pay a visit to the wake

Funeral Etiquette

Wake Etiquette 101: What to Do (and Not Do) at a Wake

Updated 11/17/2022

Published 11/14/2019

Kate Wight, BA in English

Contributing writer

Unsure of the do's and don'ts at a wake? Here are the best practices in wake etiquette.

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

A wake is one of the many ceremonies or rituals a family may choose to have after a loved one has passed away. Cultures all over the world have wakes. The purpose of a wake is to bring family, friends, and the community at large together to celebrate the life of the deceased.

What to Bring to a Wake

Blue Sympathies Bouquet ($44.99)
Sympathy Card ($7.98)
Gourmet Snack Basket ($121.74)

Jump ahead to these sections:

What to say to the family at a wake, bring a card, flowers, or another appropriate gift, dress in clean, suitable clothing, who should attend a wake, how long should you stay at a wake, engaging with the body, what not to do at a wake.

If you’ve never attended a wake before, check out some of these basic etiquette tips.

Text about what to say to the family at a wake over an image of flowers

It can be difficult to know how to offer condolences to a grieving family. The overall mood of a wake will, to a certain extent, guide your choices. Some wakes are almost indistinguishable from viewings or visitations. They are often held in funeral homes and the family might be in a receiving line.

Simply wait to go through the receiving line and offer brief but sincere condolences. For example, you could say something like, “I’m sorry for your loss. Michael was such a special man. He was one of the kindest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

You can talk to family members about the good work the deceased did in the community. You can also share humorous anecdotes about them. You shouldn’t prepare a stand-up comedy routine about the deceased, but it’s okay (and even expected) to bring a little levity to the situation. Laughter and tears can (and should!) both have room to exist in balance.

Many wakes have a more relaxed atmosphere. A wake that takes place in a private residence can be a lot more informal. Several family members will usually be in attendance to greet people who have come to pay respects.

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Wakes can be held in a private residence in the days leading up to a funeral. They can also be held at a funeral home and usually immediately precede the funeral ceremony.

What you should bring is dependent on the location. Generally speaking, you send flowers to a funeral , like this arrangement of fresh-cut flowers . Don’t bring them with you — you don’t want to place undue stress on the family of the deceased. Sending flowers in advance allows funeral home staff to ensure they get to the right location.

This is also the best practice to follow for a wake. Sympathy cards, like this simple card , or any other sympathy gifts , like a gourmet snack box , are also best sent to the family by some other means and not brought to the funeral home.

You may bring flower arrangements that are suitable for the home if the wake is held at the home of the deceased. Wreaths or other graveside arrangements should be sent to the funeral home.

More so than flowers, practical gifts are valued at wakes. A wake may last a few hours, or the deceased’s family may welcome mourners to their home over the course of a few days prior to the funeral. Bring edible gifts like casseroles, sandwiches, baked goods, or fruit baskets so the family doesn’t have to worry about food. They may even share it with guests.

Cards are also a great thing to bring to a wake at home, especially when you write a heartfelt message celebrating the deceased. This is a way to help the family feel supported and uplifted even after the wake has passed.

Wakes that are held in funeral homes are often followed immediately by the funeral itself. If you are attending both ceremonies, it’s best to dress in funeral-appropriate clothing . Clothes you would wear to a church service or business meeting are an excellent choice.

This means clothing with a conservative cut that isn’t too tight and doesn’t reveal too much skin. Funeral clothing should also be black or an otherwise dark, muted color. Navy blue, charcoal gray, and dark brown may be acceptable if you don’t have anything solid black.

Wakes in private homes are a bit more relaxed with regard to dress code. However, you do want to dress in a manner that is respectful and appropriate. You don’t have to wear all black, but stick to neutral, muted colors and avoid prints and patterns. Dark colors like black, navy blue, and gray are acceptable, but you can even incorporate lighter shades like beige and certain pastels.

If you work in an office with a business casual dress code, you would be able to go straight from work to a home wake. This means women could wear slacks and a blouse or a dress. Men could wear slacks and a button-down shirt or even khakis and a polo. It’s less important to adhere to a strict dress code than it is to wear clothes that are clean, neat, and presentable.

If you're still stuck on what to wear, check out our guide on what to wear to a wake .

Text about who should attend a wake over an image of flowers

Unless it is otherwise specified in an obituary or other notice, wakes follow similar rules to visitations or viewings. They’re usually open to the public as long as they’re held at a funeral home.

If you learn about the wake through an obituary or online announcement, you can usually assume a wake at a funeral home is open for anyone to stop in. Coworkers, community members, and casual acquaintances should be welcomed.

Wakes held at personal homes are a little trickier because the word is often spread a little more informally. Let’s say you see a Facebook post or obituary that mentions a wake but doesn’t explicitly mention an address, It’s best not to come without a direct invitation.

If you feel like there’s ambiguity, you can always reach out to a close friend or family member of the deceased. If you send a quick text message offering to bring by some food or a card for the family, you may find yourself on the receiving end of an invitation. Still unsure? Read our article on how to decide if you should attend a wake or the funeral .

The length of time you spend at a wake will depend on its location and on your relationship to the family of the deceased. Wakes at funeral homes usually only last a few hours and are typically immediately followed by the funeral service. If you’re attending the funeral, you may come to the wake at any time and stay for the funeral. Wakes don’t have a set agenda or program, so there is no need to arrive at the starting time. Stopping by the wake at any point during the hours listed is fine.

You can make a brief appearance for 10 or 15 minutes if you just want to drop off food or a card and offer your condolences if the wake is at a private home. However, you can also settle in and stay longer. The closer you are to the family of the deceased, the more comfortable you’ll likely be when you choose to stay.

B rightening the mood of the deceased's family with positive stories is a great way to spend that time, but every wake is a unique, personalized experience. You’ll need to use your best judgment to decide how long you should stay.

Wakes were originally designed for family members to sit vigil over a body after a person died. These days, the deceased isn’t always present during a wake. For example, it would be very unusual for a body to be present in a private home. However, the body of the deceased is usually on display in an open casket in the room for wakes held in funeral homes.

Though you won’t be asked to keep vigil over the body, most people go to wakes with the express intention of interacting with the deceased. The main intent of the wake beyond comforting the family is to pay your respects to the deceased. You may go up and say a silent prayer. You may say goodbye. You may hold the deceased’s hand or simply observe. The hope is that this interaction brings a sense of closure to mourners who may otherwise be in denial.

As wakes have evolved, so have attitudes toward death. In the early days of wakes as a form of ritual, people were much more pragmatic about death. In modern times, we are much more culturally insulated from death than we used to be. As a result, many people feel uncomfortable about being so close to the deceased, especially if it is someone they knew in life. Paying your respects to the body is customary but you don’t have to force yourself to do it if it’s uncomfortable or scary for you. Focus instead on expressing your condolences to the family and know that you can get closure in the way that works best for you.

List of what not to do at a wake over an image of flowers

A lot of the finer points of wake etiquette hinge on where the wake is located. Wakes in funeral homes have a fairly distinct feel from wakes in funeral homes. But there are some definite things you should avoid as a general rule.

First, don’t place any burden on the family of the deceased . Obviously, you wouldn’t show up at their home and make them wait on you hand and foot. But there are subtle ways mourners put pressure on the family. Saying something like, “Let me know if you need anything,” seems thoughtful on the surface, but it puts too much responsibility on the family. They may not truly feel like they can ask for what they need. Instead, try to anticipate their needs and offer concrete ideas on how you can help.

Next, while wakes may have entered the modern era, don’t post photographs or videos to Facebook or Instagram from the wake. Grieving, even in a shared setting, is an inherently personal experience. Posting photos or videos may make other mourners feel uncomfortable and exposed. Focus on being present in the moment and support the family. The exception would be if the family asks you to take a group photo and explicitly encourages you to post it online.

Don’t be intimidated by unfamiliar religious traditions . Versions of wakes exist in several different faiths. If you don’t share a faith with the deceased and their family, don’t feel pressured to participate in any prayer or sacrament that doesn’t feel right to you. Just stay quiet and respectful while these traditions are observed.

Many of the same guidelines apply to what not to do at funerals .

Best Practices in Wake Etiquette

Wakes are all about paying your respects to the deceased and the deceased’s family. They focus specifically on uplifting the family of the deceased through sharing positive memories and stories.

At the end of the day, no matter our differences, the connections we make with one another are important. Across time and culture, celebrating those connections is an enduring aspect of the wake.

What's a Wake for a Funeral? Traditions & What to Expect

Wake vs. Funeral Service: What’s the Difference?

Should You Attend the Wake or the Funeral?

How to Dress Appropriately for a Wake or Viewing

Be informed. Be inspired. Celebrate your loved one.

What Is a Wake? Funeral Wake Meaning & Etiquette

Below you’ll learn everything you need to know about funeral wake meaning and etiquette. What is a wake? How are you expected to act, and what should you expect? What is the proper etiquette for attending a wake?

And the question most of you are probably wondering but are afraid to ask…

Will you need to view the body in an open casket?

There comes a time in almost everybody’s life when you are required or asked to attend the funeral wake for a loved one. But what exactly is a wake, and what happens during it?

Today we are going to answer these questions and more. So let’s dive right in!

What is a wake?

Often held in the decedent’s home, a wake is a time close friends and family members to gather together, mourn, visit, express condolences, and say their goodbyes to the departed loved one.

Generally speaking, a wake is the service held the evening before the funeral. Sometimes called a visitation or viewing , the wake is a solemn but usually informal gathering where those who knew the deceased person come to pay their final respects and show support to the family of the deceased. The body (or, sometimes, cremated remains) is typically present.

While the wake has traditionally been held in the home of the deceased (and many times still is), many funeral homes provide a venue for the wake and will often be the preferred location.

What is the difference between a wake and a funeral?

The key difference between a wake and a funeral is the formal structure of the event. A traditional funeral is a formal ceremony lead by an officiant that follows an order of service memorializing the deceased individual. The purpose of a wake to provide a time and place where family and friends of the deceased gather, and is therefore considered a social event.

Both the funeral and the wake serve as an important part of the grieving process for those who knew and loved the departed person.

What happens at a wake?

What you can expect to happen at a wake depends on the culture. If the deceased or their family was non-denominational or Protestant, the wake will likely be fairly casual. There may be singing or prayers or even a short sermon, but it will probably be more like an informal visit with the family than anything.

Ultimately, the wake is a time to pay your last respects and show support to the bereaved family.

The family will probably provide a guest book that you can sign (which you should do). There are often refreshments available (but don’t count on it!). If the deceased was Catholic , the Rosary may be said toward the end, and there may be a prayer vigil.

Other cultures and religions have various traditions for their wakes. For more information, please see Should I Attend Both the Wake and the Funeral?

Where is the wake typically held?

The wake can be held at the funeral home, a church hall, or at a private home, usually the deceased’s home or the home of a close relative.

When is the wake typically held?

The traditional wake is usually held the day before the formal funeral service, but occasionally it is scheduled for the evening of the funeral or the day after.

Because the body is generally present, the wake is traditionally held before the actual burial.

However, in modern times, the wake can refer to any informal social gathering or reception before or after the funeral, with or without the body present.

Will I need to view the body? Will it be open-casket?

You’ve been invited to a wake, but are not sure if you’ll be comfortable viewing the body. Is that okay?

It is 100% okay to not want to view the body, or even be in the general area with the casket. Remember that this is a very emotional time, and you are there to support the family (or they are there to support you).

You do not have to view the body if you are not ready to, and no one should make you feel like you have to. It’s a personal choice.

Typically there will be a room for the casket or cremation urn . Most wakes do have the body present, and most often it is open-casket .

But again, since the wake is a semi-informal event, you can attend and simply skip viewing the body . Just be prepared in the event that the casket is in the entry way or foyer.

Should I bring a gift to the wake?

You absolutely can bring a gift to the wake. But keep in mind that gifts are not usually expected. So if your question is, “Am I required or expected to bring a gift to the wake?” then the answer is, No.

However, if you want to show support in this way, consider plants or floral arrangements. These are an appropriate choice for a gift at wakes and funerals. You can order funeral flowers or plants at any local florist, and even have them delivered to the funeral home.

There may also be a wish on behalf of the deceased to donate to a charity in lieu of flowers . If that is the case, respect their wishes and donate instead of bringing a gift.

If you are looking for some more gift ideas, here are the best sympathy gift ideas for someone who is grieving . Ultimately, the choice of bringing a gift to the wake, memorial service, or funeral is up to you. But it is a lovely way to show your love and support.

Related: What should I send as a memorial gift instead of flowers?

What should I wear to a wake?

Wakes are usually less formal than the funeral service will be. While there is no dress code, it would be appropriate to wear “business casual” or “church clothes” to the wake, and save the formal attire for the funeral.

In some regions and cultures, boots, blue jeans, and a nice button-up dress shirt would also be acceptable. It really just depends on the culture of the family as well as the area’s societal norms.

If you are unsure, wearing black or other dark colors is the way to go. Here are some tips on what to wear to a funeral, which apply equally well to a wake.

Related: Can I wear jeans to a funeral, visitation, or wake?

Should I attend the wake if I don’t know the family well?

It is perfectly fine to go to the wake of a friend, or even an acquaintance or co-worker, even if you did not know their family.

It is appropriate to introduce yourself to the immediate family at some point during the visitation, if you are able to.

Likewise, the family will appreciate hearing any fond memories of the deceased you may wish to share. If this makes you uncomfortable, simply introduce yourself and tell the family that you are sorry for their loss.

What do I do if I can’t attend the wake?

If you cannot attend the wake, let the family know. Send the family a letter or card of condolence, letting them know you are sorry for their loss and that your thoughts or prayers are with them. The family will appreciate the gesture.

Attend the funeral if you can, but don’t beat yourself up if you are unable to go. Deaths, wakes and funerals often happen within the space of a single week. So most families understand that it is not always possible for you to attend.

Attending a wake is a very personal decision. If you are not sure if you should go, it helps to keep in mind that this service is really about supporting the family and also about saying goodbye. Remembering this will help you make the right decision.

Why is it called a wake?

The term wake originally referred to a late-night prayer vigil on behalf of the soul of the departed, where mourners would stay awake and pray to ward off evil spirits. This was particularly common in Irish culture in the Catholic tradition , which is why religious ceremonies and prayers are often included in the wake.

However, over time the wake custom has turned into a social gathering in remembrance of the departed, and will only include religious elements if the family chooses.

The wake is just one type of service celebrating the life of a loved one. Read all about 10 Different Types of Funeral Services .

What is a modern wake like?

The modern-day wake is a gathering of mourners where each person remembers and celebrates the decedent in their own way.

The body of the deceased will often be present in the casket, and you will have the opportunity to say a final farewell if you so choose. Otherwise, it is typically much like a funeral reception, but in a family home or sometimes in a reception area at the funeral home.

Wear semi-formal attire and expect to mingle, partake of appetizers and drinks, tell stories and share memories of the departed loved one, and express your sympathies to the bereaved families.

What is an Irish Wake?

The Irish are famous for their wakes. We’ll let the late comedian Dave Allen (1936-2005) explain it with a sketch from The Dave Allen Show:

A very important part of the Irish way of life is death. If anybody else in the world dies, that’s the end of it; they’re dead. But in Ireland, when somebody dies, we lay ’em out and watch ’em for a couple days. It’s called a wake. It’s a great – it’s a party, it’s a sendoff. And the fellow is laid out on the table, and there’s drinking and dancing and all the food you can eat. And all your friends come from all over the place, and they all stand around the wake table and look at you with a glass in their hands, and they say, “Here’s to your health!” The terrible thing about dying over there is that you miss your own wake. It’s the best day of your life – you’ve paid for everything, and you can’t join in! Mind you, if you did, you’d be drinking on your own.

We hope you found this Q&A about wakes helpful! Let us know your question, thoughts, or additional insights in the comments below.

Read next: 30 Questions About Death, Dying, and Your Legacy

Aubrey is a lifelong writer who has served in the funeral industry since 2016. After graduating from Dallas Institute of Funeral Service, she knew she wanted to continue to serve families through her writing, but didn’t know how.

Soon after, Aubrey experienced a “lightbulb” moment and started her eulogy writing business, Eulogies by Aubrey, in 2019.

Aubrey has written professionally since 2012, covering not only funeral-related topics and gift trends, but also for TV guide listings, as well as legal topics. She began writing for US Urns Online in 2019.

Aubrey’s work has been featured in Huffpost, Coming of Age Magazine, and 1800Flowers.com. She holds certifications in Cremation Arrangement (ICCFA) and Burial at Sea (NEBAS), and as of 2023, is a trained and certified birth and bereavement doula (SBD). Aubrey is currently studying toward her degree in Business Administration.

Viewing & Visitation Etiquette: Rituals & Customs To Know

Knowing the proper viewing and visitation etiquette can help you navigate the services when someone dies. Visiting the bereaved family at the funeral home or other location can be called a wake, viewing, and visitation. Are these the same thing? If not, what are the main differences?

Is proper etiquette the same in all of those situations? What is viewing etiquette? How do you know if you should share memories of the deceased or simply offer condolences?

What if you do not know anyone except the deceased person? Should you attend? How do you dress? Can you offer to make a tribute? When are flowers appropriate?

Table of Contents

Wake, Viewing, Visitation: What’s The Difference?

Sometimes people are confused as to what they are attending, what will happen at each event, and if funeral etiquette is different at each one.

Wake: A wake is traditionally held a day before the funeral. Historically, the wake was held just to be certain the person was actually dead. Family members sat beside the body while people paid condolences, just in case their loved one was going to wake up. It has turned into something different today.
Viewing : A viewing can be part of a funeral wake. In a viewing, the body of the deceased person is put out in an open casket for a period of time. The grieving family accepts visitors as people come to pay respects and offer condolences. A funeral viewing can be at a funeral home, church, or even in a private home.
Visitation : A visitation is an informal situation where people come to sit with the grieving people. There is not necessarily a viewing at a visitation. Just like the name implies, you visit during a visitation. It is customary to share a story or fond memory.

Despite the differences, the terms may be used to describe the same event to modern funeral-goers. Look to the obituary for clues as to what to expect.

What Do You Do During A Viewing?

At a viewing, you should not be surprised to see the body present, either in a full-couch or half-couch casket, depending on the family’s wishes.

You might be wondering if you have to view the body . Of course not. Do only what you are comfortable with. Typically, the family members are seated or standing together, so it is easy for people to find them and pay respects.

If you are in a line of people walking toward the casket, you can turn off prior to getting near the body if you feel you can do it nonchalantly and without drawing attention to the fact that you are doing so. Otherwise, if walking directly up to the deceased person makes you uncomfortable, just avert your eyes.

What Is Visitation Etiquette About How Long Should You Stay?

Determining how long you should stay at a funeral visitation depends on your relationship with the deceased. If you are paying condolences as a casual acquaintance or colleague, you can stay a very short while.

Go through the line, pay your respects to the family, and explain your relationship to the deceased. Take a few moments to look through the photos and momentos the family has worked so diligently to put together. Make certain to sign the guestbook. Once you have done those things, you can slip out.

If you are a close friend or co-worker of an immediate family member of the deceased, the same general rules apply as above. However, if you know that your presence would be appreciated longer, then do stay longer.

Immediate family members are usually at the entire funeral process, including a wake, visitation, and funeral or memorial service. Other family members may attend certain parts and then not others. There are no firm rules on how long you must be somewhere, like a visitation or funeral service.

As long as you have paid your respects to the family of the deceased and taken a moment to talk to other mourners you may know, you can leave at any time.

Is It OK To Go To The Visitation And Not The Funeral?

You certainly can attend the visitation and not the funeral. Some people determine which portions they attend based on their relationship with the deceased. Etiquette guides suggest that you do what feels right to you.

Typically, family and close friends of the deceased want to be at the funeral and any events the day of the funeral, even if they are not immediate family members.

What Does The Funeral Director Do At The Wake Or Visitation?

A good funeral director is always waiting quietly in the background in case the grieving family or other mourners need assistance. They have prepared the body, arranged the flowers, and helped the immediate family each step of the way leading up to the visitation.

As there may be multiple viewing at the funeral home, the director or other funeral home staff direct people to the right viewing room.

The funeral director can conduct a short service at the funeral home if the family desires that.

Is There A Dress Code At A Viewing Or Visitation?

For viewing or visitation, you can usually count on business or business casual attire being acceptable. In most cultures, you can’t go wrong by wearing black, navy, gray, or brown to a funeral. Clothing should be modest and appropriate for a more formal situation.

Sometimes guests are asked to dress differently, such as wearing a certain color or in a theme. If that is requested of you, please feel free to do so.

It should also be noted that in some cultures, you should not wear certain colors. Always ask questions if you know that the deceased is from a different culture or religion than you so you can understand wake etiquette or funeral customs that you should abide by.

Should You Bring Food Or Gifts?

In many cultures, sending flowers to the funeral home or church is appropriate. Some people also send flowers to show their love and respect for the family and deceased.

Sending refreshments to the home of the deceased to help them have food to put out when they have people stop to offer condolences is a nice gesture. A grieving family has to eat, and making that easy for them is a lovely thought.

You can often take your cue from the obituary. Sometimes it reads “in lieu of flowers, please” and gives mourners guidance on their preference. If that is the case, skip calling the florist and consider honoring the family’s request.

Pam Berg is a former English teacher with a passion for writing. She has written for many years on a variety of topics and considers herself to be somewhat of a jack of all trades when it comes to writing. Although most of us tend to want to avoid the topic of death, whether it is us or a loved one, it is inevitable. Pam is dedicated to ensuring that as people are funeral planning they have access to a no-nonsense, straightforward laying out of the facts. However, she also recognizes that this is a topic that needs to be approached in a sensitive manner.

What to Expect at a Viewing, Wake, or Funeral

by RyanFuneralHomes | Aug 5, 2019 | Funeral Facts & Tips | 0 comments

When a loved one has passed away, you may wish to attend one or more gatherings to say goodbye and pay your respects. Beyond the traditional funeral, there are two additional ceremonies available for you to attend: a wake and a viewing or visitation. In this guide, we’ll cover the differences between the three services and what to expect at a viewing, wake, and funeral service.

What is the Difference between a Viewing, Wake, and Funeral?

A traditional funeral service is a formal event that allows friends and family a way to celebrate and honor the life of a loved one that has passed. Traditional funerals are typically presided over by a celebrant, a hospice chaplain, or an officiant of a church. The casket or urn is usually present, and the service can include eulogies, songs, and readings such as poems, verses, or favorite quotes.

A viewing, or visitation, is generally an informal gathering of friends and family where visitors can pay their respects to the deceased. Visitations often have an open casket or the urn present and can take place before the funeral, sometimes the day before or the day of the funeral.

A wake is a Catholic ceremony and is similar to a viewing or visitation in that it provides mourners the opportunity to offer their condolences and share their grief in an informal environment. The wake may include a vigil, which is a prayer service usually held the evening before the funeral. Family and friends gather in the home of the deceased, in the funeral home, or in the church to pray and remember the deceased. A priest or deacon usually presides over the prayers, though a layperson with knowledge of the prayers and traditions may preside in the event that a priest or deacon is not available.

Where are services held?

Funerals may be held at a funeral home, or at a church or a temple. Viewings, visitations, and wakes can also be held at a funeral home or a place of worship, or even in a private home. The location will generally be noted on the funeral announcement.

When to arrive?

Make sure you know when the service is scheduled to begin; you don’t want to show up too early or late. If you’re unsure of when the service begins, the scheduled time may be listed in the obituary, or you can call the funeral home or the host, if the service is held in a private home, to find out. Stop by as it makes sense for your schedule, making sure to give yourself enough time to pay your respects to the deceased and speak with the family.

What to do when you arrive?

Try to visit each family member to share your condolences. If you’re meeting for the first time, be prepared to introduce yourself and share how you knew the deceased. You may also want to prepare a few stories or memories of the deceased to share with family and friends.

Depending on the service, an open casket or urn may be present. It is your choice whether you’d like to spend a moment at the casket or urn for a final goodbye, as this may help provide closure.

What to wear?

First, you’ll want to consider the dress code of the location of the service, as you’ll want to be respectful of the location’s rules and guidelines when it comes to attire. If you’re attending a funeral , one of our biggest tips is to dress conservatively. This means choosing clothing with muted colors, high necklines, and wearing appropriate shoes. Above all, you don’t want to stand out and distract attention away from the deceased.

Visitations and wakes are more informal, so you’ll be fine wearing business or business casual attire. Just remember to show respect to the grieving family and avoid wearing anything too casual, such as jeans or shorts.

What to say?

It can be difficult to know what to say to a grieving family at a funeral, viewing, or wake, but it’s best to offer your sympathies and condolences to the family. If you’re at a loss for words , simply saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is appropriate.

Flowers or donations?

The funeral announcement may list the family’s preferences on flowers or if they’d rather have people donate to a charity. Above all, it’s important to respect the wishes of the family. If you do send flowers, be sure to do so before the service. You don’t want to give the family another thing to handle on such an emotional day.

We hope these tips have helped prepare you for your next funeral, wake, viewing or visitation service. If you still have questions or are in need of grief support , reach out to our team . We are available to provide you the help and support you deserve.

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Differences Between a Wake, Funeral, and Visitation

What is a funeral, what is a wake, what is a visitation.

Wake vs. Visitation

Wakes and visitations are different types of gatherings that occur before a funeral . A wake is a tradition where close family and friends gather in the presence of the deceased who lies in state, A visitation is a general gathering of friends and loved ones before a funeral, usually at a funeral home, to provide comfort to the survivors and pay respect to the deceased.

There can be some overlap between these two traditions depending on religious or cultural traditions, including viewings of the deceased either in an open casket or closed casket.

This article describes the differences between funerals, wakes, and visitations, including how they are practiced in different cultures.

A funeral is a ceremony connected with the final disposition of the body of someone who has died, typically by burial or cremation . There are also funerals where a person may be buried at sea.

Some funerals only involve a ceremonial gathering of family and loved ones, such as in a church or cemetery chapel without a burial or entombment. Others involve the actual burial of the body in a grave or the placement of the cremated remains in a tomb or mausoleum.

Funerals are often governed by tradition or religion, adhering to certain rituals and rites to ensure the appropriate respect is paid to not only the departed but also their survivors. Many involve pallbearers who carry the casket to the site of the grave in a funeral procession.

Different cultures perform funerals differently. For example:

Jewish funerals require the burial of the body within seven days in a simple casket.
Military rites may be performed gravesite at a military burial.
For Eastern Orthodox funerals, the casket is reopened before burial to allow mourners to look at the deceased one last time.
In Hindu culture and some Asian cultures, white is worn to a funeral, unlike many cultures in which black is a sign of mourning.
In New Orleans, a jazz funeral with a jazz procession has been a traditional African-American burial ceremony since the early 20th century.

A wake is a social gathering associated with the death of a loved one held before the funeral. It is a long-standing Catholic tradition in which family and close friends "keep watch" over the body, often in the home of the deceased.

This is especially true in traditional Irish, Scottish, and Welsh cultures where a continuous watch is kept over the body for one or two days before the burial. During the period of mourning, the deceased is often laid in an open casket in their best clothes. Friends and other relatives can then visit, bidding their final farewells and praying for the soul of the deceased.

Wakes are practiced in different forms in other cultures where the viewing of the body is a part of the death ritual. This includes other Catholic, Buddhist, Hindu, and Protestant religions.

In Jewish culture, the deceased is never displayed before the burial. The same applies to the Muslim religion in which the body is buried as soon as possible after death with no public viewing.

A visitation is another type of social gathering that takes place before the funeral. While similar to a wake, the primary aim of a visitation is to provide comfort and show support to the grieving family .

Unlike a wake, which is intended for family and close friends, a visitation is open to all funeral attendees and even people in the public who knew the deceased. Visitations are usually scheduled and may be publically announced in the local newspaper. The signing of a remembrance book is common.

Another difference is that a visitation usually takes place in a funeral home, rather than a home, and may or may not involve the presence of the deceased. If a casket is on display, it will more often be closed.

What Is a Viewing?

If there is a casket, either open or closed, the gathering can be described as a viewing. A viewing might also involve the cremated remains of the deceased in an urn. Visitations and viewings are sometimes used synonymously.

In some cases, a visitation may be scheduled immediately before the funeral as part of the funeral service. If they are scheduled separately, people may attend the visitation instead of the funeral, or vice versa.

How a Visitation Is Different From a Wake

Wake and visitations are practiced in different forms Anglican, Baptist, Buddhist, Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Episcopalian, Hindu, Methodist, Mormon, and Protestant religions. While the terms are often used simultaneously, their history and intent are distinct.

Visitations are a relatively modern concept that mirrored the rise and growing prominence of undertakers, morticians, and funeral directors during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Today, visitations and viewings have become a means of paying public respect to someone who has died while showing support for those who are left behind.

Wakes, on the other hand, pre-date the rise of Christianity. The Celts and the Anglos-Saxons held wakes, or vigils for the dead, due to superstitions that "evil spirits" might take possession of the body if not watched and prayed over. Today, wakes are a deeply intimate means of sharing grief with those closest to the deceased in the presence of the deceased.

Wakes and visitations are similar in that they are used to bid a final farewell to the deceased while providing comfort and support to the surviving family. However, wakes involve keeping watch over the body, often in an open casket and usually in a home, for one to two days. Visitations tend to take place in funeral homes with an open casket, closed casket, or, in some cases, no viewing at all.

National Funeral Directors Association. Religious funeral customs .

National Catholic Register. The traditional Irish wake highlights importance of praying for departed souls .

Burrell A, Selman LE. How do funeral practices impact bereaved relatives' mental health, grief and bereavement? A mixed methods review with implications for COVID-19 . Omega (Westport). 2022 Jun;85(2):345–383. doi:10.1177/0030222820941296

U.S. Library of Congress. Evolution of American funerary customs and laws .

Burger P, Stacey RJ, Bowden SA, Hacke M, Parnell J. Identification, geochemical characterisation and significance of bitumen among the grave goods of the 7th Century mound 1 ship-burial at Sutton Hoo (Suffolk, UK) . PLoS One. 2016;11(12):e0166276. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0166276

By Chris Raymond Chris Raymond is an expert on funerals, grief, and end-of-life issues, as well as the former editor of the world’s most widely read magazine for funeral directors.

Important Etiquette Tips For Wakes, Viewings, and Visitations

Wakes, viewings, and visitations are all ways of spending time with the body of the deceased and the family before the funeral service.

As with funeral services and memorial services , wakes, viewings, and visitations all offer an opportunity to support the family in their grief and spend time with others who are supporting the family or are grieving.

Wakes And Viewings

The body is usually present at wakes and viewings, which often take place at the funeral home in the days before the funeral service or at the funeral service location the day of the funeral. Wakes and viewings are usually open to all guests, though if the family has not invited you or specified that the event is family-only, you should respect their wishes and not attend.

If the body will be present and on view, you may want to prepare yourself emotionally. You should not feel pressured to view the body, and if you are uncomfortable viewing the body then you should consider not doing so. If you'd like the view the body and it is on view, you should feel free to do so.

Visitations

Visitations usually take place at the family’s home, and offer an opportunity for friends and extended family to spend time with the family before the funeral service. Visitations may last over the course of many days or for a specified period of time on a single day before the funeral service.

The nature of the visitation will depend on the family and their preferences and style, and you should take your cues from the atmosphere at the event. In some cases, the family will be happy to have people spend lots of time at the home, reminiscing and socializing. In other cases, it might be most appropriate to drop in, pay your respects and offer condolences, and leave.

Introducing Yourself At Wakes, Viewings, And Visitations

If you knew the person who died but do not know the family, you should still feel free to attend any pre-funeral events. If you don't know the family, you should be prepared to introduce yourself by offering your name and your relationship to the person who died.

How To Know If You Should Attend A Wake, Viewing, Or Visitation

As with a funeral service , if you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation you should feel free to go. If the event is limited to family only, you should respect the family’s wishes and not attend. If you are invited to a wake, viewing, or visitation and would like to attend but for whatever reason you cannot attend, you can simply attend the funeral service. If you are not invited to the wake, viewing, or visitation but would like to reach out to the family, consider writing a letter expressing your condolences .

Funeral Wake Etiquette Guide: 5 Surprising Things To Expect

Written by Amy Gardner : Grief & Memorial Expert

Reviewed by adam binstock on july 11, 2020, article highlights.

There are so many words and ways to describe our rituals of saying goodbye.

What do they mean? What happens during them? And how should we behave?

If you’re planning to attend a wake, you may be wondering what you’re in for.

In this funeral wake guide, I’ll help you understand what to expect.

What Is a Funeral Wake?

The words “wake” and “visitation” are often used interchangeably.

They usually describe that part of a traditional funeral in which loved ones spend time in the presence of the remains of the deceased person.

However, the word “wake” has its roots in older traditions in which friends and loved ones gather in a private home to watch over and pray for the body.

What Is a Viewing?

Unlike wakes, a viewing almost always takes place in a funeral home.

Even in the rare case that a viewing is held in a private home, it still has a more formal tone than a wake.

While wakes are an old tradition, viewings are more modern, designed with the services of modern-day funeral home directors and morticians in mind.

What Happens At a Wake

A wake is a highly individualized ritual. It varies depending on the characteristics and personality of each individual and their family.

The community and culture of the place you live also make a difference to the personalization of this unique ritual.

However, there are a few universal customs you can depend on.

Visiting The Body

During a traditional visitation or wake, it’s customary for the body to be displayed in an open casket.

Visitors approach the body to pay their respects and say goodbye.

This is considered to be a way to honor the deceased person and to get closure.

People can even touch the body if they find this to be comforting.

Greeting The Family

The primary purpose of a wake is to offer comfort to the family members.

In some cases, there may be a formal receiving line for you to walk through to give your respects.

Or, in a more informal atmosphere, this may involve simply sitting down with the family and sharing condolences and memories.

The Atmosphere

If you are accustomed to a formally structured funeral service, with songs, eulogies and scripture, the unstructured atmosphere of a wake might take you off guard.

Rather than having one person/speaker as a focal point to the gathering, expect people to gather casually in small groups.

Unlike a traditional funeral, there is no expectation regarding how long you should stay. Instead of staying to the end, you are free simply to drop by for a while and pay your respects.

Remembering The Deceased

In contrast to other kinds of post-death rituals, the focus of a wake is on sharing positive memories of the deceased person.

This can be valuable in helping mourners move away from the pain of grief and into a more positive frame of mind, remembering interactions that made them feel happy.

Common Questions

If you have been invited to attend or participate in a wake, you may be curious about what you can expect, especially if you have never attended one before.

Here are the answers to a few common questions.

How Long Does a Wake Last?

Traditionally a wake is held in the evening before a funeral service.

It can last anywhere from two hours to six.

The length often depends on how many people are expected to attend.

What Do You Bring To a Wake?

Unlike funerals, it is not traditional to bring flowers to a wake. This adds stress to the family who may be unsure of what to do with them when they arrive. However, you can always have flowers sent ahead of time to the funeral home.

In the same vein, while cards and small gifts are always appreciated, it is better to send them to the family separately rather than bringing them to the wake.

However, if you have a practical gift, especially if it’s a casserole for the family or appetizers that people can munch on during the event, this will usually be welcome at a wake.

How Long Should You Stay At a Wake?

This is completely up to you.

If you are hoping to catch up with other friends and family members to show your support, this is a good time to do so.

However, it is perfectly acceptable to leave immediately after paying your respects to the family.

It’s all down to your comfort level and what you need to do to find a sense of closure.

Should a Child View an Open Casket?

If there is going to be an open casket, be sure to explain to your child ahead of time so he/she knows what to expect.

Tell the child that it’s fine to touch a loved one’s body if they want to, but don’t make them feel that they must do so if they’re uncomfortable with it.

Is It OK If I Wear Jeans To a Wake?

As a society, we have become much more relaxed than we used to be about dressing up.

Jeans are acceptable in all kinds of places where they never were before: religious services, airline flights, even our jobs.

But when it comes to post-death rituals such as funerals and wakes, dressier outfits are still expected.

In general, jeans should be avoided unless you have nothing else to wear.

However, if you do not own anything dressier than jeans, it is better to go anyway. Do not avoid going simply because you don’t have any dressy clothes.

Do I Have To Wear Black To a Wake?

There’s no need to dress entirely in black.

However, darker or muted colors are more respectful for the occasion.

What To Wear

Wakes tend to require less formal clothing than other traditional rituals, like funerals.

In general, stick with neutral or muted colors.

Avoid anything ostentatious or showy; keep it simple.

Try to stay away from bold prints, and stick with comfortable dress shoes.

Here are a few other guidelines regarding dress.

A suit is always a good choice for men to wear at a wake.

Alternatively, you could also wear a sports coat, button-down shirt, tie and dark pants, dark socks and dress shoes.

Dark pants with a polo shirt is also a good choice.

Wear a belt and avoid flashy or excessive jewelry.

Also stay away from athletic shoes, flip-flops, baseball caps, or any clothing with words or graphics.

For women, conservative attire is best.

A solid-colored dress in a muted color, accompanied by dark shoes, is always a good choice.

A dark skirt paired with a formal topo also works.

But you don’t have to wear a skirt or dress. A pair of dress pants with a dressy top is perfectly acceptable.

The rules regarding proper attire for children are much more relaxed that what is expected of adults.

In general, you should try to dress them formally. However, this is not always possible for young children, who grow quickly and may not have access to dressy clothes.

Avoid casual hats or clothing with words on it.

Funeral Wake Etiquette

Funerals and wakes are the kind of occasion in which manners are important.

Although an informal occasion in many ways, there still exists an unwritten code of etiquette for funeral wakes.

Here’s what you need to know.

Who Should Attend

Like funerals, wakes are usually open to the public, especially if they take place in a funeral home.

Wakes that are announced either online or in an obituary are open to anyone, including coworkers and casual acquaintances.

However, the rules are slightly different if the wake is held in a private home. In this case, it’s best to only attend if you receive an invitation.

What To Say To The Family

Only you know what kind of relationship you have with the family members or what you might be comfortable saying to them during their time of loss.

Sharing stories and memories about the deceased person is always appropriate and appreciated.

In general, steer clear of well-meaning platitudes. Everyone experiences loss differently, and a misguided opinion or insight may cause more harm than good.

What To Bring

An edible gift (think fruit baskets, sandwich plates or baked goods) is always a good thing to bring to a wake, especially if it’s held in a private home.

Cards can also be brought with you to a private wake.

What Not To Do

First and foremost, be careful not to say or do anything that puts pressure on the bereaved. Even a seemingly kind remark like, “Call me if you need anything” puts the burden of reaching out on the family, pressuring them to think of ways that others can help.

Also don’t post any photos or video of the wake on social media. No matter how well-attended it is, a wake is essentially a private event.

Limit your phone use as much as possible during the wake.

Texting durng the wake can seem disrespectful. It’s also taking away from the time you’ve devoted to spend with friends and family that you might not otherwise see very often.

Punctuality

Unlike a funeral, you can show up to a wake whenever it’s convenient.

One caveat: try to make sure you’re there at least a half hour before the wake is scheduled to end.

Showing up just as the wake is wrapping up is disrespectful to the grieving family.

As long as you have paid your respects to the family, it is acceptable to leave at any time.

Make sure that you go through the receiving line first and speak to each person in it, even if you don’t know them well.

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I think this is helpful — but perhaps the receiving line: could you add some additional explanation of what that is and what is expected? I know from attending some wakes and funerals that this is sometimes a surprise to attendees, especially those who only knew the deceased and find the unexpected encounter with the family to be unnerving.

What if the person who passed was angry at you? You were kept from hospital visit “so not to stress paitent”, they died, no final resolution or forgivness, Oh and they your father! The new wife kept you apart because she threatend you may contest the will? its a dusy of a question I know. What ceremonys is it appropriate to attend? Help!!

Funeral Etiquette - Viewing & Visitation Tips

Although death is a part of everyone’s life, not all of us have a lot of experience dealing with the ceremonies and customs surrounding an individual’s passing. There are specific funeral etiquette protocols to abide by although these vary by culture and custom. You may find yourself invited to a funeral viewing or visitation, a wake, or a memorial service for someone who has recently passed. It can be helpful to know the differences between these services before you attend, as well as the appropriate wake vs viewing etiquette so that you know what to expect.

What's the Difference Between a Memorial Service, a Wake, a Visitation, and a Viewing?

Let’s examine the different types of events that are held to pay tribute and honor the deceased.

What is a Memorial Service?

A memorial service is a gathering in which the family and friends of the deceased are invited to come together to remember the person who has passed. This type of service typically takes place after the funeral, so the body is usually not present, although a funeral urn may be, if the deceased was cremated. Often, there will be prayers, songs, and a eulogy. Mourners should dress the way that they would for a funeral.

What is a Visitation?

A visitation is a period of time in which friends and acquaintances are invited to meet with the family of the deceased and offer their condolences. Most visitations are held at the funeral home or the family’s home before the funeral itself. Depending on the wishes of the family, the body may be present – although this is more common during viewings and wakes. You should dress nicely, according to visitation etiquette but not necessarily as formally as you would for a funeral.

What is a Viewing ?

A coffin may be present at a viewing or wake, and less commonly at a visitation. During a viewing , the body of the deceased is present, often in an open casket. The deceased will have been embalmed and prepared by the funeral home, in most cases, and otherwise ready for the burial or cremation. This is an opportunity to see the deceased one last time and say your quiet goodbyes. The viewing typically occurs right before a funeral so family and friends can be present.

What is a Wake ?

A wake is often very similar to a viewing, and the two terms are sometimes used interchangeably. The main difference is often that a wake is more religious, and may include a prayer, scripture reading, or rosary said at the beginning and end. A wake may also be more of a social event than a viewing, with a group gathering to honor the deceased before the funeral. The term “wake” comes from an Old English term that means to keep watch.

Memorial Service Etiquette

A memorial service can be very similar to a funeral in many ways so memorial service etiquette is like funeral etiquette. Treat the service with respect and solemnity. The service may be held at a funeral home, a church or other house of worship, virtually, or outdoors. Dress relatively formally and conservatively, in dark or muted colors – you don’t want to draw attention to yourself. There will typically be a set order of events, along with a eulogy, prayers or poem readings, and occasionally speeches. It’s good memorial service etiquette to arrive on time, stay until the end of the service, leave your cell phone on silent and in your pocket, and to pay your respects to the family before leaving.

Visitation Etiquette

Visitation etiquette depends in part on where the service is taking place and how long it is set to run for. In many cases, the family will hold the visitation in their home, although they may set a specific time at the funeral home. Dress nicely, but you don’t need to be too formal. The standard protocol for a funeral visitation is to stop by, introduce yourself to the family (if needed) and pay your condolences, and then leave after a short period of time.

How long you need to stay or should stay depends on several factors, such as how well you know the family, how busy they are, how much they seem to want company, and where the visitation is taking place. If you’re visiting in someone’s home, it may be more appropriate to stay for a slightly longer period of time as you talk about the deceased. Take your cues from other guests and the family and don’t overstay your welcome.

Funeral Viewing Etiquette

You are not required to actually view the body at a funeral viewing. Many people are a bit uncomfortable with the idea of attending a viewing, but keep in mind that funeral viewing etiquette does not require you to actually look at or spend time with the deceased if you are not comfortable doing so. You should be prepared for the deceased to be in the room with you, however, and for the possibility of an open casket, which is very common.

In many cases, a viewing is not a religious service, so there may not be a formal prayer said or even any type of formal order of events. This is simply a time for you and others who knew the deceased and his or her family to stop by and say a last goodbye. A viewing will often last for several hours and you should not feel obligated to show up at the beginning or stay for the entire time. Wear relatively formal, conservative clothing, and remember to give your condolences to any family members who are present. You may want to stay for a little while to speak with other mourners about the deceased.

If you do decide to view the body, wait for a moment when no one else is with the deceased – or stand quietly nearby until other people have finished so as not to disturb them. Take a few moments to stand by the casket. You may want to kneel, say a prayer, say a few words silently to yourself about the deceased, or simply bow your head for a moment of silence. There is no need to linger; simply spending a minute or two in silent respect for the deceased is perfectly fine.

Wake Etiquette

For many people, the idea of a wake suggests an uplifting event, where people drink and toast the deceased. This is often associated with the traditional Irish wake, which was a celebration of the person’s life and their passing on to the afterlife. This type of wake is often held in the home of the deceased, with the body present, and friends and family are invited. Everyone can share stories and memories of the deceased , as well as offering their condolences to the family.

If you’re invited to a wake, it’s common for some sort of refreshment to be offered. Depending on the family, it may be a largely religious affair. Wakes are similar to viewings, and part of good funeral wake etiquette is to have a few favorite stories to tell about the deceased and words of condolence for the family.

How to Attend the Wake of Someone You Didn't Know Well

Last Updated: October 27, 2022 Approved

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS and by wikiHow staff writer, Christopher M. Osborne, PhD . Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 100% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 292,008 times.

Wakes, like funerals and other similar services, can be an awkward experience. They can be even more awkward if you didn't know the deceased. Maybe they were a cousin or friend of your parents that you never knew, or maybe you know the immediate relatives of the deceased and are going to show your support. The definition of and practices involved in a wake can vary widely, but they generally are open for anyone to stop by, share memories, and express sympathy to those missing their loved one. If you can show up discreetly and be supportive, compassionate, and respectful, you’ll manage just fine.

Offering Your Condolences and Support

Go for something simple, but not impersonal: “Please accept my condolences on your loss. I only met Albert once and briefly, but I know how much he meant to Chad (my co-worker and friend) and the rest of your family. Please know that you will be in my thoughts [and/or prayers]. Sincerely, Jan White.”

Step 2 Bring a gift as indicated by the family.

It’s also a nice gesture to ask the bereaved if you can bring food to the wake (or in the days before or after), to give them one less thing to worry about. Or, offer the gift of your time by offering to help with setup, cleanup, or other useful tasks.

Step 3 Talk to other people in the receiving line.

Simple small talk is fine: “Hi, I’m Jan, and I work with Albert’s grandson, Chad. I didn’t know Albert well, but I know from Chad what a caring and fun-loving person he was.”

Step 4 Pay your respects to the deceased (if the casket is present).

Even if you never met the person before, show respect for the life they lived and the loss felt by those who loved them.
As you approach the casket, there will often be a place where you can leave sympathy cards or other gifts for the bereaved. If you have them, that's where they should go.

Step 5 Tailor your conversations to suit the nature of the wake.

Take your cues mainly from the people you know, especially if they were close to the deceased. If they are smiling and laughing, you can as well (but respectfully). If they’re crying, be a source of consolation and comfort.

Step 6 Give the bereaved simple, but not trite, words of support.

Stay away from comments along the lines of “it’s for the best,” “they’re in a better place,” “I know how you’re feeling,” "At least they're no longer in pain," "only the good die young." or “it will get easier over time.” Don’t tell them how to feel; instead, praise the deceased (if you knew them at all) or just offer your support.
Instead, say something simple and supportive, like "I feel fortunate to have known Mark. I am sorry for your loss."

Step 7 Listen attentively and sympathetically.

Especially when you don’t know the deceased well enough to add many memories or reflections yourself, your job is to be a sympathetic ear and perhaps a shoulder to cry on.

Step 8 Share pleasant memories (or just pleasantries) with other attendees.

There may be photos or a slideshow with pictures of the deceased during happier times. If so, you can look at these with others and say: "Hey, I remember that!" or "Bob always had such a great sense of humor," or "Wow, I'll really miss those Monday night football games over at Larry's place." Wakes are for reminiscing and remembering the good times.
You may be asked how you knew the deceased by other attendees. Keep your answer simple, like "We volunteered at the same organization. He was a great team leader."

Arriving and Departing Respectfully

Step 1 Dress conservatively in subdued colors.

As with weddings, you don’t want seem like you’re upstaging the “star” of the proceedings with a bright or outrageous outfit. Avoid neon colors or bright reds, yellows, and oranges. Likewise avoid clothing with cheery prints like flowers or bold patterns.
Likewise, it would be rude to go causal and wear jeans.

Step 2 Arrive at your convenience, but with the bereaved in mind.

If you are going there to support a bereaved friend or colleague, think about — or just ask — when they might need you there the most. You might even offer to help set up beforehand or close up at the end.

Step 3 Enter the wake venue quietly and soberly.

The goal is to be inconspicuous. You want the bereaved to notice your presence on their time, instead of announcing your own arrival through your words, actions, or attitude.

Step 4 Sign the guest book, if one is provided.

Say something like “It was an honor to attend, and please once again accept my condolences for your loss. Please give me a call if I can be of any help. Good evening.”
If it feels right to do so, you can also go up to the casket for a final goodbye.

Deciding Whether to Attend

Step 1 Don’t assume that you need to be invited.

Wakes, however, can vary by tradition — some are smaller affairs, while some resemble large parties. If you’re not sure, ask someone you know.

Step 2 Go if doing so will bring comfort to the bereaved.

If you’re not sure, talk to a family member of the deceased with whom you’ve maintained a good relationship.

Expert Q&A

Remember, wakes are usually meant for remembering and sharing good times in a somewhat happier way, to celebrate the life that was lived. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
The funeral, on the other hand, is usually intended to mourn the life that was lost in a serious, somber way. That said, it's perfectly okay to cry at a wake. You won't be the only one. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

It's highly distasteful to speak badly of the deceased; doing so may hurt those closer to the deceased and create tensions among those mourning. Thanks Helpful 37 Not Helpful 8

↑ https://www.funeralwise.com/etiquette/guide/
↑ https://pairedlife.com/etiquette/Funeral_Etiquette_if_You_Didnt_Really_Know_the_Deceased__
↑ http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/02/11/a-mans-primer-on-funeral-etiquette/

About This Article

It may feel difficult, awkward, or strange to attend the wake of someone you weren’t close to, but you can get through it by simply being respectful. If you’re unsure of what to do, show compassion towards those that are grieving and tailor your mood to that of the room. Dress conservatively so that you look clean and tidy, and make sure that you arrive and depart from the venue quietly and respectfully. Show your support and offer condolences by giving a sympathy card or gift to those that were close to the deceased, and listening sympathetically to show that you care. For more advice on how to handle this tricky situation with grace, like deciding whether your attendance is appropriate, read on. Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Do’s & don’ts when attending a funeral

In the past one year, I have attended two funerals for the father of a very dear friend and the in-law of a close family member.

On both occasions, I said goodbye, or “再见“ to the bereaved family after each visit. And on both occasions, we received “visitors” in the form of rather large moths in our home at the end of the day after each wake.

If you are Chinese and superstitious, you may believe that the moths were the transmutated spirits of the deceased whom you have just gone to pay respects to at their respective wakes. They had, at my request, come to “visit” me at my home. “再见“, translated into English, also means “See you again”.

I did not know this until my friend’s family told me I should not say goodbye. They were very jokey when they lightly chided me about my unintentional blunder, but they really weren’t kidding around.

Alternatively, if you do not want to be inadvertently inviting any spirits into your home – however benign they may be, you would leave a wake quietly without saying goodbye to the bereaved family.

Here are some other rules of etiquette you may be interested to read about if you ever happen to find yourself visiting a wake or a funeral.

Paying respects to the deceased

Visitors will be led by the bereaved family to pay their respects to the deceased when they visit the wake. This involves stopping at an altar before the coffin and offering joss sticks to the deceased and/or bowing three times. Today, with Singapore being a multi-religious and multi-cultural society, many more grieving families are tolerant if a visitor declines to offer joss sticks. However, bowing or a bowed head accompanied by a minute of silence is a basic form of respect.

Spending time with the family

A funeral is an occasion for family and friends to gather as they remember the person who has passed on. Although this is not part of tradition , visitors can express sympathy to the family for their loss if they don’t know the deceased well during the visit. If the deceased is familiar to them, it will be comforting for the family if visitors recall good memories and positive attributes of the person.

In traditional Chinese wakes, family members would keep all-night vigils by the coffin, and visitors could play mahjong with the family to keep themselves occupied. Today, funeral parlours offer lock-up security, and families do not see the need to engage in this practice strictly. It is a good idea to call the family and check what are the visiting hours before popping by too late or too early.

Before you leave

Visitors will be offered little red packets containing coins and a piece of red thread when they leave. Visitors bring these with them as they leave the funeral, but are expected to spend the money and throw the string away for a safe journey home. Today, some wakes do not offer coins in red packets, but only the red threads. The intention is still the same.

Sombre colours such as white, black or dark blue are appropriate shades for wake visitors. However, attending the funeral of an elderly person who has children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, is less sombre as the deceased is considered to have led a good life. Generally, a wake is still a solemn affair and bright hues should be avoided.

Numbers and figures

In Chinese beliefs, even numbers are associated with auspicious events and items. As funeral is not considered an auspicious event, a wake is held over an odd number of days, such as 3, 5 or 7. Condolence donations, commonly known as pek kim , or bai jin, are also given in odd configurations. A minimum sum of $30 is quite commonly the minimum amount to be offered in Singapore. More can be donated depending on a visitor’s financial situation and degree of closeness to the family. These donations are called bai jin because they are offered to the family in white envelopes and are typically used to help the family offset funereal expenses as these affairs are costly.

Announcements and condolence wreaths

It was previously customary for bereaved families to take out death announcements in the newspapers, but this has slowly been on the decline since the advent of smartphones and social media. Today, more families spread the news in their family chat groups informally, and print obituaries are going the way of public birth and wedding announcements – out of favour. But some families still see the need for this customary rite and make the announcement with an obituary as it is a way to show their respect and sorrow for the deceased. More also opt for online memorialisations and digital ways to keep their loved one’s memories alive.

Visitors would also send floral wreaths and blankets to the bereaved family as an expression of their condolences, but more families today opt for visitors to donate to charities in lieu of these wreaths as a way of doing good on the deceased’s behalf.

For more details about Chinese funeral rituals, you can visit these sites:

Chinese death rituals
Funeral rituals

4 thoughts on “ Do’s & don’ts when attending a funeral ”

Do we still give Pek Kim after the funeral?

Generally speaking, families who are in mourning will use the given pek kim to cover some parts of the funeral costs, so handing pek kim to them before the funeral ends will help them to settle their funeral-related bills easily instead of having to review the accounts again.

If the family follows traditional Chinese beliefs, they will prefer to have funeral-related issues be settled as soon as possible after seeing off the deceased. They believe it is not good to dwell too long on the topic of death. This could apply to financial matters related to the funeral too, so offering your pek kim to the family in an expedient manner before the funeral ends will ease their administrative burden.

If the family specified that they would like donations to be made in the deceased’s name to a charity, the donation can be made after the funeral but should be done within 49 days of the passing.

With that said, if the family had provided a specific link for well-wishers to contribute to a cause or charity in the name of the deceased, it’s important to ensure the link is still valid and not expired at the time when you wish to make a donation.

Do we contribute Pek Kim to another colleague/friend whose family member passed away when we ourselves have a deceased family member who passed away recently (which is within the 49 days / or within the 100 days mourning)?

Hi Cindy, the general belief is that it is not advisable to accept Pek Kim from a friend who is in recent bereavement. If the death in your family occurred within 100 days, then it is better to refrain from offering Pek Kim to your friend or colleague. Hope this helps!

The Cynical Hypocrisy Behind Trump’s Visit to an NYPD Officer’s Wake

He champions Jan. 6 cop-beaters one day and then pretends he cares about law enforcement the next.

Michael Daly

Special Correspondent

Photo Illustration by Luis G. Rendon/The Daily Beast/GettyNYPD

Donald Trump attended the wake of fallen NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller on Thursday, telling the crowd of media outside afterward, “Police are the greatest people.”

Anyone who thinks Trump truly believes that or that he was at the wake out of genuine respect should recall a campaign rally in Ohio earlier this month.

At the start of that March 16 event in Vandalia, Trump solemnly saluted as the sound system played a recording of the J6 Prison Choir singing the national anthem inside the District of Columbia jail.

The producers who had spliced in a recording of Trump reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and marketed the song as “Justice for All” have never identified the particular singers. But an analysis by Just Security found that 17 of the 20 Jan. 6 prisoners in the facility around the time of the recording had been arrested for assaulting law enforcement officers.

Among them was Peter Stager , who is serving four years for beating D.C. Police Officer Blake Miller as he lay head-first, face-down on the Capitol steps. Video captured Stager striking the defenseless cop at least three times with a flagpole that had an American flag attached.

Court papers show that Stager subsequently stood over and cursed another officer who had been dragged into the crowd. “Every single one of those Capitol law enforcement officers, death is the remedy,” Stager was recorded saying during the riot. “That is the only remedy they get.”

This recording on Jan. 6 was part of the evidence against Stager when he was held in the D.C. Jail where the J6 Prison choir recording was made over a cellblock phone. Trump first played “Justice for All” at a March 25, 2023, rally in Waco, Texas that marked the start of his campaign for re-election.

“Our people love those people,” Trump told the crowd.

Trump supporters stand on a U.S. Capitol Police armored vehicle on Jan. 6, 2021.

Bill Clark/Roll Call via Getty

Trump has played it repeatedly since then, evolving from standing with his hand over his heart to giving a hand salute this month.

“And you see the spirit from the hostages, and that’s what they are as hostages,” Trump told the crowd in Ohio. “They've been treated terribly and very unfairly, you know that everybody knows that. And we're going to be working on that.” He called the prisoners “unbelievable patriots” and termed their incarceration “a disgrace.”

“My first acts as your next President will be to Close the Border, DRILL, BABY, DRILL, and Free the January 6 Hostages being wrongfully imprisoned!” he declared in a March 12 posting on Truth Social.

As tallied by the U.S. Department of Justice, those arrested in connection with the Jan. 6 riot included “approximately 127 individuals who have been charged with using a deadly or dangerous weapon or causing serious bodily injury to an officer.”

Thirteen days after Trump made his latest pledge to free the “hostages,” 31-year-old Officer Diller was fatally shot in the stomach under his bullet-resistant vest after he approached an illegally parked car in Far Rockaway, Queens. He leaves behind a wife and a 1-year-old child.

“Our heartfelt prayers go out to the family of highly decorated NYPD officer Jonathan Diller, whose life was taken by a murderous career criminal yesterday during a traffic stop in Queens,” Trump said in a statement.

He followed that with a Truth Social post on Wednesday.

“To Officer Diller’s family, and all of the other brave men and women of law enforcement who put your lives on the line every day, we love you, we appreciate you, and we will always stand with you!”

Trump was apparently counting on everybody forgetting the 140 officers the DOJ says were assaulted at the Capitol by people he calls “patriots” and “hostages.” He used a very different word to describe 34-year-old Guy Rivera, a career criminal arrested in connection with the officer’s killing, calling him a “thug” and saying that he should never have been released from lockup.

Trump was saying exactly what Diller’s grieving comrades would want to hear—sentiments that have led many law-enforcement officers in New York and elsewhere to imagine he has their interests at heart, even though he has proven with his actions that he does not.

Trump campaign spokesperson Karoline Leavitt subsequently announced that the ex-president, who fancies himself a champion of law and order even though he has been indicted four times, would be attending Diller’s wake on Long Island on Thursday.

“President Trump is moved by the invitation to join NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller’s family and colleagues as they deal with his senseless and tragic death,” Leavitt said.

Leavitt did not say who had invited Trump, and the campaign did not respond to a query from The Daily Beast. A spokesman for the Police Benevolent Association of the City of New York said he did not know who had asked Trump to attend. It turns out that Trump was invited by Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman, a Republican.

It should be noted that President Joe Biden was also expected in New York on Thursday, to attend a big fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall with former presidents Barack Obama and Bill Clinton . There are no reports that Biden was invited to attend Diller’s wake, which says something about what most New York cops and their families feel about him.

New Yorkers pay their respects at a memorial for slain NYPD officer Jonathan Diller outside the 101st Precinct.

Barry Williams for NY Daily News via Getty Images

If Trump’s attendance was not just a political stunt with the bonus of contrasting him with Biden, he could have just arrived at the Massapequa Funeral Home without making a public announcement beforehand. He could have said a prayer at the coffin and offered his condolences to the widow, Stephanie.

But Trump’s campaign alerted the media it so often disparages. He thirsts for the headlines—whether they are about him praising cop-beaters or honoring an officer killed in the line of duty.

Trump arrived at the wake at 2 p.m., escorted by Blakeman and greeted by NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban. After 30 minutes with Diller’s family, friends and fellow officers, he emerged and paused outside to speak to reporters.

He almost sounded like he is capable of empathy as he spoke of Diller’s “very beautiful wife” and son.“

“That child—brand new, beautiful baby—sitting there innocent as can be doesn't know how his life has been changed,” Trump said. “But the Diller family will. You’ll never be the same.”

He said what needed to be said, but the words should ring hollow to anyone who knows what he has also said about the insurrectionists who battered Diller’s comrades on Jan. 6.

There is no need to pay attention to anything Trump said. Focus instead on the words Diller’s brother-in-inlaw, Joseph McCauley, spoke at a candlelight vigil the night before.

“He loved what he did. He was born to be a cop. He was born to be a hero. He died being a hero. He died doing what he loved.”

McCauley then said of Diller something that we should be able to say about those we elevate to our highest office: “I will forever be a better person because of him.”

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here .

READ THIS LIST

Trump expected to attend wake of slain NYPD officer

Image: Former President Trump Votes In Florida's Primary Election In Palm Beach

Former President Donald Trump is expected to attend the wake for slain New York Police Department officer Jonathan Diller on Thursday afternoon, NYPD spokesperson Tarik Sheppard told NBC News.

Diller's wake is scheduled on Thursday from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. in Massapequa, Long Island. Diller was fatally shot Monday in Far Rockaway, Queens after he and his partner approached a vehicle that was illegally parked at a bus stop. The suspect inside the vehicle shot Diller below his bullet-proof vest, Police Commissioner Edward Caban said, according to The Associated Press .

Reached for comment, Trump campaign national press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Trump is "moved by the invitation to join" Diller’s family and his colleagues "as they deal with his senseless and tragic death."

Trump’s expected attendance at Diller's wake comes as he continues to make baseless claims about the crime rate in New York. The former president has often made such claims while attacking state prosecutors who have brought charges against him, including New York Attorney General Letitia James and Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. James brought the civil fraud case against him and Bragg brought charges of falsifying business records against him in his hush money case .

The former president has also alluded to New York police officers who were assaulted this year by a group of migrants.

“You know, in New York, what’s happening with crime is it’s through the roof, and it’s called ‘migrant,’” the former president said at a rally in Michigan last month. “They beat up police officers. You’ve seen that they go in, they stab people, hurt people, shoot people. It’s a whole new form, and they have gangs now that are making our gangs look like small potatoes.”

CORRECTION (March 27, 2024, at 8:22 p.m. ET): A previous version of this article mischaracterized Trump’s comments about migrants assaulting police officers. An incident in New York was recorded on video; it was not an unsubstantiated claim. It also misspelled the last name of the NYPD spokesperson. He is Tarik Sheppard, not Shepard.

Jonathan Dienst is chief justice contributor for NBC News and chief investigative reporter for WNBC-TV in New York.

Tom Winter is a New York-based correspondent covering crime, courts, terrorism and financial fraud on the East Coast for the NBC News Investigative Unit.

Summer Concepcion is a politics reporter for NBC News.

Jake Traylor is a 2024 NBC News campaign embed.

New York Politics | Trump stop at NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller wake…

New York Politics

Subscriber only, new york politics | trump stop at nypd officer jonathan diller wake stirs sharp contrast with biden’s long-planned radio city fundraiser: experts.

Former President Donald Trump on Thursday headed to the tearful Long Island wake for slain NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller while President Biden jetted into the city for a swanky Manhattan fundraiser.

That could amount to a split screen made in MAGA heaven as Trump seeks to take advantage of the contrast, political analysts said.

Trump made little effort to hide his hopes to use the emotional police event to reinforce his focus on crime and appeal to working-class voters as he makes another run at the White House.

(Donald Trump is greeted by NYPD Commissioner Edward Caban) Wake for slain NYPD Officer 31yr old Jonathan Diller at 4980 Merrick Road in Massapequa, Long Island, on Thursday March 28, 2024. 1357. (Theodore Parisienne for New York Daily News)

“It’s a natural for Trump and should play well with his MAGA base, which includes the very Republican area of Massapequa where (Diller) hailed from,” said Lawrence Levy, a Hofstra University professor who studies political trends in suburbia.

Whether such a move will flip votes in favor of Trump as early voting gets underway in deep-blue New York remains to be seen.

“Biden is massively underwater to Trump on the issue of crime and … he’s trying to capitalize on that,” said Doug Heye, a Republican strategist.

Front page for March 26, 2024: In car stop, mortally wounded Finest battles suspect with history of nine felony arrests. NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller was shot and killed after he and partner pulled over two career criminals in Far Rockaway on Monday evening.

A somber Trump made a brief appearance at the wake for Diller . He emerged to pay tribute to the slain cop’s widow and infant son , flanked by ashen-faced police officers standing outside in a chilly rain.

“The Diller family will never be the same,” Trump said. “Such a sad, sad event. Such a horrible thing . And it’s happening all too often.”

“We need to get back to law and order,” he added.

Political pundits say Trump could have hardly asked for better timing .

(Donald Trump arrives) Wake for slain NYPD Officer 31yr old Jonathan Diller at 4980 Merrick Road in Massapequa, Long Island, on Thursday March 28, 2024. 1357. (Theodore Parisienne for New York Daily News)

The planned wake for Diller was scheduled just hours before Biden was set to appear at a very different kind of event: a big-money campaign fundraiser featuring A-list celebrities like Lizzo and Stephen Colbert and former presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.

That could make Biden appear like the candidate of Manhattan liberal elites while Trump mixes with grieving police officers in a heavily Republican corner of Long Island, where the GOP has made gains in recent years.

“He’s selling the message that I’m here for the regular people and that plays to his advantage,” said Doug Muzzio, a New York political analyst. “The image of him celebrating an officer’s life may have resonance to many people.”

Jacob Rubashkin, an analyst with Inside Electons , said Trump wants to underline his working-class New York roots, even though he’s a billionaire who lives in Florida .

“No matter where he gets his mail, the guy is a New Yorker, and he’s going to want to show face in his city,” Rubashkin said.

President Joe Biden, left, and former President Barack Obama arrive on Air Force One at John F. Kennedy International Airport, Thursday, March 28, 2024, in New York. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

The White House is clearly keen to defuse any political advantage Trump might seek to gain from the two rivals’ dueling visits to New York.

Biden called Mayor Adams earlier Thursday and asked the mayor to pass on condolences to the family of Diller.

On Air Force One en route to New York, White House spokeswoman Karine Jean-Pierre said Biden has been a strong supporter of law enforcement and has presided over declining crime rates since taking office.

“Our hearts go out to the officer’s family and the broader NYPD family who have tragically lost one of their own,” said White House spokeswoman Karine Jean-Pierre. “The president grieves for them and honors their sacrifice.”

Wake for slain NYPD Officer 31yr old Jonathan Diller at 4980 Merrick Road in Massapequa, Long Island, on Thursday March 28, 2024. 1357. (Theodore Parisienne for New York Daily News)

Trump’s campaign showed no signs of pulling punches about what it called a “stark contrast” between Trump and Biden.

“Trump will be honoring the legacy of Officer Diller and paying respects,” said Steven Cheung, a Trump campaign spokesman. “Meanwhile, the Three Stooges—Biden, Obama, and Clinton—will be at a glitzy fundraiser in the city with their elitist, out-of-touch celebrity benefactors.”

Diller, 31, a married father of a 1-year-old son, was fatally shot Monday during a traffic stop in Far Rockaway. His wake will be held in suburban Massapequa, a conservative GOP stronghold.

(Mourners arrive) Wake for slain NYPD Officer 31yr old Jonathan Diller at 4980 Merrick Road in Massapequa, Long Island, on Thursday March 28, 2024. 1357. (Theodore Parisienne for New York Daily News)

Diller was the first New York City police officer killed in the line of duty in two years. Two NYPD officers, Wilbert Mora, 27, and Jason Rivera, 22, were slain during an ambushed in a Harlem apartment building after responding to a domestic disturbance call on Jan. 21, 2022.

Biden visited the NYPD headquarters and spoke to officers and top brass in the days after that double cop-killing.

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Trump attends wake of slain New York officer, calls for ‘law and order,’ to show contrast with Biden

Donald Trump attended the wake of a New York City police officer killed in the line of duty and called for “law and order,” as part of his attempt to show a contrast with President Joe Biden and focus on crime as part of his third White House campaign.

Former President Donald Trump speaks during a news conference after attending the wake of New York City police officer Jonathan Diller, Thursday, March 28, 2024, in Massapequa Park, N.Y. Diller was shot and killed Monday during a traffic stop, the city’s mayor said. It marked the first slaying of an NYPD officer in two years. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

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Former President Donald Trump listens during a news conference after attending the wake of New York City police officer Jonathan Diller, Thursday, March 28, 2024, in Massapequa Park, N.Y. Diller was shot and killed Monday during a traffic stop, the city’s mayor said. It marked the first slaying of an NYPD officer in two years. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

New York City Police Commissioner Edward A. Caban, left, shakes hands with Former President Donald Trump as he arrives for the wake of New York City police officer Jonathan Diller, Thursday, March 28, 2024, in Massapequa Park, N.Y. Diller was shot and killed Monday during a traffic stop, the city’s mayor said. It marked the first slaying of an NYPD officer in two years. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

MASSAPEQUA PARK, N.Y. (AP) — Donald Trump attended Thursday’s wake of a New York City police officer gunned down in the line of duty and called for “law and order,” as part of the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s attempt to show a contrast with President Joe Biden and focus on crime as part of his third White House campaign.

The visitation for Officer Jonathan Diller, who was fatally shot during a traffic stop on Monday, was held in suburban Massapequa on Long Island. Police said the 31-year-old Diller was shot below his bulletproof vest while approaching an illegally parked car in Queens.

Diller, who was married and had a 1-year-old son, was rushed to a hospital, where he died.

Trump’s visit came as Biden was also in New York for a previously scheduled fundraiser with Democratic ex-presidents Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. Trump has accused Biden of lacking toughness and his campaign sought to contrast his visit with Biden’s fundraiser.

Trump campaign spokesperson Steven Cheung, in a post on X, formerly known as Twitter, noted Trump’s visit and said, “Meanwhile, the Three Stooges — Biden, Obama, and Clinton — will be at a glitzy fundraiser in the city with their elitist, out-of-touch celebrity benefactors.”

FILE - Runners cross the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge at the start of the New York City Marathon in New York, Sunday, Nov. 6, 2022. The New York City Marathon organizers will soon have to pay a toll to cross a state bridge, just like every other commuter, if transit officials in New York have their way. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority is demanding the New York Road Runners, organizers of the venerable race held the first Sunday each November, to pay roughly $750,000 for use of the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge. (AP Photo/Seth Wenig, File)

White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said Thursday that the president has spoken with New York City’s mayor, but she said she didn’t have any “private communications to share” when asked if Biden had spoken to the family of the officer who was killed. Jean-Pierre said the administration’s hearts go out to the officer’s family.

Speaking aboard Air Force One, she said Biden has supported law enforcement throughout his entire career and took a dig at Trump’s record. “Violent crime surged under the previous administration,” Jean-Pierre said. “The Biden-Harris administration have done the polar opposite, taking decisive action from the very beginning to fund the police and achieving a historic reduction in crime.”

After visiting in the funeral home with Diller’s family, Trump spoke outside to news reporters with about a dozen local police officers, half in patrol uniforms, half in tactical gear, forming as a backdrop behind him. One officer standing in front held his rifle across his chest.

Trump called Diller’s killing “such a sad, sad event, such a horrible thing.”

“The police are the greatest people we have. There’s nothing and there’s nobody like them. And this should never happen,” Trump said.

He spoke about Diller’s wife and young son, saying he “doesn’t know how his life has been changed.”

“We have to get back to law and order. We have to do a lot of things differently. This is not working. This is happening too often,” Trump said.

After his brief remarks, he repeated himself as he walked away toward his motorcade and added: “We’ve got to toughen it up.”

He did not elaborate.

Trump has deplored crime in heavily Democratic cities, called for shoplifters to be shot immediately and wants to immunize police officers from lawsuits for potential misconduct. But he’s also demonized local prosecutors, the FBI and the Department of Justice over the criminal prosecutions he faces and the investigation while he was president into his first campaign’s interactions with Russia .

He has also embraced those imprisoned for their roles on the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, when a mob of his angry supporters overran police lines and Capitol and local police officers were attacked and beaten.

Massapequa and the surrounding South Shore towns have long been a popular destination for city police officers and firefighters looking to set down roots on Long Island. The road leading to the funeral home was painted with a thin blue line, a symbol used as a sign of police solidarity, and the road was flanked by American flags and American flags with a thin blue line.

Parked nearby were two pickup trucks with pro-Trump decals and flags bearing his “Make America Great Again” slogan. Dozens of supporters wearing Trump paraphernalia stood nearby in pouring rain.

Though Democrats outnumber Republicans in New York, this area is a heavily Republican part of Long Island that Trump won in the 2020 presidential election.

Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman, a Republican, accompanied Trump and told reporters it was “a tremendous comfort to the family” to have Trump visit.

Inside the funeral home, Trump spent more than 10 minutes meeting privately with Diller’s wife, Stephanie, before joining her in the main viewing room and saying a prayer over the officer’s casket, Blakeman said later.

Trump then met with the rest of the family, giving his condolences to Diller’s mother, siblings, aunts and uncles, he said. Diller’s grandmother asked the former president for a hug and the family also asked him to write a note on a mass card.

“It was a really good, warm conversation,” Blakeman said. “It was all talking about Jon and what kind of person he was as a father, son, husband. It was not about public policy or anything like that.”

The former president and his supporters sought a similar split screen with Biden earlier this month as they went after the president over crime and illegal immigration while both were campaigning in Georgia. Trump during his visit to the state met with the family of slain nursing student Laken Riley . An immigrant from Venezuela who entered the U.S. illegally is charged with her death.

Trump posted about Diller’s death on his social media network Tuesday, offering prayers to Diller’s family and appreciation for law enforcement. He also called the shooter a “thug” and noted that police said the shooter had numerous prior arrests, declaring that he “NEVER should have been let back out on the streets.”

On Thursday, prosecutors in Queens charged the alleged shooter, Guy Rivera, with first degree murder and other charges. Rivera, who was shot in the back when Diller’s partner returned fire, was arraigned from his hospital bed. Rivera’s lawyers at Legal Aid declined to comment, according to spokesman Redmond Haskins.

Diller was the first New York City police officer killed in the line of duty in two years.

The previous line-of-duty deaths were the fatal shootings of two New York City police officers, and the day after the second funeral, Biden visited the police department’s headquarters and spoke to officers and top brass.

Biden has pledged that the federal government will work more closely with police to combat gun violence and crack down on illegal guns.

New FBI statistics related earlier this month showed that overall violent crime in the U.S. dropped again last year, continuing a downward trend after a pandemic-era spike. The FBI data found murders dropped 13% in the last three months of 2023 compared with the same period the year before, and violent crime overall was down 6%.

The FBI’s report was in line with the findings of the nonpartisan Council on Criminal Justice, which found that homicides were down an average of 10% from the year before in a survey of 32 cities, though it found violent crime still remained higher than before the coronavirus pandemic in many cities.

Price reported from New York. Associated Press writers Colleen Long aboard Air Force One and Karen Matthews in New York City contributed to this report.

Lions draft prospect of the day: malik mustapha, s, wake forest, share this article.

Today’s Lions Draft Prospect of the Day is one of the most physically impressive figures in the 2024 draft class.

The focus for these potential Lions prospects is on players who should hold some appeal for Detroit in the draft. Not all will be top-100 players, though today’s featured player could threaten to crack that mark.

Malik Mustapha, S, Wake Forest

Height: 5-foot-10

Weight : 209 pounds (measured at NFL Scouting Combine)

Mustapha was a three-year player and two-year starter for a good Demon Deacons defense, primarily playing as a box safety. A transfer from Richmond after one year, Mustapha racked up 175 tackles, four sacks, 10 pass breakups, four INTs and also forced four fumbles in his three years in Winston-Salem. He was a team captain in his final season and appeared in the Senior Bowl. He led all DBs in bench press reps at the 2024 NFL Scouting Combine with 22.

The Lions met with Mustapha at the Senior Bowl and informally at the combine. Age is not verified, but he was in the high school class of 2020.

What I like

Very impressive muscular build
Despite being very muscular, he’s not stiff as an athlete
Big-time hitter with an enforcer mentality in short-area coverage and run defense
Really good closing burst to the point of attack; GPS timed over 23 MPH in-game
Impactful between-the-tackles run defense, an excellent terminator of interior run plays
Good at avoiding blocks, and his angles to the ball have shown improvement
Disciplined in containment and gap assignment in the run game
Can turn and run with any RB or TE in coverage

What worries me going into the NFL

Bites hard on play-action and well-run route fakes and has never gotten better at avoiding it
Can be very late to recognize the ball in the air
Does have special teams experience but missed as many tackles (6) as he made for Wake Forest in kick coverage
Lacks length in coverage
Has an oddly small tackling radius with short arms (30″)
Missed tackle rate over 18 percent for three years, did improve in 2023 (12.5% per PFF)
Instincts in coverage are spotty
Wasn’t asked to blitz despite often being in an alignment where he could

Mustapha has a first-guy-off-the-bus build and the explosive athleticism to match. He did play some high safety and a little bit of heavy slot in college, but Mustapha doesn’t have the savviness or ball awareness in coverage to do that very often. In the NFL, he’s a box safety who is really more of an undersized linebacker. Think of a shorter Miles Killebrew but with much better run defense. Mustapha generally projects in the 90-150 overall range, an area where the Lions don’t currently have any selections.

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Russian FM to visit China

BEIJING, April 7 (Xinhua) -- At the invitation of Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi, who is also a member of the Political Bureau of the Communist Party of China Central Committee, Sergey Lavrov, Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation, will pay an official visit to China from April 8 to 9, Foreign Ministry spokesperson Mao Ning announced on Sunday.

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Accelerating Careers: A Visit to SAS for Academic Partners’ Graduate Students and Postdocs

Group photo of NC State students who went to the SAS company site visit.

The Accelerate to Industry program continues to bridge the gap between academia and industry, offering invaluable experiences for graduate students and postdocs. Most recently, participants from our academic partner institution network (Clemson University, NC State University, Duke University, NC A&T, Wake Forest University, and UNC Chapel-Hill) had the privilege of visiting SAS , a leading global analytics company, for an enriching site visit. A huge thank you to Clemson University and their team for setting up such a wonderful A2i Connect event for A2i participants.

The visit provided an immersive experience into the world of analytics and business intelligence, showcasing the innovative solutions and technologies that SAS is renowned for. Participants had the opportunity to engage with SAS professionals as well as other industry leaders using analytics (Jump, Eli Lilly, Truist, and ABB), gaining insights into how to prepare themselves for the job search and a career in industry.

Networking played a crucial role during the visit, with participants connecting with various professionals from SAS and other companies, as well as graduate students and postdocs from different universities.

Overall, the site visit to SAS was a resounding success, offering a glimpse into the dynamic world of industry and inspiring participants to consider exciting career paths. The experience was a testament to the ongoing commitment of the Accelerate to Industry program to empower graduate students and postdocs on their journey to industry success.

We look forward to more enriching experiences and collaborations as we continue to accelerate careers and forge meaningful connections between academia and industry.

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California minimum wage shocks fast food workers as restaurant closes: 'Only the beginning,' ex-manager warns

Fosters freeze in lemoore allegedly blindsided workers by announcing last-minute closure.

'It's a shock': Fosters Freeze location in California closes over minimum wage hike

Former Fosters Freeze assistant general manager Monica Navarro reacts to the sudden closure and how others are responding on 'The Bottom Line.'

Another California small business and its workers have seemingly suffered at the hands of the state’s newly enacted $20 minimum wage .

"It's a shock," Monica Navarro, former assistant general manager at Fosters Freeze in Lemoore, said Wednesday on " The Bottom Line ."

"It would have been nice to have a notice, so we could go get some applications [out], I could prepare them," she continued. "The best I can do is honestly give them some references."

When making their way to work Monday morning, Navarro and her team learned upon arrival that the restaurant owner had made the decision to close its doors for good. The owner, Loren Wright, told local Fox affiliate KMPH that this was the "last thing" they wanted to do, but knew by Friday night the business likely wouldn’t be able to absorb the wage hike and didn’t "want to ruin their Easter Sunday."

CALIFORNIA FAST FOOD FRANCHISEE SLAMS NEWS MINIMUM WAGE, INVESTS IN NEVADA OVER SIX-FIGURE LOSS

The new California statewide legislation went into effect Monday and enforces a $20 minimum wage for restaurants that have at least 60 locations nationwide, except those that make and sell their own bread.

Monica Navarro on Fosters Freeze closure

Former assistant general manager Monica Navarro at Fosters Freeze in Lemoore, California, says the team felt "shock" learning the restaurant closed Monday due to the new minimum wage law. (Fox News)

"Two of my coworkers were actually going in to clock-in for the morning. And right after that, that's when I got a phone call that we were closing. So they found out right as they were about to clock-in for the day," Navarro recalled.

"We had gotten a text in the group chat that we were shutting down, and I completely thought it was an April Fool's joke," one of Navarro’s colleagues also told KMPH.

After speaking further with management and Fosters Freeze’s owner, Navarro learned that the minimum wage law was the primary factor in the restaurant’s demise.

CA fast food franchisee plans to move investments out-of-state over minimum wage hike

California franchise operator Alex Johnson estimates his 10 restaurant locations will be out $470,000 total due to the state's new minimum wage law.

"He did blame it on the minimum wage increase. Although, from my understanding, I think we were exempt from it because of the amount of locations that he personally owns. But, he did ultimately blame it on that increase," she said.

"I can see their intentions with increasing the minimum wage, thinking that it will attract more people," the ex-manager added, "but I honestly don't think it will work. This is not the first business that's closing. There's already a few local businesses for me that are closing, so I feel like this is just only the beginning."

GET FOX BUSINESS ON THE GO BY CLICKING HERE

California restaurants crushed by $20 minimum wage: 'People need to wake up'

Los Angeles restaurant owner Angela Marsden joins 'America's Newsroom' to explain the direct impact of California's fast food minimum wage increase on small businesses, including layoffs and store closures.

Speaking on behalf of the now unemployed Fosters Freeze team, Navarro claimed they would have preferred working at a lower hourly rate than being laid off .

"From the people that I spoke to, my employees, we would have rather stayed at the wage that we did have before, just because now we don't have a job," Navarro said. "And those who are still working in the areas around us that went up to $20 an hour, they got their hours severely cut. And it's a lot less people working on shifts. So their jobs got a lot more difficult."

How will animals respond to Monday's solar eclipse? Pay attention to how insects react

A total solar eclipse doesn’t affect how people act, but insects, that’s a different story.

On Monday much of the U.S. will experience the natural phenomenon that is a total solar eclipse. Brevard, and all of Florida, is not in the path of totality, but the Space Coast will get to see about 62% coverage.

That may not be enough to disrupt the routine of some little critters but take note. Brevard will be in the path of totality for a total solar eclipse in 2045.

University of Florida Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences entomology Professor Marc Branham explained what to look for if you do find yourself in the path of totality.

What insects are most affected by a total solar eclipse?

Pay attention especially to fireflies, crickets and honeybees.

Branham said a total solar eclipse tricks these insects into thinking it is nighttime because the moon completely blocks the sun creating darkness.

What information is known about how insects act during a total solar eclipse.

Branham attributed this to people looking up at the phenomenon rather than observing the surroundings.

“For all the biologists that are out there and all the organisms that are in nature, there’s a surprisingly small amount of information on the effects on animal behavior during totality,” Branham said. “Most people are so focused on the solar eclipse than what is happening around them.”

How do these insects act differently during an eclipse?

Honeybees tend to stay in their hives, and basically shut down for what they perceive as the night. Crickets can be heard chirping and fireflies often light up the dark sky.

“ When you experience these events, it’s the strangest feeling, because it gets really dark, really fast, and you experience other environmental conditions, like it gets cooler in a very short period of time,” Branham said.

What about household pets? How does the eclipse affect them?

Similar to insects, there isn’t a ton of research that’s been done on this topic.

What has been found is that an eclipse doesn’t seem to have an affect on the common household pet.

“Indoor pets may have been unlikely to be fazed because they would have regularly experienced artificial lighting that got switched on and off,” according to a report by Scientific America.

Spitzer is a Trending Reporter. She can be reached at [email protected].

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