone outside D.C. Inside the Renzo Piano-designed complex are lots of Rothko and medieval art and Matisse, but truly the most unforgettable is the Cy Twombly gallery.

Twombly is the American painter who some might recognize most for the paintings that look like somebody scribbled on a canvas, but if you needed convincing of his genius this is the place to go. Walking the rooms (particularly the one with the green painted canvases) was sublime.

Just down the street is another contribution from a Menil family member, the Rothko Chapel. Inside this brown brick hut is a large atrium with giant black paintings by Rothko ringing the room. (Sadly, the Turrell Skyspace was closed when I was in town).

But there’s also a new entry into the art scene—the Buffalo Bayou Park Cistern. Created out of the former drinking water reservoir under the ever growing park that slices through the middle of Houston, it’s a cavernous space primed for the kind of installation art pieces such as the one currently on display by Albanian artist Anri Sala titled Time No Longer . It’s got video, blackouts, creepy audio and all set among the thin concrete columns reflected off the thin layer of water remaining.

Lawrence Knox

The park is one of a number that have help rehabilitate the reputation of Houston as an endless sprawl of highways and parking lots (don’t get me wrong, it has plenty of those still). While in the Museum District, swing through the free Hermann Park, which despite getting knocked back by the recent freeze still has plenty to make it worth the stroll.

If nothing I’ve talked about, whether it be cultural curiosity about a mega-city likely very different from your home or food or art, has convinced you to go to Houston, two house museums operated by the MFAH should do the trick.

The first is, I’m sorry, everything you imagined Houston money might have done.

The Rienzi is housed in a pink stucco manse in the city’s famed River Oaks District (just grab a car and cruise around it, you’ll be glad). The collection of decorative objects and art mainly from Europe is actually lovely, with a number of pieces you’ll find intriguing. But the rooms they are displayed in are a weird Frankenstein fusion of historicist and 50s modern. And the backside seems intent on reminding you it’s a backside. BUT, but, but, do not miss it. It’s such a capsule of an era and a way of living that it’s actually delightful even if it’s not your taste.

Bayou Bend & Gardens

Rick Gardner

Just across the bayou, however, is a house almost guaranteed to please. Built by Ima Hogg (yup, you read that right) in a sort of Southern Regency style, it was actually designed by the same architect as Rienzi, John Staub. Surrounded by beautiful gardens, the house is a dream. But inside it houses one of the best (if not the best) early American decorative arts collections. Hogg built the rooms in the house as period sets to showcase her magnificent collection, starting from the early colonial era up through the mid-19th century, and even has one on early Texas design with a cattle horn chair from San Antonio. While that is fun, and so too are the Greek Revival and messy Victorian Clutter rooms, the show-stopper, undoubtedly, is the Federal-style dining room. It is truly elegance made manifest.

I’m a firm believer in experiencing places for what they are. Only New York City is New York City, and only the Cyclades are the Cyclades. Houston will not be a city you find as interesting as I did if you go in expecting it to be something other than what it is. It’s the great American city of the 21st century in some ways and not slowing down—so you might as well check it out.

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast  here .

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Top tourist attractions in Ha Long City to captivate most guests

Ha Long City attracts millions of tourists because it possesses enchanting scenery and an amazing bay with thousands of islands in the sea.

Besides the bay, this city has plenty of beautiful tourist attractions to explore.

Content menu:

Ha Long Bay

Bai tu long bay.

• Visit Tuan Chau Island
• Tourist attractions in Bai Chay

Quang Ninh Museum

Poem mountain.

• Cat Ba Island

Bao Hai Linh Thong Pagoda

Notes before traveling to halong bay.

• Ticket price: From 290,000 VND/person/route
• Opening hours: 7:30am – 4:30pm

Halong Bay stands out because of its picturesque beauty with hundreds of islands. All sets a great picture showing incredible nature combined with islands, sea, and local people.

The most famous islands and  beautiful caves in Ha Long Bay  that you can check are Ga Choi Island, Ngoc Vung Island, Con Coc Island, Ti Top Island,  Sung Sot Cave , and Trinh Nu Cave.

Besides visiting its landscapes, you can join a lot of exciting activities, such as overnight cruises on the bay, kayaking, diving, swimming, and fishing.

• Address: Tran Quoc Nghien, Hon Gai, Ha Long City, Quang Ninh
• Reference ticket price: 30,000 VND/adult
• Opening hours: 8:30 am – 11:30 am, 1:30 pm – 5:00 pm, open every day of the week except Monday

This attraction becomes impressive because of its big name on the building: “Quang Ninh Museum”. And, the black color of the building creates a unique outer, attracting plenty of people taking pictures here.

The 3 floors of the museum contain the historical stories of Quang Ninh Province and Ha Long Bay in particular. The first floor displays the sea and nature, the second floor stores historical values, and the third floor shows a re-enactment of the history of coal mines.

Bai Tu Long Bay is located next to Ha Long Bay. The bay consists of more than 600 large and small islands, notably Bai Tu Long National Park.

The life of the islanders in the fishing villages can add more experiences to know the unique things for your journey.

Bai Tu Long Bay also has the legend that the mother dragon and her cubs were sent by the Heaven Emperor to the world to help people fight against the enemy. They sprayed down countless pearls and treasures, thereby turning them into large and small islands to block ships of the enemy coming to the mainland.

The place where the mother dragon first landed is called Ha Long Bay, and the location of the baby dragon is Bai Tu Long Bay .

Tuan Chau Island

Being the gateway to exploring Ha Long Bay, Tuan Chau Island is a popular tourist destination with a big harbor system for cruise ships, a beautiful beach, and a unique entertainment area.

Tuan Island Chau also owns many beautiful names, such as Miss Island, Flower Island, Pearl Island, and Coconut Island.

When coming here, you may take a cruise to explore the islands of Halong Bay or Lan Ha Bay. And, there are many other attractions, such as:

• Tuan Chau Beach where you can spend time swimming and relaxing.
•  Tuan Chau International Amusement Park has a lot of outdoor space and activities for families with children.
•  Tuan Chau Sculpture Park will be interesting for children or those who like sculpture art.

>>> You may also like to see the interesting Halong Bay facts .

Bai Chay tourist attractions

Bai Chay is right near the center of Halong Bay, so it has been popular for relaxing and starting your journey to explore the bay when you do not like to spend overnight on a cruise.

In Bai Chay, you can visit well-known attractions:

• Bai Chay Beach: although this is an artificial beach close to the city center, it often stays on the list of  beautiful beaches in Halong Bay . Its fine white sand becomes a lovely thing attracting many visitors.
•  Halong Ancient Town: The people call this site the ancient town, but it is not old at all. It’s because the small quarter of this region has many buildings, imitating the old houses in Hanoi and Hoi An, which form this name.
•  3D Funny Art Museum Ha Long: This small museum has more than 40 paintings of 3D, and multi-dimensional effects on themes of Aquarium, adventure, and Parody.
•  Ha Long Night Market: This place is an interesting place to come when you stay overnight in Bai Chay. More than 100 large and small stalls can offer local food and lovely souvenirs for your loved ones.

• Address: Hang Pot, Ha Long City, Quang Ninh
• Opening hours: Open daily, it can be closed by safety.
• Ticket price: Free

Bai Tho Mountain  is a high limestone mount in the center of Ha Long City. There are many poems by King Le Thanh Tong (1460-1497) and Trinh Cuong carved on the mountain, so the people call it “Nui Bai Tho” – meaning Poem Mountain.

This mountain is famous for its view from the peak, where you can enjoy the incredible landscape of Halong Bay.

However, the roads and steps leading to the peak are small and stiff, so you have to be careful when climbing up here.

Cat Ba island

Cat Ba Island belongs to Hai Phong City but is quite close to Ha Long Bay, which is a close connection in the tourist route of Ha Long Bay – Cat Ba. Thus, we put this place in the list of Halong attractions for you to be easier to check.

Cat Ba Island has been building to become a high-quality relaxation region, including both luxury and affordable hotels, seafood restaurants, and beautiful beaches. Seafood in Cat Ba is fresh so it’s great to taste, but you need to check the price before ordering it.

Bao Hai Linh Thong Pagoda is located on the top of Ba Deo mountain, right in the center of Ha Long City, far away is the charming Ha Long Bay.

Although the pagoda is not an ancient one, it has the architectural style of the 17th – 18th centuries, a characteristic of ancient pagodas in Vietnam.

In addition to visiting the temple, from its grounds, you will be able to see the landscape of the city and the mountains as if jostling each other on a deep blue sea.

>> After visiting this city, you may like to check if there’s a train from Halong Bay to Hue City .

If your family is planning to visit and relax at Ha Long tourist sites, here are useful tips that will help you prepare your journey better:

• Reservations should be made at least 1 month to 3 months in advance to ensure a smooth and well-planned vacation.
• If you buy tickets to visit many places (multi-place tickets), you keep the ticket stub to continue to the next tourist destinations.
• Do not bring plastic utensils, water bottles, or plastic bags when boarding the boat to visit Ha Long Bay. Onboard, there is a drinking water supply, the price will range from 20,000 VND per small water bottle and 30,000 VND per soft drink.
• Check the weather before arranging your best time to visit Halong Bay , because the main activities here are to enjoy views and go swimming in the sea.

Visiting Ha Long tourist attractions becomes perfect if you have time to stay on nice cruises overnight on the bay. Therefore, booking a 4-star or 5-star cruise in advance is recommended.

Hopefully, the above useful information will help you and your family have a good memorable experience in Ha Long City.

Vietnamdrive

Tour Guide Jokes

A guy goes to a museum, a couple is taking a tour through the natural history museum. they ask the tour guide: "how old is this dinosaur skeleton", i’m a tour guide at a museum, and when i told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from., what’s the difference btw an onion and an englishman, i was on a trip in africa when i was asked to rate the tour guide., (from another irish tour guide:) jameson's is a fine whiskey--, (heard from an irish tour guide:) "the fella that invented the crossword is buried in that cemetery over there.", i got sacked as a tour guide in vatican city..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple are sailing with a young tour guide.

Tour guide in the mountain, a tour guide is showing people around washington, dc, when they reach the potomac river., as i get older and remember all the people i've lost along the way, i think to myself..., a tour guide is leading a group through a museum in london., this was a joke that i was told last year by my tour guide in berlin about cold war-era russia., a museum tour guide told his visitor group that their t-rex skeleton was 65,000,023 years old., i went on a tour of stalactites and stalagmites, and the tour guide said 'please don't crack one off', a man tattoos his girlfriend's name on his penis., a policeman pulled me over on friday night., a joke told to me by a tour guide while in scotland, a tour guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. looking at a t-rex he says, i went to an apple orchard today. i had a lot of fun but i kind of embarrassed myself in front of the attractive tour guide., a couple of tourists are taking a tour of moscow., an american couple was being shown around moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose..., a man goes into a town he's never seen before, a visit to the mint, a group of soviet tourists takes express-lesson of italian before departure., a tourist goes to see beethoven's grave in austria, me: what time is it, always trust the soviet weather man., i went to runnymede where king john signed the magna carta, there's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters., an egoistic tourist goes on a tour of london., christopher museum, a couple visits jamaica for the first time..., our school for dyslexia took a trip to an insect museum., a priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by st. peter., a tour guide at giza was explaining how the pyramids were 10,002 years old., a tour bus full of noisy americans arrived at runnymede, england., 40 blondes decided to tour london in a double decker bus, drums good. drums stop, bad., western tourist in north korea, some people were taking a tour of a rubber factory, dave and johnny were abroad on holiday., joe visits his favorite museum's new exhibit., a couple mountainsclimbers where walking on a glacier., a group of polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the grand canyon on a sightseeing tour., climbing mount everest, bob complains about being in pain..., a notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night..., john and the wendy tattoo, i was traveling in europe, man dies and goes to heaven, filled with rooms he hears a party behind each door is happening., this man gets married. nsfw.

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Tourism Jokes

18 tourism jokes and hilarious tourism puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tourism that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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• Short Tourism Jokes

Tourism One Liners

• More Tourism Jokes

Funniest Tourism Short Jokes

Short tourism jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tourism humour may include short tourist jokes also.

• A german tourist arrived at Charles de Gaulle The immigration officer greets him, " Bonjour Monsieur, Welcome to paris, Name?" "Wolfgang Schmidt." "Occupation?" "Nein, Tourism."
• Customs agent: Welcome to Belarus! Customs agent: Are you here for business or tourism? Russian: Business Customs agent: Occupation? Russian: Yes
• Hotels in Reykjavik are 300 dollars a night? Why can't we call this for what it is? Radical Icelandic Tourism
• According the United States National Tourism Office Wal Mart is the greatest place you can take your family to see the kind of people you used to have to pay admission to see in a freak show.
• I would say that the Canadian immigration website will c**... again... But it's blocked, unless you upgrade to the Tourism Package™ for just $4.99 a month!

Share These Tourism Jokes With Friends

Which tourism one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tourism? I can suggest the ones about tourist attraction and tourist attractions.

• What's Pakistan's tourism tagline? "Have a blast, it might be your last"
• How is the tourism industry doing in Baghdad? Boomin'.
• Pakistan has the most catchy tourism tagline... Come Have a Blast, It may be your last.
• I started investing in Egyptian tourism Until I realized it was just a pyramid scheme
• The world is literally ending. Well, at least for the Caribbean tourism business.
• What is the tagline of Syrian tourism department? Come to Syria;have a blast.
• Tourism A Chocolate biscuit ?

Related Comedy Topics

• tourist attraction
• tourist attractions
• tourist guide
• entertainment
• photography
• family vacation

Howlingly Hilarious Tourism Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about tourism you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean recreation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tourism pranks.

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