doctor visit jokes

Puns and Jokes

55 Funny Doctor Jokes & Puns (The Greatest Hits)

There are so many funny doctor jokes and puns out there that it was a little hard to pick our favorites! After all, these are classics.

Something about going to the doctor’s office resonates with everyone. On some level we’re all a little unforgettable, and on some level the whole experience is just a bit funny

To help you cope (and ease your mood before you see the cost of the visit), reading some of these doctor puns and doctor jokes should do the trick.

We’re saving a few of these for our next physical, and you should too. 

1. Why did a banana have to go see a doctor? She was not peeling well.

2. Why would a cookie visit a doctor? The cookie was feeling crummy.

3. What type of fish completed medical school? A sturgeon.

4. The doctor told the apple we will get to the core of your sickness.

5. What do you give a sick lemon to make it feel better? Lemon aid.

6. What happened when the boy swallowed food coloring? He dyed inside.

7. What did the dalmatian go see a doctor? He looked in the mirror and saw spots on his skin.

8. The cell phone went to the doctor to get some new contacts.

9. How do you help a sick pig? Give is oinkment.

10. Why did the bee need to visit a doctor? She kept getting hives.

11. What can you do to help a sick bird? Give it tweetment

12. What happens when you own too many dogs? You are said to have a roverdose.

13. What do you call an owl that is a doctor? Dr. Who

14. Why would a mattress go to the doctor? When they have spring fever.

15. Why did the pair of shoes go to the doctor? They needed to be healed.

16. Why was the doctor laughing at the x-ray ? It was humorous.

17. How come a bucket went to see the doctor? She was looking pail.

18. A good dermatologist will begin the career from scratch.

19. I need a good doctor. I do not want to work with a scrub.

20. How come the snowman had to see a doctor? He was feeling chilly.

21. The pillow went to the doctor because she was feeling a little stuffy.

22. How come the window went to visit the doctor? He was in pane.

23. A book went to the doctor because it had a broken spine.

24. When does a clown go to the doctor? When he is feeling funny.

25. I was told a joke about amnesia but I do not remember how it goes.

26. I told the doctor I was not going to have brain surgery. He was able to change my mind.

27. I played hide and seek with my friend in the hospital . She found me hiding in the ICU.

28. I made a rash decision and went to work as a dermatologist.

29. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? It does if you have good aim.

30. He knew he should study to become an osteopath. He was able to feel it in his bones.

31. Why does it take longer to get test results at night? There is only a skeleton crew working.

32. The hospital was told to make some spending cuts. They decided to cut the coroners.

33. My blood test told me that I had blood type B but it turned out to be a type O.

34. Medical students do not like to take tests on kidney stones. These tests are the hardest to pass.

35. Who was the cool person standing in for the doctor? He was the hip replacement guy.

36. We had some new midwives join the hospital. Please welcome Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery.

37. We would like to introduce you to the new chiropractor. Say hi to Doctor L. Bow.

38. If you are sick you need to go see Doctor Phil Goode. 

39. I went to the doctor because my eye color kept on changing. She told me it was a pigment of my imagination. 

40. Eye doctors are able to live long because they dilate.

41. Doctors become angry when they lose their patients.

42. Where does a boat sleep? At the doc.

43. The boy that lost his left side went to see the doctor. He is all right after his visit.

44. What does a doctor do for a rocket ? Gives the rocket a booster shot.

45. Why did the doctor need to be quiet when getting the medicine? He did not want to wake the sleeping pills.

46. I was diagnosed with acute appendicitis. It was better than having an ugly one.

47. Why were the clothes wrinkles? They had an iron deficiency. 

48. What school do medical students study at? The hippocampus.

49. Patient: Doctor help. I swallowed a spoon. Doctor: Hold still and do not stir.

50. I did not want to go to the doctor for stitches. He told me to suture myself.

51. I cannot stop telling jokes about airports. I think I have a terminal disease.

52. What do the legs tell each other on Valentines’ day? I kneed you.

53. What did the bladder say to the kidney on Valentine’s day? Urine in my thoughts.

54. Doctor: I have some bad news. The test results are in. You have 24 hours to live. I have some even worse news. Patient: What is worse than that? Doctor: I have been trying to call you since yesterday. 

55. Doctor: You are going to need surgery. Patient: Can I get a second opinion on that? Doctor: You are smelly too.

What Did You Think?

If you thought these doctor jokes and doctor puns were funny, let us know and share them with your friends! We had a great time working on this list and even enjoyed many of the ones that didn’t make the cut.

Also, if you have any doctor jokes of your own that you think we should consider, don’t be shy! Send them over and if we think they’re funny too, we’ll add them to the list above.

50 Funny Doctor Doctor Jokes to Cure Your Blues

Created on: January 7, 2024

Jessica Amlee

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Doctors are those folks clad in white coats that are often seen with a stethoscope slung around their necks. They are the go-to people for everything from a sneeze to a serious ailment. They’re the guardians of health, the warriors against disease, and sometimes, unintentional comedians. While they’re known for their medical jargon and serious advice, there’s another side to them that’s less talked about but equally amusing. This side surfaces not in the clinics or hospitals, but in the world of jokes. Yes, we’re talking about Doctor Doctor jokes – a delightful blend of medical knowledge and humor, served with a side of laughter.

Doctor Doctor jokes are the lighter side of medicine, where the prescription is always a good laugh. These jokes turn the typically serious doctor-patient conversations into a hilarious exchange, providing a much-needed break from the usual health chatter. It’s like flipping the script on the traditional roles, where the doctor, instead of doling out medical advice, delivers a punchline that’s bound to tickle your funny bone. So, as we delve into the world of Doctor Doctor jokes, let’s remember that sometimes, the best medicine doesn’t come in a bottle, but in a burst of laughter.

Best Doctor Doctor Jokes

“Doctor, doctor! I think I’m going deaf.” “Can you describe the symptoms?” “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”

A man woke up and called out, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!!” The doctor responded, “I know, I amputated your arms!”

“Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a dog!” “Have a seat and we’ll talk.” “But I’m not allowed on the sofa.”

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, “Doctor! Doctor! I’m getting smaller and smaller and smaller!” His Doctor replies, “Now now, I can’t fix things right away, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve swallowed my pocket money!” “Take this and we’ll see if there’s any change in the morning!”

“Doctor, doctor! All five of my boys want to be valet when they grow up!” “Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.”

“I’m afraid you have chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia.” “Onomatopoeia? What’s that?” “I’m afraid it’s exactly what it sounds like.”

“Doctor, doctor! I can’t stop singing ‘I Want It That Way’.” “Tell me why.”

“Doctor doctor! I keep thinking I’m a dog.” “Sit down and tell me about it.” “I can’t, I’m not allowed on the furniture.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got broccoli between my toes, a carrot in my ear, and some fries up my nose.” “It seems to me you’re not eating properly.”

“Doctor, doctor! I can’t stop singing Delilah!” “It sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual…”

“Doctor, doctor! I think I need glasses!” “You certainly do, sir. This is a fish and chip shop.”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep having these weird dreams. Last night I dreamt I was a wigwam. The night before, I was a teepee.” “Well, sir, it’s obvious. You’re just two tents!”

“Doctor, doctor! I swallowed a roll of film.” “Well let’s more as this story develops.”

“Doctor, doctor I think I’ve got subjunctivitis.” “Don’t you mean conjunctivitis?” “Would that it were doctor, would that it were.”

“Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a curtain!” “Calm down. Pull yourself together.”

“Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a bell!” “Take these pills. If it doesn’t get better, give me a ring!”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing pink and green dots in front of my eyes.” “Have you ever seen an optician?” “No, just pink and green dots.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places.” “Then don’t go to those places.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a problem, I always have a poo every morning at 6 am.” “What’s the problem with that?” “I don’t get up until 8 am.”

“Doctor, doctor! Will I be able to play the violin after the operation?!” “Yes, of course…” “Great! I never could before!”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep getting these uncontrollable urges to steal things.” “Take two of these tablets every day and if they don’t work, can you get me a television?”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a woman that delivers babies!” “Don’t worry, it’s just a midwife crisis.”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like I’m a bridge.” “What’s come over you?” “Two buses, five cars, and a bicycle!”

“Doctor, doctor! I have a lettuce stuck in my bum.” “It appears that this is just the tip of the iceberg!”

“Doctor, doctor, I have strawberries growing out of my a*se.” “It’s OK. We have cream for that!”

“Doctor, doctor! I can’t stop wearing see-through trousers.” “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing into the future.” “Really? When did this start?” “Next Tuesday.”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel a stabbing pain in my eye every time I drink tea!” “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”

“Doctor, doctor! It hurts when I touch my elbow, my knee, and my ankle.” “You’ve got a broken finger.”

“Doctor, doctor! I swallowed a sheet of glass.” “That sounds like a pane.”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep dreaming I wrote The Lord of the Rings.” “Ah, you’ve been Tolkien in your sleep.”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards.” “Sit over there I will deal with you later!”

“Doctor, doctor! my nose is running and my feet smell.” “You’re upside down!”

“Doctor, doctor! My back hurts when I get up in the morning!” “Get up in the afternoon then!”

“Doctor, doctor! Please help. I’ve got uncontrollable flatulence. However luckily they don’t make a sound or smell!” “Take these drops for your hearing, and these for your sense of smell!”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like I’m becoming a cowboy.” “How long have you felt like this?” “About a YeeEEE-Ha!”

“Doctor, doctor! My arm is talking! …it’s asking for £10!” “Yup, your arm is broke.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’m addicted to eating small chairs.” “I’ll need a stool sample.”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like a cricket ball!” “HOW’S THAT?”

“Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a moth!” “You have the wrong building sir, the Psychiatrist is next door!” “I know, but your light was on!”

“Doctor, doctor! Everywhere I go people keep ignoring me!” “NEXT!”

“Doctor, doctor! I have an irrational fear of sausages.” “I fear the wurst!”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like I’m a small island off the coast of Italy.” “Don’t be Sicily!”

“Doctor Doctor! I’ve developed a terrible speech impediment!” “Come now, how bad can it really be?” “I can no longer pronounce the letter F or TH in any sentence!” “Well, you can’t say fairer than that then.”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like an electric current.” “Are you positive?”

“Doctor, doctor! Can you tell me what’s the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?” “Taste.”

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got terrible diarrhea.” “And when did you first notice these symptoms?” “When I took my bicycle clips off!”

Recommended : Jokes About Dentist

“Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a sausage in my nostril, bacon in my ear, and scrambled egg in my hair.” “Hmmm, have you been eating properly?”

“Doctor, doctor! I have a steering wheel in my pants.” “It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

“Doctor, doctor! I feel like a bar of soap.” “That’s not soap, that’s life, boy.”

“Doctor, doctor! My husband thinks he’s a cow!” “Well bring him in and we’ll have him assessed.” “I can’t do that- we need the milk!”

Do you have a new and funny joke about Doctor Doctor? Write down the funny puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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Here's a Joke

80 Funny Doctor Jokes

Here are 80 funny doctor jokes and the best doctor puns to crack you up. These jokes about doctors are great doctor jokes for kids and adults.

Here is our top list of doctor dad jokes. Find your favorite puns about doctors, have a laugh, then share and enjoy this doctor humor with others.

Doctor puns

Doctor one liners, doctor doctor jokes, best doctor jokes, final thoughts.

Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about doctors that are also awesome doctor jokes for adults and kids to be told!

• What did the balloon say to the doctor?  I feel light headed.
• Why is a doctor always calm? They have a lot of patients.
• Why did the puzzle piece go to the doctor?  Because it was feeling a little jig-sore.
• What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol?  Try to lay off eggs for a while.
• What did the nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature?  No, is it missing?
• Why did the mole doctor lose his job?  Medical mole-practice.
• What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?  I feel good. From my head, tomatoes .
• What did the doctor recommend when the gingerbread man’s knee was sore?  Icing it.
• What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?  I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.
• What do you call Doctor Strange’s assistant in an elevator?  Wong on so many levels.
• Why do shoes go to the doctors? To be heeled.
• Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.
• How does a witch-doctor ask someone to dance?  Voodoo like to dance with me?
• What did the grain of salt say to the doctor?  Doc I think I tore NACL.
• Why did the leg go to the doctor?  He had a 102 degree femur.
• Why did the shy doctor call his wife a thoracic cavity?  Because she kept his heart .
• Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately?  Because it had a virus.
• What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home?  Suture self.
• What did the doctor say to the ill guacamole ? You need an avoca-dose of medicine.
• What news did the duck get from the doctor?  He had a perfect bill of health.
• Why did the Rubik’s cube go to the doctor?  She was feeling all mixed up.
• What do you call a deer doctor?  A hart surgeon.
• What did the fisherman do at the doctor’s office after accidentally swallowing some worms ?  He waited on his diagnosis with baited breath.
• What did the doctor say to the man who had an elephant sitting on his brain ?  It looks like you have a lot on your mind.
• What did the skeleton doctor say when his patient had a high temperature?  I’m afraid you’re running a femur.

• What is an Owls favorite TV show?  Doctor Hoo.
• What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
• When should you take a Oreo cookie to the doctor?  When it feels crummy.
• What is Doctor Strange’s favorite  pizza ?  Sorcerer’s Supreme, It’s cheesy, I know.
• What does the doctor say to an octopus who needs to lose weight?  You need to go on a low- crab  diet.
• Why did the lime visit the doctor?  She wasn’t peeling well.
• What did Dracula say to the nurse?  Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.
• What did the rope say to the nurse?  I have an appointment with the doctor, I have a knot in my stomach.
• Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring fever.
• How is a dance instructor different from a doctor?  It all depends on how fluid they need your movements to be.
• What doctor also specializes in card games?  The cardiologist.
• Why did the library book go to the doctor? It needed to be checked out.
• What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?  Time to get your booster shot.
• Why did the bucket go the doctor? She was looking a bit pail.
• Why do doctors hate operating on pirates ?  Because they have crossedbones.
• Why did the book go to the doctor? Someone broke its spine.
• Why did the window go to the doctor? It had a lot of pane.
• Which doctor should you go to if you live underwater?  A sturgeon.
• How did a banana end up at the emergency room in the hospital?  He told the doctors his skin was peeling off.
• What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money ? Are you seeing any change in me?

Here are some great doctor joke one liners that you can quip whenever someone is talking about doctors.

• I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. But I stand corrected.
• My dermatologist was fired today. I’m told he made too many rash decisions.
• I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
• I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places.
• I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
• When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.
• When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that it’s feeling very hill.
• My doctor’s a clown . Every time I see him, he tells me that laughter is the best medicine.
• My doctor insists that I should reduce my ground beef consumption. So be it, sea cows it is then.
• My doctor prescribed me a new medication. It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give.
• Two different doctors worked together on my knee surgery. It was a joint operation.
• A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic . So she gets a divorce.
• The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes .” The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor yet?” To which the man replies, “No, just spots.”
• I visited the doctor, and he prescribed me a new diet plan, so I have decided to eat only bagels and donuts from today. My doctor has asked me to eat only hole foods.
• A man goes to see his doctor with jelly and cream coming out of his ear . The doctor says “you’re a trifle deaf”.

• Doctor Doctor, I can’t stop stealing chairs . ” ‘Please, take a seat.
• Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses . Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
• “Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?” “Yes, of course.” “Great! I never could before!”
• “Doctor, doctor my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” Man: “No, this is her husband!”
• “Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!” Doctor: “When did that happen?” “When did what happen?”
• “Doctor, doctor, I’m going to die in 59 seconds!” “Hang on, I’ll be there in a minute.”
• “ Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?” “Use a pencil until I come to see him.”
• Doctor, doctor. My nose runs and my feet smell. ” I fear you might have been built upside down.
• Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat .” ‘How long has this been going on?” ‘Since I was a kid.
• Doctor, doctor I recently had an accident and lost three fingers on my right hand , will I still be able to write with it?’  ‘Probably! But I wouldn’t count on it.”

These next funny doctor puns are some of our best jokes and puns about doctors!

• Why do doctors hit your knee?  They get a small kick out of it.
• Why did the ghost go to the doctor?  He needed a boo-ster shot.
• Why did Friday go to visit a doctor?  He was week.
• What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A pair o’ docs.
• What did the doctor say to someone who stood on some lego bricks?  Just block out the pain.
• What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples?  A guyneckologist
• Why did the lemon go to the doctor?  It had a sour stomach.
• What did the witch say to the nurse?  I need to see doctor, I had a dizzy spell.
• Who are the only people who don’t like doctor puns? People with an irony deficiency.
• What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record?  He made a type O.

After reading through all these hilarious jokes about doctors, we hope you had a good laugh.

If you want to hear more funny job jokes , then check out these other great lists of funny jokes:

• Baker jokes
• Psychology puns
• Jokes about pharmacists
• Physics jokes for kids

Hi!  I'm Che , and I hope you enjoy these jokes as much as me. These jokes lists are curated by me alone. I handpick the jokes for quality, create some myself or add ones that have been contributed by readers like you.

I constantly update  Here's A Joke  posts to ensure top quality. Not feeling a joke or got one to share? Let me know in the comments or  contact me . With your support, I'm aiming for the best joke site around.

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80+ Best Doctor Doctor Jokes Sure To Cause A Case Of The Giggles

Animal-Themed Doctor Doctor Jokes

Food-themed doctor doctor jokes, hilarious doctor jokes, very funny doctor jokes, long hilarious doctor jokes, bonus doctor doctor jokes and one-liners.

'Doctor, doctor' jokes are a timeless giggle generator! Imagine a simple doctor's visit twisted with puns and wordplay - that's the heart of these classics.

These playful jests blend the mystique of the medical world with a generous dose of humor, creating a hilarious and heartwarming cocktail. These jokes are about infusing joy and fun into everyday conversations.

Whether you're a parent aiming to entertain your children, or someone seeking to bring a dose of humor to their social circles, these jokes are the perfect remedy.

Get ready for a laughter-filled journey with these top-notch 'doctor-doctor' jokes, guaranteed to incite a case of giggles! Imagine the charm of a well-delivered punchline, the excitement as a joke veers toward an unexpected twist.

Now, couple that with the intriguing world of medicine, and what you've got is a wonderfully infectious humor cocktail! So, let's dive in, tickle those funny bones and sprinkle your day with guffaws and chuckles.

These witticisms are here to transform any mundane moment into a joy-filled occasion! Doctor-themed jokes are just the laughter prescription everyone needs.

Get ready for a laughter safari with our delightful compilation of animal-themed 'doctor, doctor' jokes. These zingers blend our love for animals with a classic joke format we all adore, resulting in some hilariously wild puns.

Guaranteed to incite giggles, these are perfect for family fun nights as ice-breakers, or simply to brighten up an ordinary day. Without further ado, let's unleash the humor.

1. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like an elephant." Doctor: "What are you saying?" Patient: "I never forget anything, and I've become fond of peanuts."

2. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I'm convinced I'm a bird ." Doctor: "What leads you to believe that?" Patient: "I keep trying to fly off my balcony."

3. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a kangaroo." Doctor: "That sounds serious, what makes you feel that way?" Patient: "I just can't stop jumping around."

4. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dog." Doctor: "How can you tell?" Patient: "I can't resist chasing cars and barking at the mailman."

5. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a horse." Doctor: "What brought this on?" Patient: "Neigh-borhood races have become my favorite pastime."

6. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a frog." Doctor: "How so?" Patient: "I think I'm going to croak."

7. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a monkey." Doctor: "Why do you say that?" Patient: "I keep climbing trees and love bananas."

8. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pony." Doctor: "Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse."

9. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I'm sure I'm a turtle." Doctor: "What's the reason?" Patient: "I can't resist a good shell-ter."

10. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar." Doctor: "Don't worry you'll soon change."

11. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a racehorse." Doctor: "Take one of these pills every four laps."

Fasten your aprons and prepare for a deliciously humorous trip through our menu of food-themed 'doctor, doctor' jokes. These tasty morsels of humor, blending the classic joke set-up with a culinary twist, are the perfect recipe for laughter.

These silly jests are ideal for food lovers with a sweet tooth for comedy, or anyone hungry for a chuckle. Without further ado, let's cook up some laughter!

12. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I have a strawberry stuck in my ear." Doctor: "Don't worry, I've got cream for that."

13. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time take the candles off."

14. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a slice of pizza." Doctor: "Don't be cheesy!"

15. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like an apple." Doctor: "Don't worry, you're just a-peel-ing."

16. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I believe I'm a slice of bread." Doctor: "I think you're just loafing around."

17. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I'm convinced I'm an egg." Doctor: "You've got to break out of your shell!"

18. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bowl of pasta." Doctor: "Don't stress, you're just pasta-tively hilarious."

19. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a chocolate chip cookie." Doctor: "Crumbs! That sounds sweet!"

20. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pancake." Doctor: "Oh no, you're just feeling a little flat."

21. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a stick of butter." Doctor: "You must be on a roll."

22. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I'm sure I'm a pea." Doctor: "You're just feeling a little green."

23. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a banana." Doctor: "Peel better soon."

24. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a cupcake." Doctor: "You're just frosting."

25. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I've got broccoli stuck in my ear!" Doctor: "Looks like you're not eating properly."

26. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses." Doctor: "You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop."

Embrace the fun side of medical humor with our next collection of some short, yet still funny doctor jokes. Clever, amusing, and bound to spark laughter, these jokes are an ideal pick-me-up for any day. Whether for a family get-together, a school talent show, or a friendly hangout, some light-hearted humor like this is a surefire hit.

27. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? In case he needed to draw blood.

28. Why did the Dalmatian go to the doctor's office? Because every time it looked in the mirror it saw spots.

29. Why did the witch go to the doctor? She had a dizzy spell.

30. Why do surgeons wear masks? So no one will recognize them when they make a mistake.

31. Why do shoes go to the doctor? To be heeled.

32. Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when walking past the medicine cabinet? So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.

33. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? The hip replacement guy.

34. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? The nearest golf course.

35. Why did the mattress go to the doctor? It had spring fever.

36. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldn’t stop breaking wind? A kite.

37. Why did the bucket go to the doctor? He had a pale face.

38. What did the eye doctor say about his career? It's a job with a clear vision.

39. What did the doctor say to the invisible man? Sorry, I can't see you right now.

40. What did the balloon say to the doctor? I feel lightheaded.

41. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A pair o’ docs.

Unleash the joy with a laugh-out-loud collection of very funny doctor jokes! These hilarious gems cleverly blend medical musings with humor, creating the perfect potion for fun.

Perfect for parents eager to inject some cheer into their day or anyone in search of a funny bone tickler, these doctor jokes serve up hearty laughs. So, prepare to uncork the bottle of laughter and let the waves of giggles roll out!

42. Why was the doctor always calm? Because he had a lot of patients.

43. Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately? Because it had a virus.

44. How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: one to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

45. How did a banana end up in the emergency room in the hospital? His skin was peeling off.

46. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? He took the man to the ICU.

47. What did the man say to the X-ray technician doctor after swallowing some money? Do you see any change in me?

48. What did the nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature? "No, is it missing?"

49. Why did the puzzle piece go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little jig-sore.

50. Why did the pillow go to the doctor? He was feeling all stuffed up.

51. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.

52. What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol? Try to lay off eggs for a while.

53. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB.

54. What did the rope say to the nurse? "I have a doctor's appointment about a knot in my stomach."

55. Why did the doctor laugh at the X-ray of an arm? Because he found it humerus.

© Jerry She , under a creative commons licence

Step into the laughter clinic with a healthy serving of long, hilarious doctor jokes! These aren't your everyday puns, they're mini stories packed with humor, charm, and a delightful twist of medical jest.

These lengthy jokes are just the remedy needed to make any day brighter. So, prepare to embrace the giggles and embark on this laughter-filled journey! These extended jokes are just what the humorist ordered.

56. Patient: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.”

Doctor: “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.”

57. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies, “No, I’m afraid to.”

58. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girl’s strange eating habits. The mother said, “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?” “Eventually,” said the doctor, “She will rise and shine.”

59. The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?” “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor.”

60. A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. “Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,” she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that none of my staff would have done such a thing,” he said.

“Why do you think it was taken here?” “After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.” “I think,” explained the surgeon gently, “that means your cataract operation was a success.”

61. A woman went to the doctor’s office with a seemingly incurable case of hiccups.

A new doctor examined her, and after a few minutes, she began to scream and ran down the hall. Her previous doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was.

After she explained, the doctor went to the new doctor and said, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The new doctor smiled and said, “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”

62. Doctor: "I’ve got very bad news: you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s."

Patient: "Well, at least I don’t have cancer."

63. An old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Rats,” said the old man, “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

64. A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers.

He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, “Give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do.” The man replies, “But, I don’t have the fingers!” “Why didn’t you bring the fingers?” asks the incredulous doctor. The man says, “Doc, I couldn’t pick them up.”

65. Doctor’s son: “Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.”

The father: “Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.”

66. A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

67. Doctor: “You are very sick.”

Patient: “Can I get a second opinion?”

Doctor: “Yes, of course! You are very rude too.”

68. “This is your doctor.

We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man in a panic and asks, “What are you going to do, doctor?” The doctor replies, “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.

The doctor replied, “No, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

69. One day, a man stumbled into his doctor’s office with a terrible cold.

The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didn’t help. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t help either. When the man returned, the doctor told him, “Go home.

Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.” “But if I do that, I’ll risk getting pneumonia doc,” replied the man. “I know,” said the doctor, “but I can cure pneumonia!”

70. A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”  “Oh no, honey. What happened?” “Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

71. Patient: “Aren’t you going to treat me?” Doctor: “I am treating you.” Patient: “You’re just staring at me.” Doctor: “It’s called silent treatment.”

72. A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.

“I hurt all over,” she said. “What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be more specific?” The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch!

That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.” After examining her, the doctor concluded; the woman had a broken finger.

Prepare for an exhilarating ride down humor lane with this bonus set of 'doctor-doctor' jokes and witty one-liners! These quick quips and chucklesome gags cleverly combine medical scenarios with humor, serving up laughter on a silver platter.

Whether it's parents aiming to entertain their children or someone looking to sprinkle a dash of humor into their social gathering, these jokes are just the perfect recipe.

73. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I've got acute appendicitis." Doctor: "You've got a cute little dimple too."

74. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, can you give me a second opinion?" Doctor: "Sure, come back tomorrow!"

75. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I’m hearing a ringing sound." Doctor: "Then answer the phone."

76. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, will this ointment get rid of these spots?" Doctor: "I never make rash promises."

77. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, they are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire." Doctor: "Necks, please."

78. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, how does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?" Doctor: "Urology office; can you hold?"

79. Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I think I'm at death's door?" Doctor: "Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through."

80. Patient: "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since."

81. Patient: "I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says it's terminal."

82. Patient: "I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind."

83. Patient: "My dermatologist was fired today because they made too many rash decisions."

84. Patient: "My kid’s pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. He has very little patients."

And there you have it, a compilation of some of the best doctor-doctor jokes sure to get the giggles going! These jokes, brimming with wit and humor, are great for lighting up any atmosphere.

They are perfect icebreakers, mood-lifters, and an excellent way to foster a love for humor in young minds. On the flip side, a few might be a tad too funny for some tastes, but hey, that's the essence of a good joke, right?

Remember, delivery and timing can be everything in comedy, so don’t be afraid to add your flair to these jokes. Now that you're equipped with this laughter-inducing arsenal, it's time to spread the joy and let the giggles reverberate around you.

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More for you, get ready to laugh: 85+ shakespeare puns & jokes in one, the best what do you call a man jokes for kids.

https://aimseducation.edu/blog/ridiculously-funny-medical-jokes

https://thewarriordoc.com/2021/08/08/family-medicine/

https://solutionsforlifeks.com/doctor-jokes/

https://www.familymedicalclinictx.com/mission

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English Literature

Akinwalere Olaleye Bachelor of Arts specializing in English Literature

As a highly motivated, detail-oriented, and energetic individual, Olaleye's expertise lies in administrative and management operations. With extensive knowledge as an Editor and Communications Analyst, Olaleye excels in editing, writing, and media relations. Her commitment to upholding professional ethics and driving organizational growth sets her apart. She has a bachelor's degree in English Literature from the University of Benin, Edo State. 

Diploma of Education, Fine Arts, Bachelor of Arts specializing in Illustration and Visual media

Sarah Hallam Diploma of Education, Fine Arts, Bachelor of Arts specializing in Illustration and Visual media

With a Diploma in Education specializing in Fine Arts (Painting) and a Bachelor of Arts specializing in Illustration and Visual media from the University of Arts London, Sarah previously was a London-based teacher who brought her passion for art and culture to the classroom. Her creative endeavors include painting classes and experimenting with new recipes. She draws inspiration from the world around her and enjoys sharing her knowledge with others while sipping a cup of tea.

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Doctor Jokes

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”, a mom takes her daughter to the doctor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My trip to the doctor

A women goes to the doctor because her butt hurts..., a guy isn't feeling well, and goes to the doctor. the doctor says, "i have good news and bad news. which do you want first", karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. karen: doctor, i’ve not been feeling well lately. ., a girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup., bob returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife alma that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live, a man goes to the doctor for a physical. he tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises., "doctor, i think i'm going deaf.", the doctor tells me i can play with myself whenever i like, guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him., fred goes to a doctor., doctor : i'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon., an old woman took her husband to the doctor. the doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "i'm sorry, your husband is dead.", son takes his father to the doctor. the doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer., my doctor told me that i had a healthy prostate., a doctor lacking empathy, costco doctor, guy : doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. how is it possible, a man in his 50's visits the doctor., a man went to the doctor..., my roman doctor said i needed an iv., my doctor gave me 6 months, so i shot him., a frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long), a doctor is delivering a baby. the head comes out and the baby says “hey, you my dad”. the doctor is shocked, says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother. the doctors calls the gynaecologist over to have a look., doctor: well, it looks like you're pregnant., guy is at the doctor., a beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. the doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. he immediately told her to undress. after she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh., the doctor and the rich man, a little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “doctor, i have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.”, this elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. everything checked out fine. the old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”doctor, i haven’t had sex for years now and i was wondering how i can increase my husband’s sex drive.”, what kind of doctor is dr. pepper, my hot female doctor said i was sweet, "doctor, doctor", did you hear about the doctor on the united flight, doctor: sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium, my doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex., doctor: "sir, i'm afraid your dna is backwards", a doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing..., i took my wife to the doctor’s to sort our her tourette’s., a man with severe headaches went to the doctor., a blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet., the doctor gave me 4 months to live., the doctor said i had gloria gaynor syndrome, my doctor says i have narcissistic personality disorder, what’s something you can hear in both a doctor’s office and during sex, a husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice..., a doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife, doctor, i came to pick up my wife’s results…, doctor, i have a sexual problem., yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited., a guy goes to the doctor because his wife can't orgasm., a man with a penis growing on his forehead visits the doctor, worried., doctor, my bottom hurts right around the entrance., a man books a doctor's appointment for his huge penis., a man goes to a doctor .., a couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. the doctor asked, “what can i do for you”, a young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring., guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and gets bad news., guy goes to the doctor for a pain in his ass, a man goes running into a clinic shouting and screaming in pain. “please doctor you’ve got to help me i’ve been stung by a bee” the doctor says reassuringly, "don’t worry, i’ll put some cream on it.”, a gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office, an elderly man goes to the doctor., a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf, a women goes to the doctor all black and blue..., a serial masturbator goes to the doctor., doctor vs. bee - (nsfw), i asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic, "craig, i caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter", the doctor tells the 90 year old man that he needs a semen sample. "bring back the specimen tomorrow.", doctor: (handing me my new born baby) i'm sorry but your wife didn't make it, a doctor had an unusual habit., doctor: do you want the good news first, or the bad news, a nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar., worried boy goes to doctor, a man goes to see the doctor about a serious cough…, a woman goes to her doctor, a woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, in a doctors office, a priest, a doctor, and an engineer, (nsfw) things have been going great since my doctor told me i can masturbate whenever i want., a lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. the doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. he tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that., guess who i bumped into on my way to the eye doctor, in a mental hospital, a doctor visited 3 of his patients, doctor: i think the patient is dying. what’s his blood type, a lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life..., why do retired nazis make good animal doctors, woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem, after my prostate exam the doctor walked out and the nurse walked in. then she asked me something no man wants to hear.., a woman goes to the doctor, a man goes to the doctor and says, "i've got a tapeworm.", a pirate goes to the doctor and say, "i have moles on me back aaarrrghh.", doctor doctor..., [nsfw] a nurse was dating a doctor and got pregnant..., i go to the doctor and he asks for a stool sample., man: doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up, a man woke up and called out "doctor, doctor, i can't feel my legs", four doctors are talking. "the british doctor says, medicine is so advanced in britain that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job.", i had sex for three hours last night. we role-played as doctor and patient,, stewardess: "are there any doctors among our passengers", how did the doctor cure the invisible man, an older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. after about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. she burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall., 9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda, this old man goes to the doctor...., a doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new ferrari gto…, a man gets a call from his doctor after a drug test., a 75-year-old man walked into a crowded doctors waiting room and approached the desk., during my prostate exam i asked the doctor, "where should i put my pants", doctor : does it hurt, a prostitute visits the doctor., an embarrassed older lady visited her doctor for help with a problem., a man says to his doctor "doctor, i have an embarrassing sexual problem", a doctor and a lawyer, the doctor said my voice box is damaged and i may never speak again., a very badly beaten up man came to hospital. doctor asked what the hell had happened to him., doctor: don't eat anything fatty., my doctor diagnosed me with "autocorrect syndrome", a doctor has an appointment, my fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so i asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything., i went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me i lost 20% of my sight, steve goes to his doctor..., my doctor told me i needed to stop masturbating., an attractive lady is at her doctor's, my wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if i had ever been present at a childbirth before., an old man tells his doctor that his wife never has an orgasm while they are having sex., i went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "don't eat anything fatty.", [nsfw] a woman goes to a doctor, three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive], a doctor gets called to the hospital in the middle of the night, according to greek mythology, chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor., a man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids, one day, pete complained to his friend, “my head really hurts. i guess i should see a doctor.”, what kind of doctor is always on call, what kind of doctor was dr. pepper, i visited my doctor today, he told me that i’m going deaf., courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough, a man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "give it to me straight doc", a big city doctor visits an native american tribe full of men and he asks "how do you guys relieve your sexual tension", i went to my blonde doctor to ask what was wrong with me, president trump's doctor is telling the public to prepare for the worst...., a woman in her 90s calls her doctor and asks:, an obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor., an expecting couple went to the doctor to get an ultrasound done, doctor: i've got good news, and bad news, a retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping. “have you tried counting sheep” the doctor asks., guy goes to the doctor, a woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. the doctor said, "do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends wisconsin university", doctor's affair, just after my wife had given birth, i asked the doctor, "how soon do you think we'll be able to have sex", i had to go to the doctor's today..., a patient goes to see his doctor, i said to my wife, "i need to call the doctor today.", a doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:, a businessman, a doctor, and a lawyer walk into a bar., an elderly woman goes to the doctor for a check up. nsfw.

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111 Doctor Jokes

In the world of humor, doctors and medical professionals often become the subject of countless jokes and puns. From light-hearted wordplay to clever observations, these jokes bring a smile to our faces and offer a humorous perspective on the medical field.

In this collection of doctor jokes, we’ll explore a wide range of puns and playful humor that revolves around doctors, patients, and various medical situations. These jokes playfully highlight the stereotypical traits associated with doctors while weaving clever wordplay into medical scenarios. Let’s dive into this lighthearted world of doctor jokes that will surely tickle your funny bone !

Top 111 Doctor Jokes:

• Why don’t doctors trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
• Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby.
• Why did the tomato turn red at the doctor’s office? Because it saw the salad dressing!
• What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URLologist.
• Why did the doctor carry a red pen ? In case he needed to draw blood .
• What do you call a doctor who always has to work from home? An operator.
• What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
• Why don’t doctors play hide and seek ? Because nobody will take their call.
• Why did the doctor carry an umbrella? He wanted to reign in the health sector!
• What did the thermometer say to the doctor? “You make my temperature rise!”
• How does a doctor examine a snake ? Very carefully!
• Why did the M&M go to the doctor? Because it felt shell shocked.
• What did the doctor say to the rocket ? “You have a slight booster infection.”
• Why did the scarecrow become a doctor? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• Why did the doctor bring a ladder to the clinic? He wanted to get to the root of the problem.
• What do you call a doctor who doesn’t take a lunch break? Dr. Continuous.
• Why was the belt sent to the doctor? It had a tight squeeze.
• What did the doctor say to the sofa? “You need to take stress off your cushions.”
• Why do doctors make the best jazz musicians? Because they have all the right instruments.
• What do you call a doctor who’s also a mechanic ? A car-diologist.
• Why did the doctor go to the art class? To learn how to draw blood.
• What do you call a nervous doctor? A stetho-scope-out-the-situation type!
• Why don’t doctors ever get a day off? Because they have too many patients!
• What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music ? Organ music.
• Why don’t doctors play poker ? Because they don’t like to deal with hearts.
• What do you call a doctor who’s also a gardener ? A plant-demic specialist.
• Why did the germ go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
• What’s a doctor’s least favorite type of note? A sick note.
• Why do doctors always seem calm? They have a lot of patients.
• Why don’t doctors trust salad? Because it’s always dressing!
• What did the doctor say to the window? “You’re pane-fully clear.”
• Why was the doctor always quiet? He didn’t want to stirrup trouble.
• What do you call a doctor who is always on the computer ? A surgeon general of the internet.
• Why did the balloon go to the doctor? It felt light-headed.
• Why did the clock go to the doctor? It had a tick .
• What do you call a doctor who cures hiccups? A hic-cure-atologist.
• Why did the light bulb go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very bright.
• Why was the doctor good at golf ? His patients helped him perfect his swing!
• Why did the doctor keep his door open? Because he couldn’t stand a closed operation.
• Why did the doctor get an award? Because he was an extraordinary surgeon!
• Why did the doctor always carry a flashlight? Because he wanted to highlight the problem.
• What kind of exercise do doctors do at the gym ? Cardio-graphy.
• Why did the music note go to the doctor? Because it had trouble with its scales.
• Why did the doctor go to the bank? He wanted to check his patients’ balance.
• What did the sushi say to the doctor? “I’m feeling a little fishy.”
• What do you call a doctor who always wears pink ? A pink-titioner.
• What do you call a doctor who fixes kitchen appliances? A microwave surgeon.
• Why did the bicycle fall over at the doctor’s office? It was two-tired.
• Why did the doctor go to school ? He had a lot of patients to learn!
• Why was the computer cold at the doctor’s office? It left its Windows open.
• Why did the doctor keep a tank of helium? Because he wanted to lift his patients’ spirits.
• Why did the orange go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
• What did the doctor say to the soda can? “Stop your fizz-ical activity for a while.”
• Why did the doctor always wear glasses ? To have a clear vision about the problem.
• Why did the tree go to the doctor? It felt like it was falling apart.
• Why did the doctor visit the music concert ? To check the high notes.
• What do you call a doctor who can play the drums ? A beat-atrician.
• What did the cell say to the doctor? “I feel all split up.”
• What did the doctor say to the sun ? “You’re burning up.”
• Why don’t doctors ever lose in a fight ? Because they have a lot of patients.
• What do you call a doctor who’s good at archery ? A bow-tician.
• What do you call a doctor who always looks at the bright side? An optimetrist.
• Why did the avocado go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling ripe.
• What did the doctor say to the beach ? “You’re shore not looking well.”
• Why did the doctor carry a notebook? To jot down the pulse of the matter.
• What did the blanket say to the doctor? “I’ve got the chills.”
• Why did the snowman go to the doctor? It had a bad case of frostbite.
• What do you call a doctor who’s also a magician ? A heal-usionist.
• Why did the lettuce go to the doctor? It had heart romaine problems.
• Why did the coffee bean go to the doctor? It felt a little ground down.
• What did the book say to the doctor? “I have a bad spine .”
• Why did the doctor go to the bakery ? He heard they had an excellent knead for dough.
• What did the doctor say to the light switch? “You’re not very bright.”
• Why did the potato go to the doctor? It was feeling a little fried.
• Why did the jelly go to the doctor? It was feeling wobbly.
• Why did the strawberry go to the doctor? It had hives.
• What do you call a doctor who loves to grill? A roast-opath.
• What do you call a doctor with a bird ? A crow-nologist.
• What do you call a doctor who loves baking? A gastro-baker.
• Why did the bell go to the doctor? It had a ringing in its ears .
• Why did the doughnut go to the doctor? It had a hole-y problem.
• Why did the watermelon go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very seed-y.
• What did the nail say to the doctor? “I’m feeling a bit hammered .”
• Why did the doctor always carry a pen? In case he had to scribble a prescription.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
• What did the doctor say to the egg ? “You’re slightly cracked.”
• What do you call a doctor who loves to swim? A swim-iatrist.
• Why did the pepper go to the doctor? It felt a little hot.
• What did the doctor say to the pencil ? “You’re too pointed.”
• Why did the pasta go to the doctor? It was feeling saucy.
• Why did the corn go to the doctor? It was feeling a-maize-ing.
• Why did the carrot go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit rooted.
• What did the tooth say to the dentist ? “You know the drill.”
• Why did the calendar go to the doctor? Its days were numbered.
• What do you call a doctor who’s also a chef? A culinary cardiologist .
• Why did the crayon go to the doctor? It felt a little off-color.
• What did the doctor say to the printer? “Your color seems a bit off.”
• Why did the lemon go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very zesty.
• What did the doctor say to the moon ? “You need to light up a little.”
• Why did the hot dog go to the doctor? It was feeling a little grilled.
• What do you call a doctor who’s also a barista? A brew-ologist.
• Why did the chicken go to the doctor? It had a case of fowl play.
• What do you call a doctor who loves gardening? A plant-demiologist.
• Why did the grape go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling grape.
• What did the doctor say to the jellybean? “You’re too sweet.”
• Why did the lamp go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very light.
• What did the doctor say to the river? “You’re running a little fast.”
• Why did the chocolate go to the doctor? It was feeling a little melted.
• What did the doctor say to the soda? “You’re too fizzy.”
• Why did the peach go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very peachy.
• What did the doctor say to the marshmallow ? “You’re too fluffy.”

In a world that can often be filled with stress and seriousness, doctor jokes provide a delightful escape and a chance to laugh at the amusing aspects of the medical profession. These jokes cleverly combine medical terms, puns, and wordplay to create humorous scenarios that resonate with people from all walks of life . From poking fun at doctor-patient interactions to imagining doctors in amusing situations, these jokes remind us to find humor even in the most serious professions.

So, the next time you’re feeling a little under the weather , remember these witty doctor jokes to brighten your day. Humor has the remarkable ability to uplift spirits and provide a moment of relief in the midst of life’s challenges. Let’s appreciate the humor that doctors and medical professionals bring to our lives and acknowledge the important role they play in keeping us healthy, all while sharing a good laugh together!

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82 Doctor Doctor Jokes To Make You Feel Great

We diagnose a case of the giggles probably not ones to try out on your gp, but funny doctor jokes and classic doctor, doctor jokes for your collection....

Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems.

When you're cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask Why did...? and get some very funny answers!

Knock, knock, who's there? Noble

Noble who? No bell, that's why I'm knocking!

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a vampire!

Hmmm, I can't cure that - necks please!

Knock, knock, who's there? Shore

Shore who? Shore hope you like cheesy jokes!

Doctor, Doctor, everyone thinks I'm a liar!

I can't believe that.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Sue!

Sue who? Sue-prise!

Doctor, doctor. I feel like a pack of cards!

I'll deal with you later!

Knock, knock, who's there? Abby!

Abby who? Abby birthday doc!

Doctor, Doctor! I've got wind!

Here's a kite!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Butter

Butter who? Butter let me in, I've got an appointment!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I'm invisible!

Who said that?!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Goat

Goat who? Goat to the door to find out!

Doctor, Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound!

Then pick up the phone!

Knock, knock, who's there? Weekend

Weekend who? Weekend do whatever we want, doc!

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a moth!

Get out of my light!

Doctor Doctor, I think I'm a brain!

Don't worry, it's all in your head

Doctor, doctor! There's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.

Well tell them I can't see him right now!

Doctor, doctor! My sim has caught fire!

That'sSIMpossible!

Doctor, doctor! My sim keeps gaining weight!

Did you add an expansion pack?

Doctor, Doctor, I stood on a LEGO!

Try to BLOCK out the pain!

Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?

In case she wanted to draw blood!

Doctor, doctor! Can you give me something for my wind?

Yes, have a kite!

Why did the minion take his banana to the doctor?

It wasn't peeling very well!

Doctor, doctor! I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Next time, take off the candles!

Doctor, doctor! How long can a person live without a brain?

I don't know… How old are you?

Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!

What you need is some cream!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had low elf esteem!

Doctor, doctor! I've got broccoli stuck in my ear!

You need to eat more sensibly!

Doctor, doctor! They've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers…

Don't worry, what you have is not catching!

Doctor, doctor! They are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...

Necks please!

Doctor, doctor! Every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.

How long have you been getting these Disney spells?!

Why did the tailor go to the doctor?

He had pins and needles!

Doctor, doctor! My nose runs and my feet smell!

I fear you might have been built upside down!

Why did the axe go to the doctor?

It had a splitting head!

Doctor, doctor! I think I’m shrinking!

Calm down and be a little patient!

Doctor, doctor! What can you give me for the wind?

Here, try this kite!

Doctor, doctor! Will this cream clear up my spots?

I don't make rash promises!

Doctor, doctor! Everyone thinks I’m a liar!

Oh, I can't believe that!

Doctor, doctor! Can I have second opinion?

Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, doctor! Every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye!

Try taking the spoon out first!

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

It had a virus!

Doctor, doctor! I've swallowed my pocket money!

Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning.

Doctor, doctor! I've a strawberry stuck in my ear!

Don't worry, I've some cream for that!

Why did the witch go to the doctor?

She had a dizzy spell!

Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!

You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!

Doctor, doctor! Aaa, eee, I, oh! You...

I think you may have irritable vowel syndrome!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pony!

Don't worry, you're just a little hoarse!

Doctor, doctor! I think I'm suffering from déjà vu!

Didn't I see you yesterday?

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of wigwams!

The problem is you're too tents!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep!

Oh that's very baaaaaaaad!

Why did the bread go to the doctor?

It was feeling crummy!

Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a shepherd!

I wouldn't lose any sheep over it!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a burglar!

Have you taken anything for it?!

Doctor, doctor! I've become invisible…

I'm afraid I can't see you now!

Doctor, doctor! I've a little bit of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.

Oh dear, I'm afraid to say it looks like just the tip of the iceberg!

Doctor, doctor! I'm really worried about my breathing!

We'll soon put a stop to that!

Doctor, doctor! I've just swallowed a roll of film!

Come back tomorrow and we'll see what develops!

Doctor, doctor! I keep comparing things with something else!

Don't worry, it's only analogy!

Doctor, doctor! You have to help me out.

Certainly. Which way did you come in?

Doctor, doctor! I'm suffering from insomnia!

Try sleeping at the edge of the mattress, you'll soon drop off!

Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell!

Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!

Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing spinning insects!

Don't worry, there's a bug going around!

Doctor, doctor! I’m addicted to brake fluid!

Nonsense man, you can stop anytime!

Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?

She had spots!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot!

Don't get yourself in a stew!

Doctor, doctor! I've got amnesia!

Just go home and try to forget about it!

Doctor, doctor! I feel so ill, is there no hope?

It depends what you are hoping for!

Doctor, doctor! I snore so loud I keep myself awake!

Sleep in another room then!

Doctor, doctor! You said I'd be dead in ten - ten what? Years? Months?

10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

Doctor, doctor! Grandad just put a LOT of goose fat all over his back

He'll go downhill fast!

Doctor, doctor! I'm at death's door!

Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through!

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling well!

Doctor, doctor! I think I need glasses!

You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!

Doctor, doctor! I've heard that exercise kills germs - is it true?

Probably, but how do you get the germs to exercise?!

Doctor, doctor! I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit...

You're crackers!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar!

Don't worry, you'll soon change!

Doctor, doctor! I've only got 59 seconds to live!

Just wait a minute, will you?!

Doctor, doctor! People keep ignoring me…

Next please!

Doctor, doctor! I've got acute appendicitis!

You've got a cute little dimple too!

Doctor, doctor! What's the quickest way to get to hospital?

Lie in the road outside!

Doctor, doctor! I keep seeing spots before my eyes. Have you seen a doctor already?

No, just spots!

Doctor, doctor! You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Do you drink a lot?

Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, doctor! I've got a cricket ball stuck in my bottom. How's that?

Oh, don't you start...

Doctor, doctor! I can't help thinking I'm a goat. How long have you felt like this?

Since I was a kid!

Doctor, doctor! I've become a kleptomaniac. Have you taken anything for it?

So far a TV, three sofas and a necklace!

Doctor, doctor! I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me. Why not?

Well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dog! Do take a seat.

I can't - Mum says I'm not allowed on the furniture!

Doctor, doctor! What can you give me for wind?

Nothing, but I can lend you a kite!

Doctor, doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together then!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!

Doctor, doctor! I think I’ve lost my memory! When did this happen?

When did what happen?

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a bridge! Goodness, what's come over you?

Ten cars, a tractor and the number 68 bus!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a cat! How long has this been going on?

Since I was a kitten!

Doctor, doctor I've swallowed a fish bone. Are you choking?

No, I really did!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a moth. You need a psychiatrist not a doctor!

I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on!

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153 Hilarious Doctor Jokes to Get a Good Laugh

Get ready to laugh your way to better health with a collection of hilarious doctor jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone!

Whether you’re a patient, a healthcare professional, or simply in need of a good laugh, these doctor jokes will inject some humor into the medical world.

From witty one-liners to amusing anecdotes, we’ve got a wide range of medical jokes to brighten your day.

So sit back, relax, and get ready for a healthy dose of laughter as we explore the lighter side of doctor-patient interactions.

These jokes are just what the doctor ordered to put a smile on your face!

You May Also Be Interested In:

• lawyer jokes
• grandma jokes

Table of Contents

Best Doctor Jokes

Get ready to laugh your way to good health with the best doctor jokes! So just chill, relax, and get ready for a dose of laughter medicine!

Why do doctors hit your knee?  They get a small kick out of it. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?  He needed a boo-ster shot. Why did Friday go to visit a doctor?  He was week. Why did the doctor bring a magnet to work? To attract patients. What did the doctor say to someone who stood on some lego bricks?  Just block out the pain. What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples?  A gynecologist. Why did the lemon go to the doctor?  It had a sour stomach. What did the witch say to the nurse?  I need to see doctor, I had a dizzy spell. Who are the only people who don’t like doctor puns? People with an iron deficiency. What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record?  He made a type O. Man: “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” Doctor: “Is this her first child?” Man: “No, you idiot! This is her husband!” Why is a doctor always calm? They have a lot of patients. When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, He made me pay in advance. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places. Patient: “Doctor, are the test results ready yet? I’m dying of curiosity!” Doctor: “Heh… not only from curiosity.”

Funny Doctor Jokes

Whether you’re a patient, a healthcare professional, or just someone in need of a good laugh, these jokes will brighten your day and bring a smile to your face. Get ready for some medical humor that will have you rolling with laughter!

Why did a banana have to go see a doctor? She was not peeling well. Patient: Doctor Help. I swallowed a spoon. Doctor: Hold still and do not stir. Doctor: You are going to need surgery. Patient: Can I get a second opinion on that? Doctor: You are smelly too. What type of fish completed medical school? A sturgeon. I did not want to go to the doctor for stitches. He told me to suture myself. Why would a mattress go to the doctor? When they have spring fever. The boy that lost his left side went to see the doctor. He is all right after his visit. How do you help a sick pig? Give is ointment. Girl My toes are on the wrong feet. Dr: “Looks like a classic case of mix-ama-toes-sis.” Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant. We would like to introduce you to the new chiropractor. Say hi to Doctor L. Bow. Why did the bee need to visit a doctor? She kept getting hives. Man Everyone thinks I am a liar. Dr: I find that hard to believe. I told the doctor I was not going to have brain surgery. He was able to change my mind. Doctor, doctor! I just swallowed a roll of film Dr: “Lie down on the bed here and let’s see how this develops” The doctor told the apple we will get to the core of your sickness. I think I am a house curtain. Dr: “Just relax and pull yourself together” What happened when the boy swallowed food coloring? He dyed inside. Doctor! Doctor! Have you got anything for my liver? Dr: “Here is a bag of onions” What did the Dalmatian go see a doctor? He looked in the mirror and saw spots on his skin.

Hilarious Doctor Jokes

Prepare for side-splitting laughter with these hilarious doctor jokes! From amusing anecdotes to comical scenarios, these jokes will have you in stitches as you navigate the world of medicine with a humorous twist.

Doctor: “You have high blood pressure and amnesia.” Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!” A doctor turns to his patient and says, “Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.” The patient blushed and replied, “Compared to who?” What is awarded to Dentist of the Year? A little plaque. Doctor: “I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Any news on how he’s doing?” Nurse: “So far, still no change.” Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? Only if you aim it well enough! Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself. Patient: “Please help me! I can’t stop my hands from shaking.” Doctor: “Do you drink often?” Patient: “Not really, I end up spilling most of it.” Doctor: You are very ill. Patient: Is it okay if I get a second opinion? Doctor: Of course! You are very ugly too. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Hopefully not your doctor. Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side? No worries, I hear he’s all right now! Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills. Patient: Someone vandalized my house last night! Doctor: Okay, but why are you telling me about this? Patient: I couldn’t read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. Woman on the Phone: My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Doctor: “Give him a headache!” says the doctor. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? In case she wanted to draw blood!

Knock Knock Doctor Jokes

Knock, knock! Who’s there? It’s a collection of knock-knock doctor jokes that will have you cracking up ! These jokes will bring a playful and interactive element to your laughter prescription.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? 3:30. 3:30 who? I made a doctor appointment for 3:30! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the stethoscope, you check my heart! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Colin. Colin who? Colin the doctor, i’m sick! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just your yearly check-up with the doctor! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? I didn’t think that the office started til 8 o’clock. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue heard? The doctor is in! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor Who? Precisely. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie chance you could give me something for this headache? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? You’re right! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hippocrates. Hippocrates who? Hippocrates, can you check my temperature? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? You know my name! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Sneeze. Sneeze who? Sneeze a doctor, can you come quickly? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ima. Ima who? Ima psychiatrist. I’m here ’cause you won’t open up! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doris. Doris who? Does your doctor have your test results back yet? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Minneapolis. Minneapolis who? Minneapolis a day keeps the doctor away! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iva. Iva who? I have a sore throat and I need to see the doctor. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive to tell the doctor my symptoms.

Doctor Jokes One Liners

In need of a quick laugh? Look no further than these doctor jokes one-liners! These short and snappy jokes pack a punch with their witty wordplay and clever punchlines.

When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents. Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible.” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.” When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that it’s feeling very hill. Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg! My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I’d start lying to my wife. Is there a reason why the doctor refused to operate on a grape? It didn’t have the stomach for it. When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. Doctor’s office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms. My doctor’s a clown. Every time I see him, he tells me that laughter is the best medicine. My doctor insists that I should reduce my ground beef consumption. So be it, sea cows it is then. My doctor prescribed me a new medication. It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give. Two different doctors worked together on my knee surgery. It was a joint operation. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce. The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.” The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor yet?” To which the man replies, “No, just spots.” I visited the doctor, and he prescribed me a new diet plan, so I have decided to eat only bagels and donuts from today. My doctor has asked me to eat only whole foods. When the sick lion was being treated by the doctor, what did he say? “You need a pride of antibiotics.” What’s a doctor’s favorite kind of music? Operatory. Why did the doctor always carry a red phone? It was a direct line to his patient’s blood pressure.

Clean Doctor Jokes

Clean humor meets the world of medicine in these doctor jokes that are suitable for all ages! These jokes will keep things light-hearted and fun without crossing any boundaries.

I went to the doctor this morning and said, “I’ve swallowed a golf ball.” The doctor said, “Yes, I can see it’s gone down a fairway.” How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A pair o’ docs. Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.” “Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet? Yea, I shaved with the electric razor Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles. What did the balloon say to the doctor? I feel light-headed. I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind. Patient: “Someone decided to graffiti my house last night! Doctor: “So why are you telling me? Patient: “I can’t understand the writing. Was it you? How did the doctor cure the invisible man? He took him to the ICU. Did you hear the one about the germ? Never mind; I don’t want to spread it around. Why did Dracula go to the doctor? He couldn’t stop coffin Patient: “Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter. Doctor: “I’m so sorry; I don’t follow. Doctor, doctor, You’ve got to help me — I just can’t stop my hands from shaking!” Do you drink a lot? Not really — I spill most of it Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? I only if you aim it well enough. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot. Doctor: “Don’t get yourself in a stew. Why did the rope go to the doctor? It had a knot in its stomach.

Dirty Doctor Jokes

Warning: These doctor jokes are not for the faint of heart or sensitive ears! With a touch of adult humor, these dirty doctor jokes push the boundaries and delve into the more risqué side of medicine

Do you know why so many doctors are dirty? Because they’re always feeling up patients! Why did the doctor feel sick after his shift? Because he was on call all night! Why did the doctor cross the road? To get to the other side! Why was the doctor fired from his job? Because he was always taking sick days! Why did the doctor go to the beach? To get some sand between his toes! Why did the doctor get a ticket? Because he was speeding to save a life! Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? Because he was having hallucinations! “Why did the patient go to the bathroom so much?” “Because he had the runs!” “Why did the patient keep touching his crotch?” “I don’t know, but I think he has a case of the itches.” “What’s the difference between a patient with diarrhea and a patient with constipation?” “With diarrhea, they’re in and out all day long.”

Doctor Jokes for Adults

Sometimes adults need their own dose of medical humor, and these doctor jokes for adults deliver just that! These jokes will have you chuckling and nodding knowingly.

Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood. A patient tells his doctor: “Every time I drink coffee, I get this intense pain in my eye.” The doctor replies, “Try taking out the spoon first.” “Doctor, I think I’m a moth,” he tells his doctor. The doctor replies, “You need a psychiatrist, not a medical doctor.” The man says, “I know, but your light was on.” Why did the doctor carry a calculator? To do his surgical counts. Two doctors stand in a hospital hallway discussing a patient’s chart. Isn’t it interesting that all of his symptoms begin with the letter ‘F’?”?” The other doctor looks at the chart and replies, “Fascinating.” A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. I think I’m a dog.” The doctor says, “How long have you been feeling this way?” The man replies, “Ever since I was a puppy.” How do you refer to a doctor who fixes cars? A grease monkey. “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” says a man. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” replies the doctor. What do you call a doctor who repairs antique watches? A tick-tock-biologist.

Man Goes to Doctor Jokes

These jokes revolve around hilarious scenarios and mishaps that occur when a man seeks medical attention. Get ready for some chuckles as we explore the lighter side of men’s health and doctor visits.

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**…. The doctor says, ” 5 p**…!? How do your pants fit?” The man replies, “Like a glove. A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he’s going deaf what are the symptoms? The doctor asks they’re that yellow family that live in Springfield. A man goes into the doctors and says “doctor doctor I think I’m going deaf” and the doctor says “can you describe the symptoms” and he says “yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair. A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts The doctor says, “well you’ll have to stop m**…”. Man says “why?” Doctor says, “Because it’s making it really hard to examine you” A man has a sore t**… and goes to the doctor… Doctor: “Your tonsils gotta come out.” Patient: “I want a second opinion!” Doctor: “Okay, I don’t like your haircut.” A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters: C Z Y N Q S T A S Z, The Optometrist asks „Can you read this? Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy! A man goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor tells him, “You have to stop m**….” The man says, “Why?” The doctor says, “Because I’m trying to give you a physical. A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood. When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying “We gave him the wrong blood!” The doctor responds “Ah, must’ve been a Type-O! Invisible man goes to the doctor. Doctor says “I can’t see you right now.” Christ Novacelic, Reading 1992 A man goes to a doctor for his phobia of getting married. The doctor asks, “Do you know about any of the symptoms? The man replies, “Can’t say I do.” A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, “You need to stop m**….” “Why?” the man asks. The doctor replies, “Because I’m trying to examine you.” Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have s**… all day long. So what’s the problem? Breaking down in tears…. I can’t remember where I live. A man goes to his veterinarian and complains, “I think my goldfish is having seizures.” “He seems fine now,” the doctor replies. “Yeah,” the man says, “but just wait until I take him out of the bowl.” A man goes to his doctor “Doc, you gotta help me. I can’t stop singing What’s New p**….” “Oh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome,” said the doctor. “Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that rare?” “It’s not unusual.” A man goes to the doctor the doctor informs him that he was given a placebo. The guy asks, “What’s a placebo?” The doctor replies. “It’s better if I don’t tell you.”

Funniest Doctor Jokes

Prepare to laugh until your sides hurt with these funniest doctor jokes! This collection features the cream of the crop when it comes to medical humor. Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation? Yes, of course.” “Great! I never could before! Why did the pillow go to the doctor? He was feeling all stuffed up! When do doctors get mad? When he runs out of patients! Patient: “Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?” Doctor: “Sell!” Patient: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.” Doctor: “How do you feel?” Patient: “A little down in the mouth.” Patient: “I always see spots before my eyes.” Doctor: “Didn’t the new glasses help?” Patient: “Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.” Why did the ladybird go to the doctor? She had spots! Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring. The doctor laughed at my X-ray. Why? Because it was humerus. Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.” Doctor: “When did this start?” Patient: “Next Tuesday.” What makes me want to become a doctor? To stab people legally, money.  Doctor, I’ve got a month to live. You sent me a bill for $1,000. I can’t pay that before the end of the month!” Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.” What would the world’s worst doctor say? I hope not to mess this up again.  Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.” What’s a doctor’s favorite color? Depends on the patient’s symptoms. Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? He kept feeling jumpy.

Final Thoughts

We hope these doctor jokes made you smile and brightened your day!

Laughter has the power to uplift our spirits and relieve stress, and what better way to experience it than with some lighthearted medical humor?

Whether you enjoyed the clever one-liners, funny anecdotes, or even the naughty jokes (if that’s your cup of tea), we’d love to hear your thoughts and favorite doctor jokes in the comments below.

Share your laughter and keep the conversation going! Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so spread the joy and share these medical jokes with others who could use a good laugh.

Stay happy, healthy, and keep the laughter alive!

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Funny Doctor Jokes & Puns

You may need medical attention after reading these funny doctor jokes and puns. Indeed, you’ll probably end up in stitches, they’re that funny! And there’s no let up because in addition to the best doctor jokes, we’ve also included doctor doctor jokes, hospital jokes, surgery jokes and other medical humor too!

Best Doctor Jokes & Puns

Doctor doctor jokes, hospital jokes & humor, medical jokes, sickness & illness jokes, surgery jokes.

• More Funny Jokes

This old guy goes to the doctor to get the results of his tests.

The doctor says, “I’m really sorry to have to tell you this but you’ve got terminal cancer and Alzheimer’s.”

The old man says, “That’s not so bad. I could have had cancer!”

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I said, “What – no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?”

He said, “No fatty, just don’t eat anything.”

The doctor I’m seeing for my bad back is Egyptian.

He’s a Cairo-practor.

My wife asked me to play doctor with her.

She’s now waiting for three hours outside the bedroom.

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.

Me: Thanks for reminding me.

A pirate walked into the doctors with a broken arm.

They told him to sling his hook.

I said to my doctor, “I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”

She said, “That’s not how ADHD works.”

I said, “But I keep losing my Focus!”

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I said, “Yes just once.”

He asked, “What was it like?”

I replied, “It was dark, then suddenly very bright.”

I went to see the doctor with a nasty rash on the top of my leg.

I said to him, “The strange thing is when I squeeze the pus out of the pimples, I hear pop songs playing”.

He said, “You have a severe case of spotty thigh”.

I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it’s terminal.

The doctor looked at my test results and said, “Sir, you’ve got a very rare disease.”

I said, “How rare?”

He said, “You pick the name.”

A doctor is at a party where he gets to talking to a lawyer friend. He tells the lawyer how sick he is of his friends always asking him for free medical advice.

The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.”

The doctor says he’ll give this a try and thanks his lawyer friend.

When the doctor gets home, he finds a bill in the mailbox from his lawyer.

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.

I haven’t heard from him since.

Doctor: Did you know that you have a serious problem vocalizing your emotions?

Me: I can’t say that I’m surprised.

I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.

It was hard to grasp.

I rang the doctor and said, “Quick! My pregnant wife’s going into labor, what should I do?”

He said, “Is this her first child?”

I said, “No, this is her husband.”

The doctor told me I had onomatopoeia.

I said, “What’s that?”

He said, “It’s exactly what it sounds like.”

The doctor said to me, “Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s pop music!”

I said, “Yikes, what’s The Cure?”

He said, “Oh my God, it’s worse than I thought!”

The doctor told me I might have a marriage phobia and asked if I thought I had any symptoms.

I said, “I can’t say I do.”

He said, “Yeah, that’s the main one.”

I went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I’ve got selfie steam issues.

My doctor loves hitting my knee to test my reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a deck of cards.

Sit down, I’ll deal with you later.

Doctor, doctor, I’m terrified of words that are also letters.

Oh, you are? I see. Why?

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together, man.

Doctor, doctor, help – I’ve become invisible.

I’m sorry, I can’t see you now.

Doctor, doctor, I’ve broken my arm in three places.

Well, stop going to those places then.

Doctor, doctor, I’ve swallowed my money.

Take this, and we’ll see if there’s any change in the morning.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams.

I think you’ve become too tense.

Doctor, doctor, I’ve just swallowed a roll of film.

Come back tomorrow and we’ll see what develops.

Doctor, doctor, everyone thinks I’m lying all the time.

I find that very hard to believe.

Doctor, doctor, I’m suffering from insomnia.

Try sleeping on the edge of the bed; you’ll soon drop off.

Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for the wind?

Here, try this kite.

Doctor, doctor, I’m really worried about my breathing.

We’ll soon put a stop to that.

Doctor, doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.

Next, please!

Doctor, doctor, I’ve become a kleptomaniac.

Have you taken anything for it?

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a supermarket.

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was Lidl.

A heavily pregnant woman hobbles painfully into the hospital with one hand on her back.

A nurse comes over to her and asks her what’s wrong, but the woman just shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”

The nurse shakes her head and says, “Sorry, I don’t understand.”

The woman screams, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”

The nurse is really confused and turns to a doctor who says, “Admit her. She’s having contractions.”

Where in a hospital can’t the invisible man hide?

The I. C. U.

Who’s the coolest guy at the hospital?

The hip doctor.

Why do hospitals have emergency generators?

It seems to me they have enough emergencies there to begin with.

I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library.

Talk about having to suffer in silence.

My father used to work as a hospital renovator.

He found it very re-ward-ing.

What’s the difference between The Sahara and Jello?

One is an inhospitable desert and the other is an in hospital dessert.

Why was the DJ no longer allowed at the vegetable hospital?

He kept dropping sick beets.

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn’t the hygiene.

But that everyone walks around like they’re hatching a dastardly plan.

Did you hear about the guy whose blanket fell off of him in the hospital?

He never recovered.

A man was hospitalized with six plastic toy horses stuck up his butt.

Doctors described his condition as stable.

I couldn’t undo the buttons on my sweater so I tried pulling it over my head but it got stuck.

I’m at the hospital now, waiting to see a cardyologist.

Simply sneak into your local hospital, find someone who looks a bit worried in the waiting area and then walk up to them and say, “I’m terribly sorry – we lost him.”

Diarrhea is hereditary.

It runs in your jeans.

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices in my head.

She told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant.

But then I changed my mind.

What kind of medical condition causes wrinkled clothes?

An iron deficiency.

What’s the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?

What is the difference between your file cabinet and your kidney?

One is for your information; the other’s for urine formation

We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school.

My friend said, “What do you think it’ll be like?”

I said, “Remains to be seen.”

Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?

They’re pair-a-medics.

I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.

Park in sun disease.

Which body organ loves life the most?

My grandfather died because the medics mistakenly thought he had Type A blood.

Turns out it was a typo.

Did you know you start out with four kidneys, but lose two of them growing up?

They turn into adult knees.

What is the motto of people who harvest organs?

We de-liver.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

I said to the doctor, “I feel constepatid!!”

He said, “I think you mean constipated.”

I said, “No, I just had a vowel movement.”

My doctor has just diagnosed me as having low blood pressure.

He’s given me a prescription for two Ikea self-assembly wardrobes.

The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again.

I can’t tell you how upset I am.

This woman’s husband had been ill in hospital for several months. He kept slipping in and out of a coma but she remained faithfully by his bedside every single day.

Then one day, when he woke from his coma, he motioned for her to come nearer to him.

As she moved closer and sat beside him, with eyes filling with tears he whispered into her ear, “You know what? You’ve been with me through all the tough times. When I got fired from my job, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there for me. When I got shot, you were by my side all the time. When we lost the house, you stayed right here with me. And even when my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”

“What dear,” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth, her eyes welling with tears.

He said, “I think you’re bad luck…”

What is the most common medical issue for swimmers?

I was in the hospital visiting a friend today and I couldn’t help overhearing a doctor say to one of the other patients, “I have some bad news, and some really bad news.”

The patient asked, “What’s the bad news?”

The doctor replied, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

The patient said, “Oh my God! And what’s the really bad news?”

The doctor said, “I should have told you yesterday.”

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick?

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked.

“Sorry, force of habit,” I said. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes but not during surgery, Doctor.”

As I laid on the hospital trolley awaiting my surgery, I asked the doctor, “How long will I be in hospital?”

He said, “If all goes well, about a week. If not, about 45 minutes.”

I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said, “Go ahead. Knock yourself out.”

What’s the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.

Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

I went for a minor procedure at the hospital the other day. As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, “I have a joke for you.”

The anaesthetist said, “You’d better be quick!”

I said, “Do you know what the key to comedy is?”

Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later, I asked the nurse to pass the anaesthetist a message: “Timing.”

I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery.

Hashtag nofilter.

I had Lasik surgery yesterday.

It was an eye opening experience.

Did you know that amputation is the most expensive form of surgery?

I hear it can cost you an arm and a leg.

Jokes About Doctors

If you found these funny doctor jokes and doctor puns therapeutic, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more really funny jokes , including these:

• Addiction Jokes.
• Ambulance Jokes.
• Appendix Jokes.
• Asthma Jokes.
• Back Surgery Jokes.
• Chiropractor Jokes.
• Colonoscopy Jokes.
• Death Jokes.
• Dentist Jokes.
• Dermatology Jokes.
• Hospital Jokes.
• Medical Jokes.
• Nurse Jokes.
• Pharmacy Jokes.
• Psychiatrist Jokes.
• Recovery Jokes.
• Sick Jokes.
• Tonsillectomy Jokes.
• Urology Jokes.
• Vaccine Jokes.
• Vasectomy Jokes.

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